"Darling?" A voice called and Taehyung kept on searching in which direction it came. It was dark. The path he was on was mysterious. It felt surreal because he has never been in a place like that. Although the speaker's voice resembled an angel's voice. Is he dead?

"Tae . . . Hey, darling. Wake up," said the voice, shaking Taehyung's shoulder. Someone touched his face. The hands were cold but warm at the same time. It reminded him of his touch. Could it be the hands belonged to the person he once had a romance with? But that means he . . .

"Taehyung!" He heard a high-pitched voice calling for his name. He cannot open his eyes. It was unfortunate that he wasn't able to do it. He wanted to see his face so bad. Alive. He would lose it. He can no longer stare at his pictures.

"Taehyung," the voice whispered on his ears this time. He finally opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was also a pair of eyes that has the whole galaxy in them. Those familiar doll eyes he once adored. He's now staring at them.

"Jeongguk," he cried. The face of his lover was a tear-jerker. He reached for his cheeks. He held them with so much admiration. Jeongguk held the older's cheeks back and wiped his tears using his thumb.

"Hi," Jeongguk laughed breathily. He smiled at his human sunshine. "Taehyung, why?" the younger asked, his brows almost meeting. It was a sudden switch of emotion. Taehyung stared at him with confusion.

"What 'why'?" he inquired. Jeongguk let out a sigh. Taehyung was leaning on Jeongguk's thigh but then he stood when he noticed the sudden shift of Jeongguk's aura.

"Why can't you let go of me?"

There was a pause. Taehyung's throat felt dry. He cannot construct a sentence properly. He suddenly cannot use his mouth to speak. He ran out of words. His heart was pumping so much blood in span of milliseconds. "B-Because I love you, J-Jeongguk," he let out the words his heart wanted to say for a long time already.

"Tae . . ." Jeongguk trailed, staring at the older. He cupped the older's face. "Come, rest your head on my thighs," Jeongguk said and Taehyung immediately did. The younger caressed every part of the older's face. "I know but you gotta step into the daylight, and let it go," Jeongguk continued.

Taehyung wanted to shake his head so much at Jeongguk. He was caressing his hair this time. The younger ran his fingers through Taehyung's hair. The older's eyelids felt heavier as seconds pass by. He wanted to hold them open for a longer time, so he could see Jeongguk's face, but he cannot for somewhat reason.

"I love you, darling." Those were the last words he heard.

Then everything went bright.

"Darling?"

Someone held his hand. He finally was able to wake up. Too bad to the reality and the first thing he saw was someone else's face. "Can you not call me that?" Taehyung asked with his voice a little hoarse and husky at the same time. The woman was astonished as she let go of her hold.

"What do you mean, Taehyung?" The woman asked him. Taehyung stood up and went towards the direction of the bathroom. The woman sat in the bed, her mind was completely blank. She never expected Taehyung could be this cold to her. Could it be because of the dream he had?

Taehyung appeared again in the room with his face wet whilst holding a white cloth. "D-Darling . . . I hate that word so much," Taehyung stuttered as he mentioned the word that reminded him of that person. Good thing he was able to restrict the emotions inside of him to pour out. He can't be crying in front of her because he had a dream about his past lover which was now dead and he misses him so much.

The woman watched as Taehyung wiped the water on his face. "I mean, don't you think it's a cute endearment?" The woman asked. Taehyung's eyes went darker this time. He hated it. This is his new reality. He is now tied with someone else. Someone he doesn't even love. When he was gone, suddenly the rest of his world was black and white. The only person he shared the screaming colors with was buried deep in the earth.

Taehyung would sometimes lose his composure and when that usually happens, Jeongguk goes near him and makes him feel at ease. But now that the love of his life is already in a place where the spirit meets the bones, he no longer have his safe place. He's all alone now. He'll take this next part of his life on his own.

"It is not, Vivianne," he replied nonchalantly.

Vivianne stood and went towards the direction of the breakfast table. "Do you like anything for breakfast? Do you want coffee? Tea? Would you want to me to cook you fried mea—" She stopped when Taehyung spoke.

"Thank you but I'm not hungry. I'll eat when I come back," he said. He took his bag with him along with his coat jacket and his beret hat.

"Going somewhere?" Vivianne tried so hard to keep the conversation when obviously Taehyung doesn't want to talk to her. Taehyung made the hm sound as a response and stared one last time at her.

"I'll be going somewhere and my appointment is early. I will be back after," Taehyung said and Vivianne had no other choice to nod. Taehyung then proceeded to leave their home, shutting the door lightly but the sound almost shattered Vivianne's heart.

She knew in the first place that her feelings will never be reciprocated but still she was willing to wait for the day that Taehyung returns his affection back. That will make this forced marriage to be worth it.

Taehyung drove to this company where he could submit Jeongguk's manuscript. Yes, even if Jeongguk was gone, he was planning to publish the work in behalf of him. That was what Jeongguk originally planned. Jeongguk wanted to be the world's famous romance writer. He wanted to be an inspiration to everyone. He wanted to show the world the kind of love that he and Taehyung was into and that it isn't different than what people got used to see. After all, they are not the only one who were both boys in love.

Taehyung had the book memorized in his mind. Not because he did it on purpose, but what the book was showing was their love story. Jeongguk... wrote it in a way he wanted it to end. In the book, Jeongguk and Taehyung grew old loving each other despite the circumstances. That they were destined to be together despite what people think of them as. Jeongguk and Taehyung were soulmates.

As Taehyung read each page, he can't help to visualize everything. That particular moment when they first met. How Jeongguk stuttered and trembled to the mere sight of intimidating Taehyung the first time. That day when their families met and became friends. That day at the beach. When they found that they were just kids when they first met. At the camp. How Taehyung held his hand and asked him to become his boyfriend. How memorable it was the first time they made love. During Jeongguk's birthday. That day when they decided to turn their backs from their families and escape to that magnificent castle house. How they lived like they were husbands for real. That old carnival they went to. It was pure love. Taehyung was so happy that Jeongguk recorded everything using his journal. Because they both had so much memories they would like to look back someday.

But now, Taehyung had to look back alone.

It was dawn already when he finished reading the content of the journal. He cried so much tears that he could see his reflection on them. With Jeongguk, he was the happiest. Together, they brought joy to each other. He never knew he would hate the reality that he's now gone.

It has been three years since he passed away. It has been three lonely years since the love of his life was taken from him. His heart died along with his only lover. He thinks that it will never be the same again.

Taehyung stood at the building's front and stared at the sky. He was screaming in his mind the words that he wanted to tell Jeongguk right now. His dream will finally come alive. There is no doubt that Jeongguk's manuscript will be qualified. Taehyung remembers how the words that Jeongguk had written were displayed in front of him like they were in some sort of projector screen. The words he chooses to put in his every sentence were surely enchanting and fitting.

He went inside and faced the counter to ask for directions. The woman in the desk said to take the elevator and head east of the 5th floor, the third room. He did what he was told to do and then finally he saw the signage that says "The Founder's Office" on the side top of the doorway. He knocked thrice and then a voice said he could come.

A man that wore a business suit and a mustache welcomed him and offered him a seat. He placed his bag on his lap and took out his appointment card with Jeongguk's journal. The man in his mid-30s carefully held the book and caressed its pages. "Were you the one who wrote this?" he asked.

Taehyung slowly shook his head as he responded no. The man gave him a stare and now directed his head at the manuscript. "My past lover wrote everything in that," he added. The man flipped each page and read each word. The first page was almost empty but it had some dedications written at the right bottom part of the paper.

━━━

"I'd spend my time loving the present and future you, Kim Taehyung. This story was not written if it weren't for your existence."

━━━

"And where is she?" 

"He already passed away, Sir," he clarified. That made the man, who happened to be founder of the said publishing company, look his way to see if Taehyung was really serious. He saw how Taehyung's eyes were sad after mentioning that and now he feels sympathetic. He just focused on reading what was written in the manuscript.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. And I'm sorry if it will take a little longer to see if your lover's craft has a potential. I had you bring it because I personally find out myself if the books we will produce will be a massive hit by reading the introduction, prologue, or the first part of the manuscript. You can have the coffee first," The man explained and the assistant arrived at the exact time. She placed the cup at the table, in front of Taehyung. She even winked at him before she went out.

Taehyung was shy to refuse but then he just drank the coffee as he waited for the man to finish reading the prologue of the book. The founder was silent when he finally closed the book, placing it on the table. Taehyung became worried that the man might've not liked it even though it impressed him very much when he himself first read it.

"Literatures about same-sex relationships are very rare. I am very surprised that the main characters in this story are both males, moreover a couple. We never sell books about this topic," The man said. Taehyung lowered his head in his gloom. "... but I was fascinated, intrigued, it aroused my curiosity. The way of his writing... I'd say it is one of a kind. A hidden gem. I'm so sorry about my adjectives but I am really impressed. I think this book will become controversial yet it will open the minds of people with regards to people of unique identities. I would one hundred percent give this book a try."

"Do you really?" Taehyung inquired as tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. His heart felt light when the founder started nodding his head. "You will never regret it. Thank you, Sir."

"There's one problem..." The other trailed. Taehyung was puzzled and so he gave him a questioning look. "We need the consent that allows you to publish the work, otherwise, we will be sued for copyright infringement," he continued.

Taehyung remembered having the said paper work and showed it to him. Jeongguk planned ahead of him as he assumed he might not have it published when he was alive and so he made Taehyung sign a parchment that allows him to publish the work on behalf of him. "Here, I have it. Do not worry," Taehyung assured.

"I am elated to work with you," said the founder and smiled a little. Taehyung took his hand and shook it. He was able to smile a bit.

1985
Somewhere in an apartment in United Kingdom

"These newspapers' slanted opinions were only concerning the homophobic people who think same-sex relationship was a sickness. Most people agree to these nasty articles but there are also some who were angered because of the way they viewed the theme of the book that Jeon Jeongguk had written. These idiots were disgusted with homosexuality where in fact it doesn't affect them in any way. They just hate seeing other people claim their happiness because they cannot afford happiness to themselves. They obviously needed sympathy,"

Taehyung never smiled this way before right after Jeongguk died. His heart was thrilled reading such comments like that on magazines, newspapers, and tabloids. He had predicted the success of Jeongguk's book and it indeed was huge. It received a lot of praise and claps. This day was surely one of those days he should be celebrating. But then, he could only celebrate Jeongguk's success without him.

He was interrupted reading when he heard the knocks on his door. He let them come in since he thought he knew who it was. "Mom?" Taehyung was surprised to see his mother instead of Vivianne. It has been seven years since the last time he heard from of her. He never had any information since that day they got separated and that day his father was sent to prison.

Celeste opened her hands wide, ready to embrace his son and Taehyung ran to her with tears in his eyes. The hug became some sort of way for them to reconcile once again. Taehyung was so overwhelmed to meet her once again. "I missed my Tata Bear so much," Celeste said as he rubbed Taehyung's back to calm him down.

"I missed you too. How did you know I was here?" Taehyung asked. He lifted his head to see Vivianne walking to the direction of the doorway. He knew the answer right away.

"Because I asked her to take you home, Tae," Vivianne said. She went near the both of them. "And I wanted to give you this before you leave," she added. She reached out an envelope to him. Taehyung, who was confused, took it from her as he wiped his tears. "You could sign that so you could finally be free."

Taehyung took out a parchment and read the contents of it. He teared so much as he read each word until he reached the portion where his full name was written. He never thought Vivianne could do such thing. "You filed for a divorce?" Taehyung asked. Vivianne was in the verge of crying but she nodded her head.

"I want you to be happy, Tae. I know the only way happiness could reach your eyes again was freedom. After five long years, I realized that I am not the one who could give you happiness, Only you could find your own happiness," Vivianne stated. Her tears started pouring on her face.

Without a word, Taehyung went to her and embraced her tightly. She started sobbing not because of Taehyung's hug but also because she realized she finally accepted that Taehyung couldn't give her the love she wanted although they tried. Taehyung belonged to someone else already in the first place. "I am deeply moved and grateful, Vivianne. I will forever be, for your kindness and for your love. I never said it but I truly loved you since the beginning. Only that I could only give it to you like a friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All I could say is that right now," Taehyung said in between his sobs.

Later in the night, Taehyung started packing their things. His mother never intended to stay longer because she knew they will both fly to France to be together again. Vivianne was fine with it because she's flying to America by the weekend and she needs to get used to being without Taehyung.

All Taehyung could think that night was to visit Jeongguk's grave once he is in France. He almost never sleep but he was able to until his mother woke him up the next morning. They had their last breakfast together and they spent it with stories, laughter, and everything delightful. 

"You will write letters to me, right?" Taehyung asked Vivianne in hopes of getting a yes. She took a while to respond but she nodded. He smiled at her and gave her his one last hug. "I will meet you again soon."

"No, Taehyung. You cannot meet me again in this lifetime. You could only meet Vivianne in her next life but she hopes that you will choose her when that time comes," Vivianne spoke like she was talking about another Vivianne than she was. "I'll just live for the hope of it all."

"All the passengers of Flight 189 are advised to ride the plane now. It will take off soon. Again, all passengers are advised..." said the lady over the speakers. "Thank you."

"This is where we leave you, Vivianne. Please always choose to be happy this time." Celeste proceeded to hug Vivianne too.

"Alright. Ma'am, Taehyung," she said and smiled. "Safe skies."

The flight was only short. They were both welcomed home by Taehyung's other mother hugging them. Their son proceeded with his plan that he will visit Jeongguk once the airplane lands. He had to do it. It has been two years since he last visited. Now that he's in his home land, he felt even more sad. He thought he had moved on from Jeongguk's death.

There was still a huge feeling of emptiness in him. He still misses him the same.

He brought the flowers with him as he walked to the cemetery. He strolled to the path where he knew Jeongguk's grave was placed. He saw how leaves covered his tombstone and how ivies grew besides it. Taehyung realized Jeongguk's father neglected him already and nobody else knew about his death.

"I remember my friends never knew where he was buried too because I lost contact with them," Taehyung said to himself. He placed the sunflowers above his tombstone and started removing the leaves and cleaning it.

"If you knew how much I miss you then let me feel your breeze. That is enough for me, Jeongguk," Taehyung whispered as he cried. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he started becoming emotional. God, he wished he could bring him back and completely be happy again. He was his other half, after all. "No?" he asked and chuckled, wiping his tears.

"I live a very well life, darling. And Vivianne filed a divorce paper. She said that will make me happy, but why did it even made me feel even more sad?" Taehyung continued asking, he wasn't really expecting an answer. He just wanted to tell Jeongguk, if he could hear him, what has happened to him these past few weeks.

"Is it because I will think of you more without feeling guilty about it?" he inquired and threw the leaves he picked to the pile of leaves he managed to gather. "Your book is doing great too in sales and reviews. You were the best selling romance writer this week, Jeongguk. It was reported in the news and written on the tabloids. I am so proud of your achievement, Cookie."

Taehyung took out something from his shoulder bag. It was Jeongguk's journal but something fell from it. He picked the parchment that was put in between its pages. He knew what that was but he had no idea what was written on it. "Look what we have here. It was the letter you wrote to me about our first meeting. I can't believe I had to read it now."

He spoke as he opened the parchment slowly as it became fragile. "You said I could only open it if I feel I will not have the chance to meet you again. What a perfect timing it is, right, love?"

The first words he saw as he scanned the paper was his name. Kim Taehyung.

━━━

Kim Taehyung,

          I truly have no idea what I am going to say. It has been weeks since your father sent the invitation letter and you wanted to see me again. Did you miss me already? I'm kidding, don't take that seriously.

          Honestly, though, I never wrote a letter for someone before too. I've read on books how to write them yet no one writes to me and so I could not use what I've learned. Thankfully, you were the first one to send me and I just think putting your words in a paper is a lot more memorable than actually speaking them. Now, I send this letter to you as a response.

          I am kind of embarassed to say this, but once you drifted in that room that night, you already caught my attention. It took me by surprise that you started walking my way and you even joined me sit in the table. You're so kind to notice a lone person like me!

          Being around you makes me feel something. I do not know what that is but I just know it's a good feeling. Let's be close alright? Let's meet a lot and be good friends? Does that sound like a good idea to you?

          One more thing, I just wanted to say to you, that the moment you started saying you were interested on me, I started growing fond of you too. I just think you're fun to be around. Let me be around you, alright? Don't say no!

          "I will meet you again soon." The same words you spoke that day. I hope you're ready by that time.

Love,
Jeon Jeongguk

━━━

"I-I just knew you were whipped for me since the beginning, Jeon Jeongguk. I m-mean, who writes "Love" as a closing remarks when you knew you're writing for a man?" Taehyung sniffed and chuckled between his words. His tears never stopped pouring. He was so relieved Jeongguk's first impression of him was great. That is enough to hear.

"And you liked me in the very beginning you say? You should've confessed sooner and we might've become lovers for long," Taehyung laughed and he convinced himself to stop crying by wiping his tears with his handkerchief.

"I will love you until the stars start disappearing in the night sky. I will love you until my last breath. And I know I will love the future you too again. I just hope we will have the ending we wanted after everything we experienced in this lifetime."

Taehyung felt a cool breeze enveloping him, making him feel goosebumps. For somewhat reason, he can't help to smile because of that. He knew what that means. He knew he was listening. "Darling, loving you was the greatest thing I ever did in my entire life, but to experience to love you

is to experience

a death by a thousand cuts."

━━━

Love doesn't always have to be between a boy and a girl. I would always describe love as the molecules in a water. Love is free willing and it should be without limits. No matter what age, religion, race, and no matter what your gender is, always choose to be kind to people and respect the love they are in.

- From "Lovers in 1978" by best selling romance genre writer, Jeon Jeongguk.