CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

     THINGS HAD FELT STRANGE for Winnie now that she had arrived back at school. Things between her and Louise were good again and she was making arrangements to see if her parents would let her live with them. She was almost certain it would be a yes, but the waiting still made her anxious.

     It was also strange, because it seemed as though Sirius had given up on trying to talk to her. Which, of course, she knew she had all but rejected him, but she did it because she didn't want to get hurt, not because she didn't want him.

     Regardless, his friendship was something noticeably absent in her life that she hadn't particularly thought about much before.

     She was studying in the library with Lily and Marlene, catching up after break, when this began to dawn on her.

     Lily glanced at her, waving her hand in front of her face wildly. "Earth to Winnie," she said with a laugh. "What's sent you to another planet?"

     Winnie shrugged and sighed, staring down at her textbook. None of the words were really reaching her. "Oh, nothing," she said, gesturing to the work in front of her. "Homework is a bummer."

     Marlene nodded and hummed in agreement but Lily narrowed her eyes. "It sure is a bummer," she agreed in a tone that did not sound as if she truly agreed at all.

An hour or so went by and they all began to pack up their things. Winnie bade them goodbye and made plans to see them at some point the next week for sure, but when she turned around to leave, Lily went with her. She assured Marlene that she would catch up with her in the common room.

     "Uh, what's up, Lily?" Winnie asked, not sure why she needed to speak with her alone.

     "I want to know why homework is so much more of a bummer now than any other day," she questioned casually, eyeing her disbelievingly.

     "I've just got a lot on my mind, alright?" Winnie deflected back with a shrug, fiddling with the straps of her bag.

     "I'm not going to pressure you into talking, I just want you to know that I'm here for you —" Lily began, only for Winnie to take a deep breath and interrupt her swiftly.

     "Can I have some very hypothetical advice?"
Lily paused and stopped walking. She looked around and pulled Winnie into a nearby empty courtyard and sat on one of the benches, gesturing for her to do the same. Winnie sat down, feeling quite defeated. Not that she was sharing, but because she couldn't find a solution.

     "So, very hypothetically, let's say that I have a friend. Let's say that friend has a friend of her own, and she has gotten quite close with that friend," Winnie explained, cringing at how many times she had just uttered the word 'friend'. "Say that one night, these two friends get pretty close and they kiss. Woo. Good for them, right? Except it's not good for them because he likes to hop from girl to girl and she knows all the stories and she just doesn't want to get hurt and —"

     "Winnie," Lily interrupted softly as Winnie began to run out of breath as she ranted. "You snogged Sirius?"

     Knowing her stupid analogy was pointless, she nodded hopelessly.

     "And now things are all screwed up between us because I told him I wasn't going to be another girl for him to have fun with," she elaborated. "He tried talking to me on the train but I was fed up and it feels...it feels like he's just trying to get me into bed and be done with it. That's what he always does."

     Lily looked off into the distance and pondered this for a moment. She looked back at Winnie. "Do you want my honest opinion?" Winnie nodded. "I think that you should try and talk to him about it, see what he has to say."

     Winnie rolled her eyes. "Be as open minded as you are with James?" she said. Lily frowned and shook her head.

     "Hey, we're friends now. That's something I never thought we'd accomplish," she said with a laugh. Winnie laughed along too and eventually stopped, looking past the courtyard they were sitting in.

     "I think...that I want to talk to Louise."

____________

     "Winnie, are you dying? Are your parents all right? Is Eleanor dying? Does Phil have another wand up his ass?"

"Lou, calm down please." Winnie tried not to laugh at that, but failed miserably. She looked around and felt very strange all of the sudden. "Is there somewhere private that we can talk?"

"Let's just go to the lake," Louise suggested quickly, and the two began to make their way down the shore. The setting sun had left a golden cast over the calm waters and Winnie felt much more peaceful confessing her troubles in a place like this. "You've got me really worried here, Winnie."

"Louise, this is a minuscule problem compared to anyone else's," Winnie assured her, almost feeling bad that this was one of her biggest issues and Louise had just been kicked out of her own home.

"Then go on and quit with all the bloody build up!" Louise pressed playfully, sitting down on the grass and looking at her friend intently.

"I need some advice," Winnie clarified. "Say I have this friend, and she —"

"Winifred Atkinson I know that the friend is you and I swear to all that is holy that if you don't just say— "

"I kissed Sirius," she blurted out, done with trying to be subtle and protecting anyone's identity. Lily already knew the truth, she supposed Louise should too.

Louise clapped her hands over her mouth and gasped dramatically. "You what?"

Winnie went bright red and nodded, unable to formulate normal words. "I thought you were about to say something way less...that!"

"I rejected him, Lou, and I don't know what to do," Winnie finally said, wanting to bury her face in her hands the whole time. Why did this have to feel so embarrassing?

"I thought you liked him? Or maybe you haven't realized it. Winn, you should see the way you look at him," Louise replied with a grin, prompting Winnie to roll her eyes.

"I...I do. It's just, it's exactly what I told him. I'm not going to be another random person he has some fun with and then leaves," she reasoned, hitting the same wall she had hit earlier with Lily. "He tried to talk to me about it on the train, but I stopped him. It felt like he was just trying to have a fun night and that's it."

Louise sighed and nodded, throwing a rock into the lake. "I'm not going to lie to you, Winnie, that is how Sirius was. With the girls, the guys," she agreed. "You have every right to think that."

"Uh, thanks? The only problem now is we haven't been talking much and now we're not even really friends," Winnie went on, knowing full well she was right about how Sirius had acted in the past.

"Can I tell you something, Winn? Honestly, as a friend of his and as your best friend?"

"Of course you can."

Louise smiled slightly and grabbed another rock. It wasn't one of her reckless, troublemaking grins. It was one of those genuine, truthful ones.

"I've been friends with Sirius for a while, and let me tell you, the minute you two met, it seemed like his whole world shifted. And shut up, that is cheesy but it's what happened. Suddenly, he was talking about you a lot more and I was like duh, she's my best mate. But he just really liked you. And I could tell that much. You didn't like him immediately, but I can tell that you've changed your whole tune on that." She looked over at Winnie and rolled her eyes, throwing the rock that she had picked up into the lake. "Oh, and he hasn't seen anyone else since last school year. When he met you, it all kind of stopped. I know that's not convincing, but you can ask James, Peter, or Remus, too, because it's true. He only ever talks about you now."

"Quit looking at me like I'm a lovesick puppy, Lou," Winnie said, letting all the information that she had just received process.

"But you are, Winifred!" Louise exclaimed, throwing one arm around her shoulder and placing her other hand over her heart.

"And stop calling me that. I'll try to have a talk with the others, okay?" she conceded, her hands shifting around in her lap. "I know it sounds like I'm being excessive, but I just really—"

"You don't want your heart to get broken. I know," Louise replied with a serene smile as she looked across the now calm waters of the lake. "Isn't that what everyone tries to avoid?"