Chapter 8 | Desire

Kinain ko ang jolly hotdog habang wala si BJ. Hindi ko na inisip pang tumigil upang uminom o huminga, mabilis ko itong inubos upang maka-alis na rin agad ng fast food.

I originally planned to stay and review while eating but since the man I saw half naked sat with me in one table, I decided to sacrifice my plan and leave afterward.

Hindi ko sigurado kung babalik pa ang mokong ngunit hiniling kong sana ay huwag na. Wala na akong mukha pang ipakikita, tanging pride ko na lamang ang matayog at hindi nagpapatalo.

I secretly looked for BJ among the crowd. Siya na ang um-order, teka? Ngayon pa lang siya o-order? Kung gano'n, anong ginawa niya rito, pinanood akong magmukhang tanga?

Mas nanliit ang aking mga mata nang nakita ang kanyang binili, dalawang sundae iyon at large fries. Abnormal ba 'to o sadyang papasin?

I drank my remaining iced tea. Hindi pa ako natatapos ay nakabalik na ang mokong. I took my phone from the table and put it inside my pocket. Nagpunas muna ako ng labi gamit ang tissue.

Akmang tatayo na ako nang nilahad ni BJ sa akin ang isang sundae. I stared at it for seconds and lastly at him with a questionable look.

"Peace offering. Mukha kang galit sa akin, e," sabi niya, pigil na pigil tumawa.

I rolled my eyes to fake my real reaction.

"Sa 'yo na, hindi naman ako galit," malamig kong sabi.

"Hindi magandang tumanggi," he tried knocking my conscience.

I chuckled yet no humor evident, "Not all the time. Paano kung illegal drugs ang ialok sa 'yo?"

He stopped scooping his sundae, seemed to be stunned of my competitiveness.

Bahagya niyang tinagilid ang ulo na tila ba manghang mangha sa aking sinabi.

"Are we really going to argue about this?" he asked and chuckled.

Oo nga naman, Mercian, pinapalaki mo lang ang usapan.

"Aalis na ako, salamat na lang," pagpaalam ko.

"Come on, why are you mad at me?" he asked when I tried to stand up.

Since when did the English language sounded sexy? This brute kept on disturbing my mind with dirty thoughts.

"E ikaw, bakit ka sumulpot dito kung hindi ka naman pala kakain?" tanong ko pabalik.

He shrugged and answered, "Masama ka bang lapitan?"

"Oo, masama at bawal," agad kong sagot.

His brows arched as he told me, "If the scene from yesterday is bothering you, don't you think this is the right time for us to talk about it?"

I raised a brow, hindi nagpatalo sa nakakunot niyang noo.

"Anong pag-uusapan natin do'n? Kung na-enjoy mo ba? Wala naman akong paki-alam sa nakita," pagsisinungaling ko, "I'm open minded and those kind of things don't bother me."

Pride ko na lang talaga ang matayog!

"Okay, I'll try to believe your words... but I'm sorry that you witnessed it, not a good start for an impression. Hope you won't judge me immediately," natatawa niyang sabi sa akin.

"Ako rin, sorry, hindi ko sinadyang panoorin kayo ng babae mo. Favorite place ko kasi iyong building at matagal na akong tumatambay doon. Kahapon lang ako nakarinig ng... pangit na tunog sa lugar," I said to him.

"May alam pa akong ibang lugar dito na hindi crowded at maaari nating tambayan," he casually suggested me.

Wow, natin? Close na tayo?

"Huwag na. Ako na lang ang maghahanap ng bagong tambayan ko," may diin pa ang aking pagbigkas.

He pouted for a while and asked, "Why do I feel I am being avoided?"

"Bakit naman kita isasama? Hindi naman kita kilala," matapang kong sagot.

He smirked and switched his position. He rested both of his elbows above the table and drew near me.

I stayed still even when the sight of him intimidated my system. I remembered I complimented his looks to Kurt, masasabi ko talaga ngayong guwapo ang lalaking ito na kahit si Kurt ay hindi makatatanggi.

"Don't you think we also need to spend time together... to know each other?" he tried making sense.

"Bakit mo naman ako kikilalanin? Lahat ba ng nakanood sa 'yo ay kinakaibigan mo?" I asked back.

He roared a laugh and I got conscious. Maaaring pinagtinginan na kami dulot ng kanyang halakhak. Baka pagmulan na naman ito ng panibagong issue.

"Grabe, what do you think of me? A public sex entertainer? I have a decent career, thank you very much... no one has ever watched me making out to other women," he defended himself.

"Okay, so? Hindi ko naman sinadyang manood. Wala akong makitang rason upang makipagkaibigan ka sa akin," I told him.

"Come on, why are you so harsh on me?" natatawa niyang tanong, "I don't usually make friends too."

"Should I feel blessed? Ayaw kitang kaibigan o kasama kaya please, sana ito na ang huli nating pag-uusap," marahas kong sabi.

"Why?" he asked, his face turned serious.

"Kasi ayaw ko, choice ko 'yon. Huwag mo ng ipilit," I simply answered him.

"Okay but at least accept my peace offering para kahit ito na ang last nating pag-uusap ay alam kong maayos tayong dalawa," he said.

I looked down at the sundae, medyo natunaw na iyon. Gusto ko mang tanggapin ay hindi p'wede.

I didn't want to receive anything from men anymore, especially if he was rich. Kay Jacob pa lamang ay nahusgahan na akong gold digger... gusto ko lamang umiwas sa issue upang manatiling payapa ang aking buhay.

"Maayos na tayong dalawa, tanggapin ko man iyan o hindi. Just keep distance from me and we'll be good," walang preno kong sabi at tumayo na sa aking upuan.

I grabbed my bag and quickly walked away from him. I acted rude but I just wanted to save myself from another danger... of another man.

💍

Natapos ang mga nauna kong klase at mayroon akong mahigit isang oras na free time. Minsan, mas gusto kong wala na akong libreng oras at magpatuloy na lang ang mga gawain.

Mas nakikita lamang ng lahat kung gaano ako ka-isa sa unibersidad tuwing walang ginagawa. Hindi ako anti-social, I had friends but we all got separated after high school to reach each other's dreams.

Dito kasi... mahirap para sa akin ang humanap ng tulad nilang totoo.

Some tried befriending me but most of them were men that had hidden agendas under their sleeves. Konting babae lamang ang sumubok, karamihan kasi ay galit sa akin dahil akala nila'y tirador ako ng lalaking basta guwapo at mayaman. Kung ako naman ang lalapit ay mas malala ang mangyayari.

Tatlong taon pa lamang ako sa unibersidad ngunit kilala na ng marami sa maling pagtingin.

Kurt was supposed to study here too with me, pareho kaming nakakuha ng scholarship. Madali siyang nakilala sapagkat mabait, kalog at magaling makipag-usap... but we both knew better. Those people he interacted with weren't true.

Noong nag-second semester na ng aming first year ay tumigil si Kurt dulot ng hindi sapat na pera upang magpatuloy. His salaries weren't enough tapos nabuntis pa si Roah. He sacrificed his year to provide for his family.

"Girl, may naaamoy akong mabaho, amoy galing sa hirap," parinig ng isang babae nang nakita ako.

Huh, witty ka na niyan?

"Girl, hindi pa nakuntento sa past flings niya, tina-target na ngayon si Lucre. Bet talaga niya puro mayayaman, 'no? To what, add perfume at mag-amoy mabango?" paggatong ng isa.

I rolled my eyes, these people sounded immature, I couldn't hear anymore of them.

"What? As in si Lucre Marcus Zorron? Ni-hindi nga no'n pinansin pinsan ko," the first girl said, amused.

"Magkasama sila kanina sa Jollibee, iyon ang usapan ng business students ngayong araw. Ang daming admirer ni Lucre na galit sa kanya—"

"Bakit naman sila magkasama?"

Tumayo na ako't binalak umalis ngunit hindi pa ako nakalalayo ay hinarang ako ng apat na babae. They wore formal attires, ewan ko kung anong mayroon. They looked at me with disgust and much hate.

Maybe they were one of BJ's admirers? Tapos, ano? Susugurin ako? I wanted to chuckle.

"Ang balita last week, kayo ni Jacob magkasama. Ngayon, kayo naman ni Lucre. I'm Janella Tolentino, by the way. Lucre's future wife," she said to me.

Okay, so, paki ko?

"Uh, I don't care," matapang kong sabi.

"I'm not here to fight against you, I just want to inform you that Lucre isn't like other men you usually trick," she hissed.

"Sorry, miss pero inuubos mo lang ang oras mo sa akin. Hindi rin ako interesado sa future husband mo kaya excuse me, dadaan ako," madiin kong sabi.

"I know Kurt, your friend. Hindi siya nakapagtapos last year, 'di ba? And you live with him in their little space like a rat. Better stay on your place and stop trying to be one of us," she insulted.

"Oh, no worries, huwag kang masyadong kabahan. Ako lang 'to," I mocked.

I walked away from them, we almost made a fucking scene and it was humiliating.

"Janella, tama na!" a girl stopped Janella from behind me.

Agad akong napatingin sa aking likuran at nakita ang nakabitin sa ereng kamay ni Janella. A girl with glasses gripped her hand and Janella couldn't let go of its tightness.

What was she about to do? Sasabunutan ako? Really?

"You're such a cheap whore, Janella, and even Marcus knows that. Stop attacking girls you see as a threat and just continue dreaming with your mother," the girl harshly said to Janella.

Gusto kong humiyaw sa tuwa, this little girl had courage to say those words aloud.

"Tara, Mercian," she pulled me away from the place.

"Okay, you know me?" I asked.

Bakit lahat na lamang ng nakasasalamuha ko ay kilala ako?

"Yeah, the new talk of the university," she answered.

"Sorry about Janella, she's my cousin but I dislike her. Wala siyang kuwenta at dulot, sa lipunan at sa mundong ito. I'm Danica, by the way," she said.

"Kaya pala ang tapang mong sumagot," natatawa kong sabi.

"Bakit kasi hindi mo nilabanan pabalik?" tanong sa akin ni Danica.

"Girl, wala akong gana makipagsagutan sa mga bobo," I simply answered Danica.

"May point pero kung inaapi ka na, dapat lumaban ka!" she convinced me.

"Hindi ko naman ramdam na inaapi ako... isa pa, may pinanghahawakan akong scholarship. I don't want to mess my life just because of one mistake," I told her.

"And even if I defend myself, ako pa rin ang lalabas na mali. Nakasasawa kaya ang gano'ng drama, kota na ako," I added.

"Why were you with kuya Marcus anyway?" Danica asked me when we arrived at a uncrowded place.

"Mas bata ka sa amin?" I asked her instead.

"Yeah, one year," she answered, "so, bakit?"

I sighed, wala yata akong kawala sa batang ito.

"Bakit ba big deal sa inyo kung nakita ninyo kaming magkasama?" tanong ko.

"You don't know kuya Marcus?" she asked me, bewildered.

"Kailangan ko ba siyang makilala?" I asked back.

"My gosh! Dalawang taon ka na rito pero clueless ka pa rin sa mga kilalang students?" she hissed.

"Required ba 'yon—"

"Yes para hindi ka magmukhang ignorante sa paligid!" Danica cut in.

"Okay, bakit ka ba galit?" tanong ko.

"Girl, seriously, Lucre Marcus Zorron! Doesn't ring a bell?" she tried to make me remember something.

"Wala talaga, girl, hindi ko nga kilala. Pornstar ba 'yon?" natatawang bawi ko.

"Grabe, he has the aura but no, hindi siya pornstar, okay?" she said in between her laugh.

"Hindi ko talaga kilala, promise," I told her.

"Si Jacob din, hindi mo kilala noon. He's in line of the greatest chef—"

"Can we not talk about him anymore? Wala akong paki kung ano siya at ang estado niya. Manyak 'yon at kulang sa aruga," pigil ko sa kanya.

"Wow, okay? Binastos ka niya?" she asked me.

"Oo, girl. Hindi na kita pipilitin pang maniwala pero iyon talaga ang nangyari... kaya nga pinutol ko na ang komunikasyon namin—"

"I believe you," she immediately told me.

I stayed still and appreciated what she said. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay pinaniniwalaan ang tulad kong biktimang walang ebidensya o ang tulad kong mahirap at walang kaya.

"Salamat," ang tangi kong nasabi.

"Kuya Marcus comes from one of the wealthiest family of our country... I bet hindi lang sa Pilipinas, kung hindi sa buong mundo sila kilala," Danica started.

"Panganay siya ni sir Kyeron Zorron. They have high-end hotels and casinos all over the world. May malaki ring resort ang pamilya nila sa Ilocos—"

"Okay, shit, nalulula ako sa yaman," I reacted.

"Same... and people know kuya Marcus as someone serious and harsh. Bihira lang makipagkaibigan dahil alam niyang maraming may gusto lamang siyang gamitin," Danica continued.

"Bakit parang kilalang kilala mo siya, close kayo?" I asked and chuckled.

"Yeah, he's like my older brother na. He once saved me from bullies back when I was in high school and he was in senior high," she answered me.

"We talk about things and honestly he's considerate and dependable once close na kayo. He just set his guards high to avoid users," she added.

"Kaya naman laking gulat naming lahat nang may kasama siyang ibang babae. He was even smiling and ang sabi, sinusuyo ka pa raw," natatawa niyang kuwento.

"Wala 'yon. Hindi ninyo na dapat pang intindihin, hindi naman importante. Iyon na rin ang huli naming kita, I ordered him to stay away from me—"

"Ayaw mo sa kanya?" Danica asked, shocked.

"Yeah..." I answered unsure.

"Okay. Iyon naman pala. Madali lang kausap si kuya Marcus kaya for sure, he'll stop pestering you," Danica unconsciously said.

"Sana nga," I whispered.

"Kung hindi talaga siya titigil, pagbibigyan mo?" tukso ni Danica.

"No," agad kong sagot.

Sumimangot naman siya at sinabing, "Bakit naman? Sasabihan ko nga si kuya Marcus na akitin ka pa."

"Hoy! Huwag nga! Nakahihiya saka isa pa, iwas muna ako sa ganyan—"

Danica laughed and teased me, "Grabe, halata ka, girl. Bet mo rin si kuya Marcus, e."

I made a questionable look to hide my smile, "Magsama pa sila ni Janella hanggang impyerno, wala akong paki."

"Selos? Huwag kang mag-alala, ate Mercian! Hindi naman sila engaged, pinipilit lang ni Janella ang kanyang sarili kay Marcus sa tulong ng mama niya," Danica informed me.

"P'wede ba? Wala nga sabi akong paki-alam. May girlfriend ba si Marcus?" I joked.

"Oh! Tingnan mo! Lumabas din!" she accused me.

"Gaga, nagbibiro lang ako pero mayro'n nga ba?" I asked and laughed.

"Girl, kung ako sa 'yo, huwag mo na 'yang piliting itago! Sasabihan ko talaga si kuya Marcus na akitin ka," she told me.

"Bahala ka nga. Nagbibiro lang ako, Danica," natatawa kong sabi.

"Sure, nagbibiro ka lang. To answer your question, wala pang nagiging girlfriend si kuya Marcus. Just past flings and such, you know, men things," Danica answered me.

"Turn off," komento ko.

"Sure... but wait until you know him," Danica said and shrugged.

"Hindi na kami dadating sa puntong 'yan, okay? Stop dreaming about it, si Janella lang ang puwedeng managinip ng ganyan," natatawa kong sabi.

"I'm not dreaming, ate Mercian... knowing kuya Marcus, he's persistent on having what he desires. Dasal ka na lang, ate, na sana ay hindi ka kasama," payo niya sa akin.