Chapter 20 | Favor

When I was younger, I always let things slip. It was simple for me to disregard things, no matter how wrong they seemed, because no one ever spoke out against them in our household. They claimed it was a form of discipline, and most family households had inherited it. Even as a child, I sensed that violence wasn't right.

I couldn't recall everything, but the emotion I experienced every time my mother yelled furiously at us lingered in my soul like a deep untreated scar. The only thing I hoped for before was for it to end as quickly as possible. I couldn't listen to her words and digest anything since fear consumed my system.

We were just children who knew nothing in this world. We were just imperfect children who would naturally make mistakes. Why did they have to be so harsh on us?

I thought I'd gotten over my fear. I never said it to anyone because I feared being judged and invalidated. I tried to keep everything together, so I wouldn't be a burden to anyone. I assumed that I'd be fine if I didn't think about it again, but I was wrong. It didn't leave me alone. It has always been a part of me.

Kurt persuaded me to go back and take a rest after what happened. They were surprised when they saw me weak like a fragile glass ready to break. Verge volunteered to drive me back to Kurt's house.

The truth is I was not this intimidated by Arist before. He used to respect me and was soft-spoken when I first met him. The same old pathways we strolled down had left traces of our youthful footprints. The sun on those days witnessed how lovely we were together.

I closed my eyes, causing tears to stream down my cheeks. I said I'd never cry again because of this, but the agony I'd been trying to erase lurked inside me. The fear is the same, whether from my childhood trauma or my bad experience in a relationship with Arist.

I woke up with my eyes somewhat puffy from crying. My room was pitch black, and I couldn't tell what hour it was. Hindi man lang ako nakaramdam ng gutom. Imbis na tumayo ay mas niyakap ko pa ang aking unan at dinama ang nakabalot na kumot sa aking katawan. Sinubukan ko muling ipikit ang aking mga mata kahit pa wala na akong itutulog pa.

"Mercian?"

Bigla akong napadilat ngunit hindi ako bumangon.

"Si Marcus 'to, gising ka na ba?"

Muntik na akong mauntog sa double deck nang bumangon. Hindi ko alam kung anong unang gagawin. Wala sa sarili kong binuksan ang ilaw at muling nagpalakad-lakad sa kwarto.

"Mercian?"

"Ah, gising na ako! Bakit ka nandito?"

"Hindi mo ba nabasa ang message ni Kurt? He ordered me to deliver you food. I also messaged you minutes ago that I'd come."

Malamang hindi ko talaga malalaman dahil hindi ko pa muling hinawakan ang cellphone ko.

"Ah, sige, wait lang. Ayusin ko lang dito sa loob!"

I hastened to change clothes and fix myself after cleaning my room in a short time. Sa dami ng pwedeng utusan ni Kurt, si Marcus pa talaga! When everything seemed fine, I finally opened the door. I saw Marcus leaning against the wall. He held two white plastics in his right hand while his left hand was inside his pocket.

"Uh, thank you sa pagdala ng pagkain," I said and extended my arms to get the plastics from him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after I got the food.

"Okay naman na kumpara kanina. Napasarap tulog ko."

"That's good to hear . . ."

Hindi ko kayang makipagpaligsahan ng titigan sa kaniya kaya kung saan-saan ako tumitingin. "Uh, aalis ka na ba?"

"If you want me to?"

"Bakit? Pwede ka nang umalis kung gusto mo."

"Do you want a companion, or are you fine alone?"

Ano ba? Gusto ko bang may kasama? Sanay naman akong mag-isa at okay lang din kung gusto na niyang umalis.

"Kurt asked me to stay for a while, but I'll leave the decision to you."

I subconsciously looked up to him that startled me, too. "Sure! Kung ayos lang sa 'yo. Ito talagang si Kurt, bakit ka naman niya inutusan ng mga ganito? Nakakahiya."

Tumalikod na ako at hinayaang bukas ang pinto upang makapasok siya kasunod ko. Kanina ko pa binubulong sa sarili kong kumalma at huwag manginig dahil si Marcus lang naman 'yan.

"I'll leave the door unlocked, ha? If that's fine with you."

"Ano pa lang ganap sa carinderia kanina?" I tried to open up a topic for us to talk about.

"Maayos naman lahat kahit pa medyo maraming customers."

"Okay lang bang hindi ka agad bumalik?"

"Yeah, everything's under control. Besides, I want to visit you, so this isn't a big deal."

Pareho kaming umupo sa mga silya sa magkabilang dulo ng lamesa. 

"Last night, I was unexpectedly called by Janella's friend. They said it was an emergency, so I asked where they were. They held an advance birthday party for Janella exclusively for her social friends," he started to explain out of nowhere.

I tried to stop him because I didn't want him to think this concerned me, but I got hooked on his story.

"I came because they forced me. Pagdating ko roon, medyo lasing na si Janella and someone just had to be her limiter."

"So, inuwi mo siya?"

"Hinatid ko siya sa kanila," he corrected.

"Oh, sorry. Gano'n kasi ang pagkakasabi ni Arist kanina."

"Arist is your ex, right?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Hindi ko alam na nandoon din pala siya kagabi. Nalaman ko lang kanina kay Cadne dahil sumugod pala siya sa carinderia kanina para lang sabihin 'yon sa 'yo."

I finally started eating.

"Anyway, another thing that I want to clarify is Janella's not my fiancée or girlfriend. I've known her since high school, and she's been around since then. I don't know how this rumor started, but I assure you that nothing is happening between us."

"Okay lang, 'no ka ba?" I said while I was busy checking out the other food they prepared for me.

I suddenly heard him laugh lightly. "You love eating, huh? Bigla ka na lang nawalan ng interes sa explanation ko."

I smiled. "Okay naman na ako sa kanina, saka ang sarap ng pagkaka-ihaw sa manok!"

"I was the one who grilled that," he boasted.

"Pwede na," I acknowledged.

"Pwede na'ng ano?"

Inirapan ko lamang siya at hindi na sinundan ang kaniyang sinabi.

"Kurt knows you best, huh?" He amusingly said that made me curious.

"What do you mean?"

"He's the one who approached me first and asked to cook you these dishes. He also said that you might wake up late and not eat dinner for the rest of the night, so he asked me afterward to deliver these here."

"We've been friends since high school at siya rin ang lagi kong kasama sa kahit anong trip ko sa buhay. Natural na rin kay Kurt maging concerned sa iba."

"Yeah, I can feel he's a nice guy. It makes me kinda want to be him."

Naningkit ang aking mga mata. "Bakit naman?"

He didn't quickly respond this time. He seemed to gather his thoughts.

"Bakit? Like to be someone who knows you best, too."

"Ay shala, get to know each other lang?" I tried to joke around.

"Yeah, why not? After all, I'm into you."

Napatakip ako sa aking bibig dahil muntik na akong maubo sa gulat! Mabilis kong sinulyapan si Marcus at tila nabigla rin siya sa nangyari. Mabilis niyang inabot sa akin ang basong may kalahating tubig na aking agad na tinanggap. I exhaled after I drank. Marcus had a worried expression all over his face that eventually turned to an amused look.

"Tuwang-tuwa ka namang makita akong ganito? Huwag ka ngang mambibigla!"

"I didn't expect it'd affect you," he said, trying to hide his grin.

Muli akong umirap. "Anong tingin mo sa 'kin, manhid? Kahit sino naman siguro magugulat kapag sinabihan ng ganyan. Wala sa plano ko ngayon ang magjowa kaya kahit pa araw-arawin mo ang pagsasabi ng ganyan sa 'kin, hindi mo 'ko makukumbinsing pumasok ulit sa relasyon."

"Yeah, I know that, and it's okay. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali at hindi naman kailangang madaliin. As I said, I want to know you more. We can know each other even without the label."

"Alam mo, no offense, pero nagdududa pa rin ako sa 'yo," I said.

Para bang may lumutang na malaking question mark sa taas ng ulo niya dahil sa aking sinabi. Nanatili siyang tahimik upang siguro ay bigyan ako ng pagkakataong ipaliwanag pa ang aking sinabi.

"I mean, hindi naman sa mukha kang masama, pero nagdududa ako sa intensyon mo. You want to get to know me first? That's suspicious, men nowadays don't waste their time on that stage. Kapag may chance na silang nakita, kukunin nila. Dadaanin lang sa pambobola at palalambutin lang ang loob mo tapos, boom!" I even gestured my hands as if something exploded. "Kayo na agad."

"Point is, hindi madalas ganito ang gawain ng mga lalaki, lalo na ang mga tulad mong laging busy sa buhay at marami namang nakapaligid na babae."

"I'm sorry if you have experienced that, but I don't blame you in thinking that way. Well, then, if that's the case—" Pinatong niya ang kaniyang kanang siko sa lamesa at tamad na sinandal ang pisngi sa kaniyang kanang palad. "I'll just show you that I'm different from those men you've described."

"Narinig ko na rin 'yan," natatawa kong sabi.

"I'll show you."

"Ang competitive, wala ka namang kalaban kaya don't push yourself too much."

"Really?" His eyes glittered like a puppy waiting for treats.

"Duh, wala naman akong ini-entertain na iba. Saka tapos na kami ni Arist, matagal na, siya lang 'tong hindi mapakali at sulpot pa rin nang sulpot. Kahit pa bumaliktad ang mundo o kahit pa kami na lang ang natitirang tao sa mundo, never ko na siya muling papatulan."

Para lang kaming magkapitbahay na nagchismisan buong oras. Pinapak namin ang mga natirang ulam habang kinuwento ko sa kaniya ang iba't ibang pinagdaanan ko kay Arist.

"I can't believe you didn't break up with him on that point."

"Ewan ko rin talaga. Siguro concerned lang talaga ako sa kaniya noon kaya nangibabaw ang awa ko. May family problem kasi siya that time."

"You're too kind-hearted."

"That time, I really wanted to help him in every possible way, medyo mabigat din kasi ang nalaman niya that time. He knew that he wasn't really his parents' biological child, ampon siya. Hindi na maganda ang relasyon niya sa parents niya noon, pero mas lumala noong nalaman niya. He has a younger sister din na close ko, I have always protected her kasi minsan napapalo ni Arist kahit hindi naman kailangan."

"Oh? I have a younger sister, too," Marcus shared. "Ilang taon din ang agwat namin, so I find her difficult to understand. She seems close to my younger brother."

Now, that interests me! "Oh? So bunso 'yong babae?"

"Yeah, her name is Lierre, and she's currently in elementary. She's hard to tame, and I think she's currently in her rebellious phase."

"How about your younger brother?" I curiously asked.

"He's quite a handful for a brother, I must say. He doesn't often talk to me; whenever he does, I feel like he hates me. Nonetheless, he's a smart kid, but moody."

"Ang kulit naman, iba-iba kayo ng personalities, 'no? Kaya siguro medyo nahihirapan kang pakisamahan sila, pero alam mo 'yon, just remind yourself that they are your siblings. It's hard for kids to express and open up about themselves, so you must be the one to initiate. Take the first step and let things go with the flow kasi kahit kapatid mo sila, it takes time to be comfortable with someone."

He timidly nodded. "Hm, you may be right."

When the realization hit me, I covered my mouth with both hands. Did I say too much already?

He noticed my reaction and smirked. "It's okay! Napaisip lang ako sa sinabi mo, like how I would take the first step."

"Seryoso ba? Baka kasi naparami na ako ng sinabi."

He showed me his reassuring smile. "It's fine. It seems that you have experienced this as well, huh?"

I slowly lowered my hands. "Yeah, with my younger sister. We were not close or distant to each other, siguro lack of communication lang noon kaya hindi kami comfortable sa isa't isa."

"And now? How's your current relationship with her?"

"Maayos naman na, open na kami sa isa't isa and nakuha ko na rin ang tiwala niya. Medyo matagal din bago kami totally agging close, but worth it naman."

He brushed his hair using his fingers. "It looks like I should make a move sooner before things get more awkward between us siblings."

"Kaya mo 'yan! Panganay tayo kaya dapat kakayanin."

"Ian?"

Sabay kaming napalingon ni Marcus sa pintuan dahil sa narinig. Agad akong tumayo upang tingnan kung nakauwi na ba si Kurt.

"Kurt?" I called back after I opened the room door.

"Saglit, nasa hagdan ako! Nandiyan si Marcus?"

"Oo!"

Bahagya kong nilingon si Marcus na ngayon ay nakatayo na rin at tila may tiningnan sa phone.

"Nasa baba rin pala si Verge, mauna na ako," pagpapaalam ni Marcus.

"Sure! Thank you sa chismisan natin, sa susunod na session ulit."

He grinned and suddenly stretched his arms upward. His black shirt had risen slightly, exposing some of his skin. I quickly averted my gaze because I could tell my face was heating up!

"Sa susunod ulit. Baba na ako, ha?"

"Sure, ingat sa pag-uwi."

While I cleaned my apartment, I saw an unfamiliar object on the ground. I snatched it up, thinking it might be Marcus' towel. He most likely did not notice it dropping earlier. I leaned the broom I was holding against the wall and decided to go downstairs to return it to him if he was still there.

Nang nilingon ko ang labasan ay nahagilap ko sina Marcus at Kurt na nag-uusap sa tabi ng sasakyan ni Verge. Nakaparada naman sa harap nito ang sasakyan ni Marcus na tila nakabukas na ang makina. Tahimik akong naglakad palapit sa kanila at kahit pa malapit na ako sa likod nila ay tila hindi nila ako naramdaman sa sobrang seryoso ng kanilang pag-uusap.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Oo nga," Kurt's impatiently said. "Nagbigay na nga ako ng documents kay Verge, mukha pa ba akong nagloloko sa lagay na 'to?"

"Wala na akong magagawa kung gusto mo talaga. When are you going to say this to Ian?"

"Hindi ko pa alam, pero ayaw ko rin aming patagalin. Ah, basta, ako na bahala sa kung paano i-e-explain sa kaniya. Iyong bilin ko sa 'yo, ha?" Kurt's voice turned strict, as if he was lecturing a kid.

"Yeah, and even if you don't ask me that favor, I'll still do it of my free will."

"Mabuti naman. Kailangan ko lang talaga ng ibang taong pwedeng pagkatiwalaan si Mercian, lalo na ngayong magiging busy ako sa sarili. You must take care of Mercian at all costs, okay?"

"Take care of me?"

They both quickly turned around with surprised expressions.