Chapter 20 | Favor

When I was younger, I'd always let things slip. It was simple for me to disregard things, no matter how wrong they seemed, because no one ever spoke out against it in our household. They claimed it was a form of discipline, and most family households had inherited it as well... but even as a child, I sensed deep down that violence wasn't right.

I couldn't recall everything, but the emotion I experienced every time my mother yelled furiously at us lingered in my soul like a deep untreated scar. The only thing I hoped for before was for it to end as quickly as possible. I didn't pay attention to her statements, and I couldn't digest anything anyway since fear consumed my system.

My sister definitely had it worse. Unlike me, she experienced physical harm and it would always happen whenever our mother loses her temper. I wanted to defend my mother in my head since after all, she was our mother, but I couldn't... especially when I saw my sister suffering so badly from her damages.

We were just children who knew nothing in this world. We were just children, imperfect human creatures, who would naturally make mistakes. Why did they have to be so harsh in disciplining us?

I thought I'd gotten over my fear. I never addressed it to anyone because I was afraid of being judged and invalidated. I tried to keep everything together so I wouldn't be a burden to anyone. I assumed that if I didn't think about it again, I'd be fine... but I was wrong. It didn't leave me alone. It has always been a part of me.

"Nakauwi ka na? Nakabalik na si Verge rito pero tumawag lang ako ulit ngayon kasi hindi ka nag-text." Kurt asked from the other line.

"Oo, kanina pa. Nagpalit ako agad ng damit kaya hindi kita na-text agad," marahan kong sagot.

"Oh, siya, sige. Magpahinga ka muna buong araw, kami na bahala rito. Text ka lang if may kailangan ka, okay?"

"Sure, salamat," I replied.

"Sinabi na ni Daniel kay Marcus ang nangyari kaya baka anytime soon pumunta 'yon dito," he informed me.

"Si Cadne, kumusta?"

"Okay naman siya, si Arist ang bugbog sarado. Gago, e, sabing umalis na nagalit tuloy si Cadne. Nagm-mixed martials arts pala 'to," I sensed Kurt a bit laughing while speaking.

I softly smiled. "Sige, bye muna. Gusto kong matulog saglit."

"Okay," he said it longer, "ako na bahala rito kaya relax ka muna riyan."

"Thank you ulit, Kurt, ha? Kung wala ka roon para takpan ako malamang mas namilit pa si Arist."

"Wala 'yon, tangek. Lagi akong nandito para protektahan ka, leader yata 'to ng Mercian Protection Squad," Kurt reassured me that made my heart flutter.

I chuckled, "Oo na, bye na muna."

"Pahinga well!" he said before I finally ended the call.

Kurt persuaded me to go back and take a rest after what happened. They were all surprised when they saw me weak like a fragile glass ready to break. Verge volunteered to drive me back to Kurt's house so that they'd be assured I safely arrived.

I didn't mean to act like that in front of everyone, it just happened out of my control. It had been a while since the last time I felt so anxious and afraid that I didn't immediately notice it would come today. The truth was... I was not this intimidated of Arist before. He used to respect me and he was actually soft-spoken when I first met him.

I could still vividly remember the sunny weather that day as if it had combined with how I was feeling. I'd been looking forward to going to school for the past few weeks, not because of the lectures, but because of a certain guy I had a crush on. He bravely confessed his feelings to me in front of almost all of our classmates, even those who didn't know us were intrigued.

Arist would meet me after school and walk me home every day. We had exchanged amusing stories and even answered queries about how our days had gone. The same old pathways we strolled down had left traces of our youthful footprints. The sun on those days witnessed how lovely we were together.

I promised him that I'd accept every flaw he had and that I'd always be on his side, even when he was having a rough time... but would he blame me if I eventually felt like breaking such a commitment fairly because things were getting difficult for me?

Damn.

I closed my eyes, causing tears to stream as though they were racing down my cheeks. I'd sworn myself that I'd never cry again because of this, but the agony I'd been trying to erase lurked inside me.The fear was the same whether it was from my childhood trauma or my bad experience in a relationship with Arist.

I couldn't recall how I slept despite the dreadful emotion I was experiencing, but I woke up with my eyes somewhat puffy from crying. My room was pitch black, and I couldn't tell what hour it was.

Hindi man lang ako nakaramdam ng gutom matapos ng ilang oras kong pagtulog. Imbis na tumayo ay mas niyakap ko pa ang aking unan at dinama ang nakabalot na kumot sa aking katawan. Sinubukan ko muling ipikit ang aking mga mata kahit pa wala na akong itutulog pa. Gusto ko lamang namnamin ang katahimikan at maramdaman ang sarili.

"Mercian?"

Bigla akong napadilat sa narinig ngunit hindi pa rin ako bumangon upang kumpirmahin kung may tumawag ba talaga sa akin sa labas.

"Uh, si Marcus 'to, gising ka na ba?"

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon lalo na't siya pa ang na sa labas! Muntik pa akong mauntog sa double deck kong kama ng bumangon. Hindi ko alam kung anong unang gagawin, wala sa sarili kong binuksan ang ilaw at muling nagpalakad-lakad sa kwarto.

"Mercian?" tawag niya muli at kumatok na ngayon.

"Ah, gising na ako!" I announced, "bakit ka nandito?"

"Hindi mo ba nabasa ang message ni Kurt? He ordered me to deliver you food. I also messaged you minutes ago that I'd come," he explained to me.

Malamang hindi ko talaga malalaman dahil hindi ko pa muling hinawakan ang cellphone ko.

"Ah, sige, wait lang. Ayusin ko lang dito sa loob," I told him and started to clean up.

I hastened to change clothes and fix myself after cleaning my room in a short period of time. I was unaware that out of all people, Kurt would instruct Marcus to bring me food! It was foolish of me not to check my messages earlier.

When everything already seemed fine, I finally opened the door and saw him leaning against the parallel wall. He held two white plastics in his right hand while his left hand was inside his pocket.

This was awkward!

"Uh, thank you sa pagdala ng pagkain," I uttered and extended my right arm to get the plastics from him.

He effortlessly handed the food over and stood properly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after I got the food.

"Ah, okay naman na kumpara kanina... napasarap tulog ko, obvious naman," I tried to joke around.

He timidly nodded. "That's good to hear..."

Hindi ko kayang makipagpaligsahan ng titigan sa kanya kaya kung saan-saan ako tumitingin. "Uh, aalis ka na ba?"

"Well... if you want me to?"

"Bakit? Pwede ka ng umalis kung gusto mo," I said to him.

"Do you want a companion or are you fine alone?" he asked back.

Ano ba? Gusto ko bang may kasama? Sanay naman akong mag-isa at okay lang din kung gusto na niyang umalis.

"Kurt actually asked me to stay for a while but I'll leave the decision to you," he said after a few seconds.

I unconsciously looked up to him that startled me, too. "Sure! Kung ayos lang sa 'yo. Ito talagang si Kurt, bakit ka naman niya inutusan ng mga ganito? Nakakahiya."

Tumalikod na ako at hinayaang bukas ang pinto upang makapasok siya kasunod ko. Kanina ko pa binubulong sa sarili kong kumalma at huwag manginig dahil si Marcus lang naman 'yan.

"I'll leave the door unlocked, ha? If that's fine with you," he informed me.

"Ha?" saglit akong nagtaka kung bakit hindi niya il-lock ngunit agad ding napatango nang na-realize.

"Ano pa lang ganap sa karinderya kanina?" I tried to open up a topic for us to talk about.

"Maayos naman lahat kahit pa medyo maraming customers," he simply answered.

I was opening the plastics when I asked again, "Okay lang bang hindi ka agad bumalik?"

"Yeah, everything's under control... and besides, I want to visit you as well so this isn't a big deal," he calmly stated.

I watched him occupy the free chair in front of the table I was using. I also had a spare chair on my side, which I immediately sat on after seeing him. I was now pouring the rice on my plate when he spoke again.

"I heard what happened earlier..."

"Ah," I trailed off, didn't know what to react.

"Last night, I was unexpectedly called by Janella's friend. They said it was an emergency so I asked where they were and apparently, they held an advance birthday party for Janella exclusively for her social friends," he started to explain out of nowhere.

I tried to stop him because I didn't want him to think that this concerned me, but I immediately got hooked on his story. "So I came because they persuaded me. Pagdating ko roon, medyo lasing na pala si Janella and someone just had to be her limiter."

"Oh okay..." I casually said, "so inuwi mo siya?"

"Hinatid ko siya sa kanila," he corrected.

"Oh, sorry!" agad kong hingi ng tawad, "gano'n kasi ang pagkakasabi ni Arist kanina," I whispered.

"Arist is your ex, right?"

"Unfortunately, yes." I boringly replied and rolled my eyes.

"Hindi ko alam na nandoon din pala siya kagabi. Nalaman ko lang kanina kay Cadne dahil sumugod pala siya sa karinderya kanina para lang sabihin 'yon sa 'yo."

I finally started eating, which somehow distracted me to mind the person in front.

"Anyway, another thing that I want to clarify, Janella's not my fiance or girlfriend. I've known her since high school and she's been around since then. I don't know how this rumor started, but I assure you that there's nothing going on between us," he added.

"Okay lang, 'no ka ba?" I murmured while I was busy checking out the other foods they prepared for me.

I suddenly heard him laugh lightly that made me frozen, "You really love eating, huh? Bigla ka na lang nawalan ng interes sa explanation ko."

I smiled.

I was holding the chicken on my left hand when I replied, "Okay naman na ako sa kanina saka ang sarap ng pagkaka-ihaw sa manok!"

This time he laughed loudly. Like a hologram, his smile flashed across his face. "I was the one who grilled that," he boasted.

"Pwede na, pwede na," I acknowledged.

"Pwede ng ano?" he teased.

Inirapan ko lamang siya at hindi na sinundan ang kanyang sinabi.

"Kurt really knows you best, huh?" He amusingly said that made me curious.

"What do you mean?"

"He's the one who approached me first and asked to cook you these dishes. He also said that you might wake up late and not eat dinner for the rest of the night so he asked me afterward to deliver these here," he elaborated.

"Oh, well... I mean, we've been friends since high school and siya rin ang lagi kong kasama sa kahit anong trip ko sa buhay," I shared, "saka natural na kay Kurt maging concerned sa iba."

"Yeah, I can feel he's really a nice guy. Makes me kinda want to be him," Marcus blurted.

Naningkit ang aking mga mata. "Bakit naman?"

He didn't quickly respond this time. He seemed to gather his thoughts or the correct words first before he'd tell anything. "Bakit? Well..." he came to a halt, "like... to be someone who knows you best, too."

"Ay shala, get to know each other lang?" I tried to joke around.

"Yeah, why not?" he smirked, "after all, I'm into you."

Nilagay ko ang aking kanang palad sa aking bibig dahil muntik na akong maubo sa gulat! Nang mabilis kong tiningnan si Marcus at tila nabigla rin siya sa naging kilos ko.

Mabilis niyang inabot sa akin ang basong may kalahating tubig na aking agad na tinanggap. Grabe naman kasi, bigla-biglang nagsasabi ng mga gano'n 'tong lalaking 'to!

I exhaled heavily after I drank. He had a worry expression all over his face that eventually turned to an amused look.

"Tuwang tuwa ka namang makita akong ganito?" I spat, "huwag ka ngang mambibigla."

"Well, sorry? Didn't expect that it'd affect you or something," he reasoned and tried to hide his grin.

Muli akong umirap. "Anong tingin mo sa 'kin, manhid? Kahit sino naman siguro magugulat kapag sinabihan ng ganyan."

He shrugged. "Sorry then but not really. It's fun to voice out my thoughts so..."

"Ay, wow, fun. For your information lang ha, baka kasi ano nang iniisip mo, wala sa plano ko ngayon ang magjowa kaya kahit pa araw-arawin mo ang pagsasabi ng ganyan sa 'kin, hindi mo 'ko makukumbinsing pumasok ulit sa relasyon," I strictly informed him.

"Yeah, I know that and it's okay. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali at hindi naman kailangang madaliin. Like what I said, I want to know you more. We can know each other even without the label..."

"Alam mo no offense pero nagdududa pa rin ako sa 'yo," I directly said.

Para bang may lumutang na malaking question mark sa taas ng ulo niya dahil sa aking sinabi. Nanatili siyang tahimik upang siguro ay bigyan ako ng pagkakataong ipaliwanag pa ang aking sinabi.

"I mean, hindi naman sa mukha kang masama o ano... pero nagdududa ako sa intensyon mo. You want to get to know me first? That's suspicious, men nowadays don't waste their time on that stage. Kapag may chance na silang nakita, kukunin nila. Dadaanin lang sa pambobola at palalambutin lang ang loob mo tapos, boom!" I even gestured my hands as if something exploded, "kayo na agad."

"Point is... hindi madalas ganito ang gawain ng mga lalaki lalo na ang mga tulad mong laging busy sa buhay at marami namang nakapaligid na babae," I added.

He replied with a stern voice, "I'm sorry if you have experienced that, but I don't blame you in thinking that way. Well, then, if that's the case," pinatong niya ang kanyang kanang siko sa lamesa at tamad na sinandal ang pisngi sa kanyang kanang palad. "I'll just show you that I'm different from those men you've described."

"Narinig ko na rin 'yan," natatawa kong sabi.

"I'll show you," hamon niya.

"Ang competitive," tukso ko, "wala ka namang kalaban kaya don't push yourself too much."

"Really?" His eyes glittered like a puppy waiting for treats.

"Duh, wala naman akong ini-entertain na iba. Saka tapos na kami ni Arist matagal na, siya lang 'tong hindi mapakali at sulpot pa rin nang sulpot. Kahit pa bumaliktad ang mundo o kahit pa kami na lang ang natitirang tao sa mundo, never ko na siya muling papatulan, 'no," I consecutively ranted, which I didn't mean to share at all.

"Oh, why stop?" tanong niya, "parang anytime handa ka ng magwala sa galit," he tried to joke around.

I stressfully slapped my forehead. "Sorry, hindi ko lang talaga mapigilang mairita kapag siya ang pinag-uusapan. You can cut me off and ask to change the topic if ayaw mong pinag-uusapan natin si Arist."

"It's not like I hate it when you talk about him, after all those are your rants about him anyway. I'm fine with it, besides... I'm somehow curious how you two got together," Marcus told me.

"Nothing special naman," I continued, "typical high school story lang, classmates kami tapos inaasar sa room. Sa totoo lang, medyo hindi ko na rin tanda kung bakit ko rin siya sinagot."

"Yeah, I agree. How can you settle with someone like him?" masungit niyang tugon.

"I know, right? May mali talaga sa paningin ko noon, e," pakikisabay ko.

Para lang kaming magkapitbahay na nagchismisan buong oras. Pinapak pa namin ang mga natirang ulam habang kinuwento ko sa kanya ang iba't ibang pinagdaanan ko kay Arist.

"You really did all of his assignments?" natatawa niyang tanong, "grabe ka namang magmahal."

"Oo nga! Lagi kasi siyang late magpasa at minsan hindi na gumagawa kaya syempre akong si tanga, ginawa ko na para sa kanya. Tapos malalaman kong may iba pala siyang babae na mas bata sa 'min? Sinasabi ko sa 'yo, Kurt almost gone feral!"

"Can't blame him though. That Arist is a piece of trash," Marcus irritatingly commented, "can't believe you didn't break up with him on that point."

"Ewan ko rin talaga," I chuckled bitterly, "siguro concerned lang talaga ako sa kanya noon kaya nangibabaw ang awa ko. May family problem kasi siya that time..."

"Geez, you're too kind hearted," he whispered, enough for me to hear.

"Oo nga, e... saka that time I really wanted to help him in every possible way, medyo mabigat din kasi ang nalaman niya that time. He knew that he wasn't really his parents' biological child, meaning ampon siya. Hindi na maganda ang relasyon niya sa parents niya noon pero mas lumala noong nalaman niya. He has a younger sister din na close ko, I have always protected her kasi minsan napapalo ni Arist kahit hindi naman kailangan..."

"Oh? I have a younger sister, too," Marcus shared, "ilang taon din ang agwat namin so I kind of find her difficult to understand... but she seems close to my younger brother."

Now, that interests me! "Oh? So bunso 'yong babae?"

"Yeah, her name is Lierre and she's currently in elementary. She's kinda hard to tame and I think she's currently in her rebellious phase against our parents," dagdag pa ni Marcus.

"How about your younger brother?" I curiously asked.

"Well... he's quite a handful for a brother, I must say. He doesn't often talk to me and whenever he does, I feel like he hates me," Marcus chuckled, "but nonetheless, he's a smart kid but moody."

I laughed lightly, "Ang kulit naman, iba-iba kayo ng personalities, 'no? Kaya siguro medyo nahihirapan kang pakisamahan sila... pero alam mo 'yon, just remind yourself that they are your siblings and they aren't like other people."

I continued when he didn't respond, "It's hard for kids to express and open up themselves, so you must be the one to initiate. Take the first step and let things go with the flow... kasi kahit kapatid mo sila, it takes time to be comfortable with someone."

He timidly nodded, "Hm, you may be right there..."

When realization hit me, I covered my mouth using both of my hands. Did I say too much already?

"What?" he noticed my reaction and smirked, "it's okay! Napaisip lang ako sa sinabi mo... like how would I take the first step."

"Seryoso ba? Baka kasi naparami na ako ng nasabi."

He showed me his reassuring smile, "It's fine, really. It seems that you have experienced this as well, huh?"

I slowly lowered my hands as I casually replied, "Yeah, somehow... with my younger sister. We were not close or distant to each other, siguro lack of communication lang noon kaya hindi kami comfortable sa isa't isa."

"And now? How's your current relationship with her?"

"Maayos naman na, open na kami sa isa't isa and nakuha ko na rin ang tiwala niya. Medyo matagal din bago kami totally naging close, but worth it naman," I answered.

He unconsciously brushed his hair using his fingers as he muttered, "It looks like I should do a move sooner before things get more awkward between us siblings..."

"Kaya mo 'yan!" I encouraged him, "panganay tayo kaya dapat kakayanin."

"Ian?"

Sabay kaming napalingon ni Marcus sa pintuan dahil sa narinig. Agad akong tumayo upang tingnan kung nakauwi na ba si Kurt dahil hindi pwedeng nagkamali ako ng dinig.

"Kurt?" I called back after I opened my room's door.

"Saglit, na sa hagdan ako! Nandiyan si Marcus?" sigaw niya mula sa baba.

"Oo!" sagot ko pabalik at bahagyang nilingon si Marcus na ngayon ay nakatayo na rin at tila may tiningnan sa phone.

"Anong oras na ba?" I went beside him to check the time on his phone.

"Quarter to nine," sabay ng kanyang pagsagot ang aking pagbasa sa oras. Agad din akong lumayo dahil baka isipin niyang nakikitingin ako sa cellphone niya.

"Na sa baba rin pala si Verge... mauna na ako," pagpapaalam ni Marcus sa akin habang nililigpit ko na ang mga pinagkainan namin.

"Sure! Thank you sa chismisan natin, sa susunod na session ulit," I laughed.

He grinned and abruptly stretched his arms upward. His black shirt had risen slightly, exposing some of his skin. I quickly averted my gaze because I could tell my face was heating up!

"Sure, sa susunod ulit," he delightfully replied after he stretched, "baba na ako, ha?"

"Sure lang, ingat sa pag-uwi," I casually said.

He gave me one last look before leaving my room. While I was tidying my apartment, I heard Kurt greet him downstairs. It didn't need much cleaning anyway because Marcus had already helped before we started talking about random things. Speaking of random things, I just realized that we spent the entire time discussing ideas as if we were friends. I felt a familiar warmth on my chest, one I hadn't felt in years.

I saw an unfamiliar object on the floor while sweeping around. I snatched it up, thinking it might be Marcus' towel. He most likely did not notice it dropping earlier. I leaned the broom I was holding against the wall and decided to go downstairs to return it to him, if he was still there.

Wala na sila sa sala ng bumaba ako ngunit nang nilingon ko ang labasan ay nahagilap ko sina Marcus at Kurt na nag-uusap sa tabi ng sasakyan ni Verge. Nakaparada naman sa harap nito ang sasakyan ni Marcus na tila nakabukas na ang makina.

Tahimik akong naglakad palapit sa kanila at kahit pa malapit na ako sa likod nila ay tila hindi nila ako naramdaman sa sobrang seryoso ng kanilang pag-uusap.

"Are you really sure about this?"

"Oo nga," Kurt's impatiently replied, "nagbigay na nga ako ng documents kay Verge, mukha pa ba akong nagloloko sa lagay na 'to?"

"Oh well," Marcus shrugged, "wala na akong magagawa kung gusto mo talaga. When are you going to say this to Ian?"

"Hindi ko pa alam pero ayaw ko rin namang patagalin. Ah basta, ako na bahala sa kung paano ie-explain sa kanya. Iyong bilin ko sa 'yo, ha?" Kurt's voice turned strict, as if he was lecturing a kid.

"Yeah, and even if you don't ask me that favor, I'll still do it on my own free will."

"Mabuti naman. Kailangan ko lang talaga ng ibang taong pwedeng pagkatiwalaan si Mercian lalo na ngayong magiging busy ako sa sarili. You must take care of Mercian at all costs, okay?"

"Take care of me?" I couldn't help but to interrupt.

They both quickly turned around with shock all over their faces.

"Ian!" gulat na bati ni Kurt na hindi ko pinansin.

"Bakit? Anong mayroon?" In a stern and menacing manner, I questioned.