look, I did it!! anyway, onto this whole thing.

so, have y'all ever been attracted to someone when you shouldn't, and hate that you are attracted to them?

here's the setup! I started my job around mid-September and I was still with my ex. this was when we were good and I loved him and I saw my future with him (spoiler alert: I don't see a future with him anymore lmao). but when we were together, I didn't have eyes for anybody else, like nobody was attractive to me because I only had eyes for my (then) boyfriend.

fast forward like three weeks, we're broken up. I took it kinda hard, but I joked about my break up a lot, and that's because that how I cope with things. I joke about it until I can genuinely be happy again. my co-worker (she's now like a good friend) suggested I flirt with another co-worker (he's technically one of the managers, but he's only a few months older than I am). i mean, yeah he's attractive. he's my type and everything, even my best friend thought he looked good until she started working with us. we called him eye candy 👀 like we really did.

but anyway, I don't want to date a co-worker, let alone someone who is one of my bosses 🤷🏻‍♀️

for a while, I would get really flustered when he was around and then the holidays came and things were chaotic at work. now that the holidays are over, things at work have calmed down a bit. we talk all time, and he helps me in my department if I need it.

he's a funny guy, and he makes me genuinely laugh. in the few months I've known him, I know that wants to run his own business, and that he likes rap. today, I learned something awesome.

today, he was telling me about a documentary he was watching. call me a nerd, but I love documentaries. I asked what it was about, and he was telling me it was about the NFL player who murdered like three people. y'all, I got so excited, because that's like right up my ally! I mean, it's what I'm going to school for, and I love crime tv.

we were talking about this for a good couple of minutes too. he told me how he did a couple of presentations and projects on a couple of these people, and I talked about mine that I did.

okay, this happened after I thought I had a handle on this whole "you're really attractive and def my type" thing (maybe it's a crush but idk). so yeah.

here's my first rant because I really needed this off my chest and I can't really tell anyone because everyone thinks that I have a crush on him and I just keep saying that I won't date a co-worker. so 😩