The next day was a generally better day. For everyone in the house… except for me. Everyone was rid of their nightmarish hangovers of yesterday, but I was still achingly confused.

You might ask something like this: Oh, what are you confused about, Libby?

Well, that is a very good question. I’m not confused about what happened, because I can still feel it down there and I know exactly what happened. I’m confused about my brain, it’s being a real bitch right now. My brain doesn’t know what it wants. Does it want to be single? Does it want Brendon? Jackson? Or maybe that hot Australian, Damon. I DON’T KNOW what it wants.

“That was like, the best birthday party ever.” Holly gushed that morning as we were all sitting around the table eating a breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and eggs thank you to Harris’s glorious cooking abilities.

“You don’t even remember most of it.” Elle said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, but I know that it was amazing.” Holly grinned, stuffing her face with pancakes.

I nibbled on my bacon in my chair, I made sure that I was as far as I could possibly be from where Jackson was sitting on the other side of the table. Brendon too, he was on the other side as well. I hadn’t spoken at all in the morning in fear of spilling my guts in front of everyone, I was a terrible liar. Of course, I planned on telling Holly that I’d hooked up with her brother, no matter how incredibly awkward that conversation will be, I have to do it. We’re best friends, we tell each other everything. I just didn’t want to break the news to her at the breakfast table in front of ten of my closest friends.

“We should definitely do this again.” Holly added.

“Did you not go through that whole process yesterday?” Jarrod asked my blonde friend incredulously.

She perkily rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah, but it was just a minor setback. Totally worth it.”

“You’re impossible.” Ryder laughed, standing up from the table as he joined the Clean Platers Club. “I’ll be in the game room.”

“I’ll come.” Isaac chirped, also standing from the table after giving Elle a short goodbye kiss.

“I’ll be in in a little bit.” Jackson called as the two boys sauntered down the hallway towards the game room.

“Boys are so stupid.” Andy huffed. “We’re in Australia, on the beach, and all you guys do is play video games.”

“That is not all we do.” Jackson argued, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, we do other stuff. Like, I’ve been to the pool.” Brendon defended.

“And the beach, I’ve been to the beach.” Kale added.

“See? It’s not all we do.” Tommy piped.

“You’re impossible.” Andy rolled her eyes.

When I finished my breakfast, I didn’t say anything or announce that I was leaving like Ryder and Isaac did, I just stood up and carried my plate to the sink. I was going to rinse it off but Harris insisted on doing that for me, and he was quite the stubborn one, so I thanked him and then quietly left the dining room. I walked down the hallway and into my room before laying down on my bed to try to listen to my brain so that it could tell me what to do.

I laid my head in my pillows and gazed up at the ceiling.

Mr. Brain, I thought to myself. I’ve known you for my whole life, and I’d like to think that we’re good friends. Great friends, really. And as a great friend, I expect you to act like one and help me out when I need it. So please, Mr. Brain, please tell me what to do and who to like because you’re sending me mixed signals and that’s not okay. We’ve been through so much together and I’d really appreciate it if you’d turn on again and start working properly. Thank you.

 I let out a long sigh. “What the hell is wrong with me?” I muttered when I realized that I’d just talked to my brain, which is really talking to myself. I mean, I wasn’t actually talking, I was only thinking, so I was thinking to myself and is that still weird? “Ugh,” I groaned, putting my hands on my cheeks in frustration. “Now, I’m just confusing myself.”

I laid in my bed doing nothing except for thinking to myself and making plea bargains to my brain before there was a soft knock on my door.

“Come in.” I called reluctantly. A knock that soft had to belong to Holly. And if Holly was knocking on my door that meant that I had to break the news to her and I had to do it now.

The door opened and I looked up to see that I was right, it was Holly and she was walking slowly into my room with a worried look on her face. Jeesh, why is everyone suddenly worried about me?

“Hey.” She chirped softly. “What’s up?”

I shrugged, laying back down and looking up at the ceiling. “Nothing, just laying here, staring at the ceiling.” I mumbled nonchalantly.

“Are you okay? You seemed pretty quiet at breakfast.” She asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. “And I didn’t see you at all yesterday.”

“Yeah.” I chirped, maybe a little bit too chirpy. “I-I’m fine. Just tired, I suppose.”

“Are you sure?” Holly asked skeptically, pulling her phone out of her pocket but she didn’t look at it, she kept her eyes on me, judging my facial expressions to try to dig into my unresponsive mind.

“Yep.” I insisted. “But there is something that I have to tell you…” I trailed off with a nagging feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I had no idea how she was going to react to this. Was she going to be mad? Or was she going to freak out in a good way and be all happy? I can see both sides, but no matter what, she’s going to be grossed out.

“Okay, shoot.” She chirped with a small, encouraging smile.

I took a deep breath. She’s my best friend, she’s not going to be mad at me… I don’t think. “Okay, well the thing is-“

Bing!

I was rudely interrupted by Holly’s text alert on her phone. I clamped my mouth shut and watched as Holly looked down at her phone to read the message. “Oops, sorry. Hold that thought, okay? Kale is waiting for me downstairs and we’re going out. I don’t know where, but he insisted. Anyway, we can talk when I get back, yeah?”

“This is kind of impor-“

“I’m sorry, Libby.” She interrupted me. “I should be back soon, okay?”

I forced a shaky smile. “Yeah, sure.”

She gave me a relieved smile and hurried out the door with one last goodbye. Since when did she care about her boyfriend over her best friend? I let out a loud sigh and plopped down on my bed. I guess we’re just growing up. Man, I don’t want to grow up. I think everything would just be perfect if I had the mindset of a ten year old, and the innocence and the immaturity. Life would be so much easier if I didn’t have to worry about boys and love. I mean, sometimes I do have the maturity of a ten year old, but that is definitely beside the point.

I let out a groan and laid back horizontally on my bed so that my head hung off the side of the bed and my legs were dangling off the other side. I wanted to tell somebody that I’d hooked up with Jackson, I don’t think that I could keep it all built up inside of me like this. I had to tell somebody.

I could just wait until Holly gets back, I but I think it’s clear that she doesn’t want to have to worry about me right now. She’s in Australia for the summer, she shouldn’t have to deal with my drama, she should be able to have fun with Kale and live out their long-lasting romance. So maybe I shouldn’t tell Holly… right away, that is. Maybe like in a little bit or when we get back from Australia. I think that’d be best.

But I could also tell Elle or Andy or maybe Taylor, but then that would be disastrous, because one of them could tell Holly and then Holly would be completely and utterly pissed at me because she heard from somebody else and not me directly. That’d be really bad.

And I would never tell any of the guys what happened, I mean that’d be like one of the most awkward conversations ever, talking to a guy about sex, I think. Especially like Ryder, who would probably just laugh at my distress and tell me “I told you so” or something, and then there’s Brendon, for obvious reasons I would never tell him something like this. Or Jarrod because, even though he’s not Brendon, he’d tell Brendon- it’s like a twin thing, they tell each other everything. Telling Isaac would be just plain weird because I wouldn’t consider us close friends. I mean, we’re friends, sure, but it’s be weird to confide in him, we aren’t that close. Besides, he’d probably tell Elle who would tell Holly and that brings us back to the disaster where I am fed to the snakaspideroos.

So this is one secret that is going to have to stay that way- a secret. I won’t tell anybody what happened with Jackson, I’ll just keep it buried inside of me. The deepest part of me. Even though I’m a terrible liar, I can at least try, right?

I don’t want to get in the way of everyone’s vacation, so keeping my mouth shut about my swirly, confused mind will just be the best for everyone. I’m sure of it.

_______________________________________

CONTEST!

Okay, so as you know, Andy is getting married at the end of the summer and I need a weeding planner because I'm failing at finding cute dresses. SO if you send me a wedding dress or a link or something (my contact info will be listed below) and I use the dress/website that you send me, I'll give you a dedication (:

Rules: It just has to be either a wedding dress or a bridesmaid dress. Something you think Andy would wear. Or a link to a bridal store or something for ideas would be nice too. And if you want the dedication, make sure you include your Wattpad name if you dont' send it through Wattpad. 

Here's how to send me something:

Submit it or put it in my ask on Tumblr. My Tumblr is Writerbug44.Tumblr.com

You can email me [email protected]

Post it on my website. Writerbug44.weebly.com

Inbox me or IM me on here or my other profile, WriterbugSecrets

Thank you so much for reading this and any help is greatly appreciated! <3

And a special thank you to be_lievein_you for the cover to the side! :P