Don’t panic, Libby. Breathe in and breathe out and just don’t panic. This is a no panic zone. No panicking and/or hyperventilating allowed.

I tried to tell myself this as I paced back and forth in my room. I’d taken a few Aspirin and without the dull headache and bubbling stomach on my mind, my thoughts were now much more clear than they were half an hour ago, and I was absolutely freaking my freak out and it was not cool.

Before this week, I’d never even considered looking at Jackson as anything other than my best friend’s older brother. I mean, sure we could be considered close, I think you could even call us friends. But this? This was way off the radar for me. This was completely new territory that I never planned on venturing to. Jackson was the kid who I’d grown up with, he was like the brother that I never had, and just that- a brother. Well, more like a hot step-brother, but that’s beside the point. I’ve always thought that he was hot, like I’ve mentioned previously, but my attraction for him was only physical. I had no problem admitting that he was hot- most of America agreed with me on the matter. But that’s as far as it ever went with him. I’d never had a crush, like a mental I-think-you’re-a-great-person-and-I’m-in-love-with-you crush . Sure, he is a great guy, but I’d never even ever considered the possibility of ever looking at him like that. It’s never crossed my mind.

That is, until a few days ago at the pool.

But that’s like so weird to me. What would Holly think? Would she freak out and be mad or would she be excited and happy? I have no idea. Sometimes, we’d talk about me dating Jackson, but we’d only laugh about it, knowing that it was never a possibility. We never actually thought that it would happen, so I have no idea what she would do if I told her about what had happened last night.

This was all so new to me. I had no idea what I was feeling or what I should do. What do people do in these situations? I had no idea. Did I look like I knew about what happened when you unexpectedly sleep with your best friend’s brother who just so happens to be a international sex god? No! There is no ‘What To Do When You Get Drunk And Have The Roughest Sex Ever With A Major Celebrity’ for Dummies book. Nor was there a movie or a anything. Maybe that was because nobody else was stupid enough to actually mess up this badly.

Did I like Jackson?

Did I want more than friends?

Maybe just friends with benefits?

What about Holly?

Am I going mentally insane?

How do I get the pain in my no-no square to go away, for the love of God?!

I don’t know how, and I don’t remember when, but somehow, I was dragged into the living room, where most of the people living in this mansion-castle were moping around with lovely hangovers. Jackson wasn’t there, I noticed.

“So where’d you go last night?” Holly asked me curiously. “You kinda disappeared.”

I shrugged. “I guess I just passed out. I’m a light weight.” I mumbled. I planned on telling Holly the truth, but not in front of everybody right here. No, I definitely wouldn’t do that. When we’re in private and not trying to desperately claw ourselves out of some gruesome hangovers.

“Yeah.” She chuckled softly and then winced at the pain that must have surged through her head. “You are.”

Harris brought out a huge plate of plain toast and we all groaned our thank yous as we all devoured the toast. “I’ll go to the shop and get some Ginger Ale.” He announced.

I would have thanked him, but he was quickly out of sight, probably half way to the store by now because the man moves as quick as lightning, I swear.

“Hey, you disappeared last night, too.” Holly said to somebody over my shoulder. I turned around to see Jackson standing in the door way of the living room with his arms crossed.

“No, I was there.” He denied. “You must not remember or something, Holly. You were wasted.”

“Oh.” She frowned.

“Anyway, I need to borrow Libby for a little bit, I need your help with something.” He told me.

“What is it?” I asked with a confused frown.

He gave me a you’re-stupid-just-play-along kind of look before responding. “Come on, I’ll show you.” He explained.

I sighed and stood up from the couch where I was sitting beside Holly. “Okay then.” I walked towards him with a limp in my right ankle, since Andy had noticed me walking funny due to the annoying dull pain between my legs, I had lied and told them that I hurt my ankle last night tripping over my bed post.

When we were far enough down the hallway, Jackson pulled me into an empty room- it was a cute little library-looking room.

“What’s up?” I asked in a choked voice.

“How… are you?” He asked awkwardly, running his hand through his hair and looking like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was standing before me.

“Physically or mentally?” I asked.

“Um, let’s go with mental state for now.” He muttered.

“I’m freaking out.” I said quickly. “Like my brain is in complete overdrive panic mode and it’s really freaking me out…. So, what are we going to do?”

He looked at me incredulously. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because!” I hissed. “You are always the voice of reason, you know, the go-to guy.”

“Well, I don’t think that applies to this situation, Libby.” He snapped.

I could feel tears start to bubble behind my eyelids- this was so bad. How could this vacation take such a nightmarish turn of events? I didn’t like it, not one bit.

“Oh, Gosh.” I muttered, sitting down on the burgundy couch that was in the center of the room. Now, my panic was really starting to show. “What’s going to happen to me? Holly is going to freak and then she’s probably going to throw me in best friend jail where all of the bad best friends rot and get eaten by the evil snakaspideroos of Victoria. This is so, so bad.”

“Libby,-“

“Oh man, I’m too innocent to be snakaspideroo food!”

“Libby,-“

“Those things are evil and they start with your toes! I love my toes, I don’t want them to be eaten.”

“Libby!” Jackson said loudly.

“What?!” I shrieked even louder. “I feel like I’m fucking painting flowers with the queen right now. This isn’t happening, I mean, it can’t be. Oh my gosh, I don’t know what’s happening anymore.” I whimpered, feeling an overwhelmed tear fall down my face. That was it, I was finally about to cry. After about two hours of pent up panic, the waterworks were about to burst.

“Libby, just calm down.” Jackson said soothingly, sitting beside me on the couch.

I shook my head and felt my chin crinkle with stifled sobs. “I can’t. Nothing is making sense anymore and I’m freaking out in case you haven’t noticed.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a sound out, I interrupted. “Please,” I said quickly. “You can say what you want, but please don’t call it a mistake. I know it probably was and you probably regret it, but please just don’t call it a mistake. I can’t handle that, not right now.”

“A mistake?” He asked in confusion. “Why would I say that?”

I shrugged.

“Do you think it was a mistake?”

I shrugged.

“Well, I don’t. Yeah, it might be weird at first, but I think we’ll get used to it.” He told me.

“Get used to what?” I asked with a confused frown.

“What happened.” He mumbled. “But I don’t know what to do here, Libby.”

“I don’t know anything right now.” I whimpered softly.

He put a hand on my back and soothingly rubbed his hand on my back. “I know.” He mumbled.

“I mean, should I tell Holly? Do you think she’d be upset?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not going to tell her, it’s none of her business.”

“But she’s my best friend, we tell each other everything.” I argued.

“I’m not telling her, but it’s your decision if you want to or not.” He told me.

“I don’t know.” I mumbled. “Gosh, I feel so fucking stupid.”

“I-“ He tried to calm me down, but then he closed his mouth again before opening it to speak once more. “I don’t know what to say to get you to stop crying.” He finally admitted. “But I don’t like seeing you so sad.”

I didn’t respond, I just looked down at the ground and let the tears flow shamefully down my face as I cried against all of my will power.

“Woah.” I heard a voice mumble. I looked up to see Brendon stepping into the doorway, it looked like he was only passing the room, but the door was open so he saw me crying. “What happened in here?”

“Oh, yeah, can you like… help her? That’d be great. I’m obviously not much help.” Jackson muttered awkwardly, standing up from beside me on the couch. Brendon looked at me with curious concern as he walked closer to me.

“What happened?” He repeated.

I looked to Jackson, waiting for him to say something. Anything. “I have no idea.” He finally lied. “Must be her hangover or something. Chicks, man. They’re weird creatures.” And with that, he was out the door after giving me one last weird look.

Brendon came over to me and sat beside me where Jackson was just sitting and wrapped me in his arms, only making me cry so much harder. “Hey, Lib.” He  whispered soothingly. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.” I whimpered. But that wasn’t entirely a lie. I didn’t really know exactly why I was crying, I think I was just so overwhelmed with the way I found myself feeling. I didn’t want to feel the things I was feeling. I didn’t want to want to know what it felt like to kiss Jackson. I didn’t want to think about being in his arms like I do. I don’t want to get lost in his blue eyes, yet I have countless times. I don’t want these feelings that I’ve been feeling, and it was freaking me out to no end. I didn’t belong with Jackson, I know it. I’m not supposed to think of Jackson this way, we’re just close friends at the most.

Brendon pulled me close to his side until I hiccupped for the last time. I sat back up on my own and wiped my eyes dry before standing up from the couch. “Thank you.” I nearly croaked in a raspy voice.

“Do I get to know what that was all about?” Brendon asked curiously, standing up with me with a concerned frown etched into his pretty face. Why couldn’t I still love Brendon like I used to? Why couldn’t I think of him the way I’m beginning to think of Jackson? Why couldn’t life be easy just sometimes?

“I, um, I’d rather not say.” I muttered. As I spoke, I felt a dry pain in my throat and I suddenly ached for some hot tea, that’d feel really good for my throat right now.

“Okay, but you know that I’m here if you want to talk, right?” He asked softly beside me with a warm smile on his face.

I wish I loved him like I used to. I wish he loved me like he used to. And then we’d be a happy couple, even if it was just for the summer, we’d still be happy and it’d be un-dramatic and amazing. But, of course, he doesn’t love me like he did two years ago, and I don’t love him like I did. And that’s life, but it just sucks.

I mumbled one last thank you to Brendon for helping me mop up my pathetically confused tears before hurrying out of the room and moving towards the kitchen. I had to walk through the living room of lumpy hungover people as they slumped on the couch with their toast, groaning and mumbling, others were passed out again. I swear, it was like a kegger in the morning, only there weren’t as many people here.

I involuntarily searched for Jackson, but he wasn’t there which wasn’t surprising. I made my way into the kitchen and Harris was there, cleaning up the counter- although I’m not sure why because last time I checked, toast wasn’t all that messy.

“What can I get you, Miss. Cross?” Harris asked quietly. How did he even know my name?

He’s obviously dealt with a hungover crowd before, with the way he was talking so quietly and the toast and everything. “Oh, nothing, thank you. I’m just going to make some tea.” I mumbled.

Harris smiled at me. “I’m on it.”

“Really, you don’t have to.” I told him. “I can make my own.” I mean, really, it was just tea.

He continued to smile at me, but it wasn’t creepy- it was a warm, welcoming smile. “It’s my job, Miss. Cross. We have many types of tea, which one would you like?”

“Oh, um… the normal kind?” I asked. I wasn’t expecting some type of fancy tea tasting, I just wanted to help my throat feel better because it felt like it was on fire due to the sobbing I’d just went through. I sat down at the large table, giving into Harris’s offer to make the tea for me, I really was exhausted.

I watched as he went into a cupboard and pulled out a large wooden box which he opened on the counter. It was a huge suitcase-like thing full of different types of tea- that’s ridiculous. Really, who needs so many kinds of tea?! Isn’t just one flavor enough?

“Tea should be ready soon.” Harris informed me as he put the kettle on the stove. He could have just microwaved the water, it’s much faster and a lot less fancy. That’s what I do at home, I just put a glass of water in the microwave to heat it up, I don’t actually use a kettle. I don’t even understand the things, honestly.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, laying my head on the table tiredly. Time went by fast and shortly, the kettle was screeching a high pitched sound and I hoped that it wasn’t bothering the hungover party in the living room. Harris dipped the tea bag in a cup after he’d poured the hot water and handed it to me with the string of the bag hanging over the side.

“There you are, Miss. Cross.” Harris said warmly.

“You can, uh, call me Libby.” I told him, swirling the tea bag around the mug.

“Sorry, ma’am.” Harris said with a soft laugh. “I don’t think that’s a breakable habit.”

I sighed heavily and stood to my feet with the hot cup of tea in my hand. “Well, thanks for the tea, Harris.”

“Anytime, Miss. Cross.” He chirped as I left the kitchen and back towards where everyone else was to face my new found problems. Super.

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Thank you to angelic_266 for the cover to the side!!

And I'm adding Sunday to the updating schedule becasue I want to finish this before the end of school at the end of May (: