so much more was said in the unsaid

It was silent at first. JJ felt awkward, unsure of what to do. Usually, he was very bold in his choices and didn't have to give a second thought. With Noelle, it felt different.

He didn't feel cool around her, despite how kind and soft she was. He didn't feel like he even deserved to be in her presence, despite how humble she was. She wasn't like the regular Kook from what he could tell, which is why he was confused by how he felt. He wasn't the type to just 'give the benefit of the doubt'. He wasn't the type to just trust someone immediately or second guess his thoughts around him. That wasn't JJ.

Noelle turned the hot tub on, removing the cover from the top. It immediately began to bubble from the jets, and JJ looked at it in awe for a moment.

He looked into the top, noticing how crystal clear the water looked. The hot tub was either extremely new or very well-kept, which made sense since Noelle's parents had the money to do either of those things.

"It should be warm now," Noelle finally spoke up after a few more moments of silence. JJ nodded, backing away from the water.

"Should we get in-" His words were cut short as he turned toward Noelle, surprised to see she wasn't wearing the same clothes as she was before.

She was in an all-black bikini. JJ found himself staring at her, taking in the sight of her without any guilt. He watched as she pulled her hair back and put it into a high ponytail, leaving it off of her shoulders. He was quick to notice a dark circular-shaped birthmark toward the back of her neck, much more noticeable as the sunlight hit her pale skin.

It was odd how pale Noelle was, considering where they lived. Due to so many people spending so much time in the sun, their skin tanned easily. But with Noelle, it was as if she never spent a day outside. Despite the free time a Kook usually got along with the benefits of being a Kook, one would think it'd be used to their advantage.

That thought alone just made JJ wonder how much time she even spent outside.

He couldn't stop staring. He looked crazy and he knew this, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He just found her beauty so mesmerizing. She was enchanting, as if she were a real-life Princess straight out of a storybook.

Noelle reached into the hot tub, feeling the water with her hand. She lightly smiled before climbing in, goosebumps forming on her arms at the feeling of the water hitting her skin. "JJ, are you coming?"

JJ's eyes finally tore away from her body, and for a moment he felt bad. He couldn't stop staring at her - and if Noelle noticed the way he looked at her she didn't say anything. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her feel like he was objectifying her, and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

"Uh, yeah." He mumbled out, messing with the bottom of his shirt. "Be stupid not to." He then muttered the last part to himself as his cheeks burned red.

As he glanced back up, he noticed Noelle wasn't even paying attention to him. Part of him was relieved, as he could get unclothed without the idea that she was studying him the way he had her. However, the other part of him yearned for her to look at him. He wanted her to study him the way he had her and he wanted her attention.

JJ watched Noelle as he took off his shirt. She seemed lost in thought, almost as if she'd forgotten she had company. He continued to look at her with furrowed brows as he then took off his socks and shoes, unbuttoning his shorts last.

"Something on your mind?" He asked. All of his previous thoughts of being anxious around her were gone. He was no longer worried about the minor worries he had in his head, his thoughts focused on the girl in the hot tub.

Noelle looked at his face, her lips pressing together as she thought about her response. She didn't break their stare even as he moved forward, climbing into the hot tub. She didn't check him out, and he didn't mind.

Little did JJ know, Noelle wanted to look. She had the urge to tear her eyes away from his and look at his body, at the prominent collar bones and the chiseled chest of his. She wanted to, but she didn't. It wasn't like Noelle to even look in the direction of a man in that way, and she'd only recently met JJ - she wasn't going to ruin this possible friendship.

"I don't know," Noelle said. She did know. She had a lot on her mind, despite not saying anything.

Her mind was still reeling after figuring out she'd play the main part in Swan Lake, not to mention the way that both Mary Ann and Dahlia had treated her. Mary Ann, she didn't care as much, simply because they weren't friends. It was normal for Kooks and Pogues to dislike each other, so it didn't bother her much because even if she wasn't personally mean to Pogues and didn't have any issues with them - it didn't mean they didn't have issues with her. 

She knew with the way her family was treated that she was going to be on some of the Pogues shitlist, and she hadn't ever been too bothered to care. She was too sheltered in her vacant home with the little friends she had, that she couldn't be bothered whether or not some Pogues on the other side of Kildare cared.

"We can talk about it," JJ said, breaking her out of her thoughts. She'd almost forgotten that the boy was there, simply because instead of responding right away he just looked at her.

"I don't know," Noelle said again.

"We don't have to, either." JJ's lips moved into a thin line. He raised his eyebrows as he shook his head, showing he wasn't worried. "Whatever you're comfortable with." He played with some of the jets. "Just thought I'd offer."

"Right," Noelle mumbled. "I'm not sure it's something you'd care to listen to."

"Why do you say that?" JJ asked, his attention moving from the jets to the girl across from him. 

"Because people don't usually tend to care," Noelle shrugged. It was a simple response, one that held a lot of truth.

"I mean, you're a Kook." JJ couldn't help but respond, "Don't you have like- loads of friends or whatever. Lots of family."

"Not lots," Noelle softly responded.

JJ looked at her, realizing the weight his words held. He didn't intend to offend her, and although he felt different around her it also didn't change the way he felt about Kooks in general.

"I'm sorry," JJ gently told her.

"I get it," She mumbled. "You're right. Usually, the typical Kook has it all."

"But you're not typical," JJ whispered in return.

"I'm just not the same person as a lot of them, you know?" She asked sadly. "I have a few friends who I feel comfortable with opening up to, but I don't feel like they'll understand the way I think. The way I think is different than all of them."

"I get that," JJ admitted with a nod. He moved his hands around under the water, his mind thinking of his own life. "Well, even if I can't understand I'm still willing to listen. Or if you don't want to talk at all and you'd like to just sit in silence, that's fine too. I'm a bit of a talker, though, so I might end up talking a lot."

Noelle smiled softly at this, causing JJ to smile in return. He was happy to at least make her smile since he didn't know what was bothering her.

"Okay," She finally said.

JJ wasn't sure if she said okay to talking about it or just sitting in silence, and so he stayed silent. He sat cross-legged and rested his hands on the top of his knees, unsure of what to do.

Noelle just stared down at her into the water. JJ found himself staring at her again, something he's done every time he's been around her.

"I got the part," Noelle suddenly said, catching the blond boy off guard.

He blinked a few times before focusing on her face, looking for an emotion. "What?" He asked softly, his brows pushing together in confusion.

"We are doing a production of Swan Lake, and the Kooks and Pogues are blending together to do it since it's such a big production and I somehow managed to get the duo part of Odette and Odile." Noelle gushed out, avoiding any eye contact with the boy sitting across from her.

"Is-" JJ stopped for a second. He glanced to the side before back at her, "That's good, right?"

"It's supposed to be," She mumbled. "But everyone's so angry."

"Why?" JJ asked, "I mean, you're an amazing dancer and if you auditioned the same as them then you definitely deserve the part."

Noelle finally looked up at JJ. Her brows bunched together as she looked at him, confused as to how he'd know she could even dance. Deciding she was overthinking it, she just responded to the last part. "We didn't have auditions. They just chose who they wanted to be each character."

"That just shows even more that you deserve it," JJ responded. "Who's being mean to you?"

Noelle shook her head, looking down at the water again. "Just a couple of Pogues and Kooks."

"I can't really do much about the Kooks, but if you tell me their names I can do something about the Pogues being rude," JJ offered.

"No," Noelle immediately declined. "You don't need to do anything. I don't really care."

"You do if you're not even happy you got the part," JJ softly said.

"I mean, I do, yes. But I don't at the same time. People are going to be mad no matter what, but what hurts I think is because one of my best friends thinks I just-" She stopped, taking in a deep breath. "She thinks I just take everything I want, and I can't help but feel selfish for actually accepting the role."

"Getting a role fair and square isn't selfish. I can bet a million bucks it was a Kook that said that, too." JJ crossed his arms over his chest.

"It was," Noelle said.

"I know you're a Kook so please don't take offense, but most Kooks take what they want and try to manipulate people into giving them what they can't have." JJ said, "You got the part fair and square. This means you deserve it and you should be happy."

"But I can't embody the characters," Noelle looked up. "I can't embody even one. How am I supposed to do both?"

JJ looked at her, unsure of how to answer. He wasn't used to talking so deeply with people, so it was a little insane that one of his first genuine conversations with Noelle was one this deep. But he didn't want to blow it, so he just let out a deep breath. "I think that if you are genuinely happy that you got the part, then fuck what those other people are saying. They clearly don't know what they're talking about and want to bring you down so you'll back out of it."

Noelle half-smiled, appreciating his effort to make her feel better. "I guess so."

"I've seen you dance," JJ finally admitted. It felt foreign to blurt out such a secret, one he hadn't even told his closest friends. "I saw you one day when I was passing by. Outside the studio. It was amazing and it was just a simple practice. I don't know the characters - quite frankly I've never cared for Swan Lake - but I know if anyone would be able to embody the characters it would be you."

Noelle's face turned red, and she looked down again. "Thanks," She awkwardly said, unsure of how to respond.

Before JJ could respond, the sound of a phone ringing caught their attention. "Just one moment," Noelle mumbled before turning to get out of the hot tub.

JJ nodded before looking up at her, wanting to bask in the sight of her some more. Maybe he was just your typical hormonal teenage boy, he wasn't sure, but he just wanted to stare at her as much as he could. For all he knew, this was going to be the closest he'd ever get with her - she might never want to speak to him again after this.

His eyes trailed over her body, stopping right where the exposed skin of her hip met the top of her bikini bottom. A dark mark caught his attention, but he didn't say anything. Instead, JJ's brows pushed together in thought as he scooted closer to the edge of the hot tub, hoping to get a better view of her skin.

"Hello?" Noelle asked into the phone. "Yes, I'm at home. Sorry, I was in the hot tub. Yes, I'm finally using it-"

She continued to talk to whoever was on the other end, turning further away from JJ. He frowned, resting his arms on the side before propping his chin on the middle of his arm.

"I can just find something to eat here, it's fine," Noelle mumbled. Her tone turned sad, but JJ could only get a side-view of her. "No, Mom, it's okay. There are leftovers and a few other things I can probably get together."

She suddenly turned to walk toward the back door, giving JJ a full view of her right side. His eyes widened at the scar that rested right above her bikini line. It was a blotchy red color, angling a little higher toward the back and a little lower toward the front. It was obvious that whatever had happened had caused her to need stitches, with slight scars from those as well.

"I promise I'll be fine, I'll keep the doors locked and just- just do what I normally do. Or I'll just see if I can stay the night with Sarah or something." Noelle then said, catching the blond boy's attention. He looked up at her head again, seeing she was facing away from him now.

He could still see her through the back screen door, her reflection giving her away. She had red eyes and wiped underneath them before pinching her lips together with her fingers as if she were attempting to stop herself from crying.

"Yeah. Um, yeah I got the- I got the lead." She then mumbled. "Do you think-" Her voice got lower, preventing JJ from hearing the full statement.  

"Right. Yeah, okay." She then said, "Okay. See you tomorrow. Bye. Love you."

Just before Noelle could turn and see JJ staring at her, he pulled himself back to his previous spot. He played with the water and kept his eyes away from the dark-haired girl despite the urge to look at her. 

"Sorry," She apologized, walking back over to the hot tub. "It was my mom."

"What'd she say?" JJ asked.

"Just told me that neither she nor my dad will be home tonight," She mumbled, getting back into the water.

JJ took another glance at the scar, looking at it a little more close up. It looked pretty gnarly, but at the same time was already completely healed.

Whatever had happened to Noelle happened to her a long time ago.

"Is- is that safe?" JJ hesitantly asked, looking at her.

"I'm used to it," Noelle mumbled. "I mean they're doing what they need to so they can take care of me, which is all that matters."

"But being here alone doesn't bother you?" JJ then questioned.

"Does it matter if it does? There's nothing I can really do." She shrugged.

"So you're going somewhere for tonight?" JJ then asked. 

"Maybe," She said. "I haven't decided."

JJ nodded, sitting in silence for a moment. He wanted to ask her about her scar but felt it'd be far too touchy of a subject to ask. He thought about his options before smiling, looking up at the girl. "Are you hungry?"

"A little," She said. "Why?"

"Why don't we go get something? Or I can run and grab something and bring it back here and- and maybe we can hang out a little more. Unless you don't want to, then I can just get out of her-"

"Sure," Noelle quickly cut JJ off. She didn't even seem to think about the question, especially since she didn't let JJ finish. "I-I mean sure, I'd like that."

"Okay, yeah." JJ smiled, his cheeks burning slightly. "Yeah."

Noelle smiled at him, a small laugh escaping past her lips. "Are you ready to get out then, I take it?"

"Uh, yeah sure." JJ nodded, beginning to stand up. "I need to dry off anyway since I don't have anything to change into."

"Well, why don't we stop by yours on the way to get food?" Noelle asked as she followed JJ out of the hot tub.

"No." JJ quickly said, turning to look back at her. He watched as she looked at him with a confused expression, her cheeks turning a dark pink.

"I-I'm sorry," She mumbled. "I just- I'm sorry."

JJ, realizing how harsh he might've come across, shook his head. Without thinking, he put his hand on her upper arm. "No, no, it's not you." He breathed out.

He had the urge to be honest with Noelle, but part of him scolded himself for it. It was bad to be that vulnerable with anyone, especially a 'Kook'. But then he looked at her and the way she looked at him, and remembered she'd just opened up to him about something that had bothered her.

JJ sighed, "It's hard to want to bring people around to my house. My dad's not... the friendliest." He explained.

Noelle felt his grip on her tighten slightly, but it wasn't enough to hurt her. She just looked at his hand, noticing it was his way of keeping himself grounded and calm while admitting something so deep.

She could tell he wasn't the type of person to just openly admit something - especially something that has to do with feelings. She hadn't known JJ for long, and Noelle hadn't always been the best at reading people - but this was something she had caught onto very quickly.

JJ was an open book but at the same time hard to read. He was open about a lot, yet a lot of things he continued to keep hidden from other people. They were similar in that way, and so she understood what he was talking about even if they weren't exactly the same or in the same situation.

"I know what you mean," Noelle softly told him. She rested her hand on his, the move causing his eyes to snap to where her hand sat over his. He then looked at her, seeing no sort of mock or judgment on her face. It was complete sympathy and not the kind most people loathed. It showed she related to him, even if it wasn't the same situation. "You don't have to talk about it." She then added.

JJ nodded, accepting this. He'd already admitted a lot - a lot more than he'd even admit to his friends. This was enough vulnerability for the day, and he was grateful that Noelle understood.

"Let's go get some food then, yeah?"

++

Hope you enjoyed!