he is exactly the poem i wanted to write

Noelle hadn't spent much time outside. She spent most days alone in her house when she wasn't in class - whether it be ballet or school. Since it was summer, this meant even more time confined to her giant cream-colored house.

She nervously walked down the road. Her parents had some important work meeting - or maybe it wasn't a meeting, she wasn't sure - and it had been too late to contact Sarah for a ride. So she opted to just walk to practice, as she needed the steps anyway.

Noelle didn't usually walk alone. Her parents were completely against it in fear of something happening to her, which was understandable considering what they'd been through as a family. But she couldn't miss today's practice.

This was the day they'd find out who would play what characters in Swan Lake. Last practice consisted of basically an audition for Taylor and the other leaders to figure out who would play who, and today was the day that everyone else would find out.

Noelle gripped the strap to her duffel bag tightly. She was extremely nervous, and she didn't know why. Her heart just stammered in her chest the more she thought about it, and she couldn't figure out the reason behind it.

The sound of a bike approaching was heard, and she glanced behind her to see a red and blue one heading in her direction. It was only when it had slowed down next to her that she bothered to look up at who drove it.

There, sitting on top of the dirt bike was the boy she'd just met the other day - JJ. His blond hair was messy underneath the hat he wore on top of his head, his eyes looking her over as he sat his feet firmly on the ground.

"Noa?" He asked.

Noelle looked from his feet to his eyes. He'd only called her the nickname once, but even then it still felt foreign to her. She'd never been called Noa before, not even by anyone close to her. It was always Noelle or Elle, even rarely sometimes Ellie. Nothing similar to the name JJ managed to come up within the first five minutes of them meeting, and no other nickname had managed to give her butterflies.

She didn't understand why the name made her heart flutter, but it did. She felt her cheeks heat up at the simple name, and she bit the inside of her lip to prevent herself from smiling like an idiot.

"Hi, JJ." She finally responded.

"Where are you heading to?" He asked, glancing at her bag.

She looked at it as well before back at him, her grip on the strap loosening slightly. "Um, practice."

Noelle wasn't good at talking to people, especially boys. The only boy she'd ever felt comfortable talking to was Corey McAlpine, who happened to be one of her best friends. He'd been one of her first friends when she arrived in Kildare, and she was more than grateful for him.

"Oh, nice." He responded, "Practice for what?"

JJ knew what practice she was headed to. He only knew because he'd seen her outside of the studio what felt like ages ago. But he didn't want her to know that he knew, so he asked anyway to keep the conversation going.

"Dance- ballet, specifically." Noelle awkwardly spoke. She didn't know why she felt so awkward around new people. She wasn't outgoing and she wasn't the type to always have something to talk about, both traits that Dahlia and Sarah both seemed to have.

"Cool," JJ responded. It seemed he felt just as awkward as her, although little did she know that this was completely out of character for JJ Maybank. He usually was the outgoing and talkative type, cracking a joke what seemed every ten seconds.

But with Noelle, he couldn't seem to find his words. She made him nervous - although he'd never admit it - and he was too afraid to say the wrong thing and make her think he was weird.

"I better get going, it's a bit of a walk." Noelle finally excused herself, pushing some loose hair behind her ear.

JJ watched the action, thinking back to the day he first saw her. He knew exactly where she was going, he even bothered to remember the street names. "Do-" He stopped, glancing around to see if anyone was around. "Do you need a ride?"

Noelle's eyes widened, not having expected the offer. "What?" She couldn't help but ask, her dark brows pushing together.

"I mean, you said it-it's a bit of a walk right?" JJ messed with his ear, "I know this isn't some fancy car or anything but I can get you there much quicker."

Noelle glanced from the dirt bike to JJ, searching his face. She figured he was only asking to be nice, but by the look on his face - he seemed genuine. She then looked at the time, seeing she'd be more than late if she were to continue walking.

She finally let out a deep breath, nodding. "Yeah, sure."

"Really?" JJ asked. His tone was excited - probably too excited. He realized this and cleared his throat, looking ahead. "Well, hop on."

Noelle nodded, anxious. Any nervous thoughts about the show had fled her mind as her head was now consumed with the boy on the dirt bike. She'd never been on a bike before unless you count a normal bicycle, and so she felt embarrassed as she struggled to climb on behind him.

JJ smiled but didn't say anything. He turned and watched as she threw her leg over the back of the bike, scooting on completely. She sat the bag between her stomach and his back, making sure to keep the strap on over her shoulders.

"Um, JJ?" She softly asked, catching his attention.

"What's up?" He turned his cheek toward her.

"What do I hold onto?" She asked, "You know, so I don't fall off."

JJ couldn't help but chuckle, causing her cheeks to turn redder than they already were. "Here," He said.

Noelle had barely comprehended what JJ was doing before she felt his hands grab hers. He pulled them to his waist and sat them down gently, the soft touches more than enough to cause butterflies to erupt through her stomach.

Despite the duffel bag being between them, Noelle could feel JJ's body heat. She blushed and felt grateful that he couldn't see her face.

JJ made sure Noelle's feet were placed properly before getting ready to drive off. Before he could, though, Noelle spoke up again.

"Um, JJ?"

JJ didn't say anything, and instead just turned to look at her again. She hesitated before speaking, clearing her throat.

"I, um, I've never been on one of these before." She admitted.

JJ could feel her fingertips shaking due to nerves. He sent her a reassuring smile, "It'll be okay. If you need to stop just let me know and I'll pull over."

"What if I fall off?" She asked.

He laughed, shaking his head. "You won't. But if you're worried you will, just hold onto me tighter."

"But what if I bring you with me?" She then asked.

"Then we'll fall together." He shrugged, smiling at her.

Noelle didn't say anything in response. JJ took this as his cue and kicked his foot up, driving away from where he'd stopped next to her.

To stop herself from freaking out, she just held onto his waist lightly. She felt stiff and she knew this, but her hold on JJ was enough to stop her from thinking she would fall off. He warned her before every curve or turn so she knew they weren't falling over, and she was thankful.

Noelle found herself thinking about how crazy this was. She'd met this boy only one time before - the time she ran into him at the store. She hadn't even seen him around town, which wasn't surprising since she knew that he was a Pogue and she was a Kook.

She hadn't even warmed up to Rafe or Topper yet after being around them so often thanks to Sarah, it was a wonder how she'd managed to warm up to JJ so fast that she was willing to try something she'd never tried before all because she needed a ride.

Noelle from even two months ago would have never done this.

Her thoughts about it were put to a halt, however, as JJ pulled up to the studio. She wasted no time in climbing off of the back of the bike, trying her best to ignore the funny vibration feeling in her feet. "Thank you," She told him, holding her bag close to her chest. "I will no longer be late because of you, so thanks."

He smiled at her, leaning back lightly. "Don't mention it."

It was awkward. Had this been any other male - save for Corey - Noelle would've excused herself already after her awkward thanks. She would've found any and every reason to walk away, leaving JJ in the dust. But she didn't, and she didn't know why she felt the urge to stay.

"Are you-" He stopped, rubbing the back of his neck. "Were you going to be walking home as well?"

Noelle glanced back at the doors to the studio, debating her options. Technically, she had no ride home. She had already told her parents that she'd get a ride from Sarah but had yet to ask.

Truthfully, as much as she adored Sarah, she didn't feel like dealing with Topper and Rafe again. She'd dealt with them quite a bit over even just the last week, and so she had already been thinking of walking home instead.

"Not tryin' to be weird or anything," JJ said after Noelle didn't respond. "Just figured if you're walking the distance, I could maybe offer up another ride."

Noelle looked forward again. JJ avoided eye contact, tapping his fingers against the handlebars nervously. She thought about it some more, weighing the pros and cons.

She'd already ridden with JJ once. She'd already tried something new and the worst that could happen was Dahlia could see her get on the bike with him. But Dahlia was the last thing on Noelle's mind, and so she smiled at the blond boy.

"I'd like that," She said.

JJ smiled this time, nodding at her. "What time do these things usually end?"

"Um-" Noelle stopped. "I think around eight if I remember correctly."

"I'll be here at seven-thirty." He pulled his feet up, indicating he was leaving.

JJ smiled at Noelle once more before driving off. He drove much faster and a lot more recklessly than he did when Noelle was on the back of his bike - at least that's what it seemed like.

Noelle found herself smiling as she walked inside the studio. She was one of the last people to arrive - which was rare. Since she usually had so much time on her hands, she was often early and sometimes even stayed later than the usual group that showed up.

"Where've you been?" Dahlia asked as she approached her and Sarah. "You're usually first here."

Sarah looked at Noelle as well, showing she was just as curious. Noelle shrugged, sitting down.

"Had to catch a ride last minute," Was all she responded with.

"Who'd you get a ride with?" Sarah softly asked.

Before Noelle could respond, Taylor walked into the room. Everyone grew silent as Taylor and Kaycie - the Pogue dance teacher - walked to the center of the room. 

They held packets in each hand, and from what Noelle could see - it was the official cast list. She drew in a deep breath as they spoke softly to each other, so soft that nobody could hear nor understand what was being said. 

It felt like an eternity of everyone waiting in silence. It was the quietest it had been between the two dance classes as they were all anticipating on finding out who would be playing who, any bad blood or gossip between the Kooks and the Pogues long forgotten about.

"Okay guys," Kaycie started. "We know you've all been very excited to learn who would be playing which characters in our production of Swan Lake-"

"And we finally have our characters!" Taylor squealed with excitement. She waved the pages in her hands around her face, a big smile on her face as she looked around. "We spent long and hard deliberating and after a long conversation-"

"We've chosen the best cast list! Everyone will be involved so just remember that if you didn't get the 'biggest' part in the show, it doesn't mean you're not important!" Kaycie finished for Taylor.

Murmurs throughout the room immediately started, everyone being eager to find out the cast. It had been a long wait with lots of hard work - even before the two classes merged. People were finally wanting to see if their hard work paid off, which made sense.

"Now. We didn't want anyone knowing who would be playing who until the end of class, as we know others may not be..." Taylor paused, struggling to find her words.

"We know that everyone has tried their very best to get the parts they wanted. But, unfortunately, we can't cast everyone in the same parts." Kaycie then set it out straight, "We knew with it being such fresh news that everyone might not want to give it their hardest today and we just simply can't have that."

Murmurs continued. Noelle watched as Dahlia muttered something to one of her friends, something about how people were such sore losers so it made sense. She didn't say anything and instead shared a look with Sarah, before putting her attention back to the two instructors.

They got started after that. It was your basic practice - nothing to do with Swan Lake just yet. Noelle was grateful as this meant she knew most of what she was doing like the back of her hand. She was able to get into the music much like she did almost every time she danced, almost forgetting she wasn't alone.

When practice ended, Taylor and Kaycie barely got their dismissal out before the room erupted into chaos. Everyone threw themselves out of the building to the outside where the cast list was posted, curious to see who'd be the main characters.

There weren't too many characters in Swan Lake as is - that gets a lot of attention anyway. Usually, the person playing Odette also played Odile save for certain productions, and so depending on what Taylor and Kaycie decided, there may be two main female leads.

Noelle waited. She knew that everyone would be lingering around the cast list for a while as they searched for their name, hopes of being at the top in their minds. She knew she wouldn't get a good view for a bit, and she truthfully didn't mind waiting.

"You're not curious?" A sudden voice asked.

Noelle glanced up to see Taylor standing in front of her. Noelle shrugged from her seat in one of the auditorium chairs, messing with the strap from her bag.

"I really think you should take a look," Taylor then suggested.

"I will," Noelle politely told her. "I just didn't see the point of climbing over everyone. It'll still be there when I go to leave."

Taylor nodded, glancing back. Kaycie had already gone out as well to either give everyone a congrats or leave, Noelle wasn't sure.

This was the biggest production she'd ever got the chance to be in, so she didn't know where things went from here.

"Well, congrats and I'll see you later on in the week, okay?" Taylor spoke with a nod.

Noelle nodded, smiling kindly at the woman. Taylor took that as her cue and left, leaving Noelle the only person in the auditorium.

She let about four minutes pass before standing from her seat. Surely the group would have simmered down by now, and it was well past eight. This meant that JJ would be outside waiting for her - if he even bothered to show up.

Save for the times Sarah had kindly offered to pick her up and take her home, Noelle was used to people bailing on her. Corey had also come and picked her up once or twice, but usually when her parents couldn't come get her last minute, she walked.

Not to mention, JJ barely knew her. He truthfully had no reason to bother showing up for her let alone waiting for thirty minutes just to take her home. They'd met one time before, and the only reason he brought her here was because she needed a ride. There was no reason he was required to do something so kind for her, especially because she knew how most Pogues felt about Kooks. Kooks were rude to Pogues the majority of the time, so she understood why. But they had no reason to be kind to Kooks when Kooks weren't very kind to them.

Just as Noelle was about to leave the giant auditorium, someone stepped in front of her. It was a pretty girl she'd seen around, one known as the Pogue Princess.

Her name was Mary Ann Johnson. She looked at Noelle with an angry expression, earning a confused look from Noelle.

"You rigged it, didn't you? With your perfect Kook personality." She snapped. She pointed an accusing finger to Noelle, who only felt more confused than moments before. "Typical for a Kook to get everything, leaving us Pogues in the dust."

"Pardon?" She asked softly.

"You'll fall, you just watch." Mary Ann responded. She didn't answer any questions or say anything else as she stomped off, leaving Noelle alone again.

Noelle didn't understand why the girl said the things she did. It didn't help that she was the type of person to get hurt over the smallest stuff, so even though Mary Ann didn't say anything too harsh, it didn't hurt any less than it would've had she done so.

Everyone had mostly left, which Noelle felt thankful for when she arrived at the announcement board. She looked at the different papers neatly pinned up, her eyes landing on the neatly printed-out cast list last. It didn't take all but five seconds for her to see her name on the list, surprised to see it sitting where it was.

ODETTE/ODILE: NOELLE BRIDGEMAN

The happiness Noelle felt could almost bring her to tears. She hadn't expected to get an important part at all, let alone both of the main female characters. Sure, she hadn't really known whether or not Taylor and Kaycie planned to have two separate dancers for Odette and Odile, or whether they were going to go with just one - but the fact that not only they went with one and that one person was her? Her heart hammered in her chest at the thought.

It didn't feel real. It felt like someone was playing some cruel joke on her, and this was just some type of hoax to get her hopes up. This also made sense as to why Taylor had walked up to her and said something. Obviously, Taylor knew the cast list. She knew that it'd be a little cruel to congratulate Noelle if she didn't get an important part, something Noelle didn't even question. She took the congrats with a grain of salt, thinking she was just being kind as to congratulate her for getting in the show at all. Noelle hadn't even thought it'd be for the main part.

This also made sense as to why Mary Ann had confronted her the way she had. 

"I really don't understand it," A voice snapped from next to Noelle. She glanced over to see Dahlia standing next to her. She looked just as angry as Mary Ann had, if not more.

Noelle felt a sense of sadness, the smile on her face falling quickly. "Dee, I'm really sorry-"

"Sorry?" Dahlia cut her off with a scoff, "Clearly Taylor and that Kaycie Pogue bitch don't understand real talent. I mean- I'm not even the understudy! That went to that Mary Ann girl."

Noelle didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. She knew when Dahlia got upset about things like this, the only way to appease her was to give her what she wanted. And although Noelle was the selfless kind of person to give things away like that, she wasn't quite sure she wanted to give up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

"I don't even understand why it went to you of all people!" Dahlia continued, despite Noelle's silence. "I mean, you cannot embody the role of either of the main characters, so to make you both of them is so infuriating and unfair."

"I'm sorry," Noelle mumbled. She didn't know why she was sorry, but it felt like the right thing to say.

"Sorry?" Dahlia scoffed again. "You just take everything you want, don't you?"

Noelle thought about it. She hadn't intended to take the part, and although she knew how much Dahlia and even Mary Ann had wanted it - it didn't change that she wanted it as well. Not to mention they didn't do traditional auditions. She just did what she loved - she danced. That's not a crime.

"I just wish you'd be happy for me for once," Noelle mumbled without realizing.

Dahlia's face fell, and for a split second, Noelle thought maybe she'd go easy on her. But it was when the other girl's face twisted she realized she messed up by saying anything at all.

"Happy for you? I wish you'd take my feelings into consideration. It was really selfish of you, Noelle. Very selfish." Dahlia snapped.

Noelle wasn't sure if Dahlia was finished, as she didn't give the girl a chance to continue. She rushed to the bathroom with clouded eyes, ignoring the feeling of the hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

Her intention was to never 'take' the part from anyone. She didn't even audition! She hadn't intended for any of this to happen, she never asked. And although she started out extremely grateful that she'd gotten the part for a once-in-a-lifetime thing, she couldn't help but feel angry she'd gotten the part.

She waited in the bathroom for a while. She waited until she knew Dahlia was long gone, and she'd be able to leave without running into her again. Her cheeks were red and puffy as she walked out of the bathroom, immediately looking around to see if Dahlia lingered somewhere.

The other girl wasn't anywhere to be seen, and so Noelle fully exited the bathroom. She was cautious about leaving the building, afraid for some reason that another person planned on hating her for getting the part.

"Was starting to think you left before I got here," A familiar voice asked.

Noelle glanced up to see JJ leaning against the bike, his eyes narrowed due to the setting sun. She'd completely forgotten that JJ had planned on picking her up, her mind too focused on other things.

JJ was quick to notice the red cheeks. He stood from his position and met her halfway, putting his hands on his hips. "You alright?" He asked, looking down at her.

"I..." She stopped, taking in a deep breath. "Yeah. All good."

JJ knew she was lying, but didn't push her further. He just nodded, wiping his nose before pointing at the bike. "Well, if you're ready to get home we can get goin' then."

Noelle nodded. She was grateful that JJ didn't push the topic, although part of her wanted to admit what happened. She needed someone to talk to, but the last thing she needed right now was another person either accusing her of stealing the part or not being kind enough to give it up.

She got on the bike the way she had before. JJ made sure she was ready to go before riding away, the ride silent.

Noelle held onto his sides the way she had before. Her mind went back to everything that had just happened, her heart growing heavy again. She hesitated before leaning forward, resting her cheek against his back.

She didn't know JJ. She shouldn't have accepted this ride, and she knew that. She shouldn't be this close to him - especially considering she'd never been close to a boy in her life (save for Corey, and even then it wasn't anything like that) - and she knew that. She knew she was risking a lot by getting close to JJ, but instead of scolding herself she just excused that she wasn't getting that close to him.

JJ giving her a ride home was nothing. Her holding onto him - as you're supposed to do - was nothing. She was just simply accepting a ride from a kind person, one she knew would safely get her home. That was that. Right?

It felt like it wasn't that long of a ride before JJ pulled up to her house. She sighed as she pulled herself away, climbing off of the bike.

She was quick to notice that neither of her parents' cars were in the driveway, and she took a quick glance at her phone to see a quick text from her father letting her know that they'd be home late.

When Noelle turned back to JJ, she saw that he was already looking at her. She didn't know what he was waiting on, or if he was expecting her to say anything at all.

"Thank you," She finally mumbled.

"No problem. You walk often?" JJ asked, leaning back.

She shrugged, "Sometimes. When I know it's always last minute."

He nodded, "Well, I guess I'll see you around then."

Just as JJ started to put his foot up, Noelle stopped him.

"Wait!" She exclaimed. He looked over at her, his brows pushed together in confusion.

"Um, would you want to come inside for some lemonade?"

++

I already love Noelle and JJ so much