before we get into the story i HIGHLY recommend listening to the song^ for a better emotional experience.

\\Izuku//

"Love you mom, i'll see you when I get home." I kiss my mom on her cheek and leave for school. Everyday I listen to music on my way to school to drown out reality. With each step I feel more hopeless and useless-

"Ah!" I was being yanked back, I fell on my butt. When I looked in front of me two cars had just collided with each other. I-I would've been hit if- I look at who "saved" me. "K-kacchan."

"You fucking piece of shit deku watch where the fuck your going next time!" I smile at Kacchan "right, thank you." Then I start running away from kacchan ignoring his yells. I got so mad. I hate myself! That was my chance and Kacchan has to go and ruin it!

I'm to scared to actually... Kill myself so I want someone to run me over or me go to the local market and a robber supposedly takes me as a hostage and kills me. I want it to look like an accident so no one knows how much I hurt. That was my chance!

My chance for it to be all over! By now I was sobbing in an alley way. When I do die everyone would think of me as the happy and positive boy- heh, little do they know huh.

I wipe my tears and adjust myself. "Alright izuku, your gonna go out there with a smile. If you smile and conceal your feeling no one will know." I put on a smile and walk out of the alley way.

++++

"Hey Deku! Your late what happend?" Uraraka is a great friend but I just- she hyper. But don't get me wrong that's the trait I love most about her but ya just... To early.

"I uh-." "The fucking piece of shit almost got ran over." Kacchan, could he ever be maybe just a little more quiet with things. Class A all stopped and looked our direction. A few people scoffed and looked away. "Deku are you-." "Uraraka i'm fine I promise! I just need to be more c-careful."

Lies Lies lies it's all I ever do when it comes down to my mental health. I always felt so guilt lying, look at me now. I push past her not wanting the conversation to go any further.

++++

30 minutes into the class. The whole time I had my head in my journal. I keep everything in here. I usually right poems, drawlings, etc...

One cut, two cuts, how many times? I'm dead inside praying for help. I can never reach the light in time, praying for help but no one looks. The dark facade is only a mask, concealing my true feelings that's lurking in the shadows, reaching for help. One cut, two cuts, how many times?I'm dead inside praying for help. I can never reach the light in time, praying for help but no one looks. The dark facade is only a mask, concealing my true feelings that's lurking in the shadows, reaching for help.
his poem he just made.

"Midoriya! Question 6, answer. Now." Now he wants to call on me. My face reddens and my heart beats fast. I look around me to see most people looking at me waiting for the answer. "U-uh, I-I wasn't paying a-attention." "I-I wasn't paying a-attention." One kid mocks me making everyone laugh.

I shrink in my seat at the feeling on being belittled. "What can't you do midoriya." I looked at who said it but didn't know who it was. Once again everyone started laughing. I wasn't mad though, My heart aches but I wasn't mad. It is true.

I can't do anything, i'm deku afterall. I stare out the window trying to surpress my tears so no one could see me cry. The lump in my throat, the burning of my eyes, how familiar this feeling is.

++++

I was able to cool off, thirty minutes into the lesson Aizawa said he felt tired and to do whatever as long as pages 26-29 were done. I'm never a hateful person but I dislike the times he does this.

Sometimes kids would throw paper at me with hateful words. Like I said it's ok! It's only them playing around, boys will be boys my mom always says!

I was drawing in my journal when I heard my name being used in someone's conversation. "Midoriya!? Fuck no I don't care about that loser nor do I like him!" I turn to who's voice it was.....Kirishima's.

"I-It's ok! I wouldn't even like me either- I mean a-after all I don't even like myself!" I laughed a little at the end. The group of boys consisting of Kirishima, Denki, Sero, and kacchan all stopped and looked at me.

My heart hurt so bad, I swear it literally feeling like my heart is physically being stabbed. Like I can feel the pain in my heart. Tears prickle my eyes. "Midoriya your such a weirdo." I smile at kirishima, "I know." I whispered to myself heading out of the classroom.

I run down the hallways looking for a bathroom before I finally break. Bathroom bathroom bathro- BATHROOM. I run in the stall and callaps on the floor crying. Banging my head on the stall trying to forget the need of cutting myself.

I can't take it anymore! I yank my razor out of my pocket not caring that it cut my hands and start uncontrollably cutting myself.

Cut after cut blood was sleeping out of my arms. The smell of crimson blood staining the floor. "N-no no no no no." I start crying again scrubbing the floor. "W-why won't you come out!"

It kept smearing. Blood was still coming from my arms dripping onto the floor making it worse. I run out the stall running water on my arms. The stinging feeling almost felt good in a way.

I wrapped my arms and put soap on a paper towel. Surprise surprise it worked. I head back to class where my journal paper.... W-was ripped, s-stapled to walls, D-drawn o-on.

The whole class breaks into laughter pointing at me. I run and snatch the papers off the wall shoving them all in my backpack.

"Wait. Midoriya whats this?" M-my poem! I try and snatch it back succeeding. I ran out of the classroom. Forcing my tears to not spill out. Never again will anyone see my cry.

On the west side of U.A there are these out of use classrooms. No one goes on this side of U.A. This is were I eat my lunch, study, or when something like this happens, I go here. It's quite and peaceful. I throw my stuff down and sit down against the wall facing the windows.

I hear footsteps but I just lost all care at that moment. They stopped right on the side of me. I already knew who it was. I stared emotionless at the other wall.

"Please go away kacchan." My voice was quite and broken. "Why do you let them do that to you." I shrug my shoulders and turn to kacchan. "Why do you let them do it? I mean there your friends kacchan." Kacchan sits next to me with a sigh. "Touché"

I didn't want him here. He just made me so mad, he lets his friends push me around then comes over here and ask why I let it happen. Their right! Everything they say it right!

Insecurity's are made up by what people constantly tell you.
"I don't think i'm glad your here right now kacchan..." He stands up and looks at me. "Don't feed into what there saying stupid deku." He then leaves and walks away.

++++

An hour passed and I feel more calm. I decided to head back to class, when I walked in everyone was doing there work. Aaannddd Aizawa was up. and he looked pissed.  "Midoriya, where we're you" "I uh... Had a headache so I went to work somewhere else." He stares at me for bit longer.

++++

After school Kirishima, Sero, and Deki all.... Yeah. I was just to mentally exhausted to even stop them. "See ya weirdo." They walk off. O-on the bright side they didn't rip my bandages. I lightly laughed before sobbing.

How am I so pathetic i'm literally joking after I got beat up! Why am I like this? Why did god make me the way I am? Why does fate FUCK me over every day!! I slowly got up but fell back down due to the pain.

++++

I stayed there for an hour crying uncontrollably. The sun was kinda going down but was still bright out. I had enough strength to go back home and callapse of my bed. The thought of how easily I could end it right now.

I just don't think I can go on for any longer. I've toughed it out long enough I think... I think my times up now. I go to my desk and grab multiple pieces of paper and start writing down my last words.

++++

The past two hours i've finally finsished. I hide the letters under my pillow. I clean my room not wanting my room to be dirty when i'm gone. I check the time and my mom still won't be home yet.

In my closet, in my shoe box tucked in a corner. I grabbed the box and put it on my bed slowly opening it. My dads gun, ever since he died i've always kept it.

From the very beginning I told myself i'd use this for a last resort a-and well I guess now's the time. My shaking hands grab the pistol. I stare at the pistol thinking if I should really do this. It'll be the last time I see my mom or.... Kacchan.

Aiming it at my head I take my last few shaking breaths. "I-i'm so sorry mom, I'm just not s-strong enough to keep trying. A-At least i'll be with d-dad again." My breaths become ragged and uneven.
"I-i'm sorry!"

bang!

\\Third//

Izuku's lifeless body drops to the floor. The metal of the gun clicking against the floor making a loud bang. The crimson blood seeping out of his head.

++++

When Inko got home in was scarily quiet. Yes she only had one son but it was to quite. Something just seemed off. "Izuku? Are you home yet?" No reply she walks upstairs and reaches her sons door.

Knock knock knock

"Izuku?" She slowly opens the door, "I-Izuku?" She staggers down crawling to her son. "Nooo! My baby! No!" She cries holding her son in her lap. "I-Izuku look at me! Hey look at me mommy's here ok! My baby boy!" He gets up and runs to her phone. Her bloodied hands grab her phone and try punching in 911. She kept pressing the wrong numbers due to her shaking.

"911 what's your em-."

"MY BABY! YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM!"

"Ma'am please calm down what happened."

"M-my baby! H-he s-shot himself! W-why Izuku Why!!"

In less than 5 minutes multiple police cars and ambulances came to the midoriya household. Everyone came out of there houses....Including the bakugos.

Mitsuki being Inko best friend was scared and worried. "Inko!? Inko what happened!" Inko latched onto Mistuki for dear life. "Izuku! Izuku S-shot himself!" Mitsuki, and Katsuki, all were shocked. Katsukis world came crashing down on him.

2 minutes later....They came out with izuku. Black body bag wrapped over his body indicating he's dead. "NOOO! H-HES NOT DEAD! Hes not!! .... H-he cant be dead..." Her voice was broken and fragile. Inko thrashed in mitsukis grasp. All Mitsuki could do is cry and hold onto inko. 

"T-that's my only t-true meaning to l-life. Mistuki he's gone my baby's gone!" Later that night, Izuku was pronounced dead.

Time: 7:26 p.m
Date: Thursday, February 18th 2019.
Cause of death: Suicide// Bullet to the head.

Katsuki couldn't keep his tears in. His whole world seemed useless.

++++

Two days later the whole school took a "field trip" to the near by beach.

Everyone was exited until they saw a casket and a picture of Izuku with flowers all around the picture.

Chairs were neatly in rows and a sobbing woman who resembled izuku. It was silent for about a couple minutes until Inko spoke up.

"I-i'm here to i-infirm you all t-that izuku t-took his.....M-my baby b-boy took his life on February 18th. He....S-shot himself in the head." Everyone was very taken aback.

Nevertheless inko continued gaining back her posture. "I found t-these letters under his pillow. There's three letters." She opened the first letter she opened her mouth to speak but started crying.

"T-the first letter was a letter t-to me."

Hi mom, i'm sorry you had too find me the way you did. I know it must be hard for you right now. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you. Everyday it felt like I was waking up in my own hell. I couldn't take it anymore mom. Everyday i'd wish something bad happened to me. I tried to stay positive but everyone just hated seeing me happy and would shove me down. Sometimes I wonder when i'm gone would people care, would they cry and regret everything they did? Or will they be happy and go on with there lives. Obviously the second one. I need you to move on mom, i'm in a better place now. I want you to go find a nice guy who'll take you out on dates, but you expensive things and someone who'll love you. Hell maybe even have another kid. I love you uncontrollably mom, dad and I will always be watching over you mom. <3

-izuku.

Everyone was sobbing. The question was, was it out of regret? Sympathy? Or maybe it was happy tears?
"The next o-one is kinda sh-short but it's for e-everyone."

Oh gosh we're do I even start i'm so scared i'm shaking. Well I wanna start off and say to everyone who bullied me and put me down..... I'm sorry. I know your probably like sorry? Why is this loser sorry? Well i'm sorry because I never helped you guys. I always thought to myself maybe if I help them more they will start to become less mad and rude. Yes you guys put me thru hell but it was mostly all my fault for not standing up for myself. I'm not going to say names but please don't feel sorry for beating me up. I understand why you did it and it's ok! You only wanted to get your anger out and I guess I was the one you guys chose. Don't feel sorry for me though. I mean i'm sure your all happy and gleaming g with joy right now. Even when i'm gone just please- even if you don't care. Don't put someone else what you guys put me through

-izuku.

"T-the next one is to bakugo, or k-known to i-izuku as k-kacchan." Katsuki stiffened at the mention of his name. 'H-he wrote me a letter?'

Kacchan, this is probably the hardest thing i'd ever done in my life. Write a suicide letter to you. I'm already dead so I might as well just say it. I love you kacchan. I always have and always will. I was actually overthinking killing myself because it meant I wouldn't be able to see you again. But it's to late now. When you saved me from dying that one day I was kinda mad at you. I wanted to die. But what hurt me the most was how you sat there and watched your friends constantly target me. But I don't blame you. It wasn't your problem. It was mine and I should of stood up for myself. I just wish we had one last good conversation. In middle school when you suddenly dropped me as friends it broke my heart so bad. Yet I still continued to love you. One time that I will forever cherish even when i'm gone is that one time when you found out 8th graders were picking on me you beat them up. You were so mad kacchan! That's part of the reason why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd get mad both them and me for not telling you. If I could I would go back in time and replay that moment a millions times. The way you cared for me, the way you protected me. I wish it was like that now. What a fool I am for thinking you'd ever love me back. I understand you won't love me and will find a very beautiful girl but i'll forever love you kacchan

-your izuku. <3

Katsuki was left frozen in agony. Katsuki was crying and he was crying loud. He didn't care if he looked ugly or not. Izuku was wrong. Everyday Katsuki would argue back and forth with Kirishima, Sero, and Denki for picking on izuku.

Everyday he'd follow izuku when he left the classroom to make sure he was ok. Everyday Katsuki would discreetly follow behind izuku keeping an eye on him making sure he's ok!

Katsuki would never admit it outwards though. It was Katsuki's way of showing he cared. And if only Izuku relized it sooner that Katsuki cared. He truly truly cared.

After all Katsuki loved Izuku with all his heart but was too late...

Just like that he was gone forever never to be seen again. That warm smile, happy aura. The boy who always put others before him and made sure they were happy before he was all vanished the moment Izuku decided to take his own life.

time skip [ five years] Katsuki is now 19.

Katsuki walked out of his car with flowers in his hand. By now he memorized were izukus tombstone was by heart. When he got there he stared at the engraved words.

"Izuku midoriya. Kinda heart soul who deserved better." He sat down placing the flowers in front of the tombstone. "Hey nerd... Today had been hectic like always. I honestly think I might quit. My manager is an asshole." Katsuki frowned wishing he could tell him all this in person.

"You know I-I wish you never did what you did. I wish I could tell you how good or bad my dad was in person....God I miss you. I wish you just came and talked to me about this. I wish I stuck up for you more. I-I wish we had more conversations with e-each other." Katsuki couldn't take the pain he was feeling. He got up and left driving away.

"I know kacchan. I wish I hadn't done it either....I love you."