︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Always there by your side
I stay here always
In my heart that became clear
A bit closer by my side
With your smile by my side
Here always

- Here Always - Kim Seungmin

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I slammed the door behind me, my heart pounding in my chest, tears streaming down my face. As I rushed past the living room, I saw Yedam's family, standing by the door, dressed in their coats, ready to leave.

Mrs. Bang's voice cracked with concern. "Hana, what's wrong?"

I couldn't control the sobs that wracked my body.
"Your son," I gasped, barely able to catch my breath.
"It's all his fault. I told you—I told him I didn't like him. Why? Why are you still pushing this? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Mrs. Bang stepped forward, her voice gentle but firm.
"Hana, let's all just take a moment to think this through, okay?"

"No," I choked out, shaking my head violently. "He made a deal with my mom. A deal. He offered her part of your business, and she was ready to take it. She almost sold me away for a share in your business. Do you understand how that feels? Do you?"

Mrs. Bang's eyes softened, but Mr. Bang looked stricken. They both remained silent for a moment.

"We're aware of that." Mrs. Bang said softly. "We're aware that Yedam was so head over heels for you that, he was ready to give a part of his share."

"I don't care!" I screamed, my voice breaking. "This is hurting me. This is hurting my family, my father. If whatever happened now, whatever happens after this hurts my family, I'll never forgive you. I'll never forgive any of you. So please... just stop."

Yedam stood there, frozen, his gaze fixed on the floor, unable to meet my eyes. His lips parted in a quiet apology, but the words seemed hollow, distant.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his voice barely a whisper, as if even his regret couldn't make up for the damage already done.

I didn't wait to respond. My chest felt tight, like I couldn't breathe in this house anymore. I ran.

Out the front door, past the cold, dark garden. My steps were frantic, the heels of my shoes clicking hard against the pavement as I made my way to my car. The engine roared to life as I slammed the door shut behind me, pressing my back into the seat as if it could shield me from everything.

I stared ahead, the dashboard lights flashing in the darkness, the hum of the engine the only sound in the car. But even that felt like a hollow echo of what was happening inside me. I gripped the steering wheel so tight my knuckles turned white.

I took a deep breath, but it felt like I was drowning. I put the car in drive and pulled away, the lights of the house shrinking behind me, fading into the night.

I drove without thinking, the world outside a blur of streetlights and darkened buildings. My foot pressed down harder on the gas pedal, desperate to outrun the chaos, the anger, the overwhelming ache in my chest. But it was no use. It was all still there, gnawing at me, sinking deeper with every mile.

As I passed an intersection, the glow from a nearby clock caught my eye. I glanced over at the dashboard, the cold numbers staring back at me: 12:52 AM. Past midnight. Almost one.
 I should be home soon.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I stood in front of the door of our apartment, fingers hovering over the keypad.

I didn't want to face anyone. I couldn't. No one could possibly understand what I was going through, not really. I didn't have the energy to explain it—nor did I want to. What was the point? How could words ever capture this emptiness, this ache that seemed to swallow everything else?

My mom must've been right, in some way. I didn't have anyone—no one who would love me enough to wrap me up in their arms and tell me everything would be okay. No one to kiss away my tears, to hold me through the endless nights until I could finally drift to sleep, safe and sheltered in their arms.

Maybe I never would. Maybe I never could. Somehow, it always felt like my mom knew more than I wanted to admit, like her truth was a curse that had been passed down to me. Or maybe she was just always right.

When I stepped inside, the lights were dimmed, just like we always left them for the cats. But I didn't spare them a second glance. My feet carried me straight to my room, quiet as possible. I didn't want Minho to see me like this.

I changed out of the beautiful white dress, now crumpled and forgotten in a heap in the corner. My sandals went flying to another corner of the room, my necklace and earrings tossed carelessly onto the table, my phone tossed somewhere on my bed—everything a mess, just like the storm inside me. Anger, resentment, and shame twisted in my chest, a suffocating me.

I grabbed the first sweater I could find, pulling it on with shaky hands, my breath coming in ragged pants. I was exhausted—physically, mentally, emotionally—drained to the point where even the smallest movement felt like a monumental effort.

I wanted to scream, to thrash, to destroy everything around me. But all that came was the crushing fatigue, my body too broken to move, too drained to fight it anymore. I sank to the bed, the world spinning as I crumbled inward.

My phone finally connected to the internet, the delay from the evening's silence now broken. A barrage of incoming messages flooded the screen—texts, notifications and calls. I hadn't even bothered to check it all night, and now it all came rushing in at once.

Then rang my phone, I half expected it to be Minho, but it wasn't. I ignored it once, then twice. Then he resorted to texting me.

baby🍞

hana?

are you back?

why aren't these messages
reaching you?

Minho was worried, he says
you aren't back?

 i think he fell asleep though

oh fucking finally 

these messages are going through

sent at 2:05 am

seen at 2:07 am

i just came back

i was just going to text you guys

my phone wasn't connected
to the internet

and it was on silent, my parents were
around all evening

yup that's that

so... you had a good time?

almost? Idk

what did you guys do today?

tell me about it

no just tell me what you
did today

anything fun?

hana please?

jeongin get the hint im trying to
distract myself

I could face time you?

i look like absolute shit right now

when does that ever matter

we've called each other through
our worst times

how could this be any worse?

okay but just... don't react to it. 

please I'm begging you, ignore it, okay?

you're worrying me, but okay i
won't say anything

facetime
incoming call
baby🍞

"okay now- oh. That's... not good."

"Yeah, oh."

"Are you sure you're- Of course you're not okay. What even happened?"

"I'm not lying, but it's a very, very long story."

"Are you in pain, Hana?"

"Of course I am. My mom, for god's sake, slapped me twice."

"Nothing's ever going to make me like your mom"

"I'm exhausted. I fought with her today. I don't even know for how long."

"What was it all about? Do you want me to come home tomorrow morning."

"Would you want to know? You don't have to, I can handle this."

"Trust me Hana, I would always want to know."

"Please come over."

"Alone or with Seungmin?"

"I mean, it's not like you're going to seal your lips from him anyway, so just bring him too."

"Okay. Do you need anything right now? I can stay on the phone until you fall asleep."

"Not really, once I'm a little distracted, or if I get tired of crying, I'll probably fall asleep."

"None of that is... well assuring. Don't do anything okay?"

"I won't Innie. Don't worry."

"Promise me?"

"Promise."

"Sleep well, I'll see you soon bubba."

And then we hung up. What do I do now? I'm alone in the quiet of the night, and my mind is anything but empty.

I'm shattered, but it feels like I'm breaking even more.

Do I give in? I promised Jeongin. I promised myself that I'd stop letting the pain control me.

Besides that, should I even hurt myself over something I know wasn't even my fault?

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Jeongin POV:

The thought of Hana being alone tore at me. I couldn't bear the idea of her spiraling further into herself, especially when she was hurting this badly. If anything happened to her—if she did something to herself—I would never forgive myself. 

She shouldn't have to face this pain on her own. She needed someone, someone to hold her, to make her feel like maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.

I hesitated for a moment, but then my thumb moved without thought, scrolling through my contacts until I found Minho's name.

"Sorry, hyung," I muttered, hitting the call button.

"Pick up, pick up."
I paced around my room.

It rang a few times before his groggy voice came through.

"What do you want, Jeongin? It's 2 AM."

"Hyung, I... I think you should check on Hana,"
I blurted out, my words coming out faster than I intended.

Minho immediately sounded more awake.
"What? What happened? Has she not come home yet?"

"She's home," I answered quickly, feeling a knot form in my stomach. "But something doesn't feel right. She told me something happened, but she said she was too tired to talk about it and that we'd talk in the morning. She came in around 1, so I know it's serious."

I heard rustling from his side of the bed,
"I'm sure she's okay Jeongin, don't worry. I'm going to check on her now,"

"Call me if there's anything wrong."

"I will," he said, his voice steady despite the late hour.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I didn't bother knocking. Her door was never locked. I pushed it open quietly, my heart pounding as I stepped inside. The room was dim, the only light coming from the faint glow of the city lights, casting soft shadows on the walls. It smelled faintly of her lavender diffuser, but the air felt heavy. Too heavy.

My eyes found her almost immediately, curled up on the bed, knees drawn to her chest. She didn't move, didn't look up, not even when I crossed the threshold.

"Hana?" My voice was barely a whisper, but it was all I could manage.

She flinched at the sound, her body tensing, but she didn't turn toward me. Didn't say anything.

I walked over, sitting down next to her. The bed creaked under my weight, but she didn't move.
I couldn't stop the ache that spread across my chest. Seeing her like this—so withdrawn, so closed off—was like watching someone drown, knowing there was nothing you could do to pull them out.

Then I heard it. A sharp, guttural intake of breath, followed by the kind of sob that twisted my insides. My heart clenched as the sound of her tears filled the room.

Her body jerked with each one, as if she was fighting the weight of her emotions, like she was trying to hold herself together but kept breaking apart. It tore me up inside to watch her like this. I couldn't breathe for a moment.

God, I've never felt so helpless in my life.

It's like she was completely closed off from the world, like there was a barrier between us, invisible but so thick I could almost touch it. I hated it. I hated seeing her like this, withdrawn, curled in on herself, trying to disappear. 

Her body jerked with every sob, her hands clutching the sheets like they were the only thing keeping her from falling completely apart.

I reached out, my hand tentative at first, afraid to break whatever fragile space she'd created. But she didn't pull away. Slowly, I pulled her into my arms. She was tense, like she didn't know how to relax into the embrace, but I held her close anyway. Her body felt so small, so fragile, like I was holding onto something that was slipping through my fingers.

I sat there, with Hana caged in my arms, watching her curl tighter into herself, her knees pulled up to her chest as if trying to shrink away from everything. From me. From the world. From herself.

I ran my hand gently through her hair, trying to soothe her. I didn't say anything at first, just let the silence hang between us.

"Hana, This is all momentary, it's all going to go away."
I whispered into her hair, not knowing if she was even hearing me.
"Please..." I whispered, my voice breaking in a way I couldn't control. "Please let me help you."

Her body shuddered against mine, the sobs coming harder now, more ragged. I tightened my grip just a little, hoping her tensed muscle would give out.

I kissed the top of her head, soft and fleeting, like it was a promise.
"I'm here, Hana. Always. I'll stay with you, no matter what." 

I held her a little more closer, as if my arms could shield her from everything that had hurt her, everything that was breaking her apart right now. But the words that came next shattered the quiet between us, more fragile than I expected.

"I just... want to be happy."
Her voice cracked, so small, so broken. She choked on it, as if even saying the words was too much. And that gutted me.
"Why... is it so hard? Why does someone always ruin it for me?"

I closed my eyes, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat, because I didn't have an answer. Not a good one. Not one that would make everything go away. I didn't have a magic word to make her feel better, to make her believe that it could get easier. But I had to try. I had to find the words, even if they didn't come out right. Even if they didn't change anything in the moment.

"You've had a hard time, Hana. All these years."
 My voice was steady, but inside, it cracked with every word I said.
"Your mind... it's not ready to accept that you're going to be fine now, because you still have the people who've hurt you all these years still in your life. But it's okay to let go of the things that have been holding you back.  I'll remind you, okay? I'll remind you every day. As long as you're here, you're not going through this alone."

I could promise her something—something real, something she needed to hear.

"I want to do better, I want to be stronger, but Minho... I'm not strong. Not strong enough to leave them. They might be terrible, but they don't deserve me walking out on them. I'm beyond fixing, constantly good and bad. Even the doctor thinks that, because I keep ruining things for myself."
Her voice broke again, fragile and raw, and I felt it pierce through me, like she was stabbing at something deep inside both of us.

God, I wanted to tell her that wasn't true. That no one is ever beyond fixing. But the truth was, I didn't know if I could fix anything. I didn't have all the answers, but I wasn't about to let her believe that she was beyond hope. Not when I could still see the spark of her fighting spirit underneath all the pain, the exhaustion.

I never released my hold on her, still holding her close like she was the only thing that mattered in this world. I didn't know if my words would help, but I had to try. She needed to hear them, whether she believed them or not.

"You're not beyond fixing, Hana,"
 I said, my voice firm, steady, as if I could somehow send that strength directly to her through my touch.

"Strength isn't about never breaking," I said, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear,
"It's about knowing that you can pick yourself back up when you do. And I'm here to help you with that, Hana. I'm not going anywhere. You'll be happy, I'll make sure of it."

She let out a shaky breath, and for the first time, she leaned into me, just slightly, feeling the faintest hint of release. Maybe, just maybe, she was starting to breathe again.

"Can you look at me for a second?"
I prodded gently, not wanting to force it, but needing her to understand something, something important.

She didn't move at first. I thought she might retreat again, close herself off from me like she had done so many times. But after a moment, she lifted her head, slowly, her eyes bloodshot, swollen from the tears. They were still filled with that heavy emptiness—the kind of look that made me want to wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from the world.

But then my eyes fell to her face. The sight of it hit me like a punch to the gut.

Two small bruises, dark and tender, marked her cheeks. Her beautiful face, the one I'd always thought of as warm and radiant, now scarred with so much pain, so much hatred.

"How can someone do this to you?" The words slipped out before I could stop them. A mix of anger and disbelief, sadness and helplessness. I wanted to rage against it, to make it stop, but all I could do was stare at her.

"You— you... you don't deserve this, Hana. I don't care why anyone did that. I don't care who did it. Whoever it was—" My voice faltered, anger surged in my chest, but it was quickly replaced by a suffocating sadness

She shook her head, cutting me off before I could say more.

"It wasn't my dad," she whispered, almost too quietly, like the words were too heavy to speak aloud. "It was my mom. Today."

My mind struggled to process it, to wrap itself around the idea that the person who should have been there to protect her, to love her, was the one who caused her this pain.

"I couldn't stop her." Her voice broke, raw and soft, as if admitting it to me was the hardest part. "I couldn't stop myself from getting her mad at me."
 She spoke as if it were her fault, as if she had somehow deserved the anger that had been turned on her. I wanted to deny it, to tell her she wasn't to blame, that no one deserved this—not from anyone, let alone someone who should love and protect her above all else.

But her voice—soft, broken—made it clear how much she was carrying, how much she was convinced she'd done wrong.

"You didn't make her hurt you," I said, my words quieter than I meant them to be.
"None of this is your fault, Hana. None of it. And you're definitely not weak."

"No-" she tried to stop me.

"I say it because of moments like this,"
 I continued, my voice low, steady, almost like a promise.
"I've seen you fight through things that would've broken most people. I've seen you hurt, and still keep moving. I've watched you put others before yourself, even when you didn't have the strength to keep going. You don't give up, Hana. And that's the strongest thing anyone can do."

I whispered, brushing a thumb over her cheek, wiping away a tear.
"What matters is we keep going. The destination doesn't matter." 

"Because you've been through so much, and you're still here,"
 I added, my thumb brushing over her cheekbone, wiping away the last of her tears and placing another kiss on her forehead.
"That's not weakness. That's strength. And I know you can keep going, even when it feels impossible."

"And you're so worth it. Never think that you're alone, because you aren't. I care so much about you, it drives me crazy to see you like this." I said rubbing her back.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up."
Her voice was barely a whisper, the last of her sobs fading into the stillness.

I shook my head, my thumb brushing over her damp cheek.
"No," I murmured, my tone soft but firm, "Don't apologize. Never apologize for needing someone."

"You should go back to bed." She wince as my thumb slightly grazes the bruised area.

I leaned back just enough to meet her gaze, my hands gently guiding her to lie back down.
"I'm not leaving until you fall asleep," I said, my voice quieter now.
"And after I treat that bruise, okay?"

Her eyes flickered with disbelief for a moment, as she let out a quiet laugh, but it was hollow, like a crack in the wall she had built around herself.

I reached for the small first aid kit on her desk. The soft rustling of the kit opening was the only sound in the room, a stark contrast to the quiet, heavy silence that had settled between us.

When I turned back to her, she was lying there, eyes half-closed. My fingers trembled slightly as I opened a cool compress and gently pressed it against the bruise, careful not to cause her more discomfort.

"Why aren't you sick of me yet?"
Her voice cracked, the vulnerability spilling out in a way she clearly hadn't expected.

I paused, my heart aching at the rawness in her question. My hand lingered on her cheek, my thumb tracing the line of her jaw. But there was no hesitation in my response.

"Because," I whispered, brushing a strand of hair from her face,
"I could never get tired of you. Not even when you feel like you're too much, or when you think you're not enough. I will never be tired of you, Hana."

The stillness in the room was heavy, but it wasn't oppressive anymore. Hana's breathing had slowed, the faint tremor in her body lessening with each passing minute. She lay there, her face turned slightly toward me, eyes closed.

Eventually, her breathing evened out, slow and deep, like she was finally giving in to the exhaustion that had been tugging at her all night. She shifted slightly, curling in on herself again, her body seeming to finally relax into the soft pillows beneath her. 

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, and a small part of me, the part that had been clinging to the moment, began to loosen. I'd done what I came here for—she was no longer trembling, no longer fighting the weight of the world. She was finally getting some rest. I put everything back in the kit and close it up.

I stood up slowly, trying not to wake her. The bed creaked under my movements, and she stirred and her eyes flew open.

"Minho...?"
She murmured, her voice thick with sleep.

"Sorry, sorry, just go back to bed. I was just going to keep this back."
I patted her and turned around.

 "Don't leave," she mumbled, barely more than a sigh.
"Stay... with me. I won't be able to fall asleep alone."

"I can sleep here with you? Hana are you su-"

"Please," she whispered, her voice small, fragile, barely there.
"We can think about this later. Just stay."

"Okay," I whispered softly, moving toward her. I slid onto the bed beside her, careful not to disturb her too much, but close enough so she'd know I was there. The bed dipped slightly under my weight, and she shifted, instinctively curling closer.

Without a word, I stretched out beside her, my arm slipping beneath her head like it was the most natural thing in the world. She nestled into my side, her body warm and soft, her cheek resting against my chest, and I couldn't help but let out a quiet, relieved sigh.

"Is this okay?"
I asked, my voice barely a whisper, though I wasn't sure if she was awake enough to respond.

"Yeah,"
she murmured back, her voice barely audible. She shifted just a little, tucking herself closer, like she was looking for the safest, most comforting place. And it felt like I was exactly where I needed to be.

 I pulled the blanket up over us, cocooning us both in warmth. I let my hand move to her back, rubbing small, soothing circles on the fabric of her shirt. It felt good—being this close to her, holding her while she relaxed.

"I'll protect you by your side from now on. So that you will never have bad thoughts."
I whispered and this time her breathing slowed down, and I knew she was completely out. She was in peace.

"I'm so happy to have found you again, and oh god how my love hasn't changed for you."
I whispered into her hair, placing small kisses over them.
"I can't wait for the right moment to tell you this."

And then, the world fell quiet around us.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

a/n: she actually fell asleep, dw. She hasn't heard his confession.