︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Ooh, maybe it's my dream that killed my self esteem
Got so good at being someone else
Maybe I lost myself
In the search of your acceptance

-I don't think I'm okay- Bazzi-

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

No one's POV:

Hana's mind was tangled in the aftermath of the argument.
Her tears and the heaviness of her regret seemed to fill the room, making the once-comforting space feel alien and oppressive. She wished she could turn back time and handle the situation differently, but the sharp words and hurt feelings had already left their mark.

Her thoughts kept turning to Minho, and the expression of frustration and concern on his face replayed in her mind. She knew he cared deeply for her, but his worry had come out as frustration. Hana could understand why he felt that way; she had been pushing herself too hard, and it was clear that it was taking a toll on both her body and her relationships.

But the way Minho had confronted her felt like a breach of her personal space, as if he didn't trust her to manage her own life. Was he wrong? No, he wasn't. If she weren't so stubbornly determined to solve her problems on her own, she'd be more open to the help and advice of those around her. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate his concern-she did-but in the heat of the moment, it had felt more like an invasion than support.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself up from the chair. She carefully gathered the scattered papers, closed the open books, and tidied the desk as best as she could. Packing her bag for the next morning, she made sure to clean up her mess.

As she paused by the door, she debated whether to reach out to Minho. The argument had been intense, and she feared that apologizing too soon might seem insincere or hasty.
But the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to mend whatever had fractured between them as soon as possible.

She decided against it, and turned off the lights and made her way to her bed, her movements slow and deliberate. She took Doongie with her, letting the cat curl up beside her as she lay down.
She closed her eyes, trying to focus on the gentle warmth of the cat and the calming rhythm of her breathing.

Sleep began to claim her, but the echoes of their argument still lingered in her mind.

Minho's mind was a swirl of frustration and worry as he sat alone in his room. The argument with Hana had left him feeling drained and conflicted. He replayed their heated exchange over and over, trying to make sense of his emotions and her reaction. He had tried to express his worries, but the way it had come out felt like it had only made things worse.

He knew Hana was fiercely independent, and he admired her strength and determination. It was part of what drew him to her in the first place. But there were times when he wished she would let people in, even when they had advice or concerns. It wasn't that he didn't trust her to manage her life; he just wanted to make sure she was okay. His attempt to protect her had turned into something that felt more like an intrusion, and that thought gnawed at him.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The phone rang early the next morning, its shrill ringtone jarring Hana awake.

"One day, I beg all the entities of the world," she mumbled, rolling over to reach for her phone,
"Just one day, I'd like to be woken up gently."

Hana squinted at the screen, wincing at the bright light that pierced through her sleep-deprived haze. Her eyes struggled to adjust, and she fumbled with the phone, her fingers searching for the snooze button.

But as she tried to silence the blaring sound, she realized it wasn't her alarm; it was a call. Groggily, she looked at the caller ID, her mind still foggy.

Her heart dropped when she saw the name: Dad. It was the last person she wanted to deal with so early, or frankly, at any time. With a shaky breath, she swiped to answer, praying the conversation wouldn't spiral into the usual chaos.

"Hello?"
With a deep, steadying breath she spoke, trying to mask the tension in her voice.

"Morning, Hana,"
Her father's voice came through, sharp and demanding despite the early hour.
"Were you not awake?"

Hana's stomach tightened. She could already sense the underlying irritation in his tone.
"No, it's not time yet. If you can remember, lectures start at 8:30am."

"There's no need to be snippy," he replied, his voice growing colder.
"But then again, you don't care. Is that it?"

Hana's frustration boiled over, and she struggled to keep her voice calm. But she had to, because this wasn't her mom, she knew her mom couldn't do much rather than spew a few hurtful things and move on, pretend it never happened.

"Dad, what are you trying to say? It's been a long night, and I really don't have time for this right now."

His response was swift and harsh. She almost regretted trying to ask him to explain himself.
"Do you ever even think of calling? Or is it that you don't care? Must be that you don't care, you must be living you life no that you're away from us. Go on, abandon us, that's all that's left for you to do."

"That's not right Dad," she said, her voice trembling slightly.
"I'm trying my best to balance everything. Just because I'm not constantly in touch doesn't mean I don't care. I'm dealing with a lot right now, and your accusations don't help."

"No one's too busy for a call at least every other day," he retorted.
"Stop making excuses."

Hana felt hurt by his words, a familiar sting that she had learned to brace for. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself despite the anger and pain rising within her.

"Does it really sound like an excuse?" she said, her voice trembling but determined. "Maybe I don't know, working every second of my life, barely having time to breathe-"
Her voice cracked slightly, but she pushed on, desperate to make him understand.

Her father's silence was heavy, filled with unspoken tension. After a moment, he spoke again, his voice softer but still edged with frustration.
"I just wish you'd make more of an effort. It feels like you're slipping away from us, and I don't know how to fix that."

Hana's heart ached with a mix of sadness and frustration.
"I'm not trying to distance myself. I just need you to understand how hard it is right now. I need you to understand me, not give me more guilt."

"Did you try talking to your mom again?"

"What do you mean again?"

"You were disrespectful to her the last time you spoke to her. It's your fault."

"So she told you?"

"I know that you were being a brat. I know you were at the hospital."

"And you didn't care to call? You knew I was at the hospital."

"I got your mom to call you, I'm busy Hana, you know that."

"So you had time to call me because my mom complained about me being disrespectful,"
Hana said, her voice sharp with frustration,
"and mind you, she never told you the reason or any backstory, and you simply believed her and found time to call me-all for her, not for me. Sound about right?"

Her father's voice, when it came, was low and edged with coldness.
"It's not about believing anyone. It's about maintaining order. You're the one who's been out of line."

Hana's eyes burned with unshed tears.
"You didn't even ask me what happened. You didn't care to understand my side.
All you did was take her word at face value."

"I don't have time for your excuses, Hana. I'm dealing with enough as it is. I don't need more drama."

"Drama?"
Hana's voice broke, but she forced herself to continue.
"I'm just trying to explain why I was upset. Why I was at the hospital in the first place. You don't see the full picture because you only hear one side."

"Maybe if you'd communicate better, I wouldn't have to rely on what your mother tells me."

"Maybe if you actually listened," Hana shot back, her voice trembling with emotion,
"you'd understand that I'm not trying to cause trouble. I'm just trying to get through a difficult time."

"Look," he finally said, his voice harsher, still laced with frustration,
"I don't know what you want from me. I've got my own problems. I just need you to not add to them."

"That's all I am, aren't I? A problem in your life. Would you even care if I died?"

"HANA!" He screamed over the phone.
"That's enough. Just apologize to you mom, goddamn it. Is that so hard to understand? Can't you make one thing right, or are you here just to spoil everything else?"

"You're still not trying to hear me out, because you've already come to your conclusion, that it's my fault and that I should be the one apologizing."

There was a long, heavy pause. Her father's breathing was audible, each breath a testament to the frustration and weariness he felt.

"You know what? This is helpless, you're a gone case." he said finally, his voice low but unyielding.
"Because If you can't see what you're doing to this family, then I don't know what else to say.

"I don't understand this, I really don't. I don't know if I'm the one who's actually going insane and that I'm actually at fault."

Her father's silence was heavy, filled with a mixture of frustration and resignation. It seemed he had no more words left, or perhaps he simply didn't care to find them. Hana felt a crushing weight in her chest, a deep sense of isolation that made it feel like she was shouting into a void.

"You don't get it, do you? Of course you won't, It's not like you ever understood me."

"You're infuriating, Hana. Stop being so stubborn. Just make up with your mother and control your tongue the next time you speak to her. No matter how old you get, you're still our child, so that's no way to talk to your mom or me."

His tone was sweet, manipulative, designed to guilt-trip her into submission. Hana knew it, but the pain of the manipulation still cut deep.

"I'm sorry. I'll apologize."

The words left her mouth almost against her will, a desperate attempt to placate the storm and find some semblance of peace.

The call ended with a click that resonated in Hana's ears, leaving her alone with her swirling thoughts and the haunting echo of their conversation. She stared at the phone, while slowly all thought started to flow in.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Why do I crave people's care, but when they actually show it, I end up pushing them away? It's as if I can't accept anyone's love or concern until my parents prove their affection through actions, not just empty words. But I fucked up. So bad. I'm dealing with the fallout from what happened with Minho, and now this-now everyone I care about is angry with me. It feels like it has to be my fault. It's not just one person who's upset with me; it's everyone.

By pushing people away, I've turned my fear of rejection into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I push them away, the less they have a chance to show me that they care. This isn't about my parents; their failure to show love was on them. This is about my friends and those who have tried to reach out and support me. I've been unable to let them in, and in doing so, I've made the situation worse.

"He doesn't even fucking care."

"He doesn't even try to know if I'm doing okay."

"Who am I even fucking doing this for?"

"I don't want to do this anymore."

"I can't remember the last time this was all for my dream."

"They'll all be better off without me."

"I've never wanted to end everything so badly."

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Momsy

I'm sorry, Mom.
It was my fault.
It won't happen again.
delivered: 7:55am

Because I won't be here|
Because I won't be|

Because I wo|
Because I|
Becau|

I love you and dad ❤️

I'm so sorry.

delivered: 7:55am

Would've called you one last tim|

Would've called you one la|

Would've called you|

Would've called you, but I'm
running late for lecture😊

delivered: 7:55am

She wouldn't understand the deeper meaning behind these texts, only seeing them as a simple apology.

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hana cried into the palms of her hands, trying to muffle her sobs so she wouldn't wake Minho. She assumed he was fast asleep, unaware that Minho had been awake the entire time.
He had overheard her distressing phone conversation and felt a pang of sadness as he listened to the pain in her voice. Despite the urge to comfort her, he remained still in his bed, reluctant to intrude.

Minho heard Hana's sobs gradually subside, replaced by the occasional hiccup. His desire to offer comfort grew stronger with each passing moment. Quietly, he got up from his bed and walked to her room, softly knocking on the door.

Hana muttered a quiet curse, reaching for the mirror to wipe her face clean of tear stains. Minho caught the sound of her frustration through the door and couldn't help but smirk. Leaning against the doorframe, he spoke in a low, soothing voice.

"It's just me. Can I come in?"

Hana hesitated for a moment before opening the door. She found Minho standing there, his hair disheveled from sleep. His small, reassuring smile met her eyes as she opened the door, and he took in the signs of her recent tears, despite her efforts to conceal them.

Hana responded quickly,
"Yeah, sure. Do you need something or If this is about yesterday night, I promise you i was just going-"

Minho cut her off and shook his head.
"No, nothing like that. I just... heard you crying and wanted to check in on you."

"Crying? No, no, you must've heard wrong,"
Hana replied, her voice trembling slightly.

Minho raised an eyebrow, a small smirk returning to his lips.
"Really? Because my hearing is just fine, and you definitely sounded like you were crying."

Hana tried to insist, "I really- I'm fine, Minho."

"If you're not okay, just say it. Why are you denying it?"
Minho said, his tone firm but gentle.

"I don't know. Please, I just need sometime alone."

Minho's frustration was palpable as he responded,
"This is exactly what I hate about you. You always need time alone, like it's a way to avoid dealing with things. That's where you're wrong."

"Okay, yeah sure, you're not the first one to tell me this."

"Hana, stop it. I didn't get any sleep last night because I regretted pushing you away. I skipped my jog because I wanted to make things right with you before you left home. Best part is, I'm not even wrong. Yet I feel sorry."

"I didn't ask you to do any of that for me. I don't need it, I already told you this. Why are you so hellbent on trying to make me open up, I'm not going to, it's a waste of time."

"It's not a waste of time if its you. I don't care about all that. But I do care a lot about you, and I know that It's fucking weird, but I couldn't care less about that right now."

"Why do you have to make this so complicated? Just accept that I don't want to talk about it. It's not about you. It's about me needing space, and you're suffocating me with your concern."

"I'm suffocating you? God, I'm trying to do the exact opposite! I'm trying to be here for you, even when you push me away."

"I don't want to fight with you, but you keep doing this. Please- Just leave me alone."

"You think it's easy to do that?"

"All I'm asking-"

"Forget it, you'll never understand me. I'll try to stay out of your business. I genuinely don't give two fucks about you now."

His heart clenched as he spat those words.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry. I meant to fix things, not make them worse."
She whispered to herself, because Minho had already left.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Momsy

It's okay.

I know we haven't been the warmest or most affectionate parents.

We've been strict and demanding, perhaps too much at times.

delivered: 9:00am

I'm sorry for reacting the way I did.

Come over for dinner this weekend?

delivered: 9:00am

I'll make your favorite, I promise ❤️

delivered: 9:00am

just one week.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

a/n: I love how they try to make things better, but it just get worser.

THIS CHAPTER IS ALL OVER THE PLACE I WILL CRY
i executed it so well
IN MY IMAGINATION.

ALSO,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANNIE,

I WISH TO GIVE YOU ALL THE BIG HUGS THAT WE MISSED IN THE PAST YEAR<3
[i scheduled this chapter for 12am Thursday (kst) for his bday cuz it's the loml.]