︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

There goes my baby
Out of my reach
Why won't you take me?
It's so hard to breathe
How could you fall short?
You were taller than me
But there goes my baby
Finally free

-there goes my baby-d4vd-

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Minho sat in the waiting room, his eyes never leaving the closed doors of the operating room. Tears streamed down his face, they just wouldn't stop.

"Hyung!" Jeongin's voice cut through the tension, his frantic footsteps echoing in the empty corridor.

Minho's head whipped around, his gaze locking onto Jeongin as he rushed toward him.
"Jeong—" he hiccuped, his voice cracking under the strain of his emotions.

Without a word, Jeongin enveloped Minho in a tight embrace. Minho clung to him, his sobs turning into a muffled, uncontrollable flood of grief. The comfort of Jeongin's presence was a small solace amid the overwhelming fear and guilt.

"Hana—she's inside," Minho choked out between sobs.
"It's been twenty minutes. I don't know... It's my fault. I fought with her—"

His words tumbled out in a jumbled mess, each fragment laden with regret and pain. The incoherence of his speech mirrored the chaos in his mind, the relentless replay of Hana's suffering and his own failures.

"Please, calm down. She'll be okay. I promise you. You know that she's strong right?"

Minho's gaze remained fixed on the closed doors of the operating room, his voice barely a whisper as he replied, "She didn't look okay."

Jeongin's eyes softened, but he was scared to hear his explanation.
 "Please, explain to me what happened."

"Promise me you won't panic. I don't want to hurt you, but this will hurt, you have to stay calm."
He begged.

"Hyung, what happened to your face, where's the blood from?"

"It's not mine. Hana-"
He couldn't even form a sentence without choking on his words.

"Tell me what's wrong with Hana, please, I'm begging you."
Tears had started flowing down Jeongin's face as well.

Minho took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself.
"I—" He paused, struggling to find the words.
"I found her... she was at the hill behind the hospital. She—she was trying to... to hurt herself. I didn't see it coming, and I couldn't stop her in time. She had the blades, and the pills... I tried to get her there as fast as I could, I got there before she swallowed the pills, but I don't know if it's enough. I—I'm so sorry."

"No, no, you're lying. Please tell me its a lie, Hana wouldn't leave."
Jeongin frantically shook his head.

"Jeongin please, stay calm. I told you to stay strong."

"Hana-"
He cried as Minho pulled him in a hug.

"She put this on her table. I'm not ready to read it yet."
Minho pulled out the paper from his sweats handing it to Jeongin.
"Maybe... maybe it will help you understand."

Jeongin took the letter, his hands shaking as he unfolded it.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

To: Minho, Jeongin, and Seungmin

It's Hana. Doing this is so weird considering I've never written a letter to anyone in my entire life.

Firstly, I'm sorry. So, so sorry.

Because If you're reading this, it means I didn't make it through or at least, I attempted.

 I want you to know that this wasn't about any of you. It's not something you could have fixed, and I don't want you to blame yourselves. I really hope you never blame yourself for any of this, because honestly, It was all me. I was the problem, the mistake.

Minho,
I know you're hurting. I know you're probably blaming yourself for what happened between us. Please don't. I was in a place where nothing felt right, and I was lost long before our fight. Ever since I met you a few months ago, you have always been a light in my life, even when I was too far gone to see it. 

Seungmin,
I wish I could have said goodbye properly. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly. You were always the steady presence in my life, and I'm grateful for the moments we shared. Please remember the good, and don't let my actions overshadow the memories we made.

Jeongin,
 You've always been the most caring person I've ever known. Your smile is truly precious, it never failed to bring light to my face however dark my day was. I wish I could have been stronger for you. Please don't be angry with me, but if you are, I get it. You deserve to be happy, and I hope you find peace and joy in the future, even if it takes time.

 I hope this explanation gives you closure.

In these past few years, I reached a point where the noise of my internal struggle is deafening. I keep hearing a voice that tells me there's a way out, that there's a final escape from this relentless torment. And, more frighteningly, I found myself tempted to listen to it. The pain had become so consuming that I was left questioning myself whether it's worth continuing to fight.

I couldn't keep up. I wasn't strong enough to handle the criticism, the expectations, my flaws and failures. I just wished I got a chance to prove myself, that I was strong enough to pull through. But I couldn't. I was not enough.

I'm sorry once again for not reaching out. I've been struggling with so much, and it was hard to put it into words. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems, and I thought I could handle it on my own. But things got too overwhelming, and now I feel like I've lost control.

I didn't want anyone to see me like this, and I was scared of what might happen if I did reach out. I was scared of being a burden, of being a disappointment. It felt easier to suffer in silence than to risk the chance of pushing people away.

Please understand that it wasn't about not trusting you or not wanting your help. It was my own fear and confusion that kept me from speaking up. I wish things were different, and I hope you can forgive me for not being honest about how much I was struggling.

I want you to know that my silence was not a reflection of how I felt about you, but rather a desperate attempt to protect you from the darkness that had enveloped me. I am sorry once again for not reaching out sooner, for not sharing the burden of my pain with you. But how could I ever do that do you three or my parents?

I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to end the pain. I promised myself I'd never do anything to hurt the only people I cared about. But I broke my promise, so many times.

And I'm breaking it right now.

I apologize for the things you'll find out once I'm gone.

Mom, dad, Minho-
I'm so sorry for
arguing, fighting,
 not being enough. 
I'm sorry I never listened to you.

Seungmin and Jeongin,
thank you, for saving me,
Giving me happiness for how ever short our time was together.
If it wasn't for you, my time would've been shorter.
 I'm so sorry I let your efforts go down the drain.

I don't want you to remember me as someone who gave up.
I want you to remember the person I was before this darkness took hold of me.
Remember the side of me that was happy whenever I was with the three of you because I was truly happy in those moments.

Please, don't tell my parents the actual reason why I'm not here anymore.
But it was mainly their expectation that I could not live up to.

They are the people I have let down completely. 
But tell them I loved them despite everything.

Tell my dad he had a terrible humor but I still laughed at how silly it was. 

I want Mom to know how grateful I am for everything she did for me.
I'm sorry you had to make a few sacrifices for me though.

And, I'm grateful, for everything they gave me, for bringing me in this world so I could meet three beautiful people.

Thank you for being a part of my life, even if my presence has been more of a shadow than a source of light. I hope you understand that this letter is not a reflection on you, but on a battle that I've been fighting within myself.

Please take care of each other. Support each other in ways I couldn't. And please, move forward. My time has ended, but yours continues. Don't let my choices define the rest of your lives.

And sorry that this letter, my farewell is not perfect and that it's all over the place.

I'm sorry for leaving.
I'm sorry for pushing you away.

With all my love and apologies,
Hana

PS: If I know hurt you, in many ways, with my words and actions, so don't hold yourself back from despising me. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Jeongin's hands trembled as he read the letter, each word feeling like a punch to the gut. His eyes filled with tears, and he blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of Hana's final message.

"No... no," he whispered, his voice breaking.
"Hana, why didn't you tell us? Why couldn't we help?"

He looked up at Minho, the pain in his eyes raw and unfiltered.
"She... she was in so much pain. How could we have missed this?"

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

a/n: I'm sorry if this is too sad.
  I WAS SO SAD THE DAY I WROTE THIS CHAPTER AND it shows.

how was it though? too gore? Would you want me to tone it down?
 I promise I could rewrite it better, less gore maybe?

I really don't want to romanticize this type of thing, but I hope it reflects the need, the longing of people like Hana to have a strong support like her friends but still being unable to ask or reach for help.

Just wanted to get it out there, before anyone tries to point it out. 

And please, love yourself.
Sounds stupid right? I know, felt that myself multiple times
But if you won't care about yourself, then who will?