"What about my guardian?" Karkat asked, not even peeking over the book that was written in his weird alien language. John was idly sitting on the couch, upside down of course. What other way is there to sit on a couch? The Heir was doing nothing more than making a piece of paper float in the air with his windy powers. The two had been hanging out a lot more, Karkat took both Rose and Kanaya's advice and actually got along with his once-upon-a-time hate-crush. It was going surprisingly well. John would now refer to Karkat as his best friend and by this time Karkat wouldn't even deny it. He'd just groan and roll his eyes.

"I just want to know more about them. You said that all your troll parents are like...giant monsters of sorts. What was yours?" John heard Karkat let out a long elaborate sigh, a key sign that the troll was about to drop a giant culture bomb on John's poor unsuspecting ass.

"You see Fuckbert." Ah yes. There it was. The infamous beginning to an equally infamous lecture. John was excited to say at the least. "My lusus was a giant fucking crab. A literal goddamn crab. And please," Karkat said once he noticed John open his mouth. "Leave any sort of stupid comments for the end. Please and thank you. Now, Crabdad--" John couldn't help it. He let out a loud laugh and made a feeble attempt to stifle it with his hand. Crabdad. Oh my god, Karkat literally called his giant crab monster parent Crabdad. Adorable. The cancer troll crossed his arms and stayed quiet. He was like a teacher saying 'I'll wait' once the class filled with gross pre-pubescent teens got a bit too loud for her liking. Finally the human's laughs died down and Karkat began. "As I was saying, Crabdad was a giant goddamn monster. A good five feet taller than my shitty self. He had huge ass claws that could quite literally tear you in half of you pissed him off."

Karkat set his book down and hopped off his seat before he began walking slowly. "In my upmost opinion he was probably the best goddamn lusus out there. For one, I mean he didn't fucking leave me like Gam's lusus and he didn't eat other trolls like Feferi or Vriska's lusus. And he wasn't a pathetic little fucking bull fairy, may Tinkerbull rest in peace though he was an adorable little shit. Also he wasn't a giant sea monster that could probably kill off my entire planet if he raised his voice above a fucking whisper. So Crabdad was pretty much the best of lusii. And if you don't believe me now, just wait until you hear about my many amazing stories praising this giant crab that had some anger issues." From there, Karkat went on. And on and on and on about how amazing his lusus was.

John was listening to every single word that this fiery troll was spitting out of him of course. But often during his "Crabdad was the greatest lusus in all of Alternia and here's why!" lecture he found himself starting to notice some very interesting things. For one, John noticed that Karkat used his hands when he spoke. He used them a lot. The troll's grey hands were waving about so much that John feared they'd fall right off his wrists. His eyes wandered up to the top of Karkat's head. His horns were poking out from underneath soft looking black hair. The rounded tops of his horns were surrounded in fluffy tufts of hair and in all honesty, John just wanted to run his hand through Karkat's hair.

Platonically of course.

There's nothing romantic about wanting to run a hand through your best friends hair. Lots of people do it platonically. Besides, he only wants to do it for science. Yeah, science. Troll hair looks different in texture and John needs to confirm this not-so-popular headcanon he had for troll hair.

"Are you even fucking listening to me, assclown?" Karkat snaps, yanking John out of his thoughts. The Heir nods quickly which only make Karkat sneer as he sits back down at his seat and pick up his book. "The next time you ask me to explain shit to you, forget about it. Because you don't fucking listen and stare off into blank space while I waste my goddamn breath explaining said shit." The troll huffed and resumed his previous reading, making John frown a bit. Great job John.

"Hey Karkat?" The God Boy asked. Karkat grunted in response. "What book are you reading? The cover makes it look like a weird orgy of horns and celebrities in grey body paint." The troll rolled his eyes as John giggled at his own comment.

"This book is none of your damn business Fuckbert. I told you I wasn't going to explain shit to you anymore since apparently you don't have the fucking decency to pay attention. Now if you'll excuse me," Karkat pushed himself up and bookmarked his page. "I'm going to go find a quiet place to read, free of morons such as yourself." Aw fuck. Now Karkat's upset. John couldn't help but feel a little twinge of guilt for purposely and accidentally pushing the short trolls buttons.

"We're still on for movie night tonight, right?" John called after Karkat and received an angry and unbelieving 'Of course!!' in response. Smiling to himself, John floated up and down the many halls to reach his room. After opening the door and floating in, the human flopped down on his bed which felt like it was made of actual clouds at the moment. It was heavenly. After spending so many nights falling asleep on the couch or floor with his new pal Karkat, even this shitty alchemized bed felt great. Speaking of Karkat, there were still a few hours until their planned movie night, that night's featured film being another one of those pretty bad romantic comedies Karkat adored so much. John sighed and stood up to grab his newly alchemized laptop and sat back down, opening up PesterChum.

-- ectoBiologist[EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist[TT] --

EB: hi rose!
EB: i haven't talk to you in a while :P
TT: Yes I know.
TT: You have been spending your time predominantly with a certain one of our dear troll friends.
TT: I have to say, I'm impressed.
EB: impressed??
TT: Yes. I would've assumed that Karkat would've somehow found a way to just stop talking to you altogether. Perhaps maybe one of your pranks going too far or you ragging on his favorite films.
TT: You've kept him around as a friend longer than I expected.
EB: wow, thanks for believing in me rose. it really means a lot that you had soooo much faith in me.
TT: You're welcome.
TT: Now, what is it you need of me?
EB: what?
TT: Come on John, after practically sewing your hip to Karkat's you only come to the rest of us when you need something. In fact, isn't tonight your scheduled movie night? Shouldn't you be preparing for your little date with him?
EB: nah, movie night isn't for a few hours I have plenty of time to get ready.
TT: Do you?
EB: yeah!
EB: wait.
EB: rose!!
EB: it isn't a date!!
EB: it's just a little bro bonding time.
EB: kind of like how you and kanaya spend all your time together.
TT: Actually Kanaya and I are an item. We're exploring the flushed quadrant of troll romance together.
EB: oh, wow. okay uh forget that comparison.
TT: Mm, no thank you. You just compared your so called "friendship" with Karkat to my romantic relationship with Kanaya. I'm remembering this for the rest of eternity.
EB: ugh.
EB: fine you do that but i'm still not dating karkat!
EB: im not a homosexual remember!
TT: Yes I remember. But feelings and people change John. You are now more mature than you were back then and who knows.
EB: i know!
TT: Or you could be confused.
TT: Just remember that there is more than two sexualities.

-- tentacleTherapist[TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist[EB] --

John sighed in frustration. Rose didn't know what she was talking about, she wasn't him. She didn't feel his feelings or think his thoughts. He did that for himself. And he was certain that he did not have feelings for Karkat.

Fairly certain.

Sort of certain.

Not so certain...

Fuck.

This isn't happening. He didn't like his new best friend. He didn't like someone who had a previous hate crush on him. He didn't like an alien. He didn't like Karkat. No he didn't like him. Karkat is a friend. A best friend. Rose was crazy!

Then again...John had been having those weird thoughts. Like wanting to run his hand through his best friends hair just to feel those soft looking locks of black. No. That's platonic. Or was it?

Fuck.

Fuck.

John had to clear his head. He had to. He couldn't go out there a mess, then Karkat would pester him until John blurted out something really embarrassing and in result ended their friendship on accident. Shit. John had movie night in a while with Karkat, he couldn't go watch a shitty movie with his best pal while he was having awkward second thoughts on his actual feelings towards Karkat. The Heir of Breath groaned and clicked on Karkat's name, already regretting what he was about to say.

-- ectoBiologist[EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] --

EB: hey karkat.
CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF EVER LOVING FUCK IS IT NOW?
CG: ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME TO EXPLAIN HOW THE BLOOD BASED HIERARCHY WORKED ON ALTERNIA ONLY TO START TWIDDLING YOUR THUMBS AND IGNORE EVERY WORD I WRITE WHILST I TYPE PARAGRAPH AFTER AGONIZING PARAGRAPH?
EB: no no!
EB: i won't do that again i promise!
EB: and sorry for that too. i was being a grade a douchebag earlier.
CG: WHATEVER. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT THAT IT COULDN'T WAIT THE COUPLE OF HOURS FROM HERE TO MOVIE NIGHT? TONIGHT'S FEATURE FILM IS ONE I THINK YOU'D ENJOY.
EB: that's sort of the thing i need to talk to you about actually!
EB: i uh
EB: can't really make it to movie night tonight, sorry.
CG: WHAT?
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU "CAN'T REALLY MAKE IT?"
EB: i forgot i made other plans...
CG: UH HUH. "OTHER PLANS."
EB: yeah! with vriska!
CG: VRISKA.
EB: heh...yeah vriska. i haven't been spending as much time with her lately so i thought it'd be nice!
CG: WHATEVER.
CG: HAVE FUN WITH THAT BULGE MUNCHING BITCH FUCKBERT.

-- carcinoGeneticist[CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist[EB] --

Great. Now for part two of John's fucked up plan that was potentially ruining his friendship with Karkat.

-- ectoBiologist[EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip[AG] --

EB: vriska!
AG: Well well wellllllll.
AG: Look who it is!
AG: John Eg8ert!
AG: Speaking to little old me after suuuuuuuuch a long time.
AG: I'm honored that y8u finally took some time away from my 8rave 8rave leader to talk to the little people in life.
AG: Especially since one of these little pe8ple helped you achieve god tier and 8asically molded you into the 8est fucking leader you puny humans ever got the honor of having.
AG: I'm ecstatic!!!!!!!!
EB: vriska we don't have time for this!
EB: i need a huge favor!
AG: Do you now.
EB: yes!!!!
AG: And what may that "little fav8r" 8e?
EB: well i sort of need you to lie to karkat right now.
AG: You want me to lie to  Karkat.
AG: W8w. Isn't tonight your movie night?
EB: yes! but i can't go and told him that i forgot i made plans with you instead!
AG: Hmmmmmmmm........
EB: please!!!!
AG: Normally I'd say no and let y8u crash and 8urn, especially since you've 8een IGNORING the rest of us like chumps!
AG: 8ut I'm feeling especially nice today so I'll lie to Karkat for you.
EB: yes! thank you!
AG: Yeah yeah.
AG: Oh, speak of the devil! Karkat's currently throwing a hilariously written temper tantrum my way.
AG: You 8etter 8e gr8ful that I'm doing this Eg8ert.
EB: i am!
AG: Why don't you want to watch his silly little movies with him anyway?
AG: last time I checked y8u were drooling all 8ver him. Like a 8ark8east on a 8one or Equius over a weird and graphic nudie picture of a horse.
EB: personal reasons!
EB: thank you!!

-- ectoBiologist[EB] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip[AG] --

John sighed in relief and flopped back down on his bed. This plan was horrible. This plan might ruin his friendship with Karkat. John hated this plan. But he needed some time to think and clear his head. John only hoped that when this was all over, Karkat would forgive him and their friendship would be back on track.