CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE:
HARD TO LOVE, EASY TO LEAVE
(episode seven: dead calm | trigger warning: mentions of murder and abuse)

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HAVEN FOUND HERSELF GOING home for the first time in a few days. She didn't know how her mother would react, but she had nowhere else to go with the pogues at odds. The windows in the living room were open to let the cool air in. That was the first thing Haven noticed as she approached the driveway. So her mother was home. Just what she wanted, the second argument in an hour. She was on some kind of streak.

"Hey, mum, it's me," she called out as she pushed open the screen door and shuffled inside. Rosie instantly bounded towards her, jumping up and placing her paws on Haven's thigh as the girl chuckled and scratched behind her ears. "Hi, sweet girl, did you miss me?" Rosie just licked her hand, eventually jumping down and wandering back down the hallway. Haven watched her go for a moment before entering the living room. "Mum, are you home—"

She froze, words failing her. She swore the breath had been knocked out of her lungs with a baseball bat, someone reaching down her throat and squeezing her lungs until they popped. This couldn't be real. It was some nightmare caused by the stress of Barry, then JJ, just everything in her fucking life.

"Mum..."

Melinda tore herself away from the man before her, fingers frantically feeling for the smudged lipstick on her chin. "Haven, I didn't think you'd be home..." She caught sight of her daughter's face and went quiet.

Eventually, though, the silence was broken by Liam fucking Powers, the man from the Country Club, stepping towards Haven with a nervous smile on his face. "Haven, right? It's nice to formally meet you."

"Get away from me," she whispered, backing up into the wall as he held out a hand for her to shake. Liam's face fell at her words, and he turned to look at Melinda for assistance.

"Haven, this wasn't how I wanted you to find out—"

"What? That you're cheating on dad?" she hissed.

"Your dad's gone—"

"Oh, you're despicable," she shook her head. She couldn't get the image of her mother kissing another man out of her mind. "I can't do this right now."

With one last disgusted sneer in Liam's direction, she wheeled around and left the way she came. The porch steps swayed beneath her feet as she stumbled down them, running as fast as she could as she heard the front door catch and her mother's light footsteps jogging after her.

"Haven, come on," she called out. "Just come back inside, please."

"Leave me alone."

"Young lady, this is ridiculous." Melinda's hand was rough against her arm as she yanked her around. Haven refused to meet her eyes, prompting the woman to huff and force her head up. Haven flinched under her touch, thinking of Barry's vengeful hands forcing JJ down onto the ground next to her.

"Look, I know you miss your dad."

"He hasn't even been dead for a year and you're already moving on."

The words seemed to strike a nerve in Melinda. Her hand raised, arcing down towards Haven's face before she caught herself. Nobody moved for a moment. Not Liam on the porch, who watched with wide eyes at the stranger who replaced the woman he loved. Not Haven, who was laughing that same, empty laugh she'd heard so much from JJ. Not Melinda, who quickly lowered her hand in horror at what she was so close to doing. She wasn't her brother. She was better than that. Or was she?

"I hate you," Haven spat. She felt like a little kid throwing a tantrum, but the sight of Liam standing on her porch like he belonged there reminded her of her dad. It made her sick to her stomach, how her mum was acting like Darren Murphy was so easy to move on from. Did she even love him at all? "You are just like Uncle Luke."

Then, before her mother could stop her again, she was sending one last glare at Liam before grabbing her bike from the yard and rushing away from the house that didn't feel like a home anymore, the stranger she called mum.

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IN THE RIGHT MIND, the last place Haven would've gone after a fight with her mother was the Maybank house. But she found herself longing for JJ, needing someone who understood the weight behind what Melinda had almost done. She knew he went home. Like her, there was no other place for him to go, and some part of him still yearned for his father's approval. He would've taken the money he stole right to his dad in the hopes of finally making the pathetic excuse of a man proud, so that was where Haven went too. Even if he turned her away, she had to try.

Without thinking, she went right up to the front door and knocked frantically. JJ answered, a fresh bruise covering the skin of his right cheekbone. He had blood staining his teeth, smeared across his bottom lip and his chin, that he struggled to wipe away for the person at the door. He froze, though, as his eyes met his cousin's.

"You can't be here," he said immediately, going to close the door in her face. "Haven, my dad is home."

"And he did this," she said as she stopped him. There was no doubt about it and both of them knew it.

"It doesn't matter, alright?" he sighed. "You need to go now."

Haven was tired, so fucking tired of everyone and everything in Outer Banks. Constantly putting her life on the line, arguing with her friends, with JJ, her mother, everything. Every bit of emotion rose to the surface and hit her full force. The fear that Barry had provoked in her, the heartbreak from her mother's betrayal, the pure rage she felt towards her uncle for how he treated JJ. They both deserved better. Haven just wanted to feel something other than pain.

"Haven—"

"Who's at the door, boy?"

The voice sent chills down her spine. He had appeared behind his son's back without either of the teens hearing him, staring over his shoulder at the red-faced girl on his doorstep. Haven watched with sick satisfaction as his eyes lit up with recognition then fear. So he did remember her. Haven supposed she should be glad that he had to live with the knowledge that he murdered his brother-in-law and maimed his only niece, but something about it only wrestled with her fury. He had known who she was when he chose to drive away. He condemned his family to death because he was too fucking scared to own up to his own actions. Haven had to live every day without her dad because of this man, this man who in more ways than one had torn apart her family and thrown the scraps every which way.

"It's no one, dad," she heard JJ insisting but she wasn't looking at him anymore. At her sides, her hands clenched into fists, Luke tracking the movement with a pale face.

"I know who she is," he muttered. Even from a metre away, she could smell the alcohol on his breath. Nice to see nothing changed. Even in the middle of the afternoon, he was plastered. "You look like your dad."

Haven hummed, ignoring the pointed stare of JJ's eyes on the side of her face. "That scares you, doesn't it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Her voice had brought him back to reality, it seemed. All fear faded into his usual anger, his grip on JJ's shoulder tightening as he struggled to stay standing. "Get the fuck outta here."

"Haven, just listen to him," JJ pleaded, forcing her to meet his eyes. He looked confused but afraid, some of Haven's fury fading just enough for her to see reason. She didn't want to cause problems for him, no matter how good it would make her feel to get under Luke Maybank's skin. She'd sparked a memory in him and that was enough.

"I'll see you later, JJ," she said and turned on her heel.

She hadn't even made it down the steps before Luke called out after her. "That's it. Walk away like that pathetic mother of yours."

Haven's nails dug into her palms at the force of her shaking hands. Sorry, JJ, she thought to herself as she spun back around. She hated her mother, but she wouldn't let someone like Luke get away with dragging her through the mud. At least Melinda could restrain herself, Luke didn't even know what the word meant.

"Do you see my dad's face when you sleep?" she asked, prompting his eyes to narrow. "Does the image of the wrecked car haunt you, Uncle Luke?"

"Haven—"

"Don't you talk about that," he snarled.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she pouted tauntingly at him. "It must be so hard for you knowing you killed your big sister's husband."

"Get out of here," he roared, spit flying. He'd finally let JJ go, taking a few steps back like an animal ready to charge. "And don't ever let me see your face again."

"Gladly."

It took Haven a moment to realise someone was following her down the driveway. She turned defensively, half-expecting it to be Luke unable to hold back his rage, but it was only JJ. He had Barry's bag in his hands, his head hung low. She paused, expecting him to confront her, but he kept on walking past like he couldn't even see her.

"JJ..." she called out. "J, can we talk, please? We both know we need to."

The high of seeing Luke struggle had lowered slightly when she remembered that JJ hadn't known. Another thing she kept from him. But there was a pattern to every secret. How was she supposed to tell him his dad had taken her dad's life, had left her with a scar across her stomach and an empty spot in her heart for a parent who she'd never get to see again? That wasn't something you could just bring up out of nowhere.

Seeing him so quiet was weird. There was obvious tension to his shoulders but no visible anger crossed his face as he looked at her. It was like they were both seeing each other for everything they were. Not just the good parts, but the raw and deceitful parts too. Haven didn't know what to make of his expression. It said too much yet not enough.

"I'm going to clear my head," he said. "And I don't want you to follow me."

She nodded slowly. "Okay. Then after?"

He shrugged, lowering his head again. "We'll see."

And so they went their separate ways again.

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SOMEONE HAD ALREADY BEATEN her to John B's house. After a while of just walking around aimlessly, she'd decided to head back there and wait for the others, knowing there was no way she could go back to her own house after everything. Her friendships weren't completely broken like her relationship with her mum. They could be salvaged. So when she heard sounds of commotion in the yard, she just presumed it was them, plastering on a smile as she followed the glowing lights. But instead of the pogues lounging around on the porch or out on the hammocks, she found JJ instead. Somehow, he had found a hot tub and set it up in the centre of the yard, floating inside with a bunch of pool toys and a fancy drink of some sorts.

"Haven," he hiccupped at the sight of her. "L-Long time no see, little cousin."

"JJ, what on earth...?"

Before she could say much else, footsteps sounded from behind her. She locked eyes with Pope, Arden and Kie as they entered the yard, looking just as confused as her as they stared in shock.

"What did you do, JJ?" Pope breathed out.

"I got a jet going straight up my butt right now," the boy in question giggled, though that wasn't quite the answer Pope was looking for. "Y'all should get in immediately, you hear me? Salud!" And with a proud grin, he poured himself another flute of champagne and downed it.

"How much did this cost?"

"Uh... Well, with the generator, the petrol, and — oh, hey, express delivery... pretty much all of it, yeah."

"All of it?" Pope repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah, all of it."

"You spent all the money in one day?"

"Yeah, burned a whole right through my pocket," he sighed. "But, I mean, come on guys, look at this. Finest in jet-based massage therapy, that's what they told me."

The girls shared a frustrated look, which didn't go unnoticed by JJ, regardless of how drunk he was. "Kie, what? Can't a man have a little luxury in life? Come on, all this scrimpin' and scrapin.' I mean, like, guys... we only live once, right? So, come on, enough of this emotional shit. Get in The Cat's Ass."

"The what?" Haven raised a wary brow at him. This wasn't the JJ who said he needed to clear his head. This one was falling apart at the seams.

"The Cat's Ass," he repeated with a shy smile. "That's what I named her." The four just shook their heads, watching as he suddenly gasped and switched on a disco ball they'd only just noticed hanging above his head. It glittered with bright blue and gold light, casting a soft glow on JJ's body.

"Are you kidding me?" Pope muttered, the first to let his emotions show. "You could've paid for restitution."

"Or literally given it to any charity," Kie huffed.

"Or better yet, you could've helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well."

"Okay, well, you know what? I didn't do that." He stood up in a flurry of water, his bruised and bloodied torso on display for everyone to see. At that, every bit of anger faded into horror. Haven was unable to tear her eyes away from the sight, her heart sinking as JJ's voice wavered. "I got a hot tub. For my friends. I got a hot tub for my friends. No, you know what? Screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family."

"JJ, what the hell?" Kie murmured.

"Guys, look what I did for you. Alright? Look at this!"

"JJ..."

"Hey, stop being emotional. It's fine, okay?" he exclaimed when he saw the tears falling down the girls' faces. Haven had a hand pressed to her mouth as she stared at his torso. She'd seen the other marks and was angry, but this was nothing she could describe. He whimpered, smiling hopefully at them. "I mean, it's sweet, right?"

That was all it took for Arden to move. She climbed straight into the hot tub, her arms carefully looping themselves around JJ's neck. He stood still for a moment before finally caving in.

"I couldn't do it," he sobbed. Haven was the next to join them. She didn't care about her jeans as she waded through the water, standing on JJ's other side to wrap her arms around both him and a sniffling Arden. "I just can't take him anymore," he screamed, struggling for a moment before sinking into them. "I was gonna kill him... And Have, what you said— I just wanna do the right thing."

"What I said doesn't matter right now," she murmured with a locked jaw. She squeezed him tighter, head pressed to his shoulder as she heard Pope and Kie climbing in, too. They'd never seen JJ so open about his pain. It was hard, a huge wake up call that maybe he needed more help than they thought.

"This is our family, JJ," Haven heard Arden murmur as her hands ran through his long hair. "We may not all fit together seamlessly at times, we are definitely messy, but that's okay. Because we work through it. We are each other's family and always will be..."

The pogues were family. They fought like cats and dogs, disagreed over everything big and small, but they would go to the end of the earth and back for each other. And so they surrounded JJ then, holding him together when he threatened to break, for as long as he needed them to be there.