CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN:
KNIFE IN THE BACK
(episode nine: trapped | trigger warning: panic attack)

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

THE ANCIENT FLOOR OF Freedman's Church shattered as a giant, ten foot cross made of pure gold collided with the rotting wood. For a moment, Haven was stunned into silence, standing wide-eyed and frozen mere inches away from where Pope's frantically panting body laid. His eyes were clenched shut, just waiting for the collision that would've broken every single one of his bones. When the pain didn't come and the sound of splintering history was heard just a foot away from his head, he slowly began to relax. Still, he didn't move, save for the irregular rise and fall of his chest. In fact, no one moved. They were far too shocked to comprehend that Pope had really just come so close to death.

"Pope," Arden murmured at last, her voice taking on an edge of panic. She forced herself to move, to close the distance between them. Pope looked up as she dropped to her knees beside him, shaking hands meeting her own that checked him over for injuries. "Hey, Pope, are you okay?"

Arden's voice was like a police siren, jarring through the muted chaos of their surroundings. Haven snapped out of whatever trance she was in, checking the ceiling for remnants of the wooden beam the cross had just fallen from. When she determined that nothing else was going to fall, she kneeled on Pope's other side, quickly prompting the rest of their friends into action.

"Pope, answer me," Arden huffed, looking just as frazzled as Haven felt.

Moving like everything was in slow-motion, Pope forced himself to respond. "I'm good," he said, to which Arden almost immediately sighed in relief. "Just give me, like, one second to catch my breath."

"Take as many seconds as you like," Haven chuckled. With a glance over at the glistening cross, she said, "You've done it, Pope."

One-by-one, their friends crowded around their newest discovery. Leaving Arden sitting at Pope's side, Haven made her way over to stand between John B and JJ. The latter's eyes met hers with unadulterated joy. Haven smiled, reaching for John B's free hand while his other ran over the encrusted diamonds and other jewels on the cross. It really was extraordinary, something right off the pages of a history book.

"I've never seen anything like it," she heard Sarah say, and Haven had to agree.

Behind them, Arden helped Pope to his feet. The wooden floor creaked beneath his staggered footsteps, prompting Haven to turn and smile at him. 

The second she caught his eye, she knew something was wrong.

Arden's worry was growing by the second as she kept an arm secured around his shoulders. Pope was hunched over, gasping for air like his lungs had closed over. Haven wanted to approach him, to point out that something wasn't right, but she didn't have the chance to before Pope forced himself to lean against one of the nearby pews, his heavy-lidded eyes glowering at where John B and JJ were arguing about what to do with the cross. John B was pointing out the obvious ― a museum ― whereas JJ was being his usual self thinking of money first, historical and familial importance later.

Cutting through their argument, Pope exclaimed, "Hey! It's my ancestors' cross." JJ tried to stammer out a flustered reply but was cut off by a warning look from Arden. Sighing, he stood back with a glower, allowing Pope to continue. "This is bigger than money. The world's gotta know the truth."

"Yes," John B agreed, jaw clenched in clear agitation. "And if we don't get this shit outta here before Limbrey gets here, then nobody's gonna know, so saddle up and―"

Looking back on it, Haven should've said something. She'd noticed the signs before, and she noticed them again as JJ tried to lead the charge in carrying this ten-ton cross outside to the Twinkie ― which, already, was an indication that they had not thought any of this through. I mean, the Twinkie? That van had already been through enough. Tying a ridiculously heavy gold cross to the top of it? Then driving it through town for everyone to see? They were asking to get caught.

But back to Pope.

Haven should've said something when she first noticed that something was off. He was out of breath, his eyes were slowly swelling, and he kept clutching at his hand with clenched teeth. Every time Arden tried to approach him, he'd brush her off, stubbornly muttering an I'm fine that said anything but. Now, as Pope laid across one of the pews holding his hand to his chest again, she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Damn it, you almost dropped it on my foot," JJ cried as the golden cross shattered yet another patch of wood.

Haven, whose back was already throbbing from trying to lift the wretched thing, turned on her cousin with narrowed eyes. At the same time, Sarah exclaimed, "That's cause I'm the only one lifting it" which, of course, set JJ off and the next thing Haven knew, she was stuck between the two arguing blondes.

"Guys―" she grumbled, though she was drowned out by Sarah throwing her hands into the air and JJ scoffing something heated. "Guys, would you― hey!"

Both of them turned to her then, heads bowed like scolded toddlers. Frustrated, Haven pointed to where Arden was kneeling beside Pope again, caught between trying to catch JJ's attention and murmuring concerned words to Pope. "Something's wrong with Pope," Haven said now that she had silence to work with. "If you'd just stop arguing for one fucking second..."

"Oh, shit."

"Pope, your eye, it's all puffy..."

"Yo, you don't look too good, bro."

Her words had an almost immediate effect. Of course, JJ pointed out the obvious as they gathered around him, Arden doing what she could by checking his vitals. "He's having some kind of allergic reaction," she exclaimed with her fingers still pressed against the pulse point in his wrist. "We need to―"

With one last shuddering gasp, Pope's eyes rolled into the back of his head. JJ and John B lurched forward to stop him from rolling off the bench, Arden letting out a panicked cry as his wrist slipped out of her grasp.

"We need to get him to a doctor, or someone," Haven cried as she, John B and Kie lugged him to his feet. Dead weight in their arms, it took all three of them plus Arden and Sarah to guide his body towards the doors, leaving JJ to hastily attempt to hide the cross while they found Pope help.

"Guys, I don't think I hid it well enough―"

"Don't worry about that," Arden snapped over her shoulder. "Haven's right. We need to take him to the hospital."

"And say what? He got stung while we were looking for a giant gold cross?"

"Well, do you have any better ideas?"

"We could take him to my weed-dealer," JJ suggested, to which several pairs of incredulous eyes darted towards him.

"JJ, now is not the fucking time―"

"I wasn't kidding," he defended himself against Arden's anger. "He's a paramedic, the one that let me borrow his ambulance to break John B out of prison."

Haven had a lot of questions ― like why a paramedic had the side job of selling drugs and what the fuck JJ meant by 'breaking John B out of prison' ― but she refrained from asking them as she and Kie adjusted Pope on the back seat of Mr Carrera's truck. His eyes were almost completely shut, his breaths shallow and weak. They were running out of time, and fast.

"JJ, get in the front," Haven ordered, nodding towards the passenger seat. Arden and Kie turned to her incredulously. "What? Have you got any better ideas?"

Of course, neither of them did, so Kie clambered into the driver's seat and Arden sat with Pope in the back, leaving Haven to climb into the bed of the truck where John B and Sarah had not-so-legally gathered. They took to the streets well over the speed limit, arriving at an admittedly-dodgy looking house just a block or so over from where Haven lived. As they pulled into the drive, JJ leaned over to slam his hand against the horn, alerting whoever was inside that they'd arrived.

"Ricky!" Haven heard him shout as he threw himself out the passenger side door. "Ricky, are you home?"

Following her cousin up to the porch, Haven warily took in the sight of a man standing in his boxers on the other side of the glass front door. With curly black hair and a scruffy beard to match, this Ricky looked to be in his early twenties. He didn't look like a weed-dealer, but then again, he didn't look like a paramedic either.

"Ricky, I know you're mad at me," JJ shouted, prompting Haven to sigh and lower her head into her hands. Of course he had problems with the one person who could help them, but now probably wouldn't out of spite. "But I need your help―"

"Remember that time you stole my ambulance?" Ricky retorted with furrowed brows.

Fuming, Haven turned on JJ. "I thought you said he let you borrow it, JJ."

Perhaps she shouldn't have said that, for Ricky's eyes narrowed dangerously. JJ laughed nervously, and with a desperate glance behind him to where the others were helping a barely conscious Pope out of the truck, he continued, "I know, I'm sorry, but―"

Ricky wasn't having it. Much to Haven's dismay, he roughly slammed the door in their faces just as the others lifted Pope up the steps. With teary eyes, Arden and Sarah began to bang on the glass, desperately begging for him to help them. JJ joined them at a nearby window, knocking over and over until the resigned man inside finally opened the door again, demanding to know who it was that couldn't breathe. He didn't looked too happy when everyone pointed at Pope, but the better part of him won out and he pushed aside the glass.

The next few minutes seemed like hours for Haven. Sarah shoved the pile of washing off this random dude's dining table, allowing John B and Kie to shove Pope onto the bare surface. Caught between desperation and relief, JJ turned to him and said, "You know, I wouldn't come to you if it wasn't an emergency." Given the amount of times JJ appeared with a new batch of weed, Haven highly doubted that. So did Ricky, for he shot JJ a 'yeah, right' glance before turning back to Pope.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked, standing opposite Haven.

"Wasps," Sarah cried.

"Wasps?" he frowned, wondering if he'd heard her right. "Is he allergic?"

"Uh, clearly," Kie scoffed at the same time as Arden exclaimed, "JJ, are you sure this dude's a paramedic?"

Ricky looked like he was contemplating kicking them out again, but a feeble gasp of Pope's tugged at whatever good he had left on his conscience. "Alright, hang tight, I gotta get my kit."

"Hang tight?" the group echoed in disbelief, Arden nearly screeching the words from where she was holding one of Pope's hands. "Oh, my god, I knew we should've just taken him to the hospital. Haven―"

"Don't you dare say it's my fault," Haven cut her off with a defensive glare. "JJ's the one who knows this dude."

"Can we stop trying to blame each other, please?" John B exclaimed. When both of them went quiet, he turned to JJ. "He's looking for a kit. Go help him."

Just as quickly as he disappeared, he came back shouting over his shoulder, "What does it look like?"

"Uh, a duffle bag, maybe?"

"Maybe?" Haven echoed, to which Ricky just shrugged on his way towards a nearby cupboard.

"Oh, my god, where's your kit?" Kie nearly screamed after the man.

"I don't know, in the garage maybe?"

"How do you not know where something that important is?" Arden screeched. She looked ready to cross the room and strangle the man, and unlike when she was angry at Haven, John B had no intentions of stopping her. "Are you even a paramedic or is that just some weird kink you're into?"

Fortunately for Pope, Ricky didn't seem too offended by Arden's insinuation. A few moments later, he came jogging out of the garage with an official-looking hospital bag in his arms. He dropped it onto the table beside Pope's head, ushering everyone to one side of the table while he got to work on the other.

"Okay, what do we do now?" JJ asked him.

"You don't do anything because you're not a paramedic." At the same time, Ricky reached into his bag, rustling around for a second before pulling out a needle and a vial with some kind of clear liquid in it. Haven couldn't bring herself to look as he filled the needle with medicine, burying her woozy face into John B's shoulder. "Hey, Pope, how you doing, man? You look like shit―" Whatever he was trying to do to help Pope relax wasn't helping, for Pope's breaths only became more frantic. Sighing, Ricky turned to the pogues, "Okay, here's the thing, this is a paediatric dose of epinephrine."

"Paediatric?" Arden repeated, genuinely wondering how competent this man was. "Does he look like a fucking kid to you?"

"Look, that doesn't matter," Ricky said. "It's ten times a normal dose. So... if it doesn't stop his heart, it'll help him, but I've gotta use the whole thing or it won't work, and I'm not going down if he dies."

Subconsciously, all eyes turned to JJ, the one who brought them there in the first place. Arden was shaking her head at him in a no fucking way kind of gesture, but with just one look at Pope, JJ caved. "Okay, fine, just ― just do it, hurry up and give it to him!"

That was all Ricky needed to convince him. The second he brandished the needle near Pope's arm, Haven turned to hide her face again, wincing against the rough material of John B's jacket. Fortunately, it was over just as quickly, for a moment later, Ricky stepped back and declared his work to be done.

"Well, now what do we do?" Arden asked. She still hadn't let go of Pope's hand.

"Now, we wait."

Waiting was the hard part. Every second dragged past, seeming almost tortuous as Haven paced back and forth. The TV was blasting some kind of game show and she could hear a radio station of some sort playing low in the kitchen, but nothing could distract her from Pope's frozen chest or his swollen eyes. He looked... dead. There was no other way to put it. Genuinely, Haven was beginning to worry. Perhaps they took too long. Maybe Ricky's dose really did stop his heart.

The first tears fell just as Arden murmured, "He's gone. You killed him." It was the way she said it that got to Haven. Like her whole heart had stopped when Pope's did. Tearing free of JJ's arms, she lurched at Ricky with trembling fists. "You killed him!"

"No," Ricky stubbornly shook his head, backing away as JJ pulled Arden back towards him. "No, I didn't do shit. I did exactly what you asked me to do."

Haven wanted to be sick. Her knees buckled as the feeling twisted in her stomach. Pope was really gone―

No, dead.

Pope was dead, and she spent so much time pushing him away. The burnt bridge still existed between them, having barely begun its reconstruction before everything went to shit again. How was she supposed to live knowing she'd never get to fix it for good? That this would be all there ever was? A broken relationship and a half-hearted friendship mended in the aftermath. Haven wanted to scream, to shake his shoulders until he had no choice but to wake up.

This couldn't be happening.

"JJ―" she whimpered to the frozen boy beside her. Arden had ripped free from his arms, leaning over Pope to press her head to the hopelessly silent chasm of his chest. It felt like John B and Sarah all over again, with Haven and JJ alone in the middle of it. Just as he turned towards her, shaking arms reaching out, a sudden gasp cut through the air like a knife.

"Wait, wait, wait," JJ cried. "Did you guys hear that?"

For a second, there was nothing, just the tang of foolish hope rotting in the air. Then Pope was sitting up, breathing, alive―

Pope was alive!

A few more tears as Haven beamed, one smile in a sea of relieved grins. Ricky was laughing like he couldn't believe he'd done it. Arden was half-sobbing, half-giggling against Pope's shoulder, a reaction shared among all the pogues. They chased after Pope as he pushed himself off Ricky's dining table, shrugging out of his jacket on the way outside.

"It's hot," he cried into the cooling Autumn air. "Oh, my god, it's so hot―"

Haven couldn't believe her eyes when Pope began to run around the yard. Just a second ago, he was on the brink of death and Haven was spiralling. Now, he was running around the yard like he'd smoked a crap ton of weed...

That was when it hit her.

"Oh, god, is he...?"

Almost simultaneously, Haven and Arden caught each other's eyes.

"High Pope's making his comeback," Arden cackled in delight just as Pope came barrelling towards them. He jumped as high as gravity would let him, throwing his arms into the air and screaming, "Let's go get that cross!"

Well, then. It looked like they were back in the G-game.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

MUCH TO HIGH-POPE'S disappointment, Arden insisted that he drop her off at the Maybank house. I need to see my daughter, Arden had told him when he called her boring and whined about not getting to hang out with his 'bestie.' That shut him right up, though he did pout the entire five minute drive around to Haven's house. There, Arden ruffled his hair and climbed out of the truck bed, bidding everyone a goodbye before heading up the driveway.

She didn't look at JJ once.

As the sun began to set and a cool breeze settled over town, Haven and the others struggled to fit into the backseat of the vehicle. It was only so spacious with three people in there, but four? JJ's elbow was constantly digging into Haven's side, as was Sarah's from where the two girls were sharing the middle seat. It was annoying, but what made it even worse was High-Pope's commentary as he drove along the empty streets.

"Uh, Pope, you're driving pretty fast," Kie nervously commented from the passenger side.

Pope glowered at her, keeping his eyes off the road for a beat too long. They swerved, prompting Haven to hiss as JJ's elbow buried into her ribs again. She scowled as Pope let out an elongated whoo! unphased even when JJ said, "Pope, last to judge, but I think you should slow down a little."

"That would definitely slow down our arrival to the cross," Pope rebuked. "And we've gotta get there."

Frowning, Kie glanced into the backseat. "Why did we let him drive again?"

Pope grinned. "Because I said I'd rip your ears off."

"I won't lie, guys, that threat doesn't really make much sense..."

"Well, you could've said something earlier," JJ grumbled.

Haven shot him a withering glare. "I did. Then Pope started talking about dead people's ears and no one wanted to hear it."

"Hey, I was joking about that, by the way," Pope said like it would change anything now. "The ripping off your ears part, not the dead people. I never joke about dead people."

Brows furrowed, JJ turned to Haven, "Remind me why you ever liked him."

"I'm finding it hard to remember, I won't lie."

Offended, Pope whirled around to face them, the car swerving into the wrong lane. "Hey, how you doing, buddy?" John B chuckled nervously. "Maybe you should turn around ― hey, there you go! You alright?"

Already, Pope had forgotten why he was offended in the first place. "I'm fantastic. I don't know what JJ's cousin gave me, but I am moving!"

"We couldn't tell," Kie chuckled just as JJ frowned, "Ricky isn't my cousin..."

Oh, they really shouldn't have let him drive.

Everything suddenly seemed to go wrong. Pope kept looking back at the others, especially after John B pointed out his speed limit again, prompting them to swerve and nearly run up some random car's ass.

"Pope, I don't know if you've noticed but there's these giant oak trees all along the side of the road right now," John B exclaimed as Pope, still swerving, began to inch towards the edge of the asphalt. "They're, like, six inches off the road."

But Pope wasn't listening, for he was once again swerving onto the wrong side to overtake a 'slow' vehicle in front. Panicked, Haven clung to JJ's hands as the bright headlights of an oncoming car shone through the windshield. Immediately, everyone was shouting, demanding for Pope to get his ass back onto the right side. They made it out of yet another crash with an inch of their life, tires screeching against slick concrete before righting themselves.

"What an asshole, am I right?" Pope scoffed and gestured vaguely at the rear-view mirror.

Kie, with her head buried in her hands, exclaimed, "Pope, he's going the speed limit."

"And you just broke like a hundred laws by going over unbroken lines," Haven added, the edge of panic evident in her voice.

It was no secret that Haven didn't like cars ― especially not cars that were driven by people who weren't sober. She barely even tolerated something like this, where they had four people in the back instead of three. Pope used to know that well, before everything. If he was sober, he would've been the first to shut a situation like this down, even if they weren't together anymore. He would've spotted the pure fear in her eyes that JJ noticed just as John B screamed and Pope finally lost control.

The crash was minimal in the grand scheme of things but it brought Haven back to a cold night that felt like a lifetime ago. Kie's truck wrapped around the trunk of one of those giant oak trees, metal screeching and glass popping. Someone screamed ― perhaps it was Haven herself ― into the silence before Haven threw herself over JJ's lap and out into the rainy night. Her lungs were closing in, heart hammering, vision blurring.

Her father would've never forgiven her for something so reckless.

"Haven―"

"You okay―"

"What's wrong with her―"

Her friends' questions blurred together until it sounded like they were underwater. Haven's hands wrapped around someone's jacket. It took her a moment to realise it was JJ. She couldn't see, couldn't hear anything over the thump, thump, thump of an erratic heart that had almost died twice in a car crash.

Dad, I'm sorry.

"Haven!" All at once, sounds returned. Everything was quiet except for JJ's voice and crying ― her crying. His hands were on her shoulders, someone's arm was around her back. Haven Murphy had never felt so alive and dead at the same time. "Hey, you're okay."

I'm so sorry.

Even when her breathing finally slowed back to normal, when her tears finally stopped and her heart wasn't hammering like a war drum, Haven couldn't shake the feeling that she'd done something unforgivable. Not just for herself, and the voice in her head that had gotten too used to making false promises, but to her father watching over her and wondering what his daughter had become.

I'm so sorry.

It's all my fault.