Can I be honest?

If you talked with me on a regular basis, you wouldn't expect me to be writing this sort of thing. You'd definitely think I need this sort of thing to keep me going. I show no confidence, no pride in myself, and no love for me.

And that's what's dangerous. I know I find no value in myself, and if I really think I'm that bad, what's the point of carrying on? And then is when I realize I need something like this, a reason.

I found a quote for this feeling "Throw yourself to the sea, try to drown yourself. But you will find yourself fighting the waves just before you can die. For it is not you that you want dead, but a part of you."

I need to allow myself the mental breakdowns. Psychologically, you can't rebuild your mindset unless you allow your current mindset to destroy itself. I find I struggle with that. I feel so numb towards myself, I can't bring myself to emotion for me, tears nor joy.

All this to say I'm working on it. I'm here with you, struggling with these steps and tips too. But hey, if you guys can do it, so can I.

And I'm also saying this to let you know, no, I'm not here with a perfect mindset and fixed emotions, helping you "poor souls" fix yourselves. I need to hear these just as much as you need me to say them.

I'm in this boat with you, and I'm not stepping on shore without you. Please help me, let's work on this together.

I love you guys more than anything ❤