Ananya placed a feather-light kiss on my cheeks and ran her hands through my hair. It was getting hard to pretend to sleep.

I didn't want the night to end, I didn't want to let her go. The night before was the best night of my life. She was truly mine and me hers.

"Did I.. did I hurt you yesterday?" I was so nervous. I have heard that the first time may not be pleasant for women. I just wished hers was as good as mine.

"No, you didn't. It was the best night of my life."

I looked at her wanting to know if she was being honest or just sympathetic to spare my feelings. I looked at her and then at the bed. Realization dawned. I wasn't her first.

I saw red, I wanted to get out of there. I ran; I ran until my lungs burned; I ran until my breath came in short gasps.

If I were a female I would have been able to pinpoint what I felt was sadness. But I am not a female so what I felt was anger.

I didn't care if Ananya was a virgin or not. She never hid the fact that she had a boyfriend before me. I have seen his pictures. The love I have seen in her eyes for me was missing in those photos. So it never really bothered me.

What bothered me was I wasn't her first. All my life everything I owned had belonged to someone else. My clothes, my shoes, my bag, sometimes even food. I am the king of castoffs. Is it so wrong of me to be upset that I wasn't her first; My name wasn't the only name she sighed in ecstasy; I wasn't the only one who held her intimately.

"Why are you trying to kill the tree?" asked Neethu, Sai's girlfriend.

I stopped punching, "I am not."

She arched one of her eyebrows.

"At least not anymore."

"If you are imagining the face of Ananya or Sai, let me join you."

"Why would you want to punch Sai?"

"What? You want to hear it aloud?"

"I have no idea what you are saying."

"Both ditched us last night, why bring us here? Oh, I forgot we are their spare and charity case."

"Don't insult Ananya. She never stood me up."

"If that is true and she is indeed in your room, why are you out here?"

"Because I am being a fool." 

Voicing it helped me realize how stupid I have been to run away from her. Ananya is here; she loves me; Isn't that what matters the most.

Neethu gave me a you-had-gone-mad look.

"Thanks, I'd better get back."

"Wait! Is Ananya really with you?"

"Yes."

"Then where the hell is Sai?"

"No idea."

I headed back to our room, Ananya was in the bath. I sat waiting for her, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt.

She came out. She gave me a radiant smile like I made her day just by being there. Like I was her favorite person in this world.

She threw her arms around me and said in a choked voice, "Love you."

The guilt restrained me from hugging back. I don't deserve someone like her.

"I am sweaty, you just bathed." I tried to pull away. I wanted to apologize for my behavior.

"I love you," she repeated and hugged me tight.

"Love you more," I hugged her back.