The weeks passed and Stevie is losing the hope she fought so hard to hold onto. The tour was canceled, they did not promote their record and it was failing badly. Her mother called day after day to keep up with her and make sure she's still coping in a healthy way but after a while, Stevie stopped answering.

She was forced to get out of the house. She would do her hair and put on makeup, carefully choose an outfit and force a smile. Christine was coming to get her for a girls' lunch. It had been a few days since their last outing and Lindsey had called her to try and keep his wife busy. Being around people was helping Stevie and Lindsey thought he noticed progress. The only thing that still scared him was that she wouldn't give up coke. He would hide it, flush it, throw it away but it would always end up back in her makeup bag or her boot. She tried to do it in private but he would see the mess she had made, white powder on the counter or on her dressing table. Hopefully, she wouldn't use today since she would be with a friend. It was all he had to cling to.

Their tall blonde bandmate came to the door and Lindsey quickly answered it. She hugged him, knowing he needed it, and he stepped aside to let her into their house.

"How is she today?"

"Reclusive."

"Oh dear"

"She was crying again last night and she used. I've been trying to get her to stop."

"I will try to talk to her again"

"I don't know if you're going to get through to her but I hope you can. She uh, she's pregnant, Christine and I'm scared to death"

"Oh no. And she didn't cut it out, not even a little?"

"It's bad. With Leo she didn't touch a thing. She was so careful but this time, she's a mess. She can't see out of it. I don't want something to happen to her or the baby"

"This is an emergency. What about a program?"

"She won't go"

"Involuntary hold?"

"Im sure you have heard how they treat people who don't come in on their own. She won't be able to handle that."

"I know. It was a bad idea. How are you holding up?"

"I'm hanging in there"

"You can talk to me too, you know. I'm not here for Stevie alone"

"I know. Thank you"

"You're welcome. I think I'm going to go get her" Christine says, heading toward the stairs.

"Thank you for being here"

"No problem at all." She walks down the hall to their bedroom and finds Stevie in the bathroom, doing her makeup. "I heard the news" she says.

"Oh, did you?" She asks. "That's great"

"Congratulations" Christine says.

"Thank you"

"Are you happy?" She asks and Stevie looks at her, shrugging her shoulders slightly. Christine shakes her head. She's high.

"Yes and no" Stevie says, forcing a smile and going back to applying her eyeshadow.

"You love being a mother"

"Loved" Stevie corrects.

"Another beautiful baby" Christine says. "Let yourself feel something, Stevie."

"I do, I feel nauseous"

"This isn't a joke."

"I wasn't trying to be funny"

"This is do or die, Stevie. I always try to comfort you and take care of you but you're starting to piss me off"

"Then go. Don't let me bum you out"

"No, you're going to listen to me."

"I've heard you"

"Apparently you haven't." Christine says in a stern manner and Stevie looks up, putting down her make up brush. "You're pregnant, Stevie. I know you're sad, I'm sad too and so is your amazing husband. We are all grieving with you but you have got to stop. They've started showing the effects of drugs on babies. Any doctor should be able to show you the little film they've made. It's bloody awful. They suffer so much. They're small and their little bodies don't work as they should. Many die within hours of birth, if they're even born at all."

"Stop it" Stevie weeps.

"They go through withdraws like adults do in rehab. Their cries are so horrible, they're hooked up to machines to breathe for them and some even have deformities. That beautiful baby inside of you could be so very sick. You're lucky for now; they are just fine in there but what if one day they're not? What if they're born just to die? What if you miscarry and you never get to hold them? Wouldn't that just break your heart?" Christine is in tears, looking at her friend and seeing her in such a terrible state. "How can you not want to quit drinking and snorting drugs?"

"It's all I have" Stevie whispers.

"That's a lie and I'm not going to sit here and listen to it. You are a mother, a sad mother but you are still a mother. Leo is out there and when he comes back, he won't recognize you because you've changed so much. The drugs are destroying you. The poor baby you're carrying...what about this little one? Don't you love them too?"

"Yes"

"Do you?"

"Yes, I love this baby but I'm scared" Stevie places a hand on her belly and Christine can hardly stand to look at her. 

"I'm begging you to stop. Let me get rid of it all."

"Leave me one little bag...please"

"Stevie"

"I need something. My heart hurts."

"No" Christine says, shaking Stevie a little by the shoulders. "You are pregnant. You are being selfish and I'm not going to be here for you if you don't try."

"What are you saying?"

"You will never see me again"

"You can't leave me"

"You can't do this to yourself, you have to get help"

"How?"

"Any facility you go to will tell you terminate at this point. I will get you the very best private counselor to help you, if you want it"

"Terminate..." Stevie repeats, the realization hitting her suddenly. Rehab is her only hope it seemed but she knows it can't be an option.

"If you love your baby and you want them to be healthy, stop."

"Okay" Stevie says, dissolving into tears again and Christine holds her.

"I'm sorry I had to give you a little tough love but that's exactly what it was- love. I'm terrified of losing you and after learning you're pregnant...I hate that I have to even give you this lecture. You're a good mother. You're just a little lost, immensely sad and I understand. You protected Leo when you were pregnant. Protect his baby brother or sister" Stevie nods her agreement over her friend's shoulder.

"I feel so broken"

"We all are babe, that's how the light gets in" Stevie smiles, pulling away to look at her. "That wasn't me, that was some other writer. Smart though, right?" Christine says with a laugh and it makes Stevie laugh too as she wipes her tears.

"Yes, very smart."

"Are you ready to go to lunch?"

"Yes! I'm starving and I would love an omelette."

"Let's hunt one up for you"

Christine watches her finish getting ready and leads her out to the car ready to monitor her and make sure she stays sober. She will report back to Lindsey when they get back.

-------

After she had come back from lunch, Stevie was so tired. She went straight to sleep on the couch, unable to make it to their room. Lindsey kissed her hair and pulled a blanket over her tiny body.

"I love you" he whispers. The phone rings and he goes to grab it, hoping it doesn't ring too many times and wake her up. She needed the rest.

"Hello?" Lindsey answers.

"Lindsey, if I give you an address, will you meet me?"

"Who is this?" He asks.

"Please just come" the person says. They say the address and he scribbles it down but before he can ask anymore questions, the line goes dead.

"Lindsey...?" Stevie asks, stirring on the couch.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you"

"No, no. It's okay." She sat up, pulling the blanket up over her little bump. "Who was that?"

"I don't know. They gave me an address and said to meet them there"

"Why?"

"They didn't say but they called me by name."

"And you're going to do it?"

"I guess so"

"What if it's not safe?"

"I'm risking it"

"Please, I can't lose you too"

"I will bring friends. Safety in numbers"

"And I can't talk you out of it?" He shakes his head. "Okay"

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I, I wonder if it has to do with our boy?"

"I don't know. They didn't say anything just asked if they gave me an address, would I meet the person there."

"Cryptic"

"Yes"

"Did you recognize the voice?"

"I don't know. It wasn't clear. The line was static-y"

"Oh. How about taking a body guard with you? Hired security?"

"I already said I'm taking friends and I don't want to involve law enforcement just in case"

"In case?"

"If this person is unstable, they might lash out and do something they wouldn't have normally done if I didn't just meet them by myself"

"Please stay safe. Think about me. Think about how lost I would be without you. I've lost my son, I can't imagine losing you too. I need you to come back to me" she said, tears muddling some of her words.

"I will, baby" he said, hugging her. "I will come back to the both of you."

"We love you, Lindsey"

"I love you too" He makes a couple phone calls and grabs his jacket from the hall closet. She gets up and runs to the window, watching him pull out of the drive way. He waves, seeing her eyes through the crack in the curtains and leaves. Stevie puts her forehead against the cold glass and cries, terrified that he will be another one of her loves that won't be coming home.