A/N: That's the song that inspired the title of this book.

This chapter contains mentions of emotional abuse. 

***

Speaking about the past barely hurt anymore, but she'd be lying if she didn't feel a pang in her chest every time her past was brought up. Katy had no feelings whatsoever for the motherfucker anymore. Not even the slightest. She felt numb in the emotions department. That was just her way of coping.

Sometimes, she felt this uncontrollable fury that she set her friends into a frenzy. Because they knew, Katy and her anger didn't go well together. Anger was like getting drunk for Katy. The brain to mouth filter faded and the extreme control she always sported shattered. Her destructive behavior came out to play and she rarely bothered with the consequences.

"You know you're not even beautiful. I love you because I'm kind."

"I love you only because I feel bad for you."

"No one will ever love you except me."

She closed her eyes. Those words don't affect her anymore.

During an argument, he had lifted his shoe pointing at the dirt. "You see this, bitch. You don't even worth to be the dirt on my shoe."

Katy never told her friends about the depth of abusive she was subjected to. She had buried it all deep in her chest. Even after all these years, the bastard brought the worst of her. As much as she tried to stay strong, he sometimes had the upper hand in the entire situation.

The shopping mall incident was one such occasion that took a hit on her wounded pride. Seeing him with the other woman shouldn't have hurt her the way it did. It wasn't because she still loved him. Katy couldn't explain it. Maybe it was because she still blamed herself for the time she wasted on him. Perhaps, she invested a lot in her relationship.

She was the only person reaching out to him all the time, trying to mend what was left of their relationship until she found he screwed other women behind her back. That had been the last straw. But he hadn't taken it kindly.

Jimin being the angel he was stepped in at the right moment to help her. He didn't even know who Dong-gi was until that day. They were shopping for new clothes for Jimin's new job and Jimin had gone into the trial room when she saw Dong-gi with the new girl. She tried to turn away and hide, but it was too late.

"Well, well, well, who do we have here?" his mocking voice had frozen her to the place.

Katy's eyes darted from side to side as she vaguely registered the presence of the other customers. The shop wasn't that crowded, but soon it will be because he was Dong-fucking-gi.

"You will never learn your lesson, will you? When will you stop stalking me?"

Katy pivoted on her heels. What the—

Dong-gi hadn't changed a bit. He still looked the same cocky, arrogant self with that smug smile. Oh, how much she would love to punch the shit out of that face. His smile only widened at her reaction as he tightened his hold on his new toy. A woman clad in a skimpy dress that hugged her non-existent curves. Did that girl ever eat?

Dong-gi kissed the woman suddenly, making Katy's eyes go wide. "You see, she's the woman I want. Deal with it."

Katy gaped at him, her mind slowly processing what's happening around them. A small crowd had started gathering around them cellphones outstretched to record the entire ordeal once they realized who it was. A shiver ran down her spine as she realized the shit hole he was pushing her in.

But it was too late to back off and pretend as nothing happened. Too late to run. Too late to hide. Too late to react. Her brain had to choose that moment to stop functioning as her past came crashing down on her, threatening another panic attack.

Where the hell was Portia and Alvie when she needed them? She vaguely remembered they went to the food court leaving her and Jimin.

Jimin? Where did he go? She should turn around and leave. The words Dong-gi spoke was drowned by the sound of blood rushing to her head. She blinked away her tears and pressed her lips in a thin line. She bit her inner cheek to stop the sob building in her throat. Shit. She wasn't ready for this.

Just when Katy thought her knees would give up, she felt a strong pair of hands wrapping her in a safe embrace. She was quickly turned around and she buried her face into Jimin's chest, clutching his shirt as she clung to him for her dear life, so relieved that someone was finally here. Katy tried to shut the sounds of the outside world out as he rubbed her back soothingly.

"Who's this, Katy?" Jimin asked.

She lifted her head briefly to lock her bloodshot gaze with Jimin's concern filled ones. "Let's leave please," she whimpered.

"And who might you be?" Dong-gi's mocking voice cut through the chaos.

"Is there a problem, gentlemen?" The mall security has intervened, pushing the crowd away.

"Yes. She's stalking me and my girlfriend. That's the problem. I fucking hate the sasaengs. It's supposed to be a day out with my girlfriend, but this woman doesn't understand what personal space is."

"Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are?" Jimin pried her hands off him and pushed her behind him. She immediately went to wrap her hand around his middle, hiding her face on his back. Her knees shook.

Dong-gi burst out laughing, his fake laughter too obvious. "That's a good joke."

"Joke? I don't joke around unlike you. I leave my girlfriend for a moment and you think it's okay to mess with her?"

"Girlfriend?" Dong-gi laughed again as if he couldn't believe his ears. "Do you hear that babe? He calls her his girlfriend."

Jimin had closed the distance in a blink of the moment, bunching Dong-gi's collar in his fists. "Say that again," his growls had sent shivers down her spine. Katy had never seen Jimin that furious before and she didn't even know what this man was capable of. But that threatening growl meant everything to her wounded heart.

"That's enough, sir." The security tried to separate them. "We need you to leave the shop now."

Jimin let Dong-gi go, but his body was stiff with tension."Why should we leave?" he hissed. "We came here first. What gives this asshole the right to talk to my girlfriend? Huh? Go fucking check your cameras and see who started it all."

Katy was shaking by this time, barely keeping herself steady on her feet.

"Sir, you're attracting the crowd. Please leave," the security guard insisted again.

"You want me, Dong-gi out of this store?" he sound rang out in disbelief. "I'm the fucking ambassador for this brand and you want me out of here?"

"That doesn't give you the right to bully the fellow customers." Jimin wasn't backing down, his hands fisted by his side. "I don't give a fuck about who you are or what you are."

Dong-gi scoffed in disbelief. "You are fighting me for this woman? She's not even worth it dude."

Jimin lost it then. The punch had taken Dong-gi by surprise. "You'll never know her worth asshole. Call her worthless again and I'll rip that tongue of yours."

"What are you looking at? He hit me."

Jimin didn't respond or wait for the baffled security to apprehend him. "Move!" he barked before taking Katy's hand and exiting the store. Katy barely noticed where he was taking her, but suddenly fresh air hit her face.

"Breath." Someone urged her and held her through the sobs. "It's okay. I've got you." His warmth enveloped her.

"J-Jimin..."

"You don't have to say anything," he whispered in a gentle voice that drew more sobs from her. "I'm sorry, Noona. I was so pissed and didn't think through before I called you my girlfriend." He rocked her back and forth. "Is that your ex?"

Katy nodded wordlessly as she clung to him crying her heart out. Jimin knew about her ex, but he didn't know who he was or the dirty details of her relationship. Now he witnessed it. She didn't know what to think of it all, but she was very glad to have him there.

Park Jimin—the man who taught her to trust men again; who proved to her repeatedly that not all men were assholes —her little guardian angel.

"Thank you, Jiminie."

As they left the coffee shop and walked to the hospital, a hand rested on her lower back, rubbing a smooth circle. Katy closed her eyes at Alvie's soft touch. Portia had simply dragged her out of the hospital that morning saying they needed a break as soon as they saw Eunji's post and Katy's outbreak. No words needed to be said. They knew how Katy behaved and was always there to catch her when she came down from the high.

Her body trembled and felt Portia and Alvira simultaneously wrapping their hands around her waist as they flanked her sides. The morning started on a tense note when Dr. Jin called Portia and one more to go with him. Of course, Portia being the rat she was, convinced Katy to take her place. She made a mental note to lock her with Jin when she had a chance.

However, Katy hadn't been prepared to meet Hoseok that morning. Damn. Did he look fine? The man had cleaned up well, wearing one of his expensive suits looking like a ramp walk model. After being away for almost a year should have reduced the attraction she felt toward him. But no. Her knees locked together and her head flipped at the sight of him.

If anything, his features had sharpened and the deadly undercut tempted her to run her hands through his hair. She knew his hair was super soft to touch and he loved it when someone caressed his hair. He claimed it helped him to sleep better. After all, she had been his caregiver during the time he was hospitalized.

All her life she only wanted someone to look at her the way Hoseok looked at her. Oh, if it was any other time, she'd have gladly thrown herself at his feet. But no, she had to restrain herself. Today's incident was another example of why she shouldn't even consider being with him. Hoseok deserved better.

Even as he sat there at the table looking at her like she was the only person in the room, she couldn't look at him because she was afraid that the walls she carefully erupted over the years would break. A defeated sigh drifted off her mouth as they entered the hospital and busied themselves with work.

"Why don't you give him a chance, Katy? You know he likes you a lot and he comes almost every week to just see you," Portia had asked on one evening when they were taking a short break after a stressful day. They had just stepped out of the emergency ward for a cup of coffee.

"We already talked about this Portia. He's not my type." Katy always said that so they'll let her off the hook. But who was she kidding? Her friends knew her well to know how she felt on the inside.

"Are you kidding me?" Alvira hissed. "You still have the flower he bought you for the first time. You have this creepy smile on your face after his every visit and I swear I caught you smiling in your sleep recently. You want me to believe this bullshit? Not happening."

Right. They already talked about it and Katy always avoided the question.

"Portia is also doing the same thing. Why am I the only person being questioned here?" she tried to distract, but soon found her tactic wasn't working.

"Don't throw me under the bus, lady." Portia waved a finger in front of her face. "I've been honest about my feelings since day one and you exactly know why I keep it to myself. What about you? You blush like a teenager every time he looks at you or flirts. You go all starry-eyed when someone says his name, but you won't accept you like him."

Katy's shoulders slumped. As if it was that easy to accept something like that. "I like him, alright. Happy?" She tried to walk past them, but Alvie grabbed her hand and dragged her to a deserted corridor with Portia closely following them.

"Give me one reason why you won't give him a chance?" Alvie demanded. "Tell me one valid reason and I'll stop this."

Katy sighed. "You know why." She looked down at her feet, admiring her flip flops and socked feet. Tears suddenly burned her eyes. "I'm damaged goods, Alvie. He doesn't want someone like me in his life."

"What do you mean someone like you? Are you crazy? Do you even hear what you're saying?" Alvie's face had reddened and Portia had to put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

Katy bit her lower lip, trying to control the tears that badly wanted out and failed. They trickled down her cheek. Her lips trembled and a sob racked her body. Portia wrapped her hands around her shaking frame. "Is that what you think, babe? Do you even realize how beautiful you are? Only a man who's not in his right mind will let you go," she said, rocking them back and forth.

Alvie had thrown her hands around them as well, enveloping both in a bear hug. "I love you, Katy. Never ever use that word again. You're not damaged. If there's anyone who's damaged then it's that ding-dong. Asshole."

An involuntary chuckle left her mouth. That name Alvie used for her ex always cracked her up. She sighed, pulling out of their embrace. "It doesn't change the fact that I'm broken. I'll never be able to love someone with all my heart. I...I'm afraid I can't give my hundred percent. There will be a part of me that'll always be guarded. He doesn't need that. He's better off without me."

Alvie rolled her eyes. "He can make his own decisions. Stop deciding it for him."

Katy expelled a breath and clasped her hands. "It doesn't matter. Really." She bit her lower lip. "He's going away for work," she said as realization dawned on her. That morning when Hoseok came to visit he had told her that he was going away for work and the thought of not being able to see or speak to him hurt the most. But she being the ever stubborn Katy she was, she had masked her hurt and put a bright smile congratulating him.

Katy couldn't help it. The moment she felt like she could open up, something happened. Alvira and Portia had spent night after night, convincing her to give a chance to Hoseok. But her affinity to trouble was just so crazy that the day she would meet Hoseok after such a long time she had to land her ass right into the middle of another trouble.

She knew what was waiting for her. Katy shut her internet and silenced her phone, locking it in the safety locker where she kept her clothes. Taking a deep breath, she composed herself waiting for the hell to break loose. 

Until we meet again...💜💜💜

Scandal is another fic I'm working on. It's going to be fun, because it has the same three woman, but a different plot with bangtan boys. I'll start that after I finish this one. You can add it to your library if you want.

Can't say much now, but it's going to be bit funny and emotional at the same time. It's enemies to lovers and of course Jikook.