"I don't want to be in love with him."

"What?" Payne and Tames stared at him as he babbled on, making no absolute sense.

"It is not that I can't love him, I can and I think I might be but I don't want to love him. I don't want to ever be in love with him or anyone."

"Why?" Payne asked, looking very worried as he stared at him.

"Because love hurts."

They were in the second living room upstairs where the three of them were playing a video game in Payne's house.

The Lumbergs left a few hours ago and everyone went on to do whatever. Tames took Cole to Payne's and it led them to play Halo as Cole talked about his feelings with them.

"When I saw Jane and the twins getting along with my parents I wanted to cry because my heart was beating so loud. It was almost as loud as it was around Cloud." Cole paused and Tames took that time to explain to Payne who Jane, the twins and Cloud were.

Payne smiled coolly when Tames finished and said, "So Cloud was that boy I saw you kissing?"

Cole hid his blush by not looking at him and focusing on finding his opponent in the game.

"So in short," Payne continued, "You are in love with Cloud but you don't want to be in love with him because you have a feeling he would hurt you?"

Cole stopped playing and frowned at him, "Cloud wouldn't hurt me and stop, don't call him Cloud. His name his Derick. I'm the only one allowed to call him Cloud."

"Does it matter?" The man rose a brow at him but didn't look at him. He was more focused on the TV screen than his face.

"Yes. To me."

"I don't think it matters unless that is your pet name for him. I mean, it would only make sense since you are the only one that calls him that."

Cole gave him a look that questioned his mentality, "Cloud is his surname."

"But would you like anyone calling his surname except you?"

"It's his name. It shouldn't matter."

Payne scoffed, "Then I will call him Cloud."

The annoyance bubbled up when he heard his name from Payne's mouth. It still had its normal turn on effect but it ignited a spark of jealousy in him.

"Just say Derick for my sake Payne and Cole, please pick up your damn controller and help out." Tames interrupted his thoughts.

Cole tsked when he saw Payne's grin but did what his little brother said when he saw his enemies approaching. They played quietly for a while and just when they were about to pull a move on their opponents, Tames' phone rang. Instead of ignoring it, he threw the controller away and ran out to answer the phone.

His actions did not only create awareness to their opponents but it left them without a third man and soon, the screen screamed defeat.

"Tames, are you for real?" Cole shouted at him but he held up a finger in a gesture of saying one minute. His brother glanced at them then walked out of the room with his phone to his ear.

Cole didn't care to watch him go, he looked to Payne for answers, "Who is that?"

"If it is Alex then it is the trans he has a crush on."

Cole chocked on air. His little brother had a crush on a transgender? How in god's name did that happen? His brows furrowed together and he asked the important question, "From what to what?"

"Girl to guy." He sighed then leaned back on the couch, "When I first met her at the school game night, I liked her."

"I thought you were gay?"

"That's the thing, I am. She passed for a guy so badly it confused me when Tames called her a she." He squinted his eyes at the screen as if thinking of something then said, "I even thought she had a dick."

"Maybe she isn't trans but gender fluid. Like that Orange is the New Black chick. When Jane and I watched it, I swear she orgasmed to just her voice. She is amazing."

"Yeah. Maybe she is." He nodded then leaned in closer to and said, "But she has a dick. I am telling you. I felt it."

"You touched my brother's to-be-gender-fluid-girlfriend's dick?"

"Or to-be-gender-fluid-boyfriend." He shrugged and looked away just when Tames came back.

"Okay, what were we talking about while I was gone?" He flopped back on the couch and held a small cushion over his chest.

"Nothing." They answered in unison then went ahead to pretend to be doing something with their phone.

They all fell silent for a while then Tames said calmly, "Payne?"

"I think your girlfriend is gender fluid and gay." He said immediately and Cole groaned.

"Gay?"

Payne looked at his friend with a softened expression and said, "I kind of touched her dick to be sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me when you left to get your mum."

"And what did she do to you?" Tames sat up and glared at him.

He chuckled and said, "Please, I've got light finger. She hardly even noticed."

Tames' nose flared in annoyance and he glared at him. "That was uncool, dude."

"What?" He huffed in annoyance, "It was not my fault she looked so damn attractive."

Payne turned to Cole for help but Cole quickly shook his head and mouthed; You talked, your problem.

Rolling his eyes, he turned back to Tames and said, "Okay, I apologize but just to be sure, so I won't do it again, is she a dude or not?"

Tames' anger quickly dissipated and he grew the color crimson in an instant. He cleared his throat awkwardly and Cole was starting to believe what Payne had said earlier. Who gets embarrassed over such an easy question?

"She's actually a girl but since you got the gender fluid part, I would have to say she wears a dick sometimes." As Tames talked, he grew even redder that Cole had to hold back his laugher or the boy could explode.

"No way."

"She showed me." he looked away, defeated.

"Oh my god. If the twins hear about this they would go ballshit crazy." Cole said, "Like seriously."

"She said it was the fun of being fluid. She could be anyone she wanted to be and any gender she felt like."

"Bloody hell, that is fucking awesome. I wish I was fluid." Payne said.

"You are way too masculine to pass as one." Cole teased.

"Okay. Okay. Can we stop?" His brother hissed in annoyance then threw the cushion at Payne when he started to make kissy noises, "I'm serious. Gosh sometimes you are such a kid."

"Innocence is bliss."

"Innocence my ass. When you'll be talking nonstop about how cute your boyfriends is and how you just want to fuck him," Tames gave him a disgusted look and added when he saw Cole's eyes widened, "And majority of the time he uses the phrase 'fist him'"

Cole chuckled, "Oh you don't want to know what that word means. I might not be gay much in my life but that word..." He trailed off so Tames could understand just how gay that word was.

"Oh now I am curious." He leaned forward and Payne snickered.

"What Cole said is true. You really shouldn't know but don't worry, once you and Alex become a thing, then you will be experiencing it every night."

"Oh god!!" he grunted then stood up from the couch, "Cole didn't you say had a date." He only said that because he was getting embarrassed and he didn't want Cole to see him like that.

Mentally groaning, Cole almost hit himself for forgetting such an important thing. He glared at Tames as he stood up and his brother smirked at him, "You did this on purpose."

"Please." He rolled his eyes and sat back down on the couch to look for the controller.

"Let me escort you out." Payne suggested but before Cole could decline, he stood up and followed him out the door. They remained quiet until Cole was at the door then Payne said, "I wanted to say thanks for coming back to the family. It was starting to weigh on me to keep reassuring them that you would come back when for a second I thought you were really gone."

He nodded, "I really wanted to leave them, Payne. I really wanted to. But the moment I saw my dad smile, and I mean genuinely smile at me, my wall broke. I don't even know how he did it because the minor cracks were from Cloud."

"I guess you still wanted acceptance from them after all?" Payne crossed his arm over his chest and for a second there Cole felt like he was being lectured by an experienced person. He had a feeling Payne went through something similar but from the way things are Cole could only assume it went well for him.

Cole's story hadn't ended so he didn't know to be entirely relieved or not.

"I'm their child, aren't I?"

"This Cloud- sorry- Derick guy, give him a chance. If he loves you, it is not just your body and sweet words he want. I can't, of course, say that you love him because we haven't been friends long so I don't know what it is like for you to be in love-"

"I've never actually been in love. This is the first time I am feeling something this deep. I'm scared." He admitted.

Payne sighed then kept an arm on his shoulder and said, "Think of it as a caterpillar."

"Ew. That is disgusting."

"Mind the metaphor." He rolled his eyes, "Just how the caterpillar takes time to blossom into a beautiful butterfly that is how Love is." He squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and added, "Love is beautiful when you come to accept it. You are scared now because it hurts. You said Cloud-sorry-Derick will never hurt you and from the way he looked when he kissed you, I have a feeling he wouldn't even try it. If you want to know what it is like to be in love, then let go of what it stopping you. Embrace it."

"We were so having a moment there and then you said I should embrace pain." Cole rose a brow at him and Payne laughed out loud.

"Kid, you are funny. I should definitely show you off to my college friends."

"You are in college?"

He ran he hand through his shoulder length blond hair and said, "Enough about me. Want to know what I do when I get scared of committing to someone?"

"What?"

"I never try to expect anything from him. I always want whatever he does for me to be a surprise."

Cole nodded, "And is it working for your present relationship?"

He looked away as if deep in thoughts then hummed, "Actually, I think he's the one at that end of the relationship. To tell you the truth, I think he's a virgin because every little romantic gesture I grace him with, he just falls so deep into it." he laughed and added, "I cannot believe someone as innocent as he is exists."

"I guess you are keeping a leash on him."

He nodded quickly, "Oh you have no idea. I'm meeting him up later in the studio to surprise him. I got him this amazing vintage Fuji camera. He is going to love it."

Cole smiled at how happy he looked. He wanted to be like that and not be scared but something in his mind was making him worry and he had no idea what it was.

"Anyways, have fun on your date and please, don't come home this night. I will want deeds on Monday." He winked then shooed him off his porch.

Rolling his eyes, Cole checked his watch as he walked to his house and realized he was already five minutes late. Picking up speed, he ran to his room to get ready. He wasn't going to start the date by being late because somehow, he wanted to experience what Payne was enjoying.

The ability to love without fear.