“It's a boy.”

Both Yoon Min and Jisoo gasped together in pure delight, hearing the gender of the baby. She was lying on the table and the doctor scanned her stomach with the help of the ultrasound. Both women were smiling and giggling excitedly.

The doctor in her early fifties also had a smile on her face. “Wow, you girls look like your crush proposed.”

“Oh Dr. Bae, we've been waiting to know the baby's gender for a long while now. We're supposed to look happy.” Jisoo was close with the doctor as she's been her personal doctor for years.

Dr. Bae raised her arms in self-defence, “Can't relate. Me and my husband found out we would have a boy and after birth, we had a girl.”

Yoon Min chuckled at the cute funny story. “Why, was the test wrong then?”

“Definitely. We were too impatient and got my checkup too early. But our beautiful mother here is 20 weeks along and the scan can see the baby's genitals perfectly, so I can assure you won't be surprised like me.”

Jisoo seemed to be proud of herself and placed a hand over her stomach.

“And the baby looks healthy too. His development is slow but steady. So you don't need to worry about anything.”

Yoon Min helped the other to sit up on the table and made sure she was comfortable in her position. Her stomach was beginning to show so she had to be extra-cautious.

“No wonder I keep getting hungry.”

“What was that, Jisoo?” Dr. Bae asked with a curious smile.

She answered happily, “Oh, Yoon Min told me this old wives tale where the family members could predict the gender of the baby themselves. If the mother gets hungry a lot and her stomach is less big, it's a boy. And if the opposite, then a girl!”

“Aish that's just a myth.” Yoon Min chuckled nervously, being embarrassed.

Dr. Bae added, “Well if it matches, then nothing wrong to believe it, I think.”

They chatted for a while, discussing about her cravings and morning sickness. Yoon Min went out to get a cab first. Since Jisoo was 5 months along now, her baby bump was quite visible and obvious so both of them were very careful when they were outside. She had to make sure the actress was fully covered and disguised, in order to avoid any types of rumours or photo leaking.

Jisoo didn’t need to go outside always. She preferred to stay in her apartment and spend the day lazily. Sometimes it was important for her to visit the hospital to get monthly checkups. Otherwise, Yoon Min always brought her whatever she needed.

“Ready, Unnie? The cab's here.”

Jisoo nodded, “Yeah, let me get my glasses.” She wore a full-length dress with a sweater, covered her face with a mask and a sunglass. She was barely recognizable.

“We'll see you soon, Dr. Bae!” Yoon Min bid farewell first.

“Take care of yourselves!” The doctor gave a salute to the women.

The ride in the car was quiet in a nice way until Jisoo spoke up honestly.

“I wanted a girl.”

Yoon Min laughed warmly at her pouty lips. “We can't decide that, can we?”

“No, but still...I was hoping for a girl. We could go shopping and nail salons together.”

She didn’t really mind with the gender. She was happy as long as the baby was gonna be happy and healthy. Who cared if it was a girl or boy? It's your baby after all.

Jisoo shrugged her shoulders off and clapped her hands excitedly, “Okay! Time for names. What should we name him?”

Yoon Min wasn’t expecting the question currently so she stared at the other for some time.

“You go first.” She always allowed her first in everything as she was the real mother.

Jisoo began to think out loud, “I was thinking...maybe Suho...?”

Yoon Min let out a breathless scoff before saying, “You aren't seriously thinking of naming him after Jung Hae In's character, are you?”

“Oh. You caught that?” The other rubbed her forehead in embarrassment.

She shook her head, disapproving the idea. The baby deserved better names.

“How about Dong Won...?”

“Sounds like a dog.”

“Ok, how about Yeonjun? You know that singer, right?”

“No.”

“Lee Jong Suk?”

“I like him, but not the name.”

“What about Ha Joon? Wi Ha Joon?”

“Squid Game? Really?”

“Okay, okay not that one. I know! Eun Woo! It's cute.”

“Well---”

“God, Yoon Min why are you so picky!?” Jisoo was frustrated by the end.

The other just let out a small laugh at her annoyed expression. She just wanted a perfect name for her perfect baby boy.

Jisoo gave up and leaned against the seat, arms crossed, “Fine, what do you have in your mind?”

Honestly, she never thought about it. Now that she had to pick a name for the baby, she realized she hadn’t been thinking about names all along. She was beyond excited to be his mother and to meet him and love him, but names never crossed her mind. What was she doing all this time?

Having a chance to pick a name for the baby, she started to think deeply and concentrated with her whole heart. It shouldn’t be any name, it should be something special and precious. Because it was going to be the name of her child, she was gonna call him by that name for the rest of her life. Names should be beautiful and special somehow.

After wondering and debating for a long time in her head, she finally decided one and smiled softly.

“Seok Jin.”

Jisoo glanced at her, eyes widened with surprise.

“I like Seokjin.” Yoon Min licked her lower lip, remembering how her heart used to light up every time she called his name.

Without any hesitation, the other also nodded her head with a content smile, “Yeah, it's perfect. Seokjin...we'll call him Seokjin.”

She smiled back, being grateful. The baby should be named after his father of course. She was certain her husband was definitely smiling from the heavens. This little joy was a part of him, so it should also have a part of his name.

Seokjin sounded perfect for the baby.

“You're gonna see him today?” Jisoo asked after a long time. She remembered her visiting date every week.

She nodded slowly.

“Tell him Hi for me.”

--------------

The clouds were out that afternoon. As memorial hill rose into her view, her stomach turned to knots and her body seemed weightless in a strange way. It happened every time she came to visit him, this sick feeling of imagining him dead was out of control for her. She made her way up the hill, through grass lined grave markers until finally she stopped in front of his one.

“Hey, Jin...”

There wasn't anything unusual. A leaf had fallen over his gravestone so she kneeled down to brush it off. Eventually she traced her hand over his name with a faint smile. Placing the bouquet there, she opened up her mouth, “I brought you flowers.”

Sitting on the grass, she made herself comfortable by starting to talk to him. She told him what was going on in her life, her daily routine, about Jisoo and his child. The way she was recovering and trying to let him go. She told him all of that.

“Jisoo's really nice to me now. She even lets me call her Unnie. I'm so grateful that she has become a reliable friend during the most tough period of my life. You should see her. You'll like her too ”

Her fingers engaged in picking up grasses and playing with them.

“We're gonna call him after your name. Isn’t that great? I feel like he's gonna look like you too. Handsome, tall, funny...” She had a wide smile on her face. Thinking about the baby always made her happy.

Glancing down, she imagined him sleeping peacefully, while listening to her voice. She badly wanted him to know she was there for him, that he wasn't alone, he didn’t need to be scared. It was so hard to picture him dead under the grave. By this day, his body must've melted and only bones remained, no memory, no soul, nothing. He wasn’t even there anymore technically.

Yoon Min started to realize something valuable. After Seokjin's death, she really believed she wouldn’t be able to survive the painful tragedy. She thought she won't make it without him. He was her heart, her breath, her life and everything. She thought she would die somehow within a few days.

But she survived. She could live without him. But her heart was empty, like an oyster shell with no pearl. Her soul was dark, like a sea that no longer glittered with the sun's reflection. Her mind was wandering aimlessly, like a boat drifting alone with no shore in sight.

She believed time doesn’t heal everything. It helps though. After a long time of his death, she didn’t cry about him all the time. He wasn’t always in her mind and she laughed, smiled too. But that didn’t mean the grief, the aching went away. He was still deep in her heart because she cried when she thought about him too much, because she stopped in her tracks when something reminded her of him. His memories, the pain he caused and the fractured hole he left her were still there.

But she learned to live with them. She got used to them. That scar will never go away. But she was learning to find other things more important. Time doesn’t heal everything, it just gets better while it still lives there in your soul.

If she had the opportunity to find him back, she would climb the highst mountains, walk through scorch deserts, sail on stormy seas. She would run till she fell to her knees, she would shed tears every mile, she would endure the pain every year. She would do anything. But she was recovering with a new hope in the form of a baby.

“Jin?” Yoon Min called him softly. “I feel like I can live. I really do want to live for our baby. I love him so much already.”

She was imagining his lips forming a smile.

“This is the goal you wanted me to find. The is the person you wanted me to meet. Our baby. He's my everything now.” She smiled too.

“And I will do anything to see him.”