There is a moment in life when nothing makes sense anymore and the world doesn’t feel right. You forget the way you used to be, you forget the things you used to do, your favorites, your hobbies, everything. You don't feel like going back to your past, as the past becomes your present and no sign of the future. Your life turns into an illusion and your anxieties take the form of fear. This is the moment you realize the most valuable part of your life is gone and nothing can ever replace the absence.

This is how she felt after losing the love of her life.

If death is the worst penalty, then what about the feelings of the people left behind? Why does it feel like losing someone forever is far more distressful than any kind of death around us?

Yoon Min wasn’t herself after the suicide of her husband. She lost her mind, her braincells, her emotions, her hope of all. There was nothing left for her to feel. The heavy feeling of her chest when she didn’t feel any desire to speak or move. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and sleep. She spent the past couple of weeks unable to believe the tragedy fallen on her. She refused to leave the house. It felt too agonizing to sleep in the same bed and see the other side empty. In her blank dreams, she would see glimpses of his face, flashbacks of their memories and those would end with her waking up in silent tears and cold sweats.

The process of being broken was unexpectedly exhausting. Even though it was extremely difficult for her, she attempted her best to make her days fulfilling, to live like a human being. But no matter how she tried, she couldn’t seem to connect with anything. She was unable to eat, unable to move around, unable to feel. She was no longer able to cry profoundly like before, as her heart was ruthlessly stolen from her, leaving her feeling numb and empty.

Her heart was in broken pieces and it hurt deep in the chest. Every feeling was like a spinning wheel, ready to prick her body and make her bleed badly. The remose and loneliness were eating her alive.

Days wouldn’t pass no matter how long every second lasted. She stayed inside their bedroom mostly, isolated herself from everyone. The sky of her world was dark and gloomy, the breeze was bone-chilling, the ocean wasn’t enough to drown her fully. Tears came in random sprouts and didn’t follow a certain pattern. The heartache came crashing against her, tugging at her, drowning her under icy numbing waters.

She talked to him, but heard no response, not a sound of his sweet voice. She looked at his photos, wanting his eyes to give the clues he promised in his letter. She could feel his presence while looking at the sky, while listening to sad music, while cuddling bed sheets and his clothes. She could see him everywhere, he disappeared when she stared a little longer. It was as if he was right there hiding from her eyes.

Sometimes she found herself questioning Almighty for this shocking punishment. If He cared how much she had really lost, her husband would still be here. Almighty played the devil here as only someone with the cruelest heart can separate two lovers away. He really must've found it amusing to see her miserable.

The only thing that kept her heart beating was the words he left written on his letter. He wanted her to live no matter what, even if she suffered and drowned under darkness every day. So she was trying her hardest to take every breath to stay alive. Perhaps one day, she could give up and lose herself.

Her aching heart, her abandoned body, her lost hopes bounded her to live in complete darkness, unable to escape from the self-inflicted hell. Life had been too cruel to her.

But she deserved to live with that gaping hole that left her heart sobbing and the emptiness that settled.

Because she had told him to kill himself. Because her roaring anger and grieving hatred blinded her eyes and let him suffer alone. Because she was the reason he committed suicide.

This was exactly what she deserved.

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Time and tide never stop for anybody.

That day was usual just like any other day, quiet and dense. The clouds were grey, still recovering from the rainfall last night. Leaves from trees were reflecting crystalline water droplets under the soft rays of the sun, playing hide-and-seek with the clouds.

The house was no longer filled with romance or laughter, or music with simple dances, or any living sound. The house now stood feeling hollow and deserted of its previous beautiful atmosphere. It heard no other sound rather than the soft breathing and stifled sobs from a woman occasionally that morning.

Until the sound of the anonymous doorbell.

Her frightened eyes quickly fluttered open and let out an exhale. Her weak body was covered in cold sweat, and her heart throbbing and eyes stinging, an ever constant ache was nerve-wrecking her.

She slowly got out of her bed, balancing herself properly on her feet. Then a hundred thoughts ran inside her head, being confused. Who could've possibly come?

As her eyes fell on the mirror for a slight second, she saw a woman standing with her eyes red and dry from crying all night, her lips dry, and her overall appearance expressed how she neglected her own health and stayed in bed lifelessly.

The doorbell rang again, shuddering her out of her thoughts as she made her way downstairs. As she came outside her bedroom, she saw how the whole house was colorless and lifeless and dust covered. Ignoring the sight, she quickened her pace towards the door and opened it with a soft exhale.

Once she looked at the person, her eyes twitched in blank emotions.

Kim Jisoo. What brought her here after a month of Seokjin's death?

Yoon Min had no energy to give a reaction to her presence. She simply stared at the other with eyes filled with grudges. On the other hand, Jisoo looked the same as before. Gorgeous, powerful, strong, yet there was a stroke of sadness in her eyes.

She was the one to speak first, “My God, what happened to you? You look like shit.”

Yoon Min didn’t know how to respond to that, she knew she looked like shit. A perfect ghost to star in a horror movie.

“Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

Mentally scoffing, she wanted to kick the door shut on her face. But she held the door wide open for her to come inside. There was no energy inside her to start a fight or be angry with her.

Jisoo's eyes wandered around the condition of the house. Last time she was here, it was sparkling with love and beauty. Now it just looked like an abandoned mansion for spirits to dwell. She shook her head and sat on a couch.

Yoon Min sat across her and crossed her arms over her chest. As she stared at her face, it took her a minute to accept the fact the woman in front of her was the person her husband cheated with and the primary reason behind the breakup of their marriage and his death after. She had the greatest part behind her current condition, she lost everything because of her.

Why on Earth did she think to let her inside her house?

She didn’t even come at his funeral. She cleary remembered that. There was no news of her after his tragic death. Then why did she think to come here after so many weeks? She must've a motive.

Before she could analyze her more, Jisoo spoke up, “What're you up to these days? Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You lost weight, you appear weak, you look almost dead.”

She didn’t want to admite she had genuine concern in her voice. As if she was scolding her for her good. As if she was worried for her.

Not giving any response, she took a light breath and said, “Ms. Kim, I'm not well right now. So it'll be better if you tell me why you've come here.”

Jisoo pressed her lips in a thin line, nodding her head. What did she expect? That she would welcome her with open arms? She had sex with her husband and it's a miracle that she was still alive.

As she glanced down, Yoon Min scanned her body from head to toe. She looked nervous about something. Something she had never seen her to do. Jisoo was always confident and smart. Why did she look nervous? What was going on?

Then she muttered finally, “I'm s-sorry.”

She never apologised to her. She never saw the actress bowing her head and feeling guilty for something. It was truly surprising for her.

“I'm sorry...for what happened, about Seokjin's passing.” She looked at her to see her reaction. Unexpectedly, her face was as blank and straight as ever.

Receiving her silence, she decided to continue, “Look, all my life, I've always acted arrogant and high. I was full of pride and self-esteem. I never thought of others' feelings. I never cared about them. I treated Seokjin like an accessory when we dated. I didn’t care he was suffering because of me. And I treated you like a piece of trash. I was always jealous of you, because I knew you're a good person. I saw how he was always happy when he talked about you and when he was with you. That's why, I behaved ruthless towards you. And I'm beyond sorry for everything I've done and said to you.”

She paused and licked her lower lip. “I've been extremely selfish and incredibly bitchy. I tried to bring you down, hurt you in the worst possible way. I shouldn’t have done them. As a human, I had no right to treat you like that. Which is why, I'm apologizing to you.”

Yoon Min showed no reaction or gave no answer.

“I caused both you and Seokjin a lot of misery. I ruined your marriage and your lives. I-I...when I heard Seokjin took his own life, I just lost it. Something flickered inside me and slowly I began to realize how incredibly stupid and insane I've been all this time. I realized it was all me. If I had let him go, if I had accepted the fact you guys belong with each other; maybe he would still be here with you now. If I hadn’t been like this only...”

Jisoo wasn’t lying a single word. She meant them from her heart. The way her eyes fought tears and her voice quivered, it was obvious she was guilty about everything.

“I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I know my apologies will probably mean nothing to you, but I just have to let you know I regret the way I used to be and I'm very guilty about your loss. Seokjin was so far the greatest guy I met in my life and it's really pity to think he's gone.”

She looked at Yoon Min's eyes again to receive some sort of reaction. But her blank eyes were starting to scare her. Wasn’t she believing her?

“I'm sorry for everything, Yoon Min.”

Yoon Min sat there with no movement. Regret indeed is the most painful and powerful emotion in the world. It really can change a person.

The words she uttered felt absolutely true with no lies mixed. She was honestly guilty about her behaviour so there was no reason to keep her holding like that. She was sorry after all, that's what mattered. It wasn’t like being mad at her will bring back Seokjin.

So she finally cleared her throat and grabbed her attention, “Ms. Kim...”

Jisoo looked at her with hopeful eyes.

“Jin didn’t d-die because of you. So there is no need for you to think you're responsible for his death."

Her short answer baffled the other because she expected something long and forgiving. Maybe this was the best answer she could get after whatever she had done. She didn’t deserve to be forgiven so easily so maybe this was what she deserved.

Yoon Min didn’t waste another second before getting up, “Now if you'll excuse me. You can walk yourself out, right?”

She wasn’t in the mood to hear apologies from the ex-girlfriend of her husband or forgive her. She wasn’t exactly in the condition yet, she was still grieving for his death. She said what she needed to say and completed her duty.

As she was about to walk away, Jisoo stopped her almost immediately, “Wait stop!”

She stopped, but didn’t turn around.

“I-I've something else to say to you.”

Jisoo didn’t think she would have to say this out this fast. She thought she would hesitate a lot and take time. But since she wasn’t sparing her any time, she had to rush even though it was a very important matter.

Yoon Min's heart froze and went cold after hearing something she never imagined in her wildest dreams.

“I'm pregnant.”