(Josh's pov)

Through the rest of the day, I searched my mom's medicine cabinet for prescription drugs that I could use to end myself. There was no hope for me and I was never gonna receive righteousness.

Nothing was going to help me.

Then I went through every bathroom to find something.

Something that could kill me.

Something that could put me to sleep forever.

Anything.

Until I found a bottle of a drug. A drug that would put me into a deep sleep and I would never wake up.

This was perfect.

This would end my life forever.

In the middle of the night, I wrote a goodbye note and left it on my altar, then I snuck out and walked to the church.

I expected it to be locked, but it wasn't. So I went inside.

As I entered, I walked through the pews, seeing how heavenly everything surrounded me. Flashes of my blessed spiritual mother, my first communion with Tyler, going to mass, being the Catholic that I've always wanted to be.

But it was all destroyed, because of who I turned to.

Eventually, I was face to face with the crucifix high above the altar. Seeing our savior Jesus Christ was so calming. Him being in my life made all my fears turn to happiness.

My dreams of going to heaven to see were never going to happen. I was never going to see God, mother Mary, or Jesus.

I kneeled down before the altar, doing the sign of the cross.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

I laid my head against my hands, saying the Our Father, one last time.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen."

I did the sign of the cross one last time, and stood up.

As I looked into the eyes of my savior, I took out the drug and took off the lid. I lifted the drug to my lips and drank it.

Every bit of it went down my throat, into my ungodly body.

Then I stood there, still looking up to my savior, until I dropped the bottle, and it shattered across the floor.

My life was over, and so went my soul.