Cover designed by  @Charlie_Vanilla

Five Years Ago

"Wow, this is amazing!"

I stood in awe of the gorgeous landscape ahead of me, my manager Julia finishing up on her business call behind me.

"That's Banff for you. Not a bad call for your first professional shoot." She took her petite suitcase out of the taxi and beckoned for me to collect mine. Clearly globetrotting was just an everyday occurrence for her.

I continued to take in my surroundings, entranced by the turquoise water that reflected the gargantuan mountains and plentiful forest in front of us. I knew I'd work hard, but I was hoping to play hard as well.

"So let's settle into our cabins - I just got off the phone with Mr. Acker and he said we'll get started in a few hours."

I nodded and accepted my cabin keys from Julia. We then departed to our own.

I closed the door and jumped in excitement into the queen sized bed.

Although I didn't intend to become a model, I wasn't going to complain if I got discovered through my ex's photography exhibits on campus. I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and what to major in. I welcomed the opportunity to travel and learn more about the world.

Before I could daydream any further, a curt knock sounded at the front door.

"Oh! Just a minute!" I called out. I then smoothed my hair down, so I wouldn't look like a crazy woman who was jumping on the bed, and ran over to meet Julia at the door. I wondered what she could want now.

However, it wasn't Julia.

"Hi. You must be Alexis?"

I paused, processing who was in front of me.

He grabbed the side of the doorframe, his red flannel shirt slightly open at the top to reveal a hint of collar bone and toned pecs. His perfectly styled ginger hair swayed gently in the breeze. And his ocean blue eyes mesmerized me, almost as much as the lake before me had.

"Oh - yes, I am!" I awkwardly extended my hand to him, trying to break my likely unprofessional stare and replace it with something more work appropriate. I could imagine Julia chiding me about ogling the crew.

He chuckled and accepted my tiny hand in his.

"I like the enthusiasm. Great to meet you, I'm Chris."

I wracked my brain, trying to place the name.

"Your photographer this weekend." He leaned in with an amused sparkle in his eyes as my hand flew up to my mouth.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! My manager only referred to you as "Mr. Acker" and I don't know why, but I expected someone much much older -"

He held his hand up and smiled at me.

"Hey, no worries. I just wanted to introduce myself before we get started. I know you're new and I'll try to give you as much direction as I can."

I blushed, still feeling residual embarrassment. But I was touched by his offer to help.

"Thank you, I really appreciate it." I chewed the side of my cheek nervously. "Got any last-minute advice?"

He leaned back and ran a hand over the stubble across his jawline.

"I'd say the best pictures come from vulnerability. I know it's hard to be vulnerable in front of a stranger, but I try to give as much as I get."

I processed his words, finding them surprisingly insightful... As if they came from one of the philosophy classes at college I withdrew from before coming here.

"I'll do my best. Thank you." I gave him a bright smile. How lucky could I be, to have such a relatable and friendly photographer for my first professional shoot? 

"I have a feeling you will," he noted, studying me with a gaze I couldn't quite describe. Even working with some other photographers in school, I never noticed them look at me like that...

He pulled his gaze away from me and nodded off towards his cabin. "Well I'm going to grab my gear and meet the crew to set up. I think Julia will meet with you and we'll see each other shortly."

I nodded and watched him turn to leave.

...What was it with me and longing for photographers?

- - -

The first few outfits and settings went by like a dream. I felt confident and ready to take this modeling thing on.

After finishing up on the second set of photos, the crew moved into Chris's cabin and Julie took me into the cabin's bathroom to prep my hair and makeup. I watched nervously as I saw my natural makeup turn into a more sultry and seductive look.

Oh boy.

"You are doing great, Alexis! Such a natural," Julia gushed as she finished applying my lipgloss, then turned to pull out a garment bag. "Here's your next outfit and a robe."

Greeaaaat. I gulped down my nerves and accepted the outfit, then she left to give me my privacy.

...was this even considered an outfit?!

I stared at the tangle of lace and straps for a good, long minute, then sighed and started to put on what I found to be a black lace teddy with stockings. I tied the silk robe securely around my midsection, terrified to come out to meet the crew.

And Chris.

It was one thing to pose nude or nearly nude for someone you trusted. Another to be in front of a whole unknown audience.

"Alexis, you ready?" Julia called gently from the other side of the door.

I shook my arms out to try to disperse my nerves and opened the door to step out. "Yeah," I breathed out and looked nervously over at Chris, who was adjusting his camera. He glanced up to see me and waved me over to him.

"Alright, you ready?"

"As much as I can be." I forced out a smile.

He let the camera hang from the strap around his neck and gently placed his hands on my shoulders. "No need to overthink it. Just like the first few shots you did, channel that energy and I'll guide you through the poses."

He released his hands from me and I took a deep breath.

"Where should I...?" I floundered timidly.

He picked up his camera and gestured to the bed. "We can start there, if you're comfortable."

"Here goes nothing..." I breathed out to myself and untied my robe, letting it fall to the ground before I climbed on the bed.

I tried following Chris's instructions, but all I could feel was my pulse pounding in my ears and goosebumps dancing across my skin. This was vulnerable alright. And also far more intimidating than I imagined.

After a few poses, Chris lowered his camera and ordered the crew to take five. I climbed off the bed and pulled the robe on the floor back to myself.

"Are you ok?"

"Y-Yeah." I tied the sash around my torso furiously. How come I couldn't just get through this one shot?

I met his gaze and found it full of concern.

"No." His voice was firm as he dismissed my answer.

"No?" My throat felt dry. Here was the "you're not cut out for this" talk.

"No, you're not ok. We're done." He turned to leave the bedroom.

"No, don't!" I reached out for his arm, probably grabbing him harder than I should have. But I couldn't give up this early. "Please don't give up on me yet. I can do this."

"Give up on you?" He turned to look at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. "I'm telling everyone we're done shooting for the day." He ran a hand through his ginger curls before narrowing his eyes at me. "But I'm not done with you yet. Get dressed - something cozy, then come meet me back here. After you and I get more comfortable with each other, this shoot will be a breeze tomorrow."

He walked past me to go talk to the rest of the crew outside and I fled to the bathroom, both relieved and shocked.

I was excited to no longer be practically naked in front of him.

But what exactly did he mean by we'd get more comfortable with each other?