The Beatles

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Sorry for not updating for so long. It's just that christmas time is the only time I can see my family and friends and I've been driving home constantly on weekends. I hope you understand. But I'm working hard right now to finish this story this year and start with a new one next year. I might make it.

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"Well, we're living together, so we share a bedroom. I can move to the guest room if you want.", Shawn rambled. This had been going on for about 10 minutes. I think it was kind of charming. I mean, he was so nervous around me. And that was so sweet. I just hoped that I could fall in love with him again. He was really sweet.

"That's very nice of you. Thank you.", I said and smiled at him. He smiled back, but actually looked kinda dissappointed. So, I just said the wrong thing- right?

But what was wrong about it. I basically just accepted his offer. Damn, he was sensitive. But there must've been something in him that made me fall for him.

"So, do you wanna start looking at some photos? I can tell you all about your college time and after."

I nodded, sitting down on the couch, carefully, not to hurt myself. My scars were all healed but I was still really sore and should probably start working on building up some muscles again.

"Alright. I'll go get my laptop. Just wait here.", and gone he was, running around gathering things while I looked around the apartment.

I knew that it should look familiar. I knew I had history on this couch, in the kitchen, and probably most of all in the bedroom, but the harder I tried to remember, the farther away my memories seemed to slip away.

I looked around. The white couch, the amazing view of the Toronto skyline, the kitchen, it all looked familiar, but whenever I tried to remember where I knew it from, my head started to hurt like crazy.

"Here we go", he put down his macbook on the couch table and opened it, sitting on the couch next to me- a little too close for my taste, but I didn't hold it against him. I knew he meant well.

The first picture he showed me was me and a young woman, really beautiful, with dark skin and curly hair. "I know her! That's Chiara, my roommate. She already visited me at the hospital.", I said happily.

"Did you remember anything about her when you met her?", he asked me quietly and looked down.

"No, not at first. It took a while.", I lied. The second I saw her my memories of her came back. Same thing happened with my mum. Well, it took a while- about 3 days, to get them all back. But I eventually got them back, one by one.

But with Shawn- I didn't.

"Well, you've literally known me for 1 day now, so probably in the next few days, right?", he said quietly, looking at me with his big brown deer eyes. I knew that I was supposed to feel something right now. Him looking at me like that. But I didn't. Not even a little.

-

"Alright, what about that?", he showed me a picture of him, me and a red headed dude, all sitting in a booth at a bar I remembered was here in Toronto. We were all smiling big. So happy to be there, not thinking about tomorrow.

And suddenly I remembered something- I was sitting in this booth with Brian- the red head- and we talked:

"What do you want from life Nats?", he asked me and I took a sip from my Vodka Lemon, thinking.

"I don't know. I want to be remembered. That's kind of why I'm dancing and making music videos. They will live on forever, and they will forever be my work. You know. Just like Shawns music."

"I get that. I will only ever be Shawns friend. I mean, travelling with him is really fun and stuff but my job is basically just being there for him. I mean, you know how he is. All anxious and panicky. I've been his friend forever and it's still hard to handle."

"You're doing something amazing. Being there for your friend. It's great. It's something I could never do..."

"Nathalie!? Are you okay?", Shawn shook me out of my memory because he could come back to the table. I knew, because he got himself another drink. Because I remembered him- kind of.

"I remember this moment. I had a talk with Brian about you while you were getting drinks."

His eyes, at first full of home turned sad again. "So you remember Brian."

"Well, I know you were there too, getting yourself a drink.", I replied, furrowing my brows.

"Yah, because I wasn't in the memory but I am on the picture. You're not remembering yet.", he stood up frustrated and kicked the couch angrily and threw all the magazines off the table making me flinch and move away from him to the other side of the couch.

"Shawn, you're scaring me.", I cried out and he stopped immediately, snapping out of his trance, his face shocked and sorry, slowly approaching me with his shoulders drooping and his hands up defeated.

"I am so sorry... I'm just so frustrated, you know. Because I remember everything. And it hurts. It is so painful seeing you sitting here, looking at pictures of amazing memories, pretending to remember but don't. I know it's not your fault, and that you don't want to hurt my feelings but it sucks. I mean, before the accident, I was trying to...", he stopped suddenly, slouching in front of me, deep in his thoughts.

"What were you trying to do?"

He looked over to his cupboard, next to the couch. It was just a short glance, but I saw it.

"Nothing. Never mind. Let's keep looking at pictures."