5SOS

____________________________________________

"Where is she?! I need to see her!", I barged through the doors of the hall where mine and Nathalies family were standing.

"Shawn!", my mum stood up and walked towards me, holding me back, "It's not a good idea to go in there right now Shawn. Her mums in there."

"Why? I need to see her. Mum, please.", I felt tears in my eyes and I was trying hard to keep them back.

I may be so in touch with my emotions in my songs and with Naddie, but I would never want to cry in front of my mum.

"Shawn, she doesn't remember."

I frowned, not knowing what she meant: "She doesn't remember what?"

"Anything.", mum looked at me with worry, as I slowly understood. Then she hugged me tight. "Shawn, she doesn't remember you.", and then my already broken heart broke even more.

-

I slowly entered the hospital room 1 day later. Appearantly Nathalie almost had a mental breakdown yesterday and freaked out on everyone, so they said I couldn't see her. I mean, who wouldn't freak out if a lot of strange people just stood around your bed telling you they're your family you don't remember. So mum brought me home with her. She was worried about me. If she only knew.

So we were watching movies all night, eating chips and popcorn, not talking. I couldn't sleep and she knew that. So she stayed awake with me.

But as I slowly opened the hospital door I was nervous. Not because I was unsure about her ever remembering me. I was sure she would.
I was terrified of the look of oblivion in her eyes the second she sees me.

But I took a deep breath and went to face her. She looked just like I remembered her. She was reading a book and scrunching her nose like she always would. Her hair was longer, almost reaching her breasts, way longer than she liked it- except, she doesn't know that she doesn't like it. Because she doesn't remember.

"Are you coming in or will you keep staring?", she suddenly said and startled me.
"Umm... sorry. Hi. H-How are you?", my voice cracked at the last word so I coughed to hide it. But I saw in her eyes that she noticed.
"I'm good. How are you?"

"Good... I'm good. Thanks."

Silence. How can I not talk to her. We've been dating for 3 something years. I've been in love with her for 5 now.

"So... considering the fact that you came in here and just can't stop staring at me I guess you are one of the poor guys I deleted from my harddrive."

"I'm Shawn.", I saw her facial expression drop, seeing a little surprise, a little fear maybe.

"My mum told me about you. I'm so sorry that..."

"No! Don't be sorry. It's fine. It's not your fault.", I took a step towards her and she sat up in the bed, swinging her now waaaaay thinner legs over the bed, sitting towards the chair on her bedside. The chair I was now sitting down in.

She looked at me for a little while, before she sighed, closed her eyes and massaged her temples: "I really don't remember you. I'm sorry. My mum told me you were... are... my boyfriend. But I can't remember. I'm really trying. I'm sorry.", she got quieter with each sentence, but I quickly grabbed her hand, which sent shivers down my spine and made my fingers tingle.

"I cant pretend to know how you feel, ba... Nathalie. But I can try to make you remember. The doctors told me that the chances are high your memories can come back. So why don't we try. Why don't we give it a chance. And I promise you, if you don't want to do something, we don't have to. Just what you're comfortable with.", I didn't even realize that I was gently carressing her hand, until she smiled at me and put her other hand on top of mine.

"That sounds nice... You seem nice."

"Oh, I am. Didn't your mum rhapsodize about me? She really loves me.", I grinned, the first real smile in the past 6 months.

"She really does, doesn't she. She told me to give you a chance instead of blocking you out like I did everyone else. And she was right... as always" she said, suddenly she flinched hard and grabbed her head with her free hand, holding mine tight.

"What is happening? Are you okay?", I asked worried, but she just kept flinching, eyes closed, before she gasped and let go of my hand, looking at me surprised.

I raised my eyebrows: "What is it?"

"I said that before... That she's always right. That she's good at estimating whether a person is good for me or not... she... I had a friend in High School who really hurt me... my mum knew.", She looked at me happily. "I remember something. I will remember you! I know it now!" and she suddenly hugged me tight, throwing her arms around my neck.

She smelled different than before. Like hospital and deodorant. She used to smell like a forest shortly after rain, fresh, natural, wild. Like a natural force. Now she smelled ordinary.

That made me pull back from the hug. I smiled at her gently. "You're getting out of here tomorrow. Why don't we start then?"

She smiled back, widely, making my stomach twist, the butterflies come back to life and going crazy: "Definitely"