This chapter is in memory of my friend Lea, who unfortunately passed away on the 4th of october. I will never forget the amazing time I had with this amazing person. And I will never stop loving and missing her.

___________________________________________________

cover by Beau Dermott

___________________________________________________

"These videos and pictures are everywhere.", Shawn said.

We were lying on the couch, his head in my lap, his eyes glued to his phone.

After the party pictures of us together emerged everywhere on the internet Andrew was really mad we took matters into our own hands. We had a long discussion, but in the end I had to agree with him. After our blackout we appearantly made out on the bar counter very intensely.

And. everyone. saw. it.

"I know. You're lucky my parents don't have social media, or they'd immediately hate you."

"You mean, even more than they already hate me?", he chuckled, but I knew he never really got over how my dad acted around him on their first meeting one and a half years ago:

-

We were in Germany for a family dinner.

I hadn't seen my parents in 1 year, so it was perfect timing to pay them a visit and to introduce them to my boyfriend.

As we knocked on the door my brother already opened it, pulling me into a tight hug. "Hey little sis. How've you been.", he let his eyes wander over Shawn, from head to toes, scanning him carefully. He always tried to be the protective big brother, but it just wasn't in him.

"You must be Shawn. Nany told me so much about you.", he said finally and shook Shawns sweaty, trembling hand.

Shawn had been a nervous mess all the way from Toronto here. He couldn't even sleep on the plane, so he was talking the whole time, explaining his worst nightmares of meeting my parents- one actually included being abducted by aliens.

"It's time. Are you ready?", I whispered to him and he nodded. I grabbed his shaking hand and pulled him into the house after me.

"So, Shawn. Are you still in the music business?", my brother asked and Shawn nodded next to me. My dad had cooked a traditional thuringian dish and it was great as always but Shawn barely ate anything. I knew for a fact that he liked it, but he was just too nervous to eat.

"Yes. I'm actually working on my next album right now."

"Are you sure you don't want a guy with a proper job, Nany?", my dad asked me, ignoring Shawn who flinched next to me.

"Stephan! He's having a proper job. He's working hard for everything too!", my mum said, defending Shawn and gently smiling at him, laying her hand on his arm.

"Yeah right. Because it's so hard to strum the guitar and sing a few tunes. He never had to do anything for his job. He was born with a talent and then he was just lucky. Unlike our Nany. She had to practice for years. Ever since she was 7 she danced, went to classes 5 days a week. That is real work"

"Dad!", I jumped up from my chair with fury, "Shawn practices guitar at least 3 hours a day, every day. He practices with his vocal coach 2 times a day.

How lond are you playing guitar for? 40 years? 45? He does it since he was 14. And he's way better at it than you could ever be. All that because he's the hardest working person I know. Now can we PLEASE let this go?", I breathed heavily and sat back down. My fathers face was red as a tomato, he was so angry, but for the rest of the evening he was quiet.

Not my mum and my brother though. They welcomed Shawn to the family with open arms.

"You need to meet one of my best friends. She lives right around the corner.", I said when we left the house the next morning.
"Sure. I'd love to meet your friends."

"Alright. So her name is Lea, she moved here when we were in 10th grade and ever since that we were inseperable. She helped me study for my biology finals."

"She must be great then", he said, while we walked through the empty streets of the village hand in hand.
I knew that it still bothered him what my dad said. It will always bother him. But my mum made sure to tell him that he was more than welcome in our family.

"Nathalie!", the ginger girl ran towards me and practically jumped me. "I missed you so much! How have you been? Is that your boyfriend? Well done sister!", she laughed and hugged Shawn as well, who was surprised, but I knew he liked it.

"Hi. I'm Shawn"

-

Suddenly my phone rang, my mum was calling. "Well, speaking of the devil", I joked when I answered my phone: "Hey mum. How are you?", I asked her happily.

"I take it from your mood you haven't heard the news", she said emotionless.

I tensed up a little and Shawn sensed something was wrong, because he sat up and put his phone away: "What's wrong", he mouthed and I just shrugged.
"What kind of news?"

"Lea died yesterday of a heartattack"

Shawns point of view

I held her for hours, sobbing. Her head on my chest, her arms around my body, my hands in her hair and on her back, gently stroking her body, shaking with sobs.

I never really got to know her friend, but from the one day we spent together I learned that she was one of the most open minded, most optimistic and sweetest people you could ever meet.

I remember us going to the town carnival next town, I remember eating chocolate strawberries with Naddie and Lea making jokes about how it was only for little kids to go on the rides.

I remember us getting on the rides anyway and having the time of our lifes.

I remember leaving her that night. I remember how happy the girls were to see each other again and setting up another meeting.

I remember Naddie telling me that she was in Toronto for a week when I was having a week in LA and if she could stay in our guest bedroom- of course I said yes.

And now she was gone.

Naddies mother Sabine texted me the info about the funeral and already booked the plane tickets. I told her to do so- I didn't ask Naddie yet, but I knew that, even if she said she didn't want to go, she most definitely did.

"Do you think she's in a better place now.", Naddie asked me later that night when we laid in bed, my arms tightly around her, her face pressed onto my bare chest.

"You told me she's religious right? So I believe that you go wherever you believe to go. She believed in heaven and hell and she was the most amazing person ever so I believe she's in heaven now."

She just nodded.

"I mean, lying on clouds, dancing with unicorns", now I felt her smiling a little. Just a tiny tiny smile, but it changed the atmosphere completely.

"Do you think I should go to work tomorrow?", she asked me quietly.

"Do you believe she'd want you to be sad about her. Cry about her?"

She sniffled: "No, she'd propably punch me", and cuddled closer to my body. She put her leg on top of mine, getting closer and closer and I welcomed her. I knew she needed me right now- and as sad as the situation might be, I was happy that she could finally open up to me about everything.

The funeral was nice- well, as nice as a funeral can possibly be. We saw her friends again, all of them friends of Leas as well. They were all crying, and to be honest, I was crying too. Partly for Lea, for losing a beautiful soul on this world. But mostly because I realized now how fast everything can end. How fast everything I love can be ripped away from me. How fast Nathalie or Aaliyah or my parents and friends can be gone forever.

I held Nathalie in the graveyard as her coffin was buried. I dried her eyes on our way home. I held her the night after in the hotel room 3 towns away because she couldn't stay in a house that reminded her of Lea.

But when we got back home to Toronto I had a mission. I knew what to do.
"Teddy, I need your help", I said, calling her around noon on a weekday. I needed to plan this when Naddie was at work.

"Sure, what do you need"

"I need your help picking a ring."