MATURE CONTEND!

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Coldplay

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Lying in his arms healed my soul. And I knew he felt the same way. The way he buried his face in my hair, gently holding me, rocking me back and forth.

2 months ago we lost Skylar.

I thought of him every second of every day. But it didn't only hurt anymore that I lost him. It still hurt, obviously, but I also knew that he was some place better.
I had never been a religious person, but ever since that day I believed. Not in god, but in a place where our soul goes when we do the right things in life. Skylar might have not had a lot of chances to do things right in this world, but us two loving him so unconditionally hopefully was enough to make him go to heaven or nirvana or paradise or whatever you might wanna call it.

"What are you thinking about?", Shawn murmured in my ear, kissing my cheek softly.

I still flinched a little, everytime he touched me, but I got better at hiding it. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and I knew I would if I showed my fear.

I wasn't scared of him. I was scared of what happens to me whenever he touched me.

And I absolutely loved it when he touched me- everytime I wanted more. But I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't go through the pain of loosing a child again.

Okay, maybe I was a little bitchy about it. In the beginning I couldn't even be near him. But by now I would let him touch me. Simple things like spooning on the couch and kissing were fine. But I couldn't let him get too close.

"I'm just thinking about how nice this is. Lying here with you. I needed that."

I felt him smile, when he suddenly started kissing my neck.

I froze up and pushed him away, more furcefully than I intended and he frowned: "I'm sorry. I didn't want to force you to do anything. I know how you are still scared of me, so you can stop pretending." He stood up from the couch and I sat up, not looking him in the eyes.

"I'm not scared of you. Why would you say that?"

"Because I know, that you suppress pushing me away whenever I kiss you, whenever I touch you. I know that you can't look me in the eyes, because I remind you of your loss. But have you forgotten that I lost someone too? I can't lose you as well!"

I jumped up: "You don't remind me of my loss Shawn. I love it when you touch me. It's the only thing alleviating the pain inside of me ripping me apart. You are the only thing that keeps me sane. But at the same time I can't let it happen again. I can't go through it again. So if we don't...", my voice broke off and he took a step closer to comfort me, but changed his mind.

"You mean, if we're not intimate with each other, then you can't get pregnant again", he put his hands over his face, sighing heavily, "That makes a lot of sense. And here I tought you hated me."

I walked up to him and grabbed his face, forced him to look at me.

"I love you. I always will. Whatever we go through, I could never hate you. Understand that!"

He looked at me in shock: "You never said it first?"

"what do you mean?"

"You never said that 'I love you' first. You always just answered."

"Well, I figured it's great timing", I smirked and softly kissed the corners of his mouth.

"God, I need you so bad right now.", he whispered and grabbed my hips tighter, closing his eyes and burying his face in my hair. I could feel his boner through his pants. We hadn't had sex in 4 months, ever since he left for tour. And I really needed him too.

"You know I can't", I whispered, closing my eyes as well and sliding my hands below his shirt over his back muscles.

"Then I should propably not do this.", he answered with his raspy voice, before picking me up and putting me on one of the cupboards in his livingroom opposite the couch, my legs wrapped around his waist.

"You're right. You shouldn't", my breathing got faster and I felt the atmosphere heating up.

He started leaving hickeys all over my neck and chest and I couldn't hold back the moans anymore, scraching my fingernails over his back, slightly ripping on his grey shirt.

"Well, we could watch a movie instead.", he growled in my ear, unbuttoning my shirt in the process.

"I only need a little more.", I moaned, before crashing my lips on his and ripping his shirt apart.

His hand wandered from my ass under my dress and pulled it over my head in one swift motion. I started opening his belt, when he pulled back, only a little, our lips were still touching, but our tongues weren't down the other ones throat anymore.

"Are you sure? A few seconds ago you said you were afraid."

"Just shut up", And I pushed him back on the couch and sat on top of him in one swift motion.

He looked up to me with a look on his face that I've never seen before- pure hunger.

We had sex a lot, before... you know, Skylar. And during Skylar. But it had always been gentle, soft, sweet.

This was more. This wasn't making love. This was lust. We both simply wanted to fuck.

I opened his belt and pulled it off him, onto opening his pants. As I looked at his face again he bit his lip, sitting up and pushing my hair back, so he had better access to my neck.

I finally opened his pants and he helped me pull them down. It was obvious that he wanted me.

He opened my bra and threw it away, twisting my nipples, making me moan, before picking me up again and turn us so he was on top.

He took off his boxers, grabbed a condom from the couch table drawer and put it on, all that while kissing me passionately.

He quicky ripped off my panties, pinning my arms above my head and moving deep inside me, making me scream in pleasure.

This was nothing like our sex before. It was rough, it was only lust- no love- just desire. And I liked it.

He thrusted into me fast, deeper each time, making me squirm beneath his body. Each thrust shook my whole body. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins, I could feel the sexual tension in the air. It was addicting. His hot breath hit my skin, leaving goosebumps all over my body. He moaned right into my ear, driving me insane with lust.

He started sucking on my neck, down to my boobs, where he bit my nipple, making me scream his name out loud and burying my nails in his back, making him bite harder.

It was like a deadly loop.

But he had something else planned. He kissed down my body to my entrance, first kissing both thighs, then he started licking my clit in slow movements.

"Oh Shawn", I moaned and threw my head back in pleasure, grabbing onto his hair.

Then he slid one finger inside me. I tried to move away from his hand, it was just too much, but he kept me still and moved his finger inside me, curling it, twisting it, driving me insane. His tongue still drew slow circles on my clit, making it throb.

Suddenly he added one more finger, so I grabbed his hair tighter, trying to move my hips to rub against him. I needed release from this pleasure. I needed it now. I couldn't let him keep teasing me.

Suddenly he added a third finger and I bit my lip so hard, I tasted blood. He widened me with his fingers, moving slowly, each time almost reaching my g spot, almost helping me find release- almost.

"Shawn please..."; I begged and he stopped to look up at me.
"What do you want, Baby. Tell me.", his voice was raspy and his lips were wet- from me. He pulled out his long, slender fingers and licked them: "Mhh, I always wondered what you'd taste like.", he said in pleasure, kissing back up my body, gently massaging my boob with one hand and my clit with the other.

But I wouldn't let him tease me.

I turned us around, so we fell off the couch, knocking over a vase, spilling the water all over us. But I didn't care. I was on top now. I was in control.

I grabbed his penis, slowly pumping him, kissing his neck, biting his nipples, licking his hot, sweaty skin, rubbing my entrance against his member, leaving him wet.

I felt him getting closer to his climax, so I pumped him only a few more times, teasing him like he teased me.

I leaned down to kiss him and he grabbed my hair, gently, but tight and wrapped it around his fingers.

But I pulled his hands away from my body and pinned them over his head, lowering myself onto him, slowly. Letting him move in and out in deep, slow motions.

"why are you doing this to me", he moaned, barely audible, his eyes closed and his head thrown back. His lips parted with a moan, when I suddenly moved deep, making him hit my g spot and us both moan.
"That was for teasing me. Now finish it, fuck me. I can't take it anymore."

He smirked and turned us again, slamming into me so forcefully, I had to hold on to the side of the couch.

I screamed his name and he mine in pleasure and just closed my eyes, feeling every move, every drop of sweat, every drop of my juice.

It was brutal, pain exploding at my entrance with every one of his thrusts, but it was so hot.

The tingling in my stomach grew more and more, when he turned us again. This time he leaned against the couch instead of lying flat on the floor, letting me ride him. Skin slapped against skin when our hips met and I was so wet, I couldn't hold on much longer. My pussy was throbbing for more of him, but I couldn't.

I continued with the deep thrusts, making his member push deep inside me, but I got slower, savouring the moment.

His head fell back onto the couch and his hands rested on my hips, helping me with my movement, when he started whispering my name with every thrust.

"Nathalie... Nats... Oh baby, you feel so good... you're so tight... Nats...", he moaned and in a single moment he moved his hips up into my thrust, making my walls clench around him and us both climax simultaneously.