It didn't take me by surprise that he kissed me- hell, I waited for it for months now. Ever since I got a taste, I wanted more. Our tongues softly touched while his hands slowly made their way to my waist, pulling me closer to him. I put my hands in his hair- oh, how long I wanted to touch his hair.

But as he pulled me onto his lap to deepen the kiss my thoughts were racing.

Can I do this to him?

I just broke up with my ex.

He seemed to feel I was somewhere else with my mind, so he pulled away and looked at me: "Hey, what's wrong." I shook my head and smiled at him: "Nothing, I'm just thinking too much. Nevermind"

I put my hands on his cheeks and pulled him towards me again, continuing our makeout session, but the thoughts didn't seem to stop, no, they got more intense

What am I doing to him?

I'm only gonna hurt him!

He deserves better!

I softly pushed him away, so that I could look him hin the face. "Actually, there is something wrong."

I quickly got off his lap and sat next to him on the bed again, bringing some distance between us to cool off.

His cheeks were red and his lips were slightly swollen. He looked so incredibly good, but I forced myself to focus.

"We can't do this. ", I looked away from the surprise in his face. But he grabbed my chin and tilted my head back up. I continued: "I just broke up with my boyfriend. I'm still in love with him. I need to get over that first, before starting a new relationship." Hurt flashed up in his eyes and he let go of my chin. When he jumped up he said: "No, you're absolutely right.", his voice cracked before he covered his face with his hands and walked away from me. And I got scared.

"Shawn!", I jumped up and followed him, but then I stopped, "Please tell me that we're okay. I mean, are we still friends?"

He froze, but then finally turned back around to face me, his expression unfathomable: "Yah, don't worry about it. We're good. You're right, you need to focus on yourself for now.", his face softer than before, "Just know that when you're ready, I'll be waiting."