"ANO nangyari dito?" natatawang tanong ni Kaf. "He's squished."

"Si Claus-trophobic 'yan," Azriel mutters, distractedly, finishing the icing on his hat.

"E ito, ba't nawawala 'yong balbas? Si Santa pa ba 'yan?"

"Anak niya 'yan, 'di pa nagpu-puberty," depensa ni Tan. "Si Santa-let." He peels off the icing paper and announces, "O, 'yan. Tuli na."

Sinapak ito ni Azriel. "Siraulo," sabi niya. Tumawa ang kapatid niya.

The waft of cinnamon, sugar, and buttercream drifts along Anderdal Manor—everyone's baking little Santa Claus cookies for the festival this year. Here. His whole family and hers are here, in this kitchen where he lost his mind, where he touched her like he'd been starving for it, and he was, is, where he went somewhere he can never go back, where he ignored every careful, controlled part of him—

He smashes down on a dough too hard and deforms the entire thing.

Tiningnan siya ni Tan at nilayo ang sariling tray sa kanya. "'Wag kayong mag-alala, mga anak. Lalaki kayo sa pagmamahal, hindi sa takot."

"Lumayo ka bago kita saktan," pagbabanta ni Mikee kay Jett.

"May lason 'yan 'no?" sagot nitong isa. "Umamin ka na."

"Umalis ka nga!" sigaw ni Mikee at tinulak niya ito. Muntik nang mahulog si Jett. "Nakakahawa 'yang panget mo, pumapanget mga cookies ko!"

"Nanisi pa nga! Tita Marge, o!"

"Mga bata!" sita ni Patrick.

"Ah!"

Umikot kaagad ang ulo ni Azriel sa sigaw ni Georgina, instinctively stepping forward before he can stop himself. But she's sprawled over the kitchen counter, her face and hair dusted with powdered sugar, as she reaches out with one hand. Azriel's father bites off a piece of her Santa cookie. "You killed him! Hindi ka na ba naawa sa pamilya niya, Tito! Ang dami nilang naulila!"

"Pinakamasarap palagi talaga 'yong kay George," Rich says, nodding, savoring the cookie. "Good job!"

"Nooooooo!" she screams, hugging her tray to her chest. "Kringle McKringleface! Jack Frosting! Jolly Roger! Santa-na! Dough-niel Craig, Jingle Belle, Cream-son, and Clara! Clausette is a widow!"

"Kanina mo pa kasi sila pinaghahalikan ng kinain ni Tito," Lovi snickers. "Baliw."

"What's wrong with two cookies...kissing?" Georgina clears her throat, standing up and grabbing the piping bag. Looking everywhere but at him. "They were tasting...each other."

Yeah. We were, Azriel thinks.

"Gawain din natin 'yan," bulong ni Tan kay Lovi. She smacks him and he kisses her cheek.

Georgina grabs some more flour and throws it at her cousin. "Baby dust, baby dust, baby dust, baby dust—"

Lovi screams and hides behind her boyfriend, using him as a shield.

"Ako pa hinarap mo, e 'di napunta rin sa 'tin!" sigaw ni Tan.

Nakisali ang nanay nila sa pa-baby dust.

Hindi na mapakali si Azriel. "Come here," utos niyang mahinhin nang makalapit kay Georgina.

Tinignan siya nito.

Fuck.

If she owned him before, she certainly has him now with a grip so tight it hurts when his chest expands. When he kissed her last night, in this very spot, her hands curled into his sweater, like she could anchor herself to him, and he laid his heart bare at her feet.

She doesn't know what to do with it, the kiss he's pressed into both of their memories, and neither does he, but he will let her decide. Wait, even when it hurts to do nothing.

Azriel lifts his shirt and brushes the flour on her face away, keeping his eyes on hers, while his other hand threads through her hair to sweep it back from her shoulder.

She freezes, stares at him, but doesn't pull back.

Azriel steps away when he's done. Doesn't want to tempt himself into touching her more when she hasn't given him an answer yet.

"Thanks," bulong nito.

"Yeah," he breathes. Turns away before he does something fucking stupid in front of all their family members.

Tan nudges him when they both return to their station. "Ano 'yon?" bulong nito. "May nangyari sa inyo?"

Chismoso.

Kumuha din ng harina si Azriel at tinapon sa direksiyon nito. "Baby dust."

"Kuya naman, ih!!!"

*

Lovi and Tan head back first to the manor with Tito Holder and Rich so the couple can do the scavenger hunt. Lovi, as usual, is after the eggnog, and Azriel is sure the dads only want an excuse to nap.

Patrick, Bailey, and Kaf roam the festival together, Mikee goes off on her own, and Jett stays with Azriel, per orders, to help clean up the booth.

Georgina lingers on the edge of the setup, awkward. "I can help—"

"O, sige, Ate—" simula ni Jett, pero pinisil ni Azriel ang tainga nito.

"Sit down," he orders her softly. "Kami na 'to."

"Ayaw ko," she says, just to be stubborn that it makes him smile, yet she drops into the chair anyway. She turns her back to him and faces the street, cupping the hot cocoa he walked two blocks to get her. Steam rises to her cheeks, and the lights from the festival scatter on her hair.

His eyes linger too long.

"Kuya," sabi ni Jett. Flat, bored, observant. "Relax. Tumitig ka pa magbabayad ka na ng property tax sa mukha niya."

Azriel throws him a look. "Nasa'n si Mikee?"

He scoffs loudly, but his ears redden. "Pakialam ko do'n. Malay ko ba. Pagala-gala pa kasi. Baka naghahanap ng libro, ewan ko. Pake ko."

Azriel blinks. "Ba't ka namumula?"

Jett's jaw drops. "Malamig kaya!"

He scoffs. "Okay, sabi mo. Baliw. Kunin mo nga 'yong paper bags sa kotse."

"Ih," sabi nito, clearly not getting the hint, or pretending he doesn't. "Mamaya na—"

Tinitigan ito ni Azriel.

Painis na nagkamot si Jett ng ulo. "Puro n'yo na lang ako inuutusan, 'no! Tapos binabantaan pa 'ko ni Kuya Tan ng hapunan na para bang pusa lang ako na napipilitan kayo pakainin..."

Azriel waits until his brother is out of sight before taking the seat beside Georgina.

For a moment, though his pulse picks up just having her this close, he doesn't say anything, Doesn't know what to say after everything he's already said. So he starts somewhere safe, thank you, Jett: "Kamusta si Sergeant Sardines?"

Her mouth curves, eyes still on the lantern-lit street. "Kaka-check ko lang ng CCTV—she's having the time of her life on my couch. I got her a few toys before I left."

"Of course you did," he responds, low, fond. Too fond.

Sometimes, he wonders if, before he even knew what he felt, something in him had already given him away. That maybe she can already hear it—that fondness, the admiration, the way she's lived under his skin for years, plaguing him long before last night. Before he kissed her and he didn't know how to stop.

Georgina turns to him then, just a bit, just enough.

He looks at her. Holds her eyes. Takes a deep breath. "Georgie, I—"

"Aze!"

Julia's voice breaks the air, bright and cheerful, and his mother is beside her, both carrying bags, both grinning.

Fuck.

And he feels Georgina go still next to him, the kind of stillness that makes his stomach drop. Resigned. Like she already knows exactly where this is heading.

Tangina naman, o.

His mother beams. "Look who I ran into. Again! Twice in a week. Aba, anak, destiny na yata 'to."

Azriel forces a polite smile even as something inside him bristles. "Hello, Julia."

"Hi again, Aze." Julia's eyes flick to Georgina. "Nice seeing you again!"

She returns the smile—polite and small. "You too."

Pam claps her hands together. "Sige na, Aze. Kami na ni George at Jett dito. You go with Julia, maybe get something to eat, and drop her off."

"Ma." His voice is harsher than he intends. "Hindi—"

"Oo," she interrupts, firm but cheerful, dead-set on her damn matchmaking mission. "Gabi na, Julia has bags, and you're here. Perfect. Go."

Julia laughs self-consciously. "Ay, no, Tita, I didn't mean to bother—"

"You're not," Pam supplies, answering for him before he can speak.

Azriel grinds his teeth so hard his jaw twitches. He looks at Georgina—who's already standing up and making herself busy with the booth.

He wants to stay. He wants to tell his mom to stop, but he can't bring himself to embarrass her—and Pam is already nudging him forward with the gentlest, deadliest mom-pressure known to mankind. "Anak," Pam whispers conspiratorially, "gentleman ka, 'di ba? Sige na."

Putangina talaga. He exhales through his nose, controlled, furious. "Fine," he says tightly.

Azriel turns to Georgina one last time. "Babalik ako," he murmurs to her.

"It's okay," sabi nito nang hindi tumitingin sa kanya. "Go ahead. Enjoy."

Hindi alam ni Azriel sinong mas nasaktan sa sinabi niyang 'yon. He turns to Julia and sighs under his breath even as he lifts two of her shopping bags. "Akin na 'yan."

"Oh, thanks. Gentleman ka nga talaga." She grins at him so widely and shifts the bag into his hands like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Ayaw niya talaga 'tong gawin. He doesn't want to do this, but it's in his nature to be polite. Nakakainis na ganito siya, kasi alam niyang may nasasaktan na iba dahil sa bait niya.

Last na 'to, sabi niya sa utak niya. No more after this.

Julia falls into step beside him. "Grabe, Aze, ang saya, 'no? I didn't think I'd bump into your mom again. Twice in one week—baka nga fate! And oh my gosh, did you see the kids' booths? Super cute, tapos ang daming food stalls. Tumaba na 'ata ako sa dami ng sweets."

"Mm," he mutters, noncommittal.

She keeps talking. "And your mom—she's so funny, I swear. And your brother—Tan! Hilarious. And Lovi and Georgina are so sweet. Don't you just love how your whole family gets along? It's so cute. You guys are lucky."

Isa lang ang narinig ni Azriel sa lahat ng sinabi nito.

A pause, then Julia laughs and nudges him with her elbow. "And Tita Pam was talking about you expanding your clinic..."

Azriel doesn't respond. She chatters on beside him, the words tumbling out, while he's already steering them toward the taxi line. His hands are deep in his pockets, the bags from earlier dangling from one arm.

This is not where he wants to be.

"Come on," she says, tugging slightly at his sleeve as they reach the line. "We should grab some drinks. You know, somewhere quiet. Just the two of us, before you drop me off at home. And I can introduce you to my mom—"

He stops mid-step, turning around to meet her eyes. "Julia...I can't do that."

She blinks, surprised. Tumawa ito nang kaunti. "What? Why not? It's just drinks."

Nag-buntonghininga si Azriel. "I'll wait for a cab with you," he says, his tone careful but firm. "But that's it. I'm sorry."

Julia searches his face, her smile fading. "Why?"

"You're a very lovely person," sabi niya. "But someone else already has me."

Kumunot ang noo nito. "Sabi ng mom mo single ka."

"We're still working it out." Somewhat. Somehow. Hopefully.

"Okay, so hindi ka pa taken," she asserts. "Give this a chance. Our moms are rooting for us, o. And I think this has potential—"

"I don't," Azriel answers calmly. "This isn't going to go anywhere. I'm not interested at all."

"You haven't even tried—"

"I don't need to," sagot niya. "And I don't want to. I'm sorry."

Julia's jaw goes tense. "Hindi mo man lang ako ihahatid?"

Azriel hands her her bags. "No."

"So much for being a gentleman," she snaps, her eyebrow raised.

I'd rather hurt you than hurt her, Azriel thinks. "I'm sorry."

Her face falls. A long, tense pause passes bago dumating ang taxi. Julia glances at Azriel with disappointment crossing her face before she steps inside and settles against the seat.

He lingers at the curb until it pulls away. Then finally, he heads back toward the manor.

The warmth hits him like a punch after the crisp, cold air. Nakapalibot na ang pamilya niya at ang pamilya Gueco sa sala, naghahanda na para sa karaoke at beer, pero wala si Georgina.

Napansin agad siya ng nanay niya. "Ba't ang bilis mong nakabalik?"

Kinagat ni Tan ang saging na kinakain at sumandal sa pader. "Ayan na 'yong pasyente."

Hindi na-gets ni Azriel, pero mamaya na niya iintindihin kapatid niya. For now, he pulls his mother aside and keeps his voice low, kasi puro chismoso at chismosa ang mga tao rito. "Ma, I know your intentions are good. I get it, you want me to be happy." He takes a deep breath. So much for being Mr. Nice Guy today. "But I don't appreciate being pushed into situations like that."

Sumimangot ang ina niya. "Bakit? Ayaw mo kay Julia? She's a perfect match for you!"

He rubs the nape of his neck and tells himself to be more patient with her. "I'm not interested, Ma."

Mas lalong nainis si Pam. "She's sweet, she's smart, she's pretty—"

"It's not about her," Azriel interrupts gently, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Ma, I just have to do things my way. Thank you for looking out foe me, but please let me do things my way."

Her lips press together, and after a tense moment, she huffs and storms off, calling for Tita Marge to follow. "Fine!"

"Luh," sabi ng tatay niya. "Ano ginawa mo, Aze? Ang init na naman ng ulo n'on, kasalanan ko na naman niyan."

"Issue," sabi ni Tito Holder. "Wala 'yan sa schedule. Pero ano ginawa mo, Aze?"

"Wait lang, aalamin ko." Tumayo si Rich at sinundan ang asawa at ang best friend nito.

Tumayo rin si Tito Holder. "Sama."

Azriel exhales, rubbing the bridge of his nose, his frustration rising. He turns back to the others. "Where's Georgina?"

"Lumabas, Kuya," sagot ni Lovi pagkatapos uminom ng alak. "Said she was going to grab dinner with someone she matched with before. Nandito rin daw, so niyaya niya si George."

Huh.

Tinitigan ito ni Azriel. "Ano?"

Jett, from his place on the couch, shivers. "Woo, ang lamig bigla. Grabe."

Lovi blinks at him. "She went out to dinner—"

"Where?" singit nito. "With who? Hanggang ngayon? Bakit siya lang mag-isa?"

"Ang lamig talaga, as in, kinakabahan ako, magkakagulo tayo dito," sabi ni Jett.

Sinapak ito ni Mikee. "Ang epal mo, tumahimik ka nga."

"She's fine, Kuya Aze," Lovi insists. "She's been texting naman, and you know her, she knows what she's doing."

Walang nasabi si Azriel.

"Kuya," tawag naman ni Tan, natatawa. "Chill ka lang. Dinner lang 'yon, hindi hostage situation."

"He looks chill naman," narinig niyang sinabi ni Kaf habang papasok ito ng sala.

"Nanginginig na 'yan, Ate, 'di lang halata," pang-aasar ni Tan. "Buti pa 'ko, gumaling na sa sakit na 'yan."

"Anong sakit?" she asks, confused.

"Selos stage 10," bulong ni Tan sa kasintahan. Sinapak siya nito.

"'Di pa pala tapos si Ate George sa Dating Wrapped niya," Mikee snickers, not looking up from her book. "Sa bagay, may ilang araw pa before next year."

Patrick wraps an arm around his sister-in-law and whispers, "Mik...shh."

Azriel turns around and snatches his phone from his pocket.

Sino kasama mo? Nasaan ka?

There are a million other questions he wants to ask: why are you on a date? Bakit hindi mo 'ko hinintay? Sabi ko babalik ako. Bakit hindi mo 'ko sinabihan? Bakit hindi ka pa umuuwi? His stomach twists and lurches, a hollow, queasy weight settling deep in his gut. It's like the air has thickened, like every imagined scene of her with someone else coils in him and makes him gag. He grips the phone tighter, knuckles white, the nausea crawling up into his chest, his head swimming so badly he needs to sit down.

"Hala," sabi ni Jett. "Stage 11 na 'ata 'yan."

Azriel ignores them and drags himself up the stairs to his room, to wait for his phone to light up.

For the next four hours, it never does.

*

#LoveStillWP