He stared at his open book with a pencil dancing between his fingers, and his other hand ruffling his already messy hair over and over again. I, on the other hand sat on the opposite end of my queen sized bed stealing glances of this mess of a human being every chance I could get.

Rohan and I have been friends from the second year of college .What started as formal encounters during daily practical classes , soon blossomed into an inseparable friendship by the end of the year. We would often sit together in lectures , team up for projects , pull each other's legs in canteen and laugh like insane at the silliest of jokes. And on certain days like these we would end up studying together . It was usually for a project we were doing together or on days when lectures were too complicated to understand.

We lived in the same co-ed hostel but he would always insist on studying in my room instead of his. His reason was always the same; my room was cleaner and had more space than his ,which I couldn't disagree to. And this was always our arrangement too. He would sit on one corner of the bed and I sat on the opposite end facing him. We would put a makeshift table in the middle when we had to discuss things. On other days we would just sit silently on opposite ends and read our own chapter , because according to him my place was a study shrine. I laughed every time he mentioned it. Hell these days I would just laugh at anything remotely funny he uttered.

It wasn't always like this . I never had a crush on him to begin with . But I didn't realise it either when exactly did I start falling for him . It wasn't immediately , but it was definitely and eventually. It happened over a period of time . When was it that all his silly activities started appearing adorable to me , I don't know . But slowly everything small thing he did for me became endearing. Sometimes I even wondered if any of those things were actually meant to make me special , even when I knew it wasn't .I would wait the entire day waiting for the time we would spend together , be it for a study session or just random talks . My stupid heart had started treasuring every tiny detail it could , for it feared it wouldn't last forever.

He jerked my hand to pull me out of my thoughts and towards our table . He had finally understood the complicated mechanics of the chapter we had been studying since hours .....well atleast one of us was. He started drawing flowcharts on an empty page to explain it to me in a easier way . He hadn't even reached midway when we started arguing. I believed my way was accurate and he believed his was easier and hence better. He kept snatching away my pen to prove his point and everytime he touched my hand instead of the pen , I could feel a tinge of electricity run through me. Worried that he could notice my strangeness I let go off the pen.

As he went on with his flowchart, I tried to be as attentive as I could whilst trying to tug away my free tresses which wouldn't stay contained in my messy bun . " You don't even know how to tie your hairs properly" he teased . It was nothing new to me. He would take no time to state a hundred flaws that he joked I had, whereas I could never fault anything in him even when I tried. I guess that's what happens when you are falling for your best friend and he doesn't feel the same way about you. That's why the habits of his which until a year ago I found laughable, now I feel affection for the same. His messy hairs which once annoyed me to no extent, are now my object of desire; I wish my hands were the ones messing them up.

I sat there wishing in my heart of heart that these nights never come to an end. The shining moonlight through the open window, the white curtains making a rustling sound when touched by the wind, him sitting opposite me , his face turned towards the book and his fidgety foot next to where I sat. Even when we would sit silently for hours , the comfort and the sense of belonging that I found in his company were incomparable to anything I had ever felt before. How much ever time we spent together , it never felt long enough .The way my heart felt right at place with him was a feeling I wouldn't be able to describe in words. The only time my heart ached is when it could see how unattainable its wishes were. The fact that he may never feel the same way about me tugged at my heart like a unbearable pain.

All I know is that even if this love was only mine, these moments we spend together were as much his as was mine. Nobody could snatch away this moment in time, this feeling of love and this surge of affection that I feel for him at this moment. These were mine to treasure, now and forever, in a small hidden chamber of my heart which would always belong to him.....always.

"Shruti" he snapped his fingers infront of my glass covered eyes. Drawn out of my imaginary bubble , I straightened my posture , nudged my glasses towards my eyes with my finger , cleared my throat before responding with an almost non caring "yeah".

"The guys are calling me up for dinner; it's birthday treat. So should be continue tomorrow? same time ?"

"Yeah sure" the words sounded exactly the opposite of how I felt and that was perfect . " Go have fun."

He smiled his most heartwarming smile before picking his books up and leaving .

I sat at the exact same position for a few minutes before closing my own books . Keeping them aside , I walked up to the window that looked straight down the main gateway of the hostel . I watched as he walked past the main entrance of the hostel laughing away with his friends .

I stood by the window for minutes after he had left and stared at the silent sky with the lonely moon . At times it felt as if the moon was the only one who understood the loneliness , the dilemma and the ache my heart felt all at the same time. He was with me but he was never mine and that made my heart feel lonely like never before. It not the kind of loneliness one feels when left all alone , it's the one that echoes even when you are in a crowd . The dilemma of not wanting to lose the friendship in hopes of something new weighed heavily on the already troubled heart . And the heart ached like nothing I had ever felt before everytime it realized that this love would never become a reality. The fact that all it would ever remain was a love story that only ever one person felt or knew .....hurt like hell .

I cherished every moment I got to spend with him . The time we spent together belonged to us both . It would always remain as much his as it was mine , whether or not he would treasure it like I do that was upto him. I would never force him into my dreams but these little moments with him , I was allowed to treasure and I had allowed myself to be in love with him as long as it didn't burden him with any expectations. Unrequited love...sigh... had only heard about it in Bollywood songs . Who knew one day I would actually be in one of those.