Each day when I wake up I think of food.

When I stand in the mirror all I see are the flaws on my body.
I have developed a habit of pushing on my neck and stomach, as if to flatten it. So much I now get stomach pains.
Some days I can see my body for how it actually is, but other days I think I see another body and wonder if my body is truly like that and why I'm letting it be so.

I should change it, I decide.

I do. For a day, then I fail for I can't commit to anything.

I can't focus on simple tasks. I can only focus on the things I shouldn't.

My own thoughts become so overhwhelming it scares me at times.
I'm constantly tired. I thought this was from lack of sleep, but even with plenty of sleep I still feel sluggish.

How can people love me if I don't even love myself?

I fail at everything I do.

One day I woke up and thought: "Mmh, a big sandwich would taste delicious" so I made myself a sandwich.

It was delicious.

I stood in front of the mirror. The stomach I saw prior, which I realized isn't that bad, is actually quite cute. An extra layer of protection for my organs!

I still push my stomach and neck for it has become habit, but also when I do I now know it is sign I'm slipping back to bad old habits and so I can catch up before I'm fully down the hole again.

Some days I see how my body how it isn't, yes, or maybe it is how it is. But then again, a body never stays the same. We grow; we bloat, we sway in weight. It is all natural, and it shows our growths and changes. The pair of pants we fit in when we were teens should NOT fit in our adulthood.

I still cannot commit, and never shall for that is simply how my brain works. So I go with the flow, I stop trying to think I can plan everything. It brings nothing but sadness and despair as you will live by that plan and be distraut when it is disturbed, even by things that would have been unavoidable.

I can focus. When it is on the things I want to. So I simply do the things I want to focus on and found ways to make those simple tasks bearable and manageable. Just because someone can do something doesn't mean you have to do it the same way. There is no manual to life, only guide lines.

Constantly tired? Of course! Who wouldn't be if one hates themselves so much?! The amount of energy that goes into hating one self is overwhelming; feels like a boulder being put on you, pushing you down to the ground. Once you learn to accept your body, stop breaking yourself down, and tell yourself: 'this is okay', that is when you'll be able to lift up that boulder and eventually toss it off you.

Others love and opinions are nothing compared to your own love and thoughts towards yourself. Once you have fixed those you can focus on others. Those who stay during your tough times are the true ones.

I might not be accomplishing everything I try, but at least I'm trying. That is normal and part of figuring out oneself. Everyone has accomplished their fair share, but the person themselves rarely realizes this. Write it down, talk about it. You'll see very quickly how much you have actually accomplished.