Chapter Thirty-Four: Maggie

The morning sunlight felt like a slap to the face.

I opened my eyes not only to the pending activities of the day but also to my dreaded reality. Everything seemed as though it was charging at me at full speed.

I sat up from my position on the couch; before Alyssa left, I asked for Evan to be transferred to his bedroom so he could get some decent shut-eye.

I reassured her I'd be the one to take care of him after that. I removed his shoes, made sure he was laid comfortably and put a glass of water and some aspirin by his nightstand if by chance the hangover is going to be cruel to him.

Running a hand through my hair, I looked up at the clock to check the time and realized that I had slept in, but it was pointless because I planned not to attend our classes for today so I could check up on Evan.

Stealing a glance at his bedroom door, I wondered if he was awake or not. It was still early, but he got knocked out at the stroke of midnight. He's had about nine hours of rest already.

I rose from the plump cushions that buried me and approached his room; I didn't know whether I should knock or not, he is either awake or he isn't.

But I didn't want to be intrusive, so I knocked on his door once, twice and once the third one was left unanswered, I cocked my head and placed a hand on the doorknob as I let myself in.

The room was engulfed in darkness, as I didn't want him to wake up with dashes of sunlight further exacerbating his hangover. I inspected him from where he lay on the bed, and all I saw was a lump.

Taking careful steps, I tilted my head to gain a better look and saw that he was still sleeping. The glass of water and medicine I left is still untouched, and just as I was about to leave the room to let him be, I nearly jumped when he suddenly stirred.

"Jesus fucking Christ, did someone put a bullet in my head-"

"Close. It was the shots of vodka you took."

He practically leaped out of his skin when he heard my voice "Maggie?!" he called out, and perhaps the intensity of his reaction proved to be too unbearable for him.

As he put a hand to his forehead and groaned "I'm sorry," I apologized in earnest, as he shook his head.

"No, it's okay, it's just," he laughed "Why are you standing in the dark? How long have you been here?"

I chuckled "I just woke up and thought I'd check up on you. You came home drunk last night."

His ears perked up "I did?" I nodded. "How was I able to get back home, then?"

Here comes reality knocking at my door.

I knew eventually he was going to ask that, the truth finds a way to reveal itself and I don't know why I even dreaded it. But he deserves to know, she's the reason why he got home safely.

"How about you have some breakfast first and drink that aspirin? I'll tell you everything later." he didn't protest, he simply obeyed as we exited his room.

He slouched over the dining room table, his head in his hands as I made breakfast for the both of us; he was the one who usually took on this responsibility but for today, we've switched roles.

I didn't do anything special, just simple eggs with avocado toast on the side, and once I placed it in front of him, he looked up at me with his pretty-boy grin plastered on his face.

"Thank you," he said, his voice raspy as I felt a jolt of electricity rush through my veins.

"It's no problem," I replied as casually as I could, taking a seat right across from him. "It's weird thinking I've cooked for you these past few days, typically it's you being the chef around here."

He snickered at that "I wouldn't call myself a chef, just that every meal is made with love."

I couldn't help it as the ends of my lips turned up. "I can't deny that," I mused "My cooking is nowhere near as good as yours. Perhaps I made mine in vain."

He laughed upon taking a bite of his toast "Instead of a skillet what do you use? Potions for seasoning and a broomstick for stirring?"

I playfully leered at him "Maybe, maybe not."

He shook his head, soft cackles escaping his lips. "Either way, I love your cooking." he muttered, gazing up at me through his lashes "I appreciate everything that you do."

I paused midway into eating, telling myself not to make a huge fuss, to keep my cool because he meant nothing by-

Then I remembered what Alyssa told me last night and all rationalization went out the window, there was no use avoiding this now, especially when I know.

Yet when I look at him, signs that hint at last night's revelations are nowhere to be seen, as if they were a hallucination, something I made up to compensate for Evan's admission.

But he hid the fact there was something between him and Alyssa, who am I to be convinced of the charade he puts up now? I know he's doing it for a reason, he isn't blind to the situation.

He knows we can't have anything beyond the relationship we have now. We can't be anything more than just roommates, and once all of this dies down, and my pride finally allows me to forgive Levi, we know we'll have to part ways.

So I'm not mad that he's fabricated everything because aren't I doing the same thing? We do this because it's for our own good.

Still, it hurts when he shows affection like this, and I have to tell myself it's granular, that I can only take so much of what he gives me before it slips out of my fingers and disintegrates.

What we have, it's forever fleeting.

"Anyways," he added, his tone indifferent to the impact his words left "Mind telling me how I ended up back home last night?"

I blinked, nodding my head "O-Oh yeah, of course." I coughed "About last night... it was Alyssa. She brought you home."

His eyes widened "Really?" I nodded "Fuck, I remember now. I was supposed to take her out to eat but then some of my friends invited me to drink. I thought I could just stop by, have a beer or two, then dip afterward." he rubbed the nape of his neck, laughing "Guess I got carried away."

I looked down, pondering over his retelling of last night's events as to how Alyssa told it. On one hand, Alyssa's claims were arbitrary, they were based on intuition rather than on objective reality.

Perhaps she didn't lie when she told me Evan mentioned our relationship to her; of course, he did, they're more than just friends, and discussing past relationships is a must; and maybe, at the time, he was still grieving; I was too, still am, but we'll learn to grow apart, and looking at him now, I can see he's just starting to.

"Yeah, she was really worried," I proclaimed "You owe a lot to that girl for carrying your ass all the way here, you were drunk out of your mind but she made sure she got you home safe."

His eyes softened. "She is great."

"How long have you two known each other?"

"Since the start of the semester."

I smiled softly, focusing intently on my half-eaten plate. "It hasn't been long, then."

"... Pretty much."

"It's rare to find people who'd go to such great lengths for you despite just getting to know each other. If you hadn't told me it's only been two months, I wouldn't have believed you." I diverted my gaze to him "But she looks after you as if she's known you her whole life. That's rare."

He didn't respond at first, just looked at me with this blank stare that I couldn't decipher "I guess you could say that."

I pondered over what I'm about to say next. There are two ways this conversation could end, I either tell him about what Alyssa told me last night, or I play along with my version of the story.

Let's say I pushed the agenda hard enough, how far will it go before everything turns to shambles? One week? One month? Better yet, a day? Before my dad comes bulldozing into our lives again, only to remind us things aren't the way they were before?

It's selfish, I know it is. It'll be short-lived, but it's better than nothing.

Momentary freedom with Evan will always be better than a lifetime of monogamy with anyone else.

"... You should make it up to her," I said as he appeared caught off guard by my suggestion "Take her out to eat, this time keep your promise. It's the least you could do, she was such a sweetheart to you."

If Evan found my idea peculiar, it showed. He looked at me as if the words that were coming out of my mouth were the last thing he expected to hear from me.

"You think so?"

I nodded, forcing motion to my head the same way one tries to step on the rusted brakes of a beat-up car "I don't see why not. You should go call her."

He was silent at first, processing my advice with Bobby Fischer-like intensity "... Okay," he relented after a while "I'll go call her then."

I smiled. "That's great."

He stood up from his chair and once he was out of view, my face fell instantly. The more he walked away, it felt as though he was taking a part of me with him.

"Hey, Evan?"

He stopped to turn in an instant, our eyes meeting once more.

"Yeah?"

Turn around, and tell me that you're just good at hiding your emotions. Tell me what Alyssa said was true, tell me that after all this time, you mourn and grieve for me the same way I do for you. Tell me that even when we were worlds apart, you looked up at the night sky and wished upon the same stars I did, just so you could have something in common with me again.

Tell me it's not too late to try again. Tell me you look out your window wondering if I missed you the same way you missed me. Tell me that waking up with someone else hurts just as much as when you woke up the first time without me in your arms. Tell me the stars are lying when we see that they're aligned yet I'm not right there beside you, and you're not right here beside me.

Tell me that the universe is just jealous of us. That despite the galaxies, comets, asteroids, rocks, and dust doing their intended purpose to put us to where we are now, we're still not in the places we're meant to be, because you're supposed to be with me.

Not with her.

"I hope you and Alyssa have fun."