Chapter Nineteen: Maggie

He instantly noticed that I gave up trying to be respectful.

I don't know what he was expecting, just because you care about someone does not mean that they're incapable of getting under your skin, and for Evan's case, as much as I still empathize with him, if he's so hell-bent on not wanting to act like adults about this, then I'm not going to make the effort to do so anymore.

That doesn't mean I'm gonna start being patronizing for that matter, no, it just means if he wants to behave like he's the only person struggling to cope with our recent dilemma, I can have a victim complex too. Two can play in this game.

He knew he fucked up, let's start with that, resulting in his futile attempts to redeem himself after our altercation a few days back by dialing down on his antagonism, but it quickly went down the drain when I responded to them with blatant disdain, not even trying to hide how pathetic I thought of him and his half baked efforts.

Reacting with occasional snide remarks here and there such as "Oh, so you've finally decided to acknowledge my existence? Who knew the day would come." Whenever he responded to my queries about the project, the indignation on his face visible but he just let it slide.

But then I thought, you know what, let's take it up a notch.

It went from poking fun at his unreasonable rudeness to simply just being a jerk myself, throwing around past indiscretion that nobody else would catch aside from him, to being straightforward with my scornful tactics by bringing everybody in the group coffee whenever we meet up except for him as I come up with some flimsy excuse that he slipped past my mind, for example.

Even though he's the only one occupying it.

But I can't admit that. I want to teach him a lesson, and I know, it's immature considering I was the instigator, the traitor disguising oneself as the victim, but there are so many layers to our story that don't just stop at him being left behind on that one winter morning.

He's acting as if I made the choice myself, and that it wasn't imposed on me. He should know me better than that by now but deep down, I know he is aware. He's not ignorant as most people and he's probably more informed about my family's background than half of my friends combined, and I'm not going to act like I didn't contribute to the fact that Evan Williams knows me that well because I've allowed myself to strip bare all my weaknesses to him.

That's what makes what he's doing now so spiteful because it's one thing to use the knowledge you have of someone to your own advantage, but it's another to just dismiss everything you've learned about them and have the gull to act oblivious to their trials and errors, the ones they wouldn't have told you about if they didn't trust you well enough.

... You give up so much of who you are only for it to be treated as something that they could care less about. As if it was more of an unwarranted invite they can just as easily throw in the garbage, rather than a gift you decorated just for them.

Then again, it's not like I'm exempt from that. I was aware of his issues regarding abandonment and negligence yet had the audacity to throw it out the window when I had ditched him. In the end, neither one of us is just as innocent as the other, we're just one gigantic grey area, despite how much we butt heads.

So maybe what he said was just his way of making things even between us, restoring balance to our dynamic, because we can never really overpower the other.

Again, all's fair in love and war. Especially war.

But much like all battles, you can't necessarily avoid bringing other people down with you when you decide to wreak havoc, and it was inevitable that the rest of the group became more and more affected by Evan and I's ongoing feud.

It's not like I can blame them for growing tired of us, if I were in a similar situation, I wouldn't want to be in the middle of our childish quarrel either.

I knew they were trying to act as if they weren't aware of it. Ignorant is a bliss after all, that like the typical bystander, they probably thought that there was no point trying to squeeze themselves into matters that don't concern them, and chances were they were afraid of getting caught up in our storm, as Evan and I aren't necessarily sunshine and rainbows, by any means.

It didn't come as less shocking, however, that we eventually had to face the consequences of our actions when we mutually discarded civility altogether, akin to when two dictators seek retribution by bombing each other's homelands, it's only expected that the innocent people residing in said homelands are not going to leave the predicament unscathed, even if they didn't partake in whatever nonsense their leaders initiated.

In our case, the group members just had about enough of Evan and I's bullshit that ignoring the giant fucking elephant in the room was no longer an option, especially if it kept stampeding all over the place and disrupted the general peace of the environment.

This occurred on another Thursday afternoon when we were gathered in the library working on our presentation, things running smoothly at first not until Evan and I created a problem just by simply breathing in the same room.

Specifically, when I had shown the changes I implemented on the PowerPoint presentation that the group was more than tolerant about, but of course, Evan being Evan, just had to find a way to open his big fucking mouth and proclaim that it could be better.

To which I had disregarded by not acknowledging his input at all, creating a tensed atmosphere that the group instantly noticed as Evan clucked his tongue, shook his head, and muttered in a low but condescending tone:

"You made a huge deal in approaching me about this last Friday, so don't you think it's a bit rude that when I comment about your creative choices, I have a say on whether or not you should implement it?" he stated, not bothering to hide his indignation.

I maintained an air of ambivalence as I replied with "I just thought that since you couldn't care less about my decision when I approached you about it, things wouldn't be any different now that it's been applied. It's not my fault that you're inconsistent."

He scoffed at that "Inconsistent? You're one to talk about being inconsistent when you've made a huge fuss about being polite when you've been anything but."

"I'm just trying to emulate your behavior, as I see no point in acting like the bigger person when you've refused to do the same thing for me. An act of reciprocity, if you will."

The corner of his mouth twitched at that "It's common for people to not stay true to their word after making such extravagant promises, and it seems that you're not excluded from that."

My grip tightened on the mouse I was holding whilst my gaze instantly averted from the screen in front of me to throw daggers in Evan's direction, as he simply responded by shrugging his shoulders, the devious grin on his lips not faltering.

"It's not like I was left with that many options, now was I?" I scowled as his face immediately fell.

"It would've been better to be upfront though, with your original intentions instead of setting someone's hopes up." he defended as I shot him an aggravated look in return.

"Again, we're not blessed with that many options in life, but it's not like I'm expecting you to understand anytime soon." I snapped and it wasn't hard to notice that my words hit a nerve, making him inhale a deep breath before letting out a dry chuckle.

"Oh trust me, I've tried to understand, more than you'll ever imagine."

"Did you really?" my voice was meek, but the hint of animosity in my words still lingered "Because your frequent apathy hasn't given me the chance to notice it."

"Okay, that's it."

I was startled at the sound of Audrey pushing her chair back as it screeched on the floorboards of the library, as I looked up in shock at her sudden display of annoyance and how she wasn't holding back on letting us see it, it being about how fed up she is.

"I tried to excuse it, I really did," she began as Evan and I briefly exchanged worried glances at each other "Thinking it's one of those things where two people found each other annoying, and for the most part, it was understandable considering individually, you two are quite insufferable,"

I wasn't even able to react to her not-so-subtle jab before she continued "However, this has gone too far. I went from thinking that maybe you two just couldn't get along but I fail to see that's the case, like have you two dated or something?" silence ensued as neither one of us answered to her accusation... that isn't really an accusation.

But she set it aside, waving her hand dismissively "You know what, it doesn't matter. I don't care if you two dated, had a kid, got divorced, or killed each other's pets for all I know, your business doesn't concern me. What does concern me is when you two decide to take out your frustrations onto one another out in plain goddamn sight, making everybody else uncomfortable. Like do you two just forget that there's a world outside of your own bubble? Jesus Christ."

Evan and I kept silent even as she started gathering her belongings from the table "So while you two still haven't settled your differences, no one in this group is going to cooperate with either one of you considering you refuse to do the same thing for us."

She clutched everything she owned against her chest, stood to her full height as she narrowed her eyes at us "I hope you two resolve whatever... this is. I really do, but quite frankly, this is a group project, not a couple's therapy, and I refuse to sit back and watch this childish banter unfold as I see no enjoyment in witnessing it."

With that, she turned on her heel and walked off, and it wasn't soon when the rest of the group followed suit, collecting their things and briskly leaving the scene. They tried to be courteous about their withdrawal by offering sympathetic stares, but their deliberate dismissal still outweighed their pity. Not that I could be mad at them, I'd do the same fucking thing.

It wasn't until we were the only ones left on the table that we were compelled to lock eyes, a quiet sense of agreement being exchanged amidst the dead silence of the room, as it was obvious on both of our faces that as much as Audrey's outburst... shocked us, is that she was right. We do need to resolve our conflicts in order to put a stop to this never-ending duel that's rusted both of our weapons and has now become childish swordplay where there are no winners, because hurting him, whether intentionally or not, never felt like a victory.

Piercing him with a dagger always felt like stabbing my own back, in the end.