Chapter Forty-One: Maggie

Regret either has a gradual build-up or is instantaneous in its strike, and it would've come quicker had Evan's stamina done the same... but unfortunately (not really) it did not.

To say I was spent the following morning would be an understatement, with the ache between my legs making me wince as I tried to stand up from the warm bed I laid in.

But the strong arms which circled my waist halted me in my tracks, and I turned my head only to be greeted with Evan's face nuzzling the crook of my neck as he slept.

I softened at the sight, faltering in his arms as I recalled the events of last night and all the different sensations that were felt, heard, and tasted all at once.

My cheeks reddened at the thought as I stared at his serene face, different from the one that had perspiration dripping down his forehead as he ravished me with his eyes filled with overwhelming lust and possession.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I turned around and examined him up close. His long eyelashes dropped almost to his cheeks as he took soft inhales of breath, his pink lips formed into an adorable pout and I couldn't help it as I smiled, endeared at how innocent he appeared.

The urge to kiss him stupid took over me and as I was about to lean forward and do just that, I stopped when I realized the implications of my actions - our actions from last night, to be specific. We were driven by years of longing that we let our emotions cloud our judgment, and until now, it's still hard to escape that headspace.

We were so caught up in our desires that we hadn't been thinking clearly. Although I don't want to take away the beauty of what we shared, I can't ignore the fact that our first time doing something so intimate was influenced by our urgency to seize the moment before it's eventually taken away from us... It wasn't done out of genuine togetherness, but rather out of fear that us being together will simply not last.

I closed my eyes, wanting to berate myself for ruining a peaceful moment, but I've experienced far too much of all the good things in my life being taken away from me that indulging in them makes walking away far more painful than it needs to be.

I gently removed Evan's hands from my body as I rolled to the other side of the bed and sat up, covering myself with the duvet as I looked around the room to see where my clothes were-

"... Baby?'

I held tightly onto the blanket wrapped around my torso as I felt Evan stir behind me, his voice groggy but riddled with confusion at the sight of me retreating already.

I refused to meet his eye as he reached out and placed a tentative hand on my arm "Maggie, baby, where are you going?" he asked softly.

I clenched my jaw "Evan, stop this."

His fingers froze from touching me any further, and I took that as my shot to wretch myself away from him as I rose to my feet, still semi-covered as I rummaged around the room in search of that stupid fucking dress-

"Maggie-" I didn't turn around as I continued frantically searching "Maggie!"

"What?!" I snapped, still not stopping until finally, I felt the familiar fabric of my dress brush against my palm as I snatched it off the floor, and beneath it laid my undergarments.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" he asked in a puzzled tone as I hastened to put on my dress.

When I didn't give him an answer, he scoffed and I didn't need to look at him to know his shackles were rising at my tendency to withdraw.

"If you're ashamed of what we did last night, all you need to do is to just say that. Treating me like shit and not talking to me won't achieve anything aside from making me feel like I mean nothing to you."

"Don't make this about yourself. It's a decision we both partook in."

"Then I don't understand why I'm the only one who's sticking by it."

"Ever heard of damage control?" I retorted as I finally turned around to face him.

The instantaneous guilt I was supposed to feel last night shot me now as I saw what the impact of my words did to him, his eyes filled with deceit and hurt. I didn't mean to be harsh, but I'm also not someone to sugarcoat the truth. In the end, he deserves to hear it.

"What damage? The fact that we missed each other and it's been so long? Love? That's your damage?"

"Love at its worst is foolish and reckless, and I don't know if you could tell, but we weren't necessarily stable. What does that say about last night being our first time?"

He gulped "I admit, it wasn't straight out of a fairytale but-"

"No. It was impulsive and stupid and we got carried away-"

"But it wasn't pointless." he countered "Paint it however you want but that will never change the fact that it's not so black and white as you think it is, and the only reason why you suddenly regret it now is that Wayne doesn't want this, but not because you don't want this."

"No, I regret it because it was wrong."

"Wrong how? Because Wayne would think so?"

"Wrong because we're hurting other people! I'm cheating on Levi, for crying out loud!" the realization hit me like a bucket of water falling down my head.

But Evan doesn't seem to worry too much about it, nor about the fact he could also be hurting Alyssa, as he stared at me incredulously "You don't even love him! If cheating on him was supposed to matter this much you wouldn't have gone along with it!"

"Don't tell me what to fucking feel, Evan." I walked out of the room and his attempt to follow me was hindered as he put on a pair of pajama bottoms before he was hot on my tail the next second.

"I'm not telling you what to feel, I'm reminding you of your actions that stand in contradiction to the bullshit that's spewing out of your mouth."

"That what?!" I shouted as I pulled my luggage off the living room floor.

"That this is not about you betraying Levi, this is about you feeding yourself lies after lies until you convince yourself that the life you have with Levi is the one you deserve."

"Then what life do I deserve? The one I should've had with you?" I stopped midway until I was one foot out the door, while the other stood firmly in the apartment.

He paused to return my gaze with a fiery look in his eyes "I may not know much, but I do know this; it's always going to be me, Maggie. In the same way that it's always going to be you, and whether you like it or not, you're going to come back to me. Not because this is where you're supposed to be, but because you want to be here with me."

I shook my head, throwing the door open as I didn't dare spare him another glance.

* * *

It's not necessarily a walk in the park returning to my father's house, but this part was inevitable, hence why it was less overbearing on the drive back to his place. I've prepared myself for this so I was quite stoic throughout the ride.

I booked a Lyft to get me there; at this point, my father has no idea I'm coming back. I never felt the need to inform him anytime I ran away from home because he doesn't deserve that kind of consideration.

It's a routine, I run away for a little while and come back and we both just pretend as if our relationship as father and daughter isn't highly dysfunctional. We ignore the worst in one another because we know I don't have the patience to wait for him to show me his best.

One could argue that there's no harm in trying, but he's had twenty years to try and be a better father, and his definition of being a good father is controlling me, taking me away from mom, and isolating me from the people I love most. He doesn't listen to me, refuses to listen to me, and knows I'll never reach a point where I become the son he never had. In the end, I didn't grow up this detached because I had a mother who always tried, I ended up like this because I had a father who never did.

The car stops in front of my father's house and I stare at it in all of its daunting glory. Back then, I would've just gone up to my room, and went on with my life because I accepted the fact that this is how my life will always be.

But I didn't just come back from a shabby hotel room that offered the same level of loneliness as my father's house. For once, I was taken into a home that made me feel loved and accepted, by someone who looked at me like he was excited to see me every time I came back home from Uni, who cooked for me, and asked me what was wrong when he sensed I wasn't doing okay and told me it's fine to give up whenever classes got a bit too overbearing.

For once, I was in a home with another person who saw my flaws and never felt the need to point them out, he embraced them wholeheartedly.

I shook my head once I realized I was taking too long to get out of the car and handed the driver his pay. I walked up the gravel which led to the front door, stood on my tippy toes, and reached up the door frame where, in between the crevices, hid the spare key my father kept in case of emergencies. I went in, put the key back in its rightful spot, and looked around to see if there was nobody around. No housekeeper, no nothing.

I slowly made my way up the stairs and didn't bother calling out to anybody because as far as I know, my father is still at his office during these hours.

I walked through the vast hallway of the second floor, passing by each room. From the restroom to the guest bedroom until I eventually reached my father's study.

Normally, I would've just ignored it and gone straight to my room because I know he wouldn't be in there, but I was stopped in my tracks when muffled voices were heard through the gap of the slightly ajar door.

I silently made my way to his study where I made a point not to let my footsteps be heard. I leaned my back against the wall as I eavesdropped on whatever was being discussed.

"... Her time away from home has exceeded its usual timeframe, I thought you made amends with her and convinced her to come back?"

"I didn't want to mention home so as to not look suspicious. She's smart, she would've caught on quick." my eyebrows furrowed as I recognized the familiar voice of none other than... Levi.

What the hell is he doing here?

"Have you attempted to convince her since our last talk then?" there was no doubt it was my father and Levi in the room, clearly discussing me and my escapades.

The silence he was met with made my father sigh in exasperation "I didn't go through such great lengths to try and convince her to get back together with you if this is how you're going to repay me in return."

"I know but she's very stubborn."

"Stubborn does not mean impossible," he argued "You'd think with your achievements as well as your family's background that'd you find it easy to persuade Maggie of your demands but it seems as though your competence can only do so much."

Levi let out a tired breath "At the end of the day, I'm just her boyfriend. She wouldn't let me boss her around."

"That's the reason why she thinks so lowly of you because you present yourself in such a way. Instead of only being her boyfriend, why not be the man who's going to take her hand in marriage and have co-ownership of the company? We both know I didn't fly you out here if I didn't think highly of you, Levi."

"I know, sir."

"We also know it's either you or no one. I know you love her dearly, if you didn't you wouldn't have informed me about her and Evan's engagement, you only want what's best for her the same way I do but for the love of God, Levi. Assert yourself."

I took a step back, putting a shaking hand to my mouth as I suppressed the sob that threatened to escape my lips, but it was futile since the tears in my eyes cascaded furiously down my cheeks.

I felt too much yet nothing at all as I quietly descended the stairs and out of the house before my father could be alerted of any signs that I came back. My mind was heavily preoccupied with the scene I just witnessed, so much to the point that my body grew numb to the overbearing weight of deceit I had boiling inside me.

I kept walking until I was sure I was nowhere near my father's house and just let my knees give up on me as I fell pathetically onto the crooked pavement along with my luggage.

My lips trembled as I evened out my breathing, but it was no use. Everything became a blur and I couldn't decipher what was real from what wasn't. All this time, I had doubts and assumptions that I simply pushed out of the way for fear that the people in my life were far more sadistic than I thought. Levi always wanted things his way, I knew that but I never thought it'd reach a point where he'd orchestrated the downfall that is my father's return to my life.

I felt my surroundings spin and my chest ache, thinking what the fuck am I supposed to do now when the only place I could come back to was littered with fucking monsters and backstabbers, and here I am... with nowhere else to go.

* * *

I'd say coming back here was the final shred of dignity I had left. Then again, it's not like I had much to hold onto.

I stared at the familiar white door of Evan's apartment and knocked on it, and it took a mere five seconds before it opened, revealing Evan with a blank expression on his face "You left something?" he asked in an ambivalent tone "It couldn't have been anything else, I'm guessing."

When it took a while for me to answer, he leveled his gaze with mine, and just like that, his inhibitions faltered. He was never good at pretending to be something he isn't.

"Hey... is everything okay?" he asked and took a step closer to me.

I couldn't help it as I lowered my head, unable to control the violent cries that shook my shoulders as Evan reached out and held them, worry evident in his eyes.

"Maggie? Baby, tell me what's wrong."

I sniffled, stepping forward as I nestled my face in his chest. He froze before he heard the words that left my mouth "... C-can I stay here again? Just for a little while?" he didn't question my request, just held me closer as he wrapped his arms around me in a gentle embrace.

"I never asked you to leave in the first place, now did I?"