Chapter Five: Evan

The day has arrived, and even though it was anticipated, that doesn't take away the devastation I felt upon coming to terms with the reality of my situation.

Which is that I had to leave Los Angeles soon.

The luggage situated by the apartment's doorway wasn't helping either, if anything, the longer I stare at them, the more I feel my chest closing in on itself, constricting almost.

I just feel empty for some reason because even though I was looking forward to it, at the same time I was also dreading for this day to come and pay me a visit just to tell me that I needed to leave my own fucking home behind.

Unlike these past few years where I had hit rock bottom and time seemed to have slowed down with every passing second, this moment feels like the complete opposite.

If anything, time seems to be in favor of my plan of going to New York because one second I'm booking my flight to NYC and arranging where I'll be staying with some real estate agents my parents recommended to me, calling in with the NYU administrations and packing my belongings and then the next, boom.

I'm suddenly about to leave LA.

Sighing heavily, I turned around to shut my bedroom door at the same time the driver returned from downstairs to fetch another one of my bags.

Jasper was standing by the entrance, just casually watching the driver come and go with his arms crossed against his chest, and although his face was blank, I could sense that he too felt upset about me leaving.

Staring down at his feet every now and then whenever the luggage by the door kept disappearing one by one, almost as if the sight of my pending departure was too unbearable for him to witness.

Sighing, I carefully stalked over towards him, lifting my hand as I placed it on his shoulder, causing him to snap his head up and look at me.

I smiled, the kind of smile that didn't really reach my eyes as he straightened his posture, almost as if to conceal what he truly felt inside that was lingering beneath the surface.

But I knew better than to fall for it, we haven't been friends since kindergarten for me to just disregard his emotions when they were presenting themselves out in plain sight.

He hid it well, but not so much that he could hide them away from me.

"So..." I trailed off, trying to pacify the tension in the atmosphere "A couple of hours from now, I'll be leaving. You won't be seeing me for a while."

Jasper chuckled, though it sounded forced. "Yeah, you will." There was a moment of silence before he added, "Did I forget to mention that I won't miss you, by the way?"

I laughed, knowing that this was his way of suppressing his sadness, I went along with it because I also knew if we both dwelled on the fact that I'll be leaving before I had even left that it just wasn't going to help either one of us to cope better.

We were practically glued to the hip throughout these past three years and he was always there for me even when he found it hard to be in the same room with me at times.

So it's only understandable that me moving to LA is hard for him to accept because we've always had each other in good times and even in bad.

It wasn't until the driver had escorted all of my belongings down to the car that the playful facade finally slipped and Jasper turned to look at me, the sorrow in his gaze evident.

My heart sank staring at his expression "Ready?" I asked him.

It took a while for him to respond, struggling in a way before he nodded his head and took the keys of the apartment out of his pocket, and motioned his head out the door.

"Yeah, ready."

*  *  *

The drive to the airport felt strained.

Jasper and I just talked about University and some of the programs I'd be willing to take as well as some state attractions that I'd like to pay a visit to once I'm in New York, mostly to just fill the void and to distract ourselves from the fact we're getting closer and closer to the airport.

Eventually, we arrived but we were nearly glued to our seats by how much we refused to get out of the car as we just mindlessly gazed at the entrance.

I swallowed as I watched people walking in and out of the terminal with their own luggage trailing along behind them.

Inevitably we had to get out of the car, though. With Jasper helping me pull my bags out of the trunk of the car and into a trolley as we made our way inside the airport.

My parents were waiting for me so that they could bid their farewells, and it wasn't until we walked further inside that we caught sight of them waiting for us. But it wasn't just them waiting for my arrival, but also Colin, Jasper, Zach, Jess, and Ashley.

Their smiles faint and doleful, not much different from Jasper's contrived grins from earlier, and as I drew closer towards them, I tried to plaster a smile of my own, one that's wider and more cheerful to somehow lift their spirits.

"Well, who would've thought the day would come," Jess remarked, a teasing grin suddenly overtaking her face as I rolled my eyes "Back from the dead, are we?"

"Pretty much, it's more of a rebirth than crawling my way out of the grave," I joked as they laughed "I feel liberated as if I rose from the ashes."

"I'd say you're being dramatic then again we hadn't seen you in almost half a year," Jess added, her tone traced with a twinge of melancholy "It sucks how our reunion has to happen on the same day that you'll be leaving for God knows how long again."

"Damn, I didn't even think of that." Colin chimed in, at dismay as well as I collectively waved them off when I sensed the mood started to dampen.

"Come on now, we can still talk to each other online, Facetime one another, and meet up during our semestral break, I won't be out of your lives forever." I reminded them as they exchanged glances.

"But still," Ashley intervened as I turned to look at her, a frown etched on her lips "We've only ever had each other since high-school, now you'll be so far away from us. It's still not the same as meeting up in real life and getting to hang out face-to-face."

Shoulders sinking grievously, I take a step forward and engulf Ashley in a hug, placing my chin on top of her head as I affectionately rub her shoulders as she leans her head against my chest.

"I know, it sucks, but it won't be like this forever, I'll be back before you guys even know it," I reassured them as I heard the sounds of faint sniffling.

I lift my head up to see Jess wiping at the corner of her eyes, making me chuckle as I spread my arms open to give her some space to join in on the hug.

She laughed through her tears before hastily coming over and embracing me along with Ashley, and it wasn't long before the guys huddled in and we completely morphed into a bundle of tears, laughter with the occasional murmurs of "This is so fucking corny, I hate it."

It wasn't long before we broke apart from one another, recollecting ourselves before I turned to my parents only to see that the sentimentality of the moment was getting to them as well.

"We'll miss you so much, sweetheart." my mother croaked before she opened her arms to me and pulled me in a heartfelt embrace, her hold on me tight and unyielding.

I hugged her back just as firmly, nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck "Remember to call us regularly, okay? Or at least message us once a day." she recalled with a slight crack to her voice.

I nodded "Okay, I will." With that, I then turned to my father who, just like my mother, seemed to be choking up as well as we locked eyes.

"God, I always knew this day would come, I just didn't think it'd be this hard to let you go, though." he said before stepping forward and joining me and my mother "Come here,"

It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions, to say the least. With each of us finding it hard to put what we felt into words as it was one incoherent sentiment after the other.

It wasn't until I detached myself from my parents that it was Jasper's turn to bid his farewell, this time he seemed to have gotten his composure in check as he was the one to spread his arms open for me and pull me into a hug.

Lightly patting my back as he heaves out a breath, one that traveled deep from his chest and out of his mouth, almost as if that single blow of oxygen was the awaited release of his suppressed grief, and it was only until now had he allowed himself to finally let it show and basically tell me "Yeah, this is happening and there's nothing I can do about it."

"... This is a stark contrast to when you said you won't miss me, by the way. Because from the looks of it, out of everyone here, I think you'll be yearning for my ass the most."

He snorted "Shut up."

We pulled away from each other afterward, but he still kept a hand on my shoulder, gripping it gently as he then said "Good luck with University, be sure to ace all your classes and make friends, yeah?"

I chuckled but nodded nonetheless "Okay, I will."

"One more thing..." and with one last squeeze to my shoulder, he spoke quietly in a way as if what he's about to say next is only to be exchanged between us both.

Without the interference of other people eavesdropping in our exchange, he spoke once again "I know it was hard coming to terms with this decision, it took a lot of guts, and quite frankly, I'm still a little bit worried about whether or not you are ready. But you know yourself better than anyone, and if you think now is really the right time to move on, please just promise me that you'll finally allow yourself to have some peace of mind?

I laugh softly at that "Jas, you have nothing to worry about-"

"I know, but still," he pressed on "Promise me you'll try."

I remained silent, picking up on the unwavering persistence in his words, knowing that he was being serious about this and that he was simply looking out for me.

And I didn't wanna poke fun of him for that and make a silly joke out of it because deep down I knew, every word came from a place of genuine concern.

With that being said, I did nothing else but just nod my head "Okay, I will."

His eyes darted and inspected my own before the corners of his lips twitched slightly into a soft smile as if my response was all the confirmation he needed in order for him to allow himself some peace of mind of his own.

We did a final exchange of farewells before I finally mustered the courage to step away from them and walk away.

But I wasn't even halfway near the check-in when I turned around to spare them one last glance, thinking how I've never felt more grateful than I do now knowing that I have them in my life.

I replayed Jasper's words like a mantra even as I made it to the check-in and proceeded to take out my passport holder where I kept all of my identification and booking information "Good morning, sir." The assistant greeted me as I offered her a quick smile "Do you have a seat assigned?"

I nodded and continued with the process of affirming my booking reference number and seating arrangement in the plane, afterward asking her if I'll have to drop my luggage somewhere as she told me that I'll have to hand them to the aircraft hold before I go through the airport security and enter the departure halls to find my boarding gate.

I thank her for her assistance before casually putting my passport holder back into my pocket, but not before doing a double-take as I stare at it for a while.

Once again repeating Jasper's words from earlier like a broken record as I let my mind wander off to unsolicited thoughts and feelings of nostalgia.

It wasn't until the person in the line behind me nudged me slightly to ask if I was finished when I broke out of my trance and moved out of the way.

Handing in my luggage at the aircraft hold before going through security, handing over my boarding pass to the officer standing by as they scanned it.

Taking out any of the items tucked from the inside of my back pockets and inside my satchel as I put them into the X-Ray machine as they examined them, such as my wallet, keys, Nintendo Switch, and phone before immediately retrieving it afterward they were done.

Looking back down to my boarding pass in search of my boarding gate as I skimmed through the identification code as it read A13.

Once I arrived at the aircraft, they asked for my boarding pass again as well as my ID and my driver's license. It wasn't long before I was being guided through the narrow aisles of the airplane as one of the aircraft crew led me to my allocated seat.

Instantly making myself comfortable as I released a huge sigh of relief, a small grin etching itself onto the ends of my mouth by the thought that finally, I'm here.

Off to New York, baby.

I glance to my left to see that the seat beside me is still vacant, silently wishing that no one was gonna occupy it as I just wanted to relish in my flight not being bothered with small talk or the burden of having a stranger sitting inches away from me.

All the while I kept myself busy while the plane still hasn't taken off yet, entertaining myself with my plans of which destination I'll be going to once I arrive in the city.

Anticipating the idea of gaining new friends and the endless possibilities that are just waiting for me to explore once I step foot in New York.

I pad over my pockets to take out my belongings so that I could sit more comfortably, but instead, I was faced with the sight of this dreaded fucking passport holder.

Swallowing as I opened it and took out the letter stuffed in between, unfolding it before easing back into my seat as I read its contents.

The more I let my eyes skim over the words jotted onto the letter, the more I found it harder to continue, as I was brought back to the day that this letter was given to me.

Because even though it was just a simple message written to me by my parents wishing me good luck for future plans with whatever I decide to do once I go to New York or go traveling, the added note attached to the bottom of the letter was the section that I struggled most to read.

Considering amongst the words my parents wrote, she decided to add some affirmation of her own, for this was her gift, and though I found her message simply nothing but adorable the first time I received it, reading it now is nothing short of unbearable.

Because written down in her all-too-familiar cursive handwriting, were words of encouragement that though meant everything to me back then, now just leaves a bitter taste on my tongue.

"Here's to bigger and better years ahead. I love you."

Scoffing, I leaned back into my chair just as people began shuffling into the aisles of the plane searching for their seats, but I was too lost in my own thoughts to pay any mind to my surroundings.

Drowning too much in unwanted spite, I resisted the urge to crumple the letter with a closed fist and chuck it as far as my strength is capable of discarding it as further away from me.

But that was just caving into resentment far too deeply, at this point.

Bigger and better years ahead, huh? It sounded better on paper back then before I knew what you were ought to do.

Back before I knew that those same years we're just gonna end up being spent alone.

"The definition of looking good on paper, alright." I mumbled bitterly as I threw the passport holder as well as the letter onto the seat next to me "How the fuck am I possibly gonna have some peace of mind now?" Better yet, to move on.

"... Excuse me."

Startled, I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts that I didn't even sense the approaching figure now standing in front of me.

As I looked up and was met by the sight of warm blue eyes, sun-kissed skin, freckled cheeks, and a dazzling smile that was being directed at me by a tall girl that had straight locks of blonde hair framing her beaming yet delicate features.

Clad in a baby blue sundress that matched her eyes, she motioned to the seat beside me "Mind if I sit here?"

It didn't take any longer than a second before I opened my mouth and replied with "No, not at all." as I immediately retrieved my belongings and put them back onto my lap.

As she then smiled in a way that made her eyes glint before she plopped onto the seat next to me, got herself comfortable by wiggling around at first as she turned to face me:

This time, giving me full access to inspect her face much closer as I found myself completely and utterly... transfixed, and for once, actually distracted.

"It seems as though I've finally met my airplane buddy." she mused as I blinked a couple of times before simply laughing.

"Yeah, it seems as though you have," I said before looking back at the passport holder and letter on my lap, gathering them, flipping open the tray table from the back of the seat in front of me as I set them aside before turning back to my current companion.

A stark contrast to my mood earlier about not wanting someone occupying the seat beside me because if anything, I'm quite grateful to have her now as my company.

More than grateful even.

... It was hard at first, thinking about it. Moving on.

But at the end of the day, I could at least try.

To finally try and give myself some peace of mind. Once and for all.

Here goes nothing.