Kim Taehyung's POV:

Taehyung is waiting for Seo Ji-Hye to stop singing. This is Ji-Hye's fourth gig in four consecutive days and Taehyung has been to every one of them. All of them have ended with guys lining up to talk to Ji-Hye, Ji-Hye signing her albums for them, Ji-Hye and Taehyung ending up getting drunk, that either led to one of them puking their guts out, or the two of them indulging in nasty, angry sex. 

Today, it's going to be the latter.

Taehyung had thought he would not meet Ji-Hye, and that giving in was easy, but then when he heard about Han Hyo-Joo's wedding date, he couldn't quite take it. What made it worse was that Hyo-Joo uploaded pictures of them snuck in a blanket in what seemed like a hotel room. All this while there was a slight hope in Taehyung's head that probably they haven't had sex yet. But now they have and that's something Taehyung refuses to take lying down. No matter how progressive, a guy can't take his ex-girlfriend sleeping around with another man.

Now Taehyung doesn't know what kind of revenge this is, but he is set on his plan—he would have sex with Ji-Hye everywhere that he had with Hyo-joo, and when Hyo-Joo eventually breaks up and comes crawling back to Taehyung, he can tell her, in explicit detail,that all of Hyo-Joo's memories are now tainted with memories of Ji-Hye and him having sex. So it's important for Taehyung that he doesn't pass out today even as he downs his fifth pint of beer. 

A few days back, he uploaded a picture of him and Seo Ji-Hye, his arm around her, her face stuck to his cheek just so Hyo-Joo can see it. Quite a few people liked that picture, calling them a beautiful couple and they can't wait for Ji-Hye and Taehyung to perform together. But surprisingly, his fans in Daegu weren't impressed. They mailed Taehyung telling him that he deserves much better and they weren't too happy knowing that he's dating Seo Ji-Hye. They were angry to say the least. He's trying not to think about it that much. 

On the other hand, much to the happiness of SeokJin, the video they recorded for the song went viral and notched up two million views in the first two weeks itself. Gigs were now easy to get, and for the first time, they were in the position to negotiate their terms.

'That girl, Han Hyo-Joo was bad luck for you,' said SeokJin. 

'See! Ever since she has gone, you're doing so well for yourself.'

'That's what. Ever since she's gone I have been a better singer. For every time I go on that stage, I'm thinking about her,' argues Taehyung. 

No wonder most singers and actors and artistes have such screwed up love lives. They are all looking for that heartbreak, that failure, that death, that will change them as a person. And the pursuit of that leads to strange people and strange places. So what after Taehyung gets over Hyo-Joo? Will his music lose its soul again?

 It's obvious that he will not fall in love with Ji-Hye and when Ji-Hye decides that she has had enough with the little boy, he will not be heartbroken, maybe a little bored for awhile but definitely not heartbroken. But he does have to admit that the sex with Ji-Hye is great. In fact it's much better than what he had with Hyo-Joo. He's forced to compare because now he has legitimate reasons to; Hyo-Joo, too, must be making the same comparison. 

With Hyo-Joo it was never sex, it was always kissing, prolonged kissing. It was like they kissed, and bumped into sex, like it was an object and they used to think, well, not bad ,we can try this too. But it always never about sex. Sex was the thing they never talked about. Taehyung isn't sure if he really enjoyed having sex with Hyo-Joo. Sex for Taehyung was more about pressure than pleasure. Hyo-Joo was the first girl Taehyung had done it with while Hyo-Joo had been with other men. So it was always a competition going on in Taehyung's head. He had to be better than all the guys Hyo-Joo had been with before him. So more often than not, sex wasn't enjoyable at all. It was an assignment Taehyung wanted to ace. He didn't want to put a single foot wrong. Even when she was naked and wrapped around him, he was thinking of how her ex-boyfriends must have performed. He wanted to last longer than her ex-boyfriends so he used to start thinking about failures in his life to distract himself from the act. He wanted to be perceived as passionate so he kissed her a lot. He had read somewhere that love alone can make sex better and hence he would slip in an 'I love you' somewhere during and after the process. He would always snuggle and try hard not to fall asleep after they used to come. It's like if the dessert is nice, you're fooled into believing that the dinner was, too. Having sex with Hyo-Joo was science. It was calculated and measured to make Hyo-Joo  believe he was the best in bed she had ever had.

 'That was the best sex. EVER. Nothing even comes close,' Hyo-Joo had said once. More than seeing her naked, those words used to turn him on more, even now. He feels victorious whenever he replays these words in his head. Like he beat all her previous boyfriends!

But with Seo Ji-Hye, it's easy. It's just sex. He doesn't give a shit about whether he's big enough for her or not, whether he is man enough for her or not, whether she's happy with all his moves , whether he's satisfying her, whether she comes, too, or not. For when he's with Ji-Hye, it's all clear and on the table. It's like Russian Roulette. Some days you win, some days you lose. And they talk about it. 

'You sucked last night,' Ji-Hye would often remark.

 'As if you were any better,' Taehyung would retort.

 It is easy. There is no pressure .Taehyung wonders if Hyo-Joo's fiancé Jung Hoseok undergoes the same pressure, in fact, he wishes it on him. But he's with her for life and that's enough time to prove himself. But what if Hyo-Joo already thinks her fiancé Hoseok is better than Taehyung?He has found himself thinking on this same loop almost every few hours, and it makes him sad and furious. Thinking about it and getting sad has also become his superstition now. He does it just before his show starts. He likes going up on the stage, a little angry, a little disappointed, but as his listeners say—mostly awesome. 

He sees Ji-Hye walk up to his table, her male admirers fall back when they see Taehyung stand up and claim Ji-Hye as his own. They sit down and Ji-Hye looks at Taehyung. The question is in her eyes and Taehyung is supposed to answer it before she says it.

'You were great today!'

'Oh. Was I? You're just saying,' says Ji-Hye as she looks at the waiter and orders her pint.

'No, I'm not,' says Taehyung. He was just saying. He has heard the same song so many times now, he even knows the parts Ji-Hye doesn't like or screws up slightly.

'Thank you,' says Ji-Hye and she says it while her lips hover close to Taehyung's ears. It's sexual. Everything Ji-Hye does is sexual and Taehyung now believes that every older woman who's single has major sexual needs. 

'Is your friend coming? What's her name? Kim Yoo-Jung?' asks Ji-Hye.

'Yes, she is coming. She's a little late though.' He has not seen Yoo-Jung in a while now. Yoo-Jung LOVED the video and the song that went viral and has wanted to see Taehyung for quite some time now, but Taehyung has been avoiding her. Meeting her meant telling her about Seo Ji-Hye and he wasn't sure how comfortable he was with that.

'Who's this girl you have uploaded a picture with?' Yoo-Jung had asked a few days back.

'I hope you're not dating her! Are you? Are you? Please tell me you're not. She's way older than you,Taehyung.' Yoo-Jung was clearly not fond of this new woman in Taehyung's life. Taehyung had given a non-committal answer back then but now he has tackle the problem head on. Not only meet her and tell her, but also make her meet Ji-Hye and tell her what's going on between the two of them.

'Here she is,' says Taehyung as he sees Yoo-Jung walking through the door. Taehyung and Ji-Hye hug and Yoo-Jung hits Taehyung for being so elusive all this while.

 'Big celebrity you're now, huh?' mocks Yoo-Jung. 

'Yes, obviously. Don't you see all these girls flocking around to see me?' Taehyung says mockingly looking around him. 

'A video going viral doesn't make anyone a celebrity or anything.'

'But it did make you into an asshole,' quips Yoo-Jung.

'Oh, by the way, this is Seo Ji-Hye.' Ji-Hye embraces Yoo-Jung. It's not a hug, it's an embrace. It's a very elderly thing. Her arms wrap around Yoo-Jung in the most comprehensive manner, like she's consoling Yoo-Jung, like someone close to Yoo-Jung has died. When they are in that embrace  Taehyung realizes how ridiculous he and Ji-Hye must look together. Seo Ji-Hye is . . . old. 

'You must be Kim Yoo-Jung' says Ji-Hye. 

Yoo-Jung is still looking at Taehyung, searching his face for explanations.

 'Yes, supposedly, I'm his best friend but I don't know about you.'

'Oh, there's nothing to know really. We just met on the music circuit and we talk music. That's it,' says Ji-Hye. Taehyung is confused here.

'Oh okay! I thought of something entirely different! I thought both of you were dating! I got scared for a moment!' says Yoo-Jung and starts to launch into a How Stupid Of Me laugh.

'Naah! He's a kid,' says Ji-Hye and ruffles Taehyung's hair. It's all very confusing to Taehyung. Never before did Taehyung feel so young in front of her, but suddenly Seo Ji-Hye, is in his head, like a school teacher he's sleeping with. Ji-Hye adds, 'I need to go. Both of you can carry on. I need to get some work done.' Taehyung protests but Ji-Hye insists and leaves. 

Taehyung's phone rings and it's Ji-Hye and she's telling him that she will see him at his place later when he's done.He's still thinking of what to make of all this when Yoo-Jung asks him, 'I hope there's nothing going on between the two of you.'

'What? No! Obviously not!'

'Okay, okay. Don't be offended now. She's hot though, for her age,' says Yoo-Jung.

 'Oh! There's something important I need to tell you. There's this girl in my apartment who I knew from earlier. And only yesterday I saw her listen to your song for hours on end! She's rather cute. If you want I can . . . you know.'

'No, I don't. And fun fact, by the way, do you know that Hyo-Joo and her fiancé are putting after-sex pictures on their profiles?' asks Taehyung. He swipes and taps his phone and shows Yoo-Jung the picture.

'You don't know if it's an after-sex picture. And even if it is, you should delete it,' says Yoo-Jung.

'He isn't even that good-looking.'

'And that should be none of your concern. You should delete it and move on.' He orders another pint.

'I have no doubt that you were and are a better guy than whoever this fucker is,' says Yoo-Jung.

 'But you have to move on. There's no other option left.'

'Whatever.' Taehyung takes a large gulp of his beer. And burps. He tells Yoo-Jung that he really needs to visit the washroom. By the time he reaches the washroom, all he had eaten and drunk in the past two hours was gurgling at the back of his throat and within a few nanoseconds he was flushing it down the toilet. Then he sits on the toilet seat and drifts off. It's only when he hears faint knocking he wakes up. Yoo-Jung is banging on the outside doo rand Taehyung can hear her talk to a few waiters about the need to knock the door down. He stands up with a start, tries opening his eyes wide, tells himself that he's in control, walks out of the cubicle, splashes water all over his face and walks out with smile. Yoo-Jung sees through him though.

'You need to take better care of yourself. Do you feel better now?'she asks.

'What do you mean better? I just pottied.'

'First of all, pottied isn't a word. And second, I know you puked and passed out. It's not that we have met today. Oh! Also since I was getting bored, I checked your phone,' says Yoo-Jung nonchalantly. Taehyung snatches it from her.

 'And I deleted her pictures. But that's not the point. The point is that I saw pictures that made me want to join you in the washroom and puke with you.'

'What the . . . but. . .' Taehyung checks his phone and tries to remember what was on it. Other than a few pictures from the little shows he has done, the gallery is empty. All the pictures of Ji-Hye are gone. The teasing selfies of Ji-Hye in minimal or no clothing, the pictures she used to send him clicked early morning naked in bed, the pictures they took before, after or during sex, they are ALLGONE. It's a sexless phone now and it hits Taehyung.

'Why would you do that?'

'Taehyung? Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND? I don't know where to start? First, you're sleeping with her! She's more than a decade older than you. She will screw with your head. You can't afford that right now! One mistake and you will end up in the engineering college again. I hope you know that. And as if that's not enough, you have naked pictures of her in your phone! Do you have any idea how much trouble you can find yourself in?'

'Quit it.'

'Shut up and listen, Taehyung. What if someone came across this cell phone instead of me? You would be dead then. You wouldn't be in engineering college, you would be in jail!'

'You're over-reacting!' says Taehyung.

'I'm not. If you want to check, why don't you upload a few of those "sexy" pictures of yours online and see if you can wriggle out of that,' says Yoo-Jung, referring to Taehyung's and Ji-Hye's chats where Ji-Hye used to call her half-naked pictures as 'sexy' pictures. Sounds rather odd, thinks Taehyung. 

Yoo-Jung suddenly turns soft and holds Taehyung's hand and tells him that she's always there for him, and if he needs anything he can just call her. They can talk, and that they can solve this and get through this. Taehyung protests that he's fine, and Yoo-Jung points to the cellphone and tells him that he's not.

'I just want you to get it together. If you ever need me, I'm here.'

'What if I need "sexy" pictures?' chuckles Taehyung and Yoo-Jung hits him on his head.

Yoo-Jung's phone starts to ring. The name Yoongi flashes on it. Yoo-Jung takes the call. Apparently, Yoongi is waiting outside. Yoo-Jung asks Taehyung if he wants to hang out with them and Taehyung waves her off. He has never met Yoongi and doesn't intend to so when Yoo-Jung asks him to come out and say hi, he ignores it. Yoo-Jung leaves.

Taehyung knows where he stands but sometimes he just loses sight of it. He knows he's on the perfect path of losing it all and ending up penniless. He's practically illiterate, he's unambitious, careless about money, and he spends an ungodly amount of time trying to be depressed because he thinks it helps his music. But now that he's sitting in the bar and getting depressed, he thinks it's not because it helps his music but because it helps him being lazy. Most depressed people are like that, isn't it? Someone who doesn't have the time to be depressed might not be happy but he's too busy to think about how sad he is.

 Given his new-found fame, he should be doing a whirlwind of shows but he doesn't. He has categorically told SeokJin that he would not do more than one show a week. It hadn't gone down well with SeokJin but sometimes there's no arguing with Taehyung. 

He stubs his cigarette and calls up SeokJin.

'Get me as many shows as you can get,' says Taehyung.

'What? Oh! Are you sure?' asks SeokJin.

'Yes, I am.'

'I have one lined up in five days. They wanted you but since you didn't want to do it, I was pushing for someone else.'

Taehyung weighs the scale on this. Lying in bed with Ji-Hye the entire day or doing a small gig for fifty people who may or may not know him.

'I'm sure. Push me for it.'

'It's at Dalkom Café. Update your pages and your profile,' says SeokJin. Taehyung does just that. He deletes the picture of Seo Ji-Hye and him from his page. When he's deleting it, he remembers the mails he got from his fans in Daegu telling him that they weren't too happy seeing him with her. 

As soon as he deletes the picture, a host of his recent pictures are liked by a girl. He remembers the name somewhere. 

Han So-Hee? 

Where has he heard the name?

He visits the profile of the girl. He gets a sense of déjà vu when he visits the girl's profile. It's like all this is familiar and that he's done it before, in exactly the same way. He thinks of liking her pictures but refrains from it.

After all, he's the singer and she's the fan and he should let the equation remain that way.

Word count;3020

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