Chapter 8 | Pretty

Maaga akong nakatanggap ng mensahe mula kay Jijinia ngayong Lunes. May biglaang groupings daw kasi sila sa Music, sa likod lamang ng school. Hindi na muling uuwi si Jijinia kaya nais niya raw akong pumunta pagkatapos ng practice nila.

She said she'd treat me sa 7/11, agad naman akong nag-suggest ng ibang lugar dahil mula nang naging dating place nina Queen at Jez iyon ay naging allergic na ako roon.

I ate breakfast and like the usual, tulog pa si mama dulot ng trabaho. Gustuhin ko mang maging sweet na anak at maghatid ng kanyang almusal, hindi p'wede. Whenever mom was resting, she didn't like any distractions.

After I ate my breakfast, I arranged my things for school and took a bath after. Madalas na tahimik ang aming tahanan dahil dalawa lang naman kami ni mama rito.

I didn't tell my father what his friend did to me that night kasi siya rin naman pala ay tulad ng lalaking iyon. He won't understand me or maybe he'd choose not to understand me... either way, it'd surely hurt me.

When mom arrived that night, I confessed to her what happened with trembling lips and shaky hands. My eyes couldn't stop crying.

Akala ko nga'y hindi maniniwala si mama dahil halata ko talaga sa kanyang mahal niya 'yong gago kong tatay. Bata pa ako noon pero may parte sa aking siya ang sinisi sa naranasan ko.

Pero napag-isip ko ring nahirapan din si mama noon. Mahal niya nga kasi kaya kahit ang daming pagkakamali, nagpatawad. Buti na lang at nang natapos kong sabihin kay mama ang nangyari, ako ang pinili niya. Sarili niya na ang pinili niya.

"Aalis kayo?" may halong kalasingan pa sa boses ni papa nang naabutan kaming paalis na sa bahay.

Wala siyang nakuhang sagot mula kay mama at nagpatuloy lamang kami sa paglakad.

"Sabrina!" tawag pa niya, "anong problema?"

"Anong problema?" my mother hissed, "ikaw, ikaw mismo ang problema. Mikasha told me what your friend did to her. You probably didn't know because you barely cared for our child. Noong binalikan kita, inakala kong nagbago ka. Inakala kong kaya mo na ngayong maging responsableng ama."

"Binalikan kita dahil mahal kita at karapatan mong makilala si Mikasha dahil tatay ka niya... pero sinabi ko rin sa 'yong isang pagkakamali lang, aalis kami. Hindi ako tanga, hindi bobo ang anak ko—"

"Sabrina!" may pagmamaka-awa pa sa boses niya ngunit halata namang pilit, "mapag-uusapan pa 'to ng mabuti. Hindi ko alam ang sinasabi mo—"

"Ano ba, Greg? Hindi na tayo mga bata pa para maglokohan dito. Aalis na kami," mom declared.

"Saan kayo pupunta?" he mocked, "walang mag-aalaga sa anak mo, Sabrina—"

"Sumusweldo ako ng higit pa sa kinikita mo, may sarili akong tahanan sa Maynila. Marami akong kaibigang mas maaasahan pa kaysa sa 'yo," mom hissed and we totally went out.

Sirang sira ako noon.

Tipong hanggang ngayon, kahit okay lang naman ako at nakalayo na, hindi pa rin buo.

Good thing mom didn't find another man. Sawa na rin daw kasi siyang magkagusto tapos sa dulo, mad-disappoint lang. Maybe she was really born to be a career woman daw.

As her daughter who has seen it all, I understood and just supported her. Anyway, masaya kami. May maayos at tahimik kaming tahanan, she let me study in a private school, she fulfilled her duty as my mother, she provided our daily food and she loved me.

Bandang ten thirty akong lumabas ng aking kuwarto, naka-uniporme na at dala ang bag. Napa-angat ng tingin si mama sa akin, pababa siya ng hagdan mula sa kanyang kwarto.

"Aalis ka na, Mika? Maaga pa, ha?" she noticed.

I nodded and answered, "May groupings kasi si Ji sa likod ng school, patapos na sila. Punta raw ako kasi ililibre niya."

Her face brightened, "Oh! Okay! But may I ask what happened last Saturday? Sa Syru? Anong sabi sa 'yo? May mga kailangan na bang bilhin?"

I smiled and went near her. Tuluyan nang bumaba si mama at sinalubong ko siya ng mainit na yakap. She immediately hugged me back and softly patted my head.

"Malayo pa ang enrollment, ma, but may secured slot na ako. They suggested that I'd enrol there para sabay na raw sa pagbili ng uniforms. Sama ka sa 'kin, ma, ha?" I told her.

I felt her nodding as she answered, "Oo naman!"

I didn't let go yet... I badly needed a hug.

"Mikasha, is something bothering you?" she calmly asked, "you're hugging me tighter than usual."

I bit my lower lip, hesitant to say a word... but she was my mother, she wouldn't judge.

"You know... I dated guys of my age before, right? I told you that," panimula ko.

"Of course, what happened?"

"Nothing much... but out of all those guys, I never really took them seriously... but I'm quite afraid now."

"Why?" she curiously asked.

"I think I'm falling for someone so badly..." I trailed off, "it's unexplainable, he makes me feel different emotions at the same time."

"He... he obviously doesn't like me but it seems like my mind decides on its own," I added, "he doesn't make me feel the common butterflies in my stomach quote. He has this ability to make simple moments special... and I'm afraid that I might fall for the wrong person."

Mom sighed and said, "Mikasha, you're too young to face such a thing. What you're feeling is normal, teens really feel that way towards their crushes... so don't fall on your emotions' trap."

"Don't rush loving the person, it doesn't work in an instant," she added, "you can admire him but set limits, Mikasha."

I nodded, relieved that I was able to share this to someone.

"Anyway, I don't think I'm capable of trusting anyone except you, of course," I chuckled, "advantage of trust issues, I think?"

Mom chuckled as well and finally let go from our hug. She cupped my face and gently kissed my forehead.

"Mauuna na ako, ma, baka tapos na groupings ni Ji," pagpaalam ko muli.

Mabuti na lamang at saktong katatapos pa lang ng kanilang practice. Nang nakita ako ni Ji ay agad siyang tumayo at umalis sa kanilang puwesto.

Mukhang hindi maganda ang mood nito, either sa bahay ang problema o sa practice. I showed a small smile when she was finally beside me.

I remained silent as we took the path toward my chosen place. May malapit kasing fast food sa school, five minutes lang ang lakad kaya magandang tambayan.

"Ako na maghahanap ng upuan natin, Ji, ikaw na lang mag-order. Akin na gamit mo," I said to her.

She handed me her backpack and a paper bag na laman yata ang kanyang uniform. I scanned the place and luckily, our seat was near the air conditioner.

Habang naghihintay ay napagpasyahan kong tingnan ang accounts ni Trojan. Grabe ang pagpipigil ko noong weekend na huwag bisitahin ang accounts niya dahil sa galit ko. Ngayon lang naman dahil walang magawa, 'di ba?

I wouldn't call myself a stalker, ang creepy lang no'n. More on like an investigator na lang para mas classy naman ang dating. Inuna kong tingnan ang mga tagged photos niya sa Instagram, mukhang walang latest picture na kasama ang bago niyang jowa.

Baka patago 'yong ngayon?

Ang hina naman.

Sunod kong pinuntahan ang kanyang Facebook account na kulang na lang ay magkasapot. I made a disappointed face because I couldn't get any news about them. Out of frustration, I accidentally clicked the add friend button.

"Shit?" I cursed, nanlaki pa ang mga mata sa nangyari.

I reloaded his timeline to see if I did really just add him but when the reload ended, hindi na requested ang status... Friends na kami!

Putangina.

Putangina talaga, he just accepted my request?

Baka anong isipin no'n! Pero siyempre, never akong aamin, aba!

I scrolled down and I saw him tagged on an album. Napagtugma kong birthday pala ng jowa niya noong Sabado! They probably went to their house after ng groupings nila... or baka hindi talaga 'yon for school purposes? Palusot lang para magkita sila, huh?

Maingat kong tiningnan ang mga larawan, ayaw kong ma-like ang kahit ano dahil magiging super obvious ko na talaga!

Mostly ng pictures ay puro silang magkakaibigan. Malayo rin si Trojan sa babae pero noong nag-blow ng candles ay na sa tabi siya nito, naka-video iyon kaya pinanood ko.

Siya pa ang may pinakamalakas na boses sa pagkanta ng happy birthday.

Sarap tanggalan ng vocal cords.

"Aba," hindi ako makapaniwala sa sumunod na photo.

Photo iyon ng babae with her parents tapos si Trojan ay na sa tabi niya, ang ganda pa ng ngiti.

Ayos talaga, ha?

Tuluyan akong na-bad trip nang sa sumunod na picture ay katabi niya 'yong babae sa couch habang kumakain sila ng handa. Mabilis kong in-exit ang app at pinatay ang mobile data.

Hindi pa nga siya 'yong babaeng ni-date ni Trojan noong nakaraan. Grabe lang, ha? No chill?

"Oh, bakit mukha kang galit?" Jijinia noticed when she sat down.

Dala niya iyong number ng order namin kaya wala pa ang pagkain. I shrugged and tried to divert the talk about their practice.

Dala niya iyong number ng order namin kaya wala pa ang pagkain. I shrugged and tried to divert the talk about their practice.

"Ayos lang naman ang practice," she casually answered.

"Bakit ka malungkot?" tanong ko naman.

She shrugged and looked away as she answered, "Hindi ako pinayagan."

I knew it was harsh to be happy hearing what she said so I tried not to show my actual reaction.

"Bakit daw?"

"Alam mo naman... they rather let me study here," she answered, upset, "ang dami naming pera pero tinitipid edukasyon ko. Parang laging bawal akong magdesisyon para sa sarili."

Nanatili akong tahimik.

She added, "Naiinggit nga ako sa 'yo kasi hindi ka masyadong pinaghihigpitan, nagagamit mo 'yong oras mo as a teen in your own way. Ako... parang kontrolado talaga nila."

I sniffed and said, "I won't say I know what you feel because clearly, I don't... but I'm always beside you, open to hear whatever you're feeling."

"Salamat... it's just that, pakiramdam ko wala akong sariling buhay. Ang pangit ng ganito," she continued.

Our food arrived just when I was about to say something. Hindi ko na lamang nasabi dahil mukhang mas gusto na ngayon ni Ji kumain.

Nang twelve na ng tanghali, napagpasyahan na naming maglakad patungong paaralan. Kanina pa nakapagpalit ng damit si Ji kaya walang naging problema. Marami kaming nakasalubong na morning students sa daan kaya medyo natagalan kami sa pagpasok.

Masyadong tirik ang araw at kahit pa Pebrero ay mainit. Matapos kaming makipagsapalaran sa ibaba, sa pagtungtong namin sa aming classroom ay bumungad ang malalakas na tili ng aming mga kaklase.

"Tangina, awatin niyo!" rinig kong utos ng kung sinoman.

Kahit iyong na sa kabilang section ay sumali sa pag-aawat.

"Anong nangyayari?" Ji asked, "sinong nagsusuntukan?"

Sumilip ako sa bintana at doon nakitang sina Jam at Jez pala ang nag-aaway! Punyeta naman, oh! Sana hindi ako ang dahilan dahil baka imbis na sila lang ang mapa-trip to guidance ay masama pa ako!

Bawal sa Syru ang may bad record, aba!

"Basta nagsuntukan na lang sila kanina," problemadong sagot ng isa kong kaklaseng babae.

"Hindi, narinig ko parang tinanong ni Jam si Jez—"

"What's happening?" our first teacher arrived.

Damn it.

"Hoy, tigil na! Nandito na si ma'am!" sigaw ng aming class peace officer na mukhang kanina pa banas na banas sa nangyari.

Saka lang natauhan ang dalawa ngunit may galit pa rin sa kanilang mga mata. Ma'am took over the situation. Pinalabas niya sina Jez at Jam kasama ang aming peace officers. Kami naman ay pinapasok sa loob at inutusang ayusin ang classroom.

She eventually left with them to go to the guidance. Hindi ako mapakali dahil baka ako ang rason ng gulo, baka silang dalawa pa ang masuntok ko.

"Ano bang pinagmulan ng away nila?" I asked my seatmate.

She shrugged and answered, "Kanina noong nagtapon ako sa basurahan, I heard Jam asking why was Jez backstabbing you to other people. Maayos namang nagtanong si Jam kaso unang sumuntok si Jez."

Ah, puta naman. Sana hindi na ako ipasunod sa guidance nito!

Natapos na lang ang buong araw at hindi ako tinawag sa guidance. Nakatanggap kami ng sermon mula sa aming adviser.

Hindi na rin bumalik iyong dalawa dahil mukhang pinauwi agad dahil baka ano pang gawin sa room. I heard from the peace officers na may punishment sila, I just didn't know what specific punishment it was.

Things changed after that incident. Halatang may silent quarrel na sa room sa pagitan nilang dalawa. Jam wasn't functioning well even with us, I asked him to explain what happened but he chose to tell me when his hatred had cooled down.

Hindi ko na lang pinilit dahil sa totoo lang ay hindi na rin naman ako interesado. Ano naman kung siraan ako ni Jez sa ibang tao? Ano bang makukuha niya ro'n?

At least they talked about me, right?

Dulot ng pagbabago sa classroom, araw-araw kong hinihiling na sana matapos agad ang klase para maka-uwi na ako. The mood was unhealthy and everything seem fake.

Kaya naman nang tanungin ako ni mama kung gusto ko bang sumama sa casino noong Sabado, agad akong pumayag.

This time, I wore comfortable clothes: black crop top shirt and high waist wide-leg denim pants. A pair of black Converse to finish my outfit.

Balak kong pumuntang MOA pagdating ng gabi upang doon kumain at makasakay na sa ride na iniikot-ikot ka sa ere.

Sabi ni mama ay katatapos lang ng event sa casino for Valentine's Day, dagsa raw ang tao noon dahil maganda ang event.

Nang dumating kami ay wala masyadong visitors roaming around. May iilan lang na mga magbabarkadang nagp-picture taking sa mga magaganda parte ng Troyen.

"Do you want to visit the office ang greet ma'am Olivia?" mom asked me.

"Hindi na, ma... nahihiya ako. I'll just roam around and relax," agad kong sagot.

"Sige, pupunta ka ba sa MOA mamaya?" kanyang tanong muli.

I nodded, "I'll take the free bus to get there. Na sa akin pa rin naman iyong mahiwaga mong card."

We parted ways after. I decided to go where the event was held. Naabutan kong inaayos pa ang mga kagamitang ginamit sa event.

May mga hindi pa natatanggal na decorations at doon ko napagtanto kung bakit talaga 'to pumatok sa masa.

I also heard that they opened the dinner in the sky thing, it was incredible news.

Saka ko na lamang napansin na na sa part na ako ng Troyen kung saan mala-Japan sakura season ang scene. My eyes got amused because I really felt I was in Japan.

The walls were painted kaya mas mukhang realistic... then 'yong trees, although fake, ang convincing ng pagkaka-ayos.

I saw a bench between two cherry blossom trees so I decided to sit there. Thankfully, this portion of Troyen wasn't easy to find. I couldn't even remember how many minutes I walked just to get here.

I let the silence consume my mind to relax and just feel as if I was in Japan. Grabe, ngayong na-experience ko 'to, gusto kong ma-experience first hand ang totoong sakura season.

My eyes were closed while my arms were crossed above my chest at komportable akong nakasandal.

"Sleeping again?" I heard his voice.

Bakit na naman siya nandito?

"Hindi ako natutulog, puwede ba?" masungit kong utas.

I heard him chuckle, "Ang sungit."

"Layuan mo 'ko, nagr-relax ako," I hissed.

"Okay?"

"Balik ka na sa date mo," wala sa sarili kong sabi.

"What date?" he laughed.

Saka lang ako dumilat at ginalaw ang ulo upang tingnan siya.

"Kung wala kang date, bakit ka nandito?" tanong ko.

He shrugged, "Bawal ba?"

"Kung hindi ka sasagot ng maayos, iisipin kong ako talaga ang habol mo rito," walang hiya kong sabi.

He laughed, the usual laugh he'd do whenever something was absolutely funny. 'Yong pagpikit niya ng mata, paghawi sa buhok tapos bahagyang tatakpan ang mukha... tangina, diyan ako nadadali, e!

"I toured my sister around," he answered, "she's now with my brother so..."

"Nandito si Lucre?" tanong ko.

"Yeah, they're somewhere... wanna meet them?" he asked.

Agad akong umiling, "Kahiya."

"Ah, so sa 'kin ka lang walang hiya?" he teased.

Umirap ako, pinigilan ang sariling ngumisi.

He continued, "I'm naturally not friendly, you know."

"I know... the first time I was introduced to you, you literally forgot my name after an hour."

He drawled, "Should I apologize for it?"

Tangina, attitude ka?

Nang hindi ako sumagot ay lumapit siya sa akin at tumabi. Sumandal din siya na akala mo'y problemado sa buhay.

I secretly watched his movement, wala na ngayon ang ngiti sa kanyang mukha. His face looked blank, his typical expression.

Hindi na ako naka-iwas pa ng tingin nang nahuli niya. He raised a brow, asking why I was staring.

"Pangit mo," I whispered.

"Para kang kapatid ko," he hissed.

"Maganda si Lierre, so, maganda ako?" I teased.

It was his time to stare intently to me... na para bang mukha ko lang ang nakikita niya sa buong lugar.

"You're pretty," he told me.

At tuluyan na nga akong naging marupok sa lalaking 'to.