Chapter 18 | Pretend

I expected things to change, but not in this way. I never feared changes... but sometimes, I wished it never happened.

I tried to get used to Jijinia's new personality, she was far from the friend I once had. She seemed to be more outgoing and hyper compared before. She was always surrounded by Franz's friends, the reason why I didn't try again after the first day I approached her.

Susuportahan ko naman siya kung si Franz talaga ang gusto niya o kahit pa may iba na siyang mga kaibigan. I expected those things anyway... but I just couldn't fully digest her treatment towards me. It sucked being with her in one room every single day. I had to pretend every minute that I was fine with all of it.

I somehow thanked Syru for making me a studious student. Being an ABM student truly shocked me, I knew this wouldn't be easy but really-I could literally pass out anytime soon. I couldn't exactly tell how I survived the first months and how I was even a part of the top students.

I was still in awe when our adviser told us to stand in front with our printed certificates on hand. It was as if I was walking in the air as I obeyed our teacher. I smiled even though everything felt like a dream to me.

"Congratulations."

Nabalik lamang ako sa reyalidad nang lapitan ako ni Ji at sinabi iyon sa akin. Hindi siya kasama sa top tulad noon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong isagot sa kanyang sinabi kung kaya't tumango na lang ako at muling bumalik sa aking pwesto.

Dahil sa letseng listahan na iyon, nakita ng mga iba naming teachers ang top students. Para tuloy akong na-pressure na dapat pagbutihin ko pa ang pag-aaral. Lagi rin akong natatawag sa mga recitations, ang malala, kung kailan hindi ko alam ang sagot ay saka ako tinatawag.

Parang ginagago na nga lang ako ng lahat ngayong taon.

Dumagdag pa itong lalaking may ngalang Mikael Trojan Zorron. Hindi naman siya madalas pumunta sa school para lang makausap ako pero sobrang ingay niya sa lahat ng social media accounts ko.

Kung noon, hirap na hirap akong makakuha ng reaction mula sa kanya, ngayon ay kahit 5 minutes ago pa lang ang post ko or story lumilitaw na siya.

Gusto kong kumbinsihin ang sarili na normal lang naman ang ginagawa niya at hindi dapat palakihin pa pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang magulat.

Mabuti nga't hindi pa niya ako ginugulo sa messages. Madalas lang siyang magtanong sa akin kung kumusta ang araw ko, sobrang pa-fall talaga ng lalaking 'to.

I wouldn't deny that he made me happy because of his little tactics. This year has been lonely for me even if I tried befriending others to survive. It felt nice to receive such questions from others after a tiring day.

Mom has been distant to me as well, though I wasn't sure if it was really her or me. We just don't talk much anymore and everyday she seems worried about something.

Maybe it was just work, I heard Troyen's going to launch something new again... or maybe it was really me. I've been focused on my studies and sometimes, I'd skip meals to finish my school work.

"Parang mahahati na ang utak ko!" I ranted when I felt my eyes tearing up.

I was double checking our proposed entrepreneurial solution presentation and I swear, my head was about to break. I used to watch movies and just spend my Saturdays chilling before. I didn't wish to be stressed like this!

Sobrang ganda pa dahil saktong Lunes agad ang presentation. Maayos naman ang idea at buo lahat ng features ng product namin, iyon nga lang kinakabahan ako para sa defense dahil may panelists daw na inimbitahan ang guro namin.

"Sana hindi masarap ulam mo, miss. Kahit doon man lang makabawi ako sa 'yo," naiiyak kong sabi.

Napahiga na lang ako sa aming mahabang sofa sa sobrang frustrated. Na sa bahay naman ako pero para akong hindi mapakali. Hindi pa nakatulong na mag-isa ako ngayon.

My eyes were already closed when our house's doorbell rang. I chose not to stand up to check who it was. Baka mga bata lang iyan na parang first time makapindot sa doorbell. Imposible namang si mama dahil tanghaling tapat pa lang. Wala rin naman akong-

"Putangina ninyo pagod ako. Huwag niyo 'kong subukan ngayon!" sigaw ko nang sunod-sunod ang pindot ng kung sinomang na sa labas.

"Mikasha!"

Napadilat ako nang narinig ang boses na iyon mula sa labas. Muli niyang pinindot ang doorbell at para akong nagising sa katotohanan sa mga sandaling ito.

Mabilis akong tumayo, muntik pa akong matumba dahil biglang nahilo.

"Bakit ka na naman nandito?" paunang bati ko kay Trojan nang buksan ko ang aming pintuan, "trip mo talaga ako, 'no?"

"What? I asked for your mother's permission before coming here," he defended himself.

"Hindi mo man lang ako sinabihang pupunta ka!"

He chuckled, "Surprise?"

Gago talaga 'to. Ano namang gagawin niya rito?

"What? Are we going to talk here outside?" natatawa niyang tanong.

Inirapan ko siya bago tuluyang pinapasok. Ngiting ngiti naman ang gago, sobrang saya ba talaga niyang makita ako?

"Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Anong trip mo ngayon at pumunta ka rito?" iritado kong tanong sa kanya.

Walang hiya siyang umupo sa sofa at nilakasan pa ang air conditioner. Umupo na lang din ako sa kanyang tabi at hinintay siyang sumagot.

"Are you busy?"

Kumunot lalo ang aking noo sa kanyang tanong. Malamang, nakita niya naman ang nagkalat kong mga notes at ang nakabukas kong laptop.

"Oo, bakit?"

His eyes glanced at me and asked, "Is it really important?"

"Bakit muna?"

Para kaming tanga, puro tanong ang sagot.

Trojan shrugged and absent mindedly brushed his hair with his left hand.

"I want to go somewhere," he told me, "with you... if possible."

Pabiro akong nagtanong, "Saan naman? Magtatanan ba tayo?"

Trojan smirked as well, "Silly you... of course not. Just... let's say... Enchanted Kingdom?"

Gago.

Ang tempting sumama.

I really wanted to go out and just laugh loudly again. I missed wasting the day in exchange for genuine happiness without any worries.

"Bakit naman ako ang naisip mong isama?" I asked him, our eyes were locked to each other.

"Well, you enjoy rides as much as I do. You're chill and fun to be with. I'm comfortable with you, too..."

"Talaga ba?" I teased.

Natatawa niyang iniwas ang tingin sa akin.

"Parang biglang bumait ka talaga sa akin," tukso ko pa.

"I'm always kind to you," he reasoned, "but this time it's different."

"Bakit?"

"Seriously, are you going to question every sentence I'd say?"

Tuluyan na akong tumawa.

"You really like teasing me, don't you?" nakangiting tanong ni Trojan, "so what? Are you going with me or not?"

"Alam ba ni mama na pupunta tayong Enchanted?"

He looked puzzled, "Does she have to know?"

Pabiro kong tinampal ang braso niya, "Malamang! So ang alam niya lang ay pupunta ka rito?"

"Yeah, I didn't tell her about this. You see... I escaped from my guards-"

"Huh?"

"And my parents don't have any idea where I am now," he continued.

"Gago ka ba? Baka hinahanap ka na-"

"Do you think I'll let myself get caught easily?"

"Tapos idadamay mo pa ako!"

"What?" he confusingly asked, "do you really need to tell your mother about this? Kapag sinabi mo sa kanya, baka sabihin niya rin sa parents ko."

I stared at him, bewildered.

"I can't believe we're doing this," I whispered.

His smile slowly grew.

"So ikaw lang din ang nag-drive patungo rito?"

"Uh, yes."

"Kailan ka pa natuto at may lisensya ka ba? Diyos ko, Trojan!"

Ang gago, humalakhak lang. Literal na grade eleven pa lang kami at nakakapag-drive na 'to kung saan-saan. Normal lang ba talaga 'to kapag mayaman ka?

"Baka mamaya tatanga-tanga kang mag-drive, mamatay pa tayo!"

"I won't let that happen, okay? And recently, I helped Mia with her love life. I want to adopt her technique-"

"Puwede naman tayong gumala nang hindi ka tumatakas sa mga bantay mo," sabi ko at pabiro siyang sinampal.

"Then where's the fun in that?"

Wala talagang normal sa lalaking 'to, gusto pa ngang gumaya sa pinsan!

Inirapan ko siya at tuluyang tumayo upang makapagbihis na. Ngiting ngiti naman ang gago dahil pumayag pa rin ako kahit ang daming sinabi.

Na-out of balance pa nga ako sa unang lakad, naramdaman ko na lang ang mga kamay ni Trojan na mabilis akong nasalo.

"You okay?"

I nodded, "This normally happens, okay? Namali lang ako ng lakad. You can let me go now."

Nang hindi niya pa rin ako binitawan ay nilingon ko siya. Nakasuporta ang kanang kamay niya sa aking baywang at ang kaliwa sa aking kaliwang balikat. Nakakunot ang kanyang noo na para bang gulong gulo siya.

"Bakit?" tanong ko at dahan-dahang tumayo ng mabuti upang harapin siya.

"You're talking to me and you're not wearing a bra?" he pointed out.

"Oo, wala akong suot na bra?" naguguluhan kong tanong, naka-red hoodie naman ako, "pero may silicon nipple tape akong suot, okay? I'm not comfortable wearing a bra at home so I use a nipple patch."

"What the hell is a nipple patch?" gulong-gulo niyang tanong.

Ano? Gusto ba niyang ipakita ko pa?

"Search mo na lang, basta alternative 'yon sa bra, okay? Huwag ka ng ma-overwhelm. Minsan nga gumagala akong walang bra-"

"What?"

"Oo, naka-nipple tape lang!"

"Okay? Are you going to use your nipple tape today as well?"

"Hindi, malamang. Sasakay tayo sa rides kaya aalog boobs ko," I told him.

"My god, Mikasha," he stressfully said, "fine, go change na nga."

"Bakit ka ba ganyan?" natatawa kong tanong, "first time mo bang nalaman ang nipple patch? Hindi ka ba ever nagtaka kung paano ako nakakapagsuot ng sleeveless at hindi bakat ang strap ng bra?"

"No. Can you just go already?" utos niya.

Naiiling akong pumasok sa kwarto at nagsimulang pumili ng damit.

Sa byahe naman ay hinayaan ako ni Trojan magpatugtog sa sasakyan niya. Hindi ito iyong madalas naming sakyan noon, mas maliit ito kumpara roon ngunit para sa akin ay mas komportable ako rito. Lalo na't kaming dalawa lang at walang mga nakatinging bodyguards niya sa amin.

Sa mga naunang minuto ay ako lang ang maingay sa aming dalawa. Hindi ako ang may pinakamagandang boses sa balat ng lupa pero tuwang tuwa si Trojan sa pagkanta ko. Hindi ko alam kung binobola lang ba ako nito o talagang na-amaze siya.

Napansin ko ring para talagang handa siya ngayong araw pumunta sa amusement park dahil sa kanyang suot. Naka-gray knee shorts lang siya at polong itim.

Pasimple kong inobserbahan ang kanyang mga mata. Siguro nga'y sobrang stressed niya rin ngayon kaya pumasok sa isip niyang tumakas. Gusto ko mang tanungin siya tungkol sa problema niya ay hindi ko tuluyang magawa.

Sa kalagitnaan ng byahe ay ni-set up ko ang phone niya upang ma-video-han kami pareho. Inaya ko siyang mag-carpool kami at hindi siya tumanggi. Nagr-record na ang phone niya ngayon.

"Magaling ka bang kumanta?" natatawa kong tanong habang pumipili ng kanta.

"I don't know?"

"Awit naman sa 'yo, Trojan. Hindi ka na nga marunong sumayaw, bumawi ka naman sa singing portion! Ano, puro mukha na lang? Walang talent?" tukso ko.

"Hey, I have my own unique talent, okay?"

"Oh ano naman? Sa sobrang rare ba niyan hindi mo na rin alam kung ano?"

Pareho kaming humalakhak at sinabi kong, "Ito na! Ip-play ko na, ha! Kumanta ka, parang awa mo na!"

Ed Sheeran's Castle on the hill boomed through the speakers and we genuinely sang with it.

Trojan surprisingly knew the lyrics and he sounded nice singing the first verse. I purposely let him slay the chorus because I wanted to hear his voice.

My lips parted open when he effortlessly sang the chorus as if it was his own song. Para pa akong nakaramdam ng hiya dahil ang ganda ng boses niya! Sobrang scammer ng lalaking 'to!

"Ayos naman ang boses mo, ha!"

"Really?" he smirked.

"Oo nga, pa-humble ka pa," I mocked.

"Can I request a song?"

"Oh, ano?"

"Better Man by 5 Seconds of Summer," he said.

"Naks, nakikinig ka pala sa music nila. Match music taste natin," wala sa sarili kong sabi.

I immediately played the song he requested. I knew the lyrics and the message of the song. I was unconsciously jamming in the beginning. Something just hit me when Trojan sang the chorus.

"With your love, your love-I'm a better, better man. Darling, all of my wrongs, they led me right to you," Trojan passionately rendered.

I was silently observing him when he glanced at me as he continued singing, "You're the only one, who could lock this wild heart up in chains."

"E 'di wow, Trojan," komento ko na lang nang natapos siya.

"What? It's a nice song and it's fulfilling to sing it loudly to you," he said.

Gago naman.

Para napasama pa ang carpool namin, ha? Parang nakalimutan kong na sa moving on stage ako.

"Play Monster Among Men," he demanded, "I like that song, too."

"Ano ba? Buong car pool mo ba talaga ako kakantahan?"

"Ayaw mo ba?" natatawa niyang tanong.

"Gusto naman pero ang daming meaning behind ng lyrics nito. Papaasahin mo na naman ako," I joked.

"I won't sing it this loud if I don't mean it, so feel free to assume whatever the message the song has. Anyway, I'm only talking about you... every song I request is about you."

Gago.

Bakit may pa-ganon? Ano bang nakain nito at biglang nags-sweet talk sa akin? Hindi ako sanay!

At gusto niya akong mag-assume? Parang ang pangit naman ng setup namin kung puro sa sariling hinala lang ako aasa.

"Besides, seeing you blush is my kind of entertainment."

Nabalik ako sa reyalidad dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Agad ko siyang inirapan at sinabing, "Gago ka, ginawa mo pa akong katatawanan!"

I played the next song and decided to just sing with him.

We faced each other for a couple of seconds and shouted the part, "Oh, the stupid truth is I'm so bad for you!"

Marami pa kaming sinabayang mga kanta sa nagdaang oras. Hindi ko na nga lang namalayang na sa entrance na kami ng Enchanted Kingdom.

Hindi naman ito ang una kong beses dito dahil suking suki ako ng field trip namin noong elementary. Lagi kong kasama ang mga kaibigan ko noon dito pero lagi akong nag-iisa tuwing sasakay ng extreme rides.

"Trojan, may tanong ako..." I called his attention while he was busy searching for a nice parking space.

"Hm? Go on," he uttered.

I hesitated. Maybe he didn't want to hear this or maybe he wasn't still ready to answer this, but I eagerly needed the assurance.

"What is it?" he asked me again about it.

I blinked for several times while my stare was still focused outside.

"Kailangan ko lang ng seryosong sagot bago tayo pumila at bumili ng tickets natin. Bakit... ako?"

"Bakit ikaw?" he repeated.

"Ang pinili mong kasama rito? Pwede namang si Pirad o ibang babae. You have a lot of choices but... why me? We aren't even close that much. Ni hindi nga tayo madalas mag-usap, pinakikisamahan lang kita sa mga trip mo kahit na minsan... ang gulo," I trailed off.

"You're confusing, really. I wish I can read your mind to ease myself. I... I hate to just assume things even if you tell me so. I don't want to be dependent on something I am not sure of," I added.

I wanted to look at him and observe his expression, but I forced myself not to do it.

I heard him sigh and answered, "Honestly, these feelings I feel whenever I am with you are all new to me. I'm sorry if I can't give you the exact answer you want, but I'm working hard to figure out things first before declaring anything to you."

I timidly nodded.

He was now trying to park his car properly.

Hindi ko pa rin siya nililingon dahil gusto kong patapusin muna siya sa sinasabi.

"These past months, I longed to see you without any particular reason. I just wanted to be close to you and exchange conversations with you. I tried so hard to stop myself from doing it," he chuckled, "I hate this as well. I've always been sure of what I dislike and want, but this one keeps on pushing me to do things out of my plan."

"You unexpectedly changed things... and this may sound unlikely, but what's going on between us actually scares me."

"And I don't want that. I don't want this to be pressuring. I don't want us to end up like my cousin's experience. I took the chance earlier to ask your mother if I could see you... wala naman talaga 'yon sa plano ko pero sige pa rin ako," he told me.

"I've been wanting to escape for a while as well. These days, I feel suffocated and lost. I just want to temporarily leave all my problems behind. Maybe I can finally think properly after this day. I just want to smile and laugh with you today."

The car was now still in its right position. I finally dared to face him. I caught him measuring my expressions.

"I'm not asking for anything else..." he whispered yet enough for me to hear.

"Okay," I positively responded.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," then I shrugged, "let's do that today once we enter the amusement park. Let's play pretend... like the concept of you and me exists... like we're not worried of what's ahead of us."