Chapter 17 | Stop

Ang pangit talaga ka-bonding ni Reon.

Agad kong ibinahagi sa kanya ang plano ko para sa susunod na school year. I told her that I planned to go back to my old high school to continue senior high. It was fine with her and she even pushed me to do it.

Ayaw ko namang iwan si Reon ng parang walang pinagsamahan. Sinabi ko sa kanyang pwede niya pa rin akong kausapin, tawagan or kahit i-invite sa mga gala. After all, my friendship with Reon wasn't the temporary type. Hindi man niya aminin ay ramdam ko namang tulad ko ay napamahal na rin ako sa kanya.

I've been contacting Ji since March and I told her plenty of my experiences even if she didn't ask. I realized that we hadn't chatted for almost the entire year. Hindi naman ako sensitive because I knew I lacked on my part as well. There was no point of regretting what was already done, I just wanted to make it up to Ji.

I noticed her being unresponsive, but I decided not to make it a big deal since Ji wasn't really the talkative type of friend. Noon pa man din ay mabagal na rin siyang mag-reply at baka may mas importante lang na inaasikaso tutal senior high na kami ngayong June.

"Oh, buhay ka pa pala!"

"Ayan talaga ang una mong sasabihin sa akin, ano?" sigaw ko pabalik sa kabilang linya, "sobra mo 'kong na-miss, ha?"

That made Loui laugh, "Bakit ka napatawag? Anong ganap?"

"Samahan mo naman ako," paki-usap ko.

"Saan naman?"

"Mall, mamimili ako ng school supplies."

"Bakit ako?" he suspiciously asked, "may balak ka bang masama sa 'kin?"

I jokingly groaned and replied, "Ano namang gagawin ko sa 'yo? Nagpapasama lang ako as a friend, masama ba 'yon? Ji's not responding to me, siya ang una kong niyaya."

Tapos tinanong ko rin si Reon kung gusto niyang sumama, tumanggi lang ang gaga at hindi na muling sinagot ang mga sumunod kong tawag.

"Saan ba tayong mall? Wala akong pera," tanong muli ni Loui.

"Kahit sa Ayala lang tayo, kayang lakarin kung gusto mo."

"Papalakarin mo 'ko sa kalagitnaan ng tanghali, napakabait mo talaga," he sarcastically hissed.

I roared a laugh, "Pwede naman tayong mag-tricycle, libre ko na pamasahe natin. G?"

"Nakakahiya naman."

"Libre mo na lang ako ng ice cream mamaya," I suggested.

"Oo na, sige na. Saan tayo magkikita?"

I smiled in excitement as I answered, "Sa pandesalan na lang?"

"Sige, kita tayo roon."

"Okay, ngayon na, ha!"

"Oo, magbibihis lang ako," he drawled.

"See you!"

Mabilis kong inabot ang aking dadalhing maliit na sling bag kung saan na sa loob nito ang aking wallet.

Totoong ngayong araw ko naman talaga binalak bumili ng school supplies pero dapat ay mamayang hapon pa dahil nga sobrang init sa labas. Mabuti na lang at kanina sa hapag ay narinig ko si mama kausap si Ma'am Olivia.

Maya-maya lang ay nandito na si Ma'am Olivia, sigurado ako. Sa dami kasi ng pwedeng pag-meeting-an nila, dito pa. Ayaw kong manatili sa bahay at makita nila.

Umiiwas ba ako? Oo.

Bakit? Dahil napagtanto kong mas madaling makausad kapag malayo ako sa kanya.

Hindi ko naman ina-assume na kasama si Trojan, sinabi mismo sa akin ni mama pagkatapos ng tawag na kasama si Trojan papunta rito sa amin. Ang epal talaga no'n, sinabi ko na ngang ako na lalayo tapos gaganito siya.

What could be his intention to be here anyway? Imposibleng dahil gusto niyang matuto sa business o gusto niyang samahan ang ina. He could do other activities with his friends, why would he choose to be here with nothing?

"Aalis ka, Mika?" puna ni mama nang tuluyan akong lumabas mula sa aking silid.

My eyes slightly widened as I replied, "Oo. Ngayon kasi ako mamimili ng school supplies, ma. Saktong nagpapasama rin si Loui kaya sinabi kong sabay na kami."

"Ganoon ba? Saan kayo mamimili?" tanong ni mama at bumalik na ang mga mata sa binabasa.

"Sa Ayala lang, ma. May gusto ka bang ipabili?"

She slightly swayed her head as she said, "Wala naman. Hanggang anong oras kayo?"

I absentmindedly held the my bag's sling and answered, "Hindi ko sigurado, e, pero hindi naman kami magpapagabi."

"Sige, mag-iingat, ha."

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang tuluyan na akong nakalabas ng aming tahanan. Akala ko ay may sasabihin pa si mama na ikagugulat ko, e, o baka pigilan pa ako dahil nga dadalaw ang kanyang boss.

I wore a gray bucket hat to protect my face from the sunlight. My outfit for today was simply a black shirt and ripped jeans with a pair of black Converse to complete my look. Kung ano lang ang na sa unahan ng damitan ko ay iyon na ang sinuot ko. Nagmamadali na talaga akong umalis para hindi maabutan ng bisita.

Wala gaanong mga tao sa labas dulot ng matinding sikat ng araw. Halos makita ko na ang mga alikabok na lumilipad sa ere tuwing may sasakyang dumadaan.

Ramdam na ramdam ko talaga ang Ring of Fire sa panahong ito kaya maganda ring tumambay sa mall. Hindi na ako magugulat pa kung doon nagkalat ang mga tao.

Mabuti na lang at tumupad sa usapan si Loui. Agad ko siyang napansing nakatayo sa gilid ng pandesalan at mukhang tatawagan pa ako upang tanungin.

Bahagya akong tumalon sa kanyang tabi upang sana'y magulat siya. Napahalakhak na lang ako nang pabiro niya akong irapan.

Loui was a bit taller than me and one thing that I noticed was his skin got tanned more than before. It suited him anyway and he got bulkier as well probably because of the sports he had been doing.

"Kanina ka pa ba?" I asked him while we were waiting for a tricycle.

"Hindi naman, akala ko lang matatagalan ka pa," he casually replied, "sobrang random mo naman kasing magyaya."

"At least, 'di ba? May ginagawa ka ba kaninang tumawag ako?"

Loui quickly glanced at me yet immediately averted his gaze towards the far road behind me as he answered, "Naglalaro lang ako kasama ang mga pinsan kanina."

Tumango-tango ako at muling nagsalita, "Saan ka na ba mags-senior high?"

"Diyan pa rin. Ikaw ba? Ang tagal mo ring hindi nagparamdam, ha."

"Diyan na rin, bumalik ako."

Bahagya niya ako muling tiningnan dahil sa aking sinabi. Para siyang gulat na gulat sa narinig nang nagsalita, "Bakit naman? Kumusta ang Syru?"

I lazily shrugged my shoulders, I seriously didn't know where to start. It would probably consume the whole day if we'd talk about it.

"Ayos lang naman, ang daming rich kids," panimula ko na kanyang kinangiti.

"Hindi na ako magugulat kung conyo ka na rin," tukso niya.

Pabiro kong hinampas ang kanyang kanang braso at sinabing, "Baliw, hindi naman. Maganda naman ang turo pero halos pareho lang sa public. Medyo judgemental ang mga students tipong konting galaw mo lang, pupunahin na nila. Hindi ko sure kung ganoon na talaga sila pinalaki o sadyang kulang sila sa aruga."

Tuluyan nang humalakhak ang katabi ko at nagpatuloy naman ako sa pagkwento, "May naging kaibigan naman ako, si Reon, babae 'yon."

"Siya lang?"

I nodded once and added, "Hindi sila friendly sa new students unless if famous or mayaman ka, chos! Pero based on experience, 'di talaga sila friendly."

"Bakit naman? May nang-bully ba sa 'yo sa gandang 'yan?" he jokingly asked.

Pabiro ko rin siyang inirapan at sumagot, "Salamat, alam kong maganda ako... at oo, medyo naging hot topic ako roon."

Natatawang nagtanong si Loui, "Ano bang ginawa mo?"

"Wala naman..."

"Imposibleng wala."

"Basta, mahabang kwento. Ayaw ko na ring balikan."

"Hulaan ko na lang," he suggested.

I sported a competitive look and so he guessed, "May kinalaman ba 'to sa acads?"

"Wrong. Bobo nga ako, e."

"Kung hindi sa acads, perhaps related sa love of my life mo?"

I dumbfoundedly stared at him which made him conclude it was really about it!

"Grabe ang tagal na nating pinag-usapan 'yang love of my life ko, hindi niyo pa rin nakalilimutan?"

"Sumagi lang ulit sa isip ko... so dahil nga roon? Sino ba kasi 'yan, Mika? Ang swerte naman niya at lumipat ka pa ng school para lang sa kanya," tanong ni Loui sa pagitan ng kanyang pagtawa.

"Gago... do I look stupid for doing such thing?" seryoso kong tanong.

"Alin? 'Yong lumipat ka ng school para sa kanya? Bakit, iyon ba talaga ang rason kaya ka umalis?" ngayon ay naguguluhan na rin si Loui sa akin.

"Correction, part of the reason lang 'yan," I defended myself.

"Seryoso ka ba?"

"Hindi, seryoso ako."

He puffed off a chuckle, "Seryoso ba? Si Mikasha Duran... naghabol?"

"Correction, naglakad lang ako."

Loui's lips were slightly parted and his eyes couldn't blink because of amusement. He didn't expect me to do such a thing.

If only he knew that I felt the same, I was surprised by myself as well. I never thought that I could literally run after a guy like a lovesick fool.

"Sino ba 'yan, name drop mo na," Loui persuaded me.

"Itago na lang natin sa pangalang gago," I told him.

"Anong nangyari sa inyo?"

"Wala naman."

"Anong wala?"

"Wala," I even shook both of my hands, "as in wala."

"Nasayang lang ang effort mo, gano'n? He rejected you?"

"Excuse me, he didn't reject me."

"Ah, okay... maybe he didn't because in the first place he never liked you?"

"Tangina mo, foul," I acted as if my heart broke.

Hindi na tumigil si Loui sa katatawa niya kahit noong na sa loob na kami ng tricycle. Sobrang saya ba niya talaga dahil for the first time hindi ako nagustuhan pabalik ng crush ko?

Mabuti na lang pala at hindi ko pa sinabing taon ko ng gusto si Trojan, baka kahit siguro may asawa't anak na ako ay hindi niya ako titigilang asarin dito.

Finally, Loui calmed down when we arrived in Ayala Malls. I did expect to see a huge crowd earlier, but not this much. Each part of the mall had a lot of visitors, there weren't any vacant tables in every restaurant we passed by.

My shoulders boringly fell when Loui and I saw how long the lines were inside the National Bookstore.

"Marami ka bang bibilhin, Mika?" Loui asked me while we were standing in front of the store.

"Sakto lang, ikaw ba?"

"Medyo marami dahil nagpasabay kapatid ko."

"Ah, ganito na lang gawin natin," I thought of an idea, "ako muna ang mauunang kukuha ng mga bibilhin ko habang nakapila ka na. Sobrang haba naman ng pila, e. After kong kumuha ng akin, ako naman ang pipila para sa atin."

Iyon ang napagkasunduan namin ni Loui. Siya ang unang pumila upang may spot agad kami habang ako ang unang sumabak sa mala-Hunger Games na pagbili.

Mabuti na lang din palang ngayong tanghali kami bumili, ano pang maabutan ko rito kung hapon pa ako pumunta?

Mabuti na lamang at mabilis kong nakita ang mga gamit na aking bibilhin. Muntik pa akong maubusan ng yellow papers dahil sa isang college freshman na halos hakutin lahat.

Kanina ko pa iniisip kung dapat pa ba akong bumili ng scientific calculator kaya dito lang ako natagalan sa pagpili ng magandang brand. Sumunod ay bumili ako ng paborito kong ballpen, wala iyon sa mga stalls kaya sa mismong counter ng stationery ko kailangang manghingi.

"Akala ko iniwan mo na ako rito, e," salubong sa akin ni Loui nang bumalik ako sa pila.

"Bakit naman kita iiwan diyan?" natatawa kong tanong, "mga iniisip mo."

"Saan ka nakakuha niyang basket?" Loui asked me and pointed at the red basket I dropped to the floor.

"Diyan lang sa tabi-tabi," I chuckled, "seryoso! Nakita ko lang 'tong nakakalat kaya ginamit ko."

"Hay nako, Mikasha," he stressfully hissed.

"Kung gusto mo gamitin mo na muna?"

"Huwag na, hanap na lang din ako sa tabi-tabi," halakhak ni Loui at tuluyan nang lumakad palayo.

Binilang ko kung pang-ilan pa kami sa linya at napagtanto kong pang-labing-dalawa pa kami. Malapit na rin pala kaya dapat bilisan ni Loui sa pagbili.

Bigla tuloy akong naging concerned, alam kaya no'n 'yong mga bibilhin niya? I mean, I didn't tend to judge him and his abilities, but all jokes aside... alam niya ba talaga ang mga bibilhin niya?

Baka mamaya mag-ala nawawalang bata siya sa gitna ng bookstore dahil lang hindi niya mahanap kung saan nakalagay ang mga crayons na gusto ng kapatid niya.

Kahit pa nag-aalala para sa kaibigan ay pinilit kong maging kalmado. I opened my phone just to be alerted in case Loui would send a message.

Hindi naman siya totally bobo at kung usapang acads ay mas lamang siya sa akin pero hindi ko pa kasi 'yon nakitang bumili ng school supplies. Noon ngang pinabili siya ng whiteboard marker ng kaklase, ang nabili niya ay permanent.

Ilang minuto na rin ang lumipas at papalit na ako sa cashier. Pang-apat na ako sa pila mula sa harap at hindi ko na napigilan pang i-message si Loui kung na saan na siya.

Ang lokong 'yon, baka siya 'tong iniwan ako?

Nang pangatlo na ako sa linya ay hindi pa rin sumasagot si Loui. Para na akong batang nag-aabang ng mama niyang umalis saglit para tingnan ang isang product na sabi ay sandali lang pero wala pa rin hanggang ngayon.

May pangbayad naman ako pero kawawa naman si Loui kung pipila muli. I planned to let the person behind me to go first if ever Loui wouldn't be here once it was my turn.

Grabe makataas ng anxiety level 'tong si Loui!

Pina-punch na ng cashier ang bawat item ng taong na sa harapan ko nang bahagya akong lumingon upang kausapin sana ang babaeng na sa aking likuran nang sumulpot sa gilid ko si Loui.

May dala rin siyang red basket at medyo nagulo ang buhok nang dumating.

"Akala ko nalunod ka na ro'n!"

"Natagalan ako sa pesteng world map ng kapatid ko," Loui ranted, "sarap alisin sa mundo ng batang 'yon," he joked.

"Who needs a world map kung siya ang mundo ko?" wala sa sarili kong banat, "char ang corny."

"What the hell, Mika?" Loui disgustingly reacted that made me laugh, "malala ka na."

"Biro lang, e."

"Sus," he teased, "dahan-dahan lang, Mika. Walang gamot sa tanga."

Hindi na ako nakarebat pa dahil ako na ang sumunod. I silently placed all of the things I bought. I let the cashier do her work and I patiently waited for her to inform me about the total amount.

"Sa labas na kita hintayin," bulong ko kay Loui nang hablutin ko ang paper bag ng aking pinamili.

I immediately walked out when he nodded back. I was scanning the receipt as I took the way out of the store. Wala naman akong na-gets sa resibo kaya tinupi ko na lang at ni-shoot sa hawak na paper bag.

When I exactly lifted my head up, the first person I saw was the person I've been avoiding!

Why on Earth was he here?

How did he know? From my mother?

Grabe talaga si mama, ang laki niyang traydor!

Ang hirap namang magpanggap na hindi ko siya napansin dahil literal na nagtititigan na kami. Ilang metro lang din ang layo niya sa akin kaya ang hirap gumalaw. Pinagdasal ko na lang na sana'y lumabas na si Loui habang hindi pa niya ako nilalapitan.

Almost a minute passed when Loui wasn't still here. I took courage to look back through the glass window and I noticed the cashier was waiting for someone to return. Mukhang may item si Loui na hindi ma-punch sa device.

Ang galing naman ng timing! Not to mention that Trojan looked different from the last time I saw him. He grew taller, if that was even possible, and his body got bulkier as well. His face seemed to mature more and I swear that jaw line was to die for.

Lord, sign na ba talaga 'tong hindi ako makaka-move on?

"So, you're here."

Bakit pa kasi lumapit?

Wala akong ganang ngitian si Trojan nang binalik ko ang aking atensyon sa kanya. Pinilit kong huwag mag-isip ng kung ano-ano dahil, anak ng tupa, na sa moving on stage na ako, e!

"Oo, ikaw, bakit ka nandito?" matapang kong tanong.

He shrugged as he replied, "Sumama ako kay mama nang nalaman kong dadalaw siya sa inyo. Gusto sana kitang maka-usap sa personal."

Gago...

Bakit biglang naging straight forward 'tong lalaking 'to? Hindi ako sanay!

Nanggugulat, e!

"Wala naman tayong dapat pag-usapan," I tried to remain calm.

"Really?"

"Oo," mabilis kong sagot.

"After your confession, wala tayong dapat pag-usapan?" he repeated, his question was now more specific.

Kung sinoman ang nagturong maging straight forward si Trojan, isa kang malaking epal sa buhay ko. Okay na ako sa dating siya na tila ba kailangan ko pang i-decipher ang bawat salita at kilos niya upang maintindihan. Tapos ngayon... he'd talk about it to me casually?

"Ano namang pag-uusapan natin?" natatawa kong tanong, "I thought I made myself clear that night—"

"I just knew about your feelings that night, Mikasha, and you surprised me to the next level. I never thought about it, I admit, so I wasn't sure what to say in that exact moment. You left me stunned, did you really expect me to react immediately?" he pointed out.

"I needed time to digest everything, too, you know?"

Hindi ako nakasagot dahil para talaga siyang seryoso sa usapang 'to. Ang tagal na no'n, noong Pebrero pa! Kinailangan niya ba talaga ng tatlong buwan para lang pag-isipan iyon?

"I wasn't the type who'd compromise to someone after a misunderstanding, everyone knew this about me. I could easily let go of people who'd choose to leave my life. Wasting people was my thing... until you happened to me," Trojan stated while his stare was locked on mine.

"I feel awful for upsetting you," he confessed, "the reason why it took me months to face you again was that I couldn't precisely explain why... why I didn't want you to leave me."

"When you bid your goodbye that night... I felt threatened as if something that I'd been keeping for too long had departed. Until now, I cannot give you an exact reason why this is bothering me big time... but one thing that I wish for is to not lose you."

Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong sabihin... siguro nga'y ganito rin ang naramdaman niya noong gabing iyon. Sari-saring emosyon ang bumagabag sa akin at hindi ko alam kung alin ba roon ang dapat kong unahin.

"I'm sorry if I sound earnest, I just want to deliver my intention clearly."

"So... ayaw mo akong lumayo?"

"I never asked you to do it anyway."

Tangina nito sumagot, okay na sana kaso parang bigla siyang bumalik sa normal niyang katayuan.

"Bakit naman? Ako ang dahilan kung bakit ka napahamak last school year—"

"Those never bothered me. In fact, I should be the one apologizing—"

"Mikasha," tila kami nabalik sa reyalidad nang tawagin ako ni Loui.

I quickly glanced back to Trojan and there was nothing but anger in his eyes. Para bang galit na galit siya kay Loui dahil bigla kaming ginambala.

"Loui!" tawag ko sa kaibigan at saka lang umalis sa kinatatayuan upang sumama na sa kaibigan.

"Tara na," wala sa sarili kong sabi sa kaibigan.

Loui was hesitant to turn his back so I needed to pull his right arm for him to move. I wasn't sure if Trojan followed us, but we already reached the food court and there was no traces of him behind.

Saka lang ako nakahinga ng mabuti nang umupo kami saglit ni Loui sa gilid.

"Siya ba 'yong LOML mo?" walang prenong tanong ni Loui sa akin.

I glared sharply at him and hissed, "Pwede ba? Saglit lang, kita mong hindi ako makahinga?"

"Pero siya nga?" para siyang chismosong kapitbahay sa kanyang tono.

"Oo nga!"

"Kaya pala napalipat ka," he teased and roared a laugh.

"Pwede ba?"

"Oh, bakit? Nakakatuwa ka lang panoorin na parang hindi sigurado sa buhay. Noon, easy-easy lang sa 'yong mang-basted at mang-balewala ng lalaki tapos ngayon..."

"Ewan ko sa 'yo, Loui."

But he didn't stop there, "Sure ka bang gusto mo lang 'yon? Duda ako."

"Hintayin mo lang... kapag ikaw talaga nagkagusto..." I warned him, "who you ka sa 'kin."

"Sabi nila kapag tumagal daw ng taon ang feelings mo sa tao, hindi na raw like 'yon," panunukso pa niya, "gaano katagal mo na ba siyang gusto?"

"Alam mo, napaka-epal mo rin, 'no? Na sa moving on stage na ako kaya huwag mo na akong asarin dahil baka bumalik ang feelings!" I helplessly shouted at him.

Hinayaan ko na lang siyang pagtawanan ako sa mga lumipas na minuto. Kinailangan kong bumili ng tubig dahil para akong na-dehydrate sa mga nangyari.

Nang bumalik ako sa aming pwesto ay kalmado na si Loui ngunit hindi nawala ang panunukso sa kanyang mga mata.

"Can you please stop teasing me?"

"Oo na, ititigil na," Loui surrendered when he noticed my mood, "tama lang bang tinawag kita kanina o dapat bang hinayaan ko muna kayong mag-usap? Para kasi kayong mag-aaway anytime soon kaya sumingit ako sa eksena."

I answered after I drank, "Yeah, it was a nice timing. I didn't know what to say to him anyway."

"Okay," Loui said lightly, "hindi na ako mangingialam pa."

"Thanks," I genuinely responded, "anyway... since I'm back this June, I want to know the things I missed. Anong ganap last year lalo na kay Ji? She isn't replying that much to me anymore... I'm a bit worried, but I trust her."

Loui's expression shifted as if he was about to tell me something heavy. He acted hesitant or more like he didn't know where to start.

"I am not prepared for this," he tried to joke to lessen the pressure.

I shrugged and said, "I didn't plan to ask you as well. I wanted to get the answers from Ji, but she isn't responding to me."

"Paano ko ba sisimulan?"

"Just say it."

"Well... some things changed..."

"Go on," I urged him.

Loui groaned and frustratingly hit the table as he spoke, "May mga nahalo kasing boys galing sa lower section sa section nina Jam at Ji last school year. This isn't my story to tell, but since we're talking about Ji, this is a crucial part of the story."

"Okay?"

"We can obviously tell that Jam has a secret crush on Ji," Loui stated.

My eyes slightly widened as I said, "Oh my god? I thought I was the only one who ever noticed that!"

"I know, right? He's too obvious."

"Okay, then?"

"But he didn't move or anything. Mas pinili ni Jam na solohin ang nararamdaman niya. Ji, on the other hand, had dating rumors with this guy named Franz."

"Franz?" I repeated, "as in Franz Mendoza?"

"Kilala mo?" manghang tanong ni Loui.

I smirked, "Active reactor ko noon, chos... pero oo, he's familiar to me. He's part of Kerstell's group noong grade seven so we kind of hanged out before."

"Right, he's part of Kerstell's group. Kerstell is an old friend of yours, right?"

"Yeah... and they hated Ji before for the same reason as others," I trailed off as I remembered.

"Exactly," Loui concluded, "nagulat kami nang biglang isang araw, kasama na si Ji sa grupo nila. I mean, compared to us, we're much better influencers. Don't you agree?"

I didn't say anything so he continued.

"Turned out, their dating rumor was true. Ji found new set of friends because of Franz. She's now included in their circle."

What the hell?

I knew change was something inevitable and nothing was permanent in this goddamn world. I even prepared myself if ever Ji made new friends while I was away since I did, too. It would be fine with me... but knowing that the group she got in was the same people who hated her before alarmed me.

Parang ang pangit ng setup... unless if they apologized to Ji before claiming her as their friends.

Nakakapangduda lang talaga kung tunay bang kaibigan ang tingin nila kay Ji at hindi lang pilit na pinakikisamahan dahil nililigawan ni Franz.

I spent the whole afternoon with Loui catching up things. He told me a lot of his observations and opinions on things. I tried to keep in mind the things he shared to me and it was as if yesterday when we talked.

With chin up high, I confidently created successive steps towards the old school I used to study at. Today was the first official day of the school year and although my face seemed cool, deep down I was nervous of what would happen for the rest of the day.

A lot of faces greeted me as I entered, they all looked happy seeing me again here. Most of them weren't close to me, but I happened to converse with them numerous times before. I had a difficult time going to my room since almost every person I encountered asked about me.

I felt uplifted because of their warm welcome. For grade eleven, I decided to take ABM as my strand choice since I wanted a work similar to my mother.

I wasn't an ambitious student after all. Mas importante sa aking may matutunan at maging masaya lang sa buhay.

Kilala ko na rin ang mga estudyanteng makakasama ko sa section na ito, kasama na roon sina Ji at iilang kaibigan ni Kerstell. Hindi ko sigurado kung alam na ba nilang bumalik ako tutal kitang kita naman sa posted master list ang napakaganda kong pangalan.

Sinadya kong agahan ang pasok para sana makausap si Ji pero ang gaga saktong oras lang pumasok kasama sina Franz at Kerstell. Sumunod sa kanilang likuran ang aming unang guro kaya sa loob ng lumipas na tatlong oras, hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataong lapitan siya.

I spent the whole three hours half listening to our teachers while observing them. I kind of felt bad for myself for acting like shit. Tanggap ko naman kung may iba siyang kaibigan pero hindi naman siguro tamang umakto siya na parang wala ako sa paligid.

Out of nowhere, I started to question myself if I ever did something that could've disappointed Ji. Wala akong ibang maisip bukod pa sa prank na ginawa ko noon at sa paglipat ko ng Syru. Hindi pa niya alam ang katotohanan behind my prank so I assumed it was about me leaving before.

Thank god I knew other students. I wasn't totally alone during break time. I got invited twice on different tables, but I decided to hang out with those who were near Ji's side.

It was as if I never existed in her life. She wouldn't even glance at my side. I somehow started to feel betrayed. Ang unreasonable pero naiirita talaga ako sa inaasta niya.

How on Earth could I approach her if she kept clinging onto Franz? Marami na akong naging kahihiyan sa Syru pero naisip ko na ayos lang doon dahil hindi naman nila ako kilala. Dito kasi... dito, may reputasyon ako.

"Saan ka?" one asked me when she noticed me suddenly standing up.

"Nakita ko lang si Ji, wait lang," I told them, smiling to hide my nervousness.

With all the courage I had, I pretended to sound excited as I called, "Ji! I missed you!"

I even hugged her from behind that shocked the hell out of her. Did she really think I'd let this one slip away?

"M-Mikasha," she uttered, "nandito ka na pala."

Hindi ko alam kung hot tempered lang ba talaga ako ngayong araw pero nainis ako sa kanyang sinabi. Ji obviously didn't expect me to come near her because of her friends, but I knew she noticed me earlier inside our classroom.

Imposibleng ngayon niya lang ako napansin, we were literally sharing the same three hours inside one room!

"Oo, kanina pa kita gustong kausapin sa room pero snob ka na," I pouted.

"Hala... hindi naman," she awkwardly stated.

All of Franz and Kerstell's friends' attention were at us. I got used to this anyway. Syru students taught me well.

"Let's catch up, Ji! Na-miss talaga kita. Ang dami kong ik-kwento sa 'yo. Hindi mo ako sinasagot sa message, e, kaya labas tayo ngayon after class. G?"

"Ah..." she trailed off, "pupunta kasi ako after class sa Antipolo..."

"Oh?" I unbelievably reacted, gumagala na siya! "Sakto, may extra money akong dala."

"Ah... kasama ko kasi sila," she motioned her palms just to point out who.

Saka ko lang nakita ang mga ngisi ng mga nanonood sa amin.

What the hell?

Did Ji just indirectly reject me?

"Ah, gano'n ba," I chuckled, "okay, Antipolo sounds tiring anyway. See you around, I guess."

I never felt humiliated in my entire life.

I turned my back away from them and immediately went back to my seat. What a fucking nice day.

That scene itself was enough to turn my mood upside down. I never faked my expressions, they immediately saw how upset I was after that freaking conversation.

My ultimate friend just rejected me over her new ones. She didn't even bother asking how I've been or said something nice to relieve me.

I was walking faster than my usual speed when classes ended. I didn't want to interact with people anymore. I had enough of what happened in the canteen earlier. At least Ji was brave to set me aside, it gave me a clear idea of where I should stand in her life.

Currently, I wasn't in the frame. Fine, then. Naghanda pa naman akong sabihin sa kanya ang katotohanan, parang nawalan na ako ng gana dahil sa kanyang inasta.

"Mika!" I heard Loui trying to run towards me.

I stopped for a second and turned to him, "What?"

"Oh, bakit ka galit?" natatawa niyang tanong, "kumusta ang unang araw? Ikaw usapan sa section namin kanina!"

I puffed off a sarcastic sigh and rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"You forgot to tell me something," I blamed him.

"Huh?" naguguluhan niyang tanong, "sinabi ko naman lahat ng kailangan mong malaman tungkol kay Ji at sa bago niyang—"

"Nakalimutan mong sabihin sa aking wala na pala akong babalikan."

He got stunned of what I said.

Natatawang umiling na lang ako at nagpatuloy sa paglakad, hindi na hinintay pa ang kanyang nais sabihin.

I needed to get used to this from now on. I survived Syru with just Reon by my side, sigurado akong kaya ko ring tiisin ito ngayong maraming nakakakilala sa akin. God... I suddenly missed bickering with Reon.

I was thinking of contacting Reon later as I get home when suddenly, out of crowded students, someone grabbed my left arm.

"What the fuck?" I couldn't control my rage anymore.

"God, chill!"

It was then I only realized who I was with.

"What the hell? Bakit ka nandito? Talent mo na ba talagang sumulpot kung kailan mo gusto?" I exploded as if all of my anger got passed on him.

Trojan looked confused, he never seen me this mad. I couldn't control my emotions anymore... the way that Ji rejected me just ruined every plan I prepared for our friendship.

"Hindi ka ba talaga nakakaintindi, ha?" I added, "sinabi ko na ngang lalayo na ako tapos ikaw 'to ngayong lapit nang lapit. May sira ba 'yang ulo mo at hindi ka makaintindi?"

"Can we talk inside our car?" he asked, dismissing my sudden outrage.

"Ayaw kong pumasok do'n!" I yelled, "dito mo na ako kausapin, kaya kong umuwing mag-isa."

"God, really? You're that mad seeing me? Can't you tone down a bit?" may gana pa siyang mag-inarte.

"Sinabi ko bang hilahin mo ako at kausapin? I'm not in a good mood right now and seeing your face doesn't help to make me feel better!"

"God, fine!" he hissed, "just take this into consideration."

He handed me a white long envelope. I stared at him for a while before I decided to open and read the letter.

"What the fuck is this?" I growled.

When he didn't immediately answered me, I looked up to him.

"The message's there already—"

"Aanhin ko 'tong scholarship ng Syru?" I fumed out of frustration.

Trojan sounded problematic as well when he said, "I applied to give it to you—"

I crumpled the letter and harshly threw it at his chest.

"Why would you give me a scholarship?"

"What? Are you offended?" he confusingly asked.

Putangina, hindi ba halata?

"I'm sorry, that isn't my intention. I just... I feel bad for making you leave—"

"You don't get a girl by insulting her, Trojan!"

"I said I'm sorry!" he leveled my tone, "I'm just eager to make it up to you. Even I don't see any sense going all the way here just to talk to you."

That should make the butterflies in my stomach panic, but then I'd only be an ugly clown of my own words if I'd give into this quickly.

"My feelings... for you... I'm trying to forget it," I honestly told him, "and if you aren't sure yourself, don't continue showing up to me every time you just want to. I get that you feel bad about what you've done, but you don't come after someone just because of it. Huwag na tayong maglokohan, Trojan..." I chuckled and slapped my forehead.

I tried to look at his eyes once again, "Just stop... you may give me false hope again. Kung hindi ka rin sigurado, huwag na lang," I advised him.