Chapter 12 | High

"Wala bang secret passage 'tong school?" pabiro kong tanong kay Reon habang naglalakad kami patungo sa main gate.

Kanina pa sila nagpapasok ng mga estudyante ngunit sinadya naming medyo magpahuli dahil ako na naman ang main chismis ngayong buwan.

Kung na sa dating school ako ay makakaya ko pa dahil kilala ko naman halos lahat ng students do'n. Dito kasi, parang nakahihiya sa tulad kong bago lang tapos topic ng chismis. Hindi ko gamay ang mga tao rito at hindi ako sanay sa environment.

"Parang utak nila," sagot ni Reon na hindi ko agad nakuha.

"Ano?"

Inirapan niya ako at saka nagsalita, "Wala."

Gaga talaga, sasabihin lang na wala ang dami pang sinabi. Hindi ko rin siya masisisi kung nauumay na siya sa ganitong setup. Lagi ko siyang kasama kaya tuwing may nakakasalubong kaming mapanghusgang mga mata ay nadadamay din siya.

Pagkatapos ng ginawa ni Trojan sa library, kumalat noong sumunod na linggo sa school na nag-break daw sila no'ng Audrey at dahil daw sa akin! I heard some of the students talking about it at parang ako ang pinalabas na kabit.

Halos mataob ko na 'yong lamesa namin ni Reon nang narinig 'yon. Saang kangkungan ba nila 'yon napulot?

May mga nagsabi pang pasimple ko raw na nilalandi si Trojan. Kasalanan ko bang talent na ni Trojan 'yon? Sobrang unreasonable nila kung magalit, hindi man lang muna tiningnan ang sarili at baka sila ang mali.

Padabog na umupo sa aking tabi si Reon nang nakapasok na kami sa aming silid. I felt most of our classmates' eyes on us. Sadly, I got used to it already. I had no energy to say a word because anyway, they wouldn't listen... and as far as I'd remember, hindi ko obligasyong magpaliwanag sa kanila.

Feeling ko sobrang kawawa ko naman dito sa Syru, sobrang layo sa inexpect ko noon.

"You can sit somewhere," I whispered to Reon.

Her expression was enough to question what I said.

"I mean, if you don't want to be near me anymore, go ahead. I don't want to see you uncomfortable whenever they look at us," I explained.

"Tanga," maangas niyang wika, "why would I do that to you?"

It was only then I glanced at her.

"You're my only friend here and god knows how I hate these people even before you came. We know or at least you know the truth so why should we be affected by this?" she didn't bother to lower down her voice, I was sure most of them heard it.

Sumaktong pumasok na ang aming unang guro para sa klase. Mabuti na rin iyon dahil sobrang awkward na biglang tumahimik ang room dahil sa sinabi ni Reon.

Everyone could see how irritated Reon looked like and I bet no one had the guts to talk back because of it. They seem frightened of Reon's mad side, I wondered if they ever experienced it before?

My mind didn't cooperate during the class, it was busy distracting me from what Reon just said. Truth, ano nga ba kasi 'yong totoo?

Would she still see me the same if I'd tell her the truth? Because the truth was I transferred here for the reason that I wanted to escape the mistake I did in my old school... that I really thought of studying here because I could be close and familiar with Trojan.

All of my reasons were just too shallow to consider. I lied to Jijinia, to Jez, and myself. Nagsinungaling lang ako sa sarili ko noong sinabi kong for the better and a change itong paglipat ko. I knew deep down my reasons were invalid so I tried covering them up with deceitful decent intentions.

I tried to sneak a glimpse at Reon who was trying to digest the teacher's lesson for today. Would she still think of me the same after seeing the motives inside me?

Lagi akong takot mawalan ng kaibigan lalo na kung siya lang talaga ang mayroon ako dahil minsan ko na ring naranasan ang mag-isa... at ayaw ko na muling bumalik sa gano'ng kalagayan.

I didn't want to disappoint and lose my friends even when I've done them wrong. I had no choice but to keep what I did as a secret and let it poison my guilt... because I thought that it was easier than telling them the truth.

"Reon," pabulong ko siyang tinawag.

"What?" she responded without glancing to me.

"Sa cafeteria ka kakain?"

Nitong nakaraan kasi ay bumibili lang siya ng pagkain tapos babalik dito sa room para kumain.

I chose to stay here tuwing break time because I didn't want to interact with anyone sa cafeteria. Feeling ko tuloy napilitan lang si Reon na kumain dito tuwing break kahit na gusto niya roong kumain dahil nandito ako.

"You?" she asked back.

"Okay lang kung sa cafeteria tayo kakain. Alam ko namang 'di ka nabubusog sa isang rice meal," I chuckled.

"Are you sure?" she asked me hesitantly.

I nodded once, "You're right, they don't know anything except what they want to believe. I hate acting weak and insecure, hindi na ako 'to. If they'll throw a stone at me, I'd pick it up and throw it back. Hindi ako ang damsell in distress type kaya bakit ako magmumukmok dito na parang loner na langaw?"

Bahagya siyang natawa sa aking sinabi at mukhang nasiyahan dahil finally na-realize ko 'yon. I decided to listen to our teacher as the class went on.

When our third teacher dismissed the class, it was then everyone stood up and left the room one by one. I waited Reon outside our room because she had to talk to our teacher for a while.

Dala ko ang aking bag tuwing lalabas ng room, puwede namang iwanan sa room pero natatakot akong iiwan dahil baka mamaya'y lagyan nila 'to ng kung ano-ano. Malay ko ba kung hanggang saan aabot ang galit nila sa akin?

I noticed Jim was about to pass me by, he was with his group and they were around six people. Their voices echoed through the hallway's walls and I felt a bit awkward when his eyes met mine.

Hindi ko naman alam ang gagawin, babatiin ko ba o ano? We weren't exactly close and we only talked a bit, I noticed he was also distancing himself from me after he knew that I was somehow connected to Trojan.

Ayaw ko na lang isipin pa iyon dahil ano bang alam ko, baka mamaya best enemy pala niya si Trojan kaya gano'n or something.

Jim averted his glance to the person talking to him when they were close to where I was standing. In the end, he didn't smile or wave at me like he used to do which was totally fine.

"Tara na," I heard Reon, mabilis kong tinuon ang pansin sa kanya.

Sabay kaming naglakad sa parehong daan na tinahak ng grupo ni Jim. Reon probably saw me staring at them like a creep so she had no choice but to ask.

"Why were you looking at them earlier?"

I shrugged and answered, "Nakita ko lang si Jim, 'yon lang."

She made a disgusted expression, "You like him?"

It was my time to roll my eyes as I chuckled, "Hindi, ano ka ba? Kota na ako sa issue, feeling ko nga isang malaking kasalanan kung magkaka-jowa man ako ng tagarito. Iwas na rin ako sa mga letter J, medyo toxic sila."

Natawa naman ang gaga, "Toxic? Based on experience?"

"Ayaw ko na lang magsalita," natatawa kong sabi, "Reon... may tanong pala ako."

We were now crossing another building where the largest cafeteria could be visited.

"What is it?"

"Na-bother lang ako kanina sa sinabi mo tungkol sa truth..." I trailed off, "I feel like you trust me more than anyone here so I'm thinking to open up a bit to you."

I waited for a reaction to come but she remained silent until we were finally near the cafeteria's entrance. Hindi ko natuloy ang nais sabihin dahil wala naman siyang sinabi at bigla kaming nahiwalay sa isa't isa sapagkat magkaiba kami ng bibilhin.

Nanlalamig ang aking mga palad nang abutin ko ang huling pagkaing aking binili. Hindi pa nga ako nagsasabi ng kung ano kay Reon pero ganito na ako ka-kabado. I started to doubt myself if I could really share my truth to her or to even someone else.

Why was trusting harder than lying? Forte ko ba talaga 'to o sadyang isa akong malaking duwag?

I saw Reon sitting in a corner, far from the crowded tables. I walked near her and she only watched me arrange my foods before I sat down.

"Problema mo?" tanong ko na dahil kanina pa siya titig nang titig.

Umiling lamang si Reon at sumagot, "You want to tell me something, right? Sorry for not responding immediately. Nagulat lang ako dahil sa akin mo pa naisipang mag-open up. Is biology really that stressful?"

I rolled my eyes at her and she started laughing. Ang gagang 'to, seryoso akong mag-oopen up tapos isasama ang biology sa usapan.

"Gaga, I've been keeping this for myself for quite a long time now. I feel like no matter how hard I try to forgive myself, it will not be erased the back of my head," may pag-aalinlangan sa aking tono.

She showed me both of her palms as if commanding me to pause for a bit, "Woah, you absolutely sound serious. Is it really that serious?"

"Oo nga pero susubukan kong hindi magtunog dramatic," I told her, "can I now continue?"

"Fine, continue while we eat," Reon declared.

"So to start off, do you remember Jijinia? Or have I ever mentioned her to you?" I asked.

Reon nodded and answered, "Yes, she's your best friend from your old school."

"Correct... but I did something wrong back when we were in eighth grade," I drawled.

"What did you do?" Reon mumbled because her mouth was full.

"I kind of lied to her..." hirap na hirap akong sabihin iyon.

"How?" Reon impatiently interrogated, "just go straight to the point, Mika. You're making me goosey."

"Nakakahiya kasing aminin!" I exclaimed.

"E 'di huwag na lang nating pag-usapan. It's not like I'm forcing you to—"

"It happened after I met Trojan for the first time."

Just by hearing his name, Reon froze in her place. Her eyes were indirectly asking what the hell to me.

"Okay? Go on?" she sounded unsure, "I'm just a bit confused... why would you lie to your best friend because of a guy?"

I let out a deep sigh. I was about to continue when Reon spoke again, "Okay before you continue, move your food first. You terribly look as if you murdered someone."

I gritted my teeth but Reon just shrugged. Puta talaga nitong babaeng 'to, hindi ko maintindihan kung concerned ba o ano. Ginalaw ko na lang ang aking pagkain at nang nangalahati na ay saka tinuloy ang pagkuwento.

"So ayon nga, I met Trojan and the rest of his family noong first opening ng Troyen dito sa Pilipinas. My mother is Mrs. Olivia Zorron's secretary. Ever since I knew my mother was working with someone big time, I stalked the Zorron people na."

"Okay, then na-starstruck ka noong opening ng Troyen dahil nandoon silang lahat," Reon clarified, "I have a feeling that what you are going to say next will make me vomit."

"Arte nito," I hissed.

"What? Totoo naman! You fell at first sight of Mikael Trojan Zorron!"

Gagang 'to! Agad ko siyang pinatahimik at baka may makarinig!

"Huwag mong i-broadcast, puta ka!" I whispered.

"Sorry! You keep on delaying it pa kasi. Alam ko namang gusto mo siya noong first day pa lang at dahil sa mga titig mo tuwing na sa paligid 'yon... but I wasn't informed that it has been years."

My hands were cold as I tried to cover my face, "I know, right?" I mumbled.

"So bakit ka nagsinungaling sa Jijinia mo?" she asked now.

"Because as a kid who fucking fell in love at first sight to someone named Trojan, I was too delighted and I couldn't get over thinking of him. I planned a prank to Jijinia out of my wild imagination. I told her that my mother engaged me to someone else!" I laughed but tears were already blurring my vision.

"The fuck? And she believed? Gano'n siya ka-naive? Sobrang babaw ng dahilan at ang fictitious, no offense pero hindi convincing ang prank mo," Reon hissed.

"Well, back then she loved reading novels with those kind of plots..." I stated, "so my prank was effective. Long story short, naniwala siya to the point na ilang beses niya iyong iniyakan. She felt sorry for me stuff like that, then my guilt grew bigger inside me."

"I didn't have the courage to tell her the truth so I just made up excuses. Dumating sa puntong hinatid ako ni Trojan sa bahay nila before. Hindi naman niya nakita si Trojan pero noong na sa loob na kami, tinanong niya ako kung 'yong naghatid ba sa akin ang fiance ko," I told Reon.

"Fucked up," she commented, "so you lied again?"

I pouted as I nodded my head. Reon leaned back as if my drama was too tiring to digest.

"Wow, so much for being a sucker of romance," Reon chuckled, "you really did that? So hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin niya alam?"

"Correct, that's exactly it. Since I couldn't tell her the truth and my guilt kept punishing me whenever we meet, I decided to transfer here to escape what I started," I confessed, "and being here is close to Trojan... kaya..."

"What the hell? You're really that in love with him? Since grade eight pa so almost two years mo na siyang gusto? What the hell, Mika?" hindi makapaniwala si Reon.

I chuckled, "More years to come!"

"Tarantado ka," she hissed, "iniwan mo talaga siya roon without telling her anything."

"Oo na alam kong mali," I told Reon, "you don't have to say it twice."

"Bakit hindi mo kasi masabi-sabi?" Reon annoyingly asked me.

"Look... it's hard for me to just tell her the truth. I... I do not belong in a complete family, only child pa ako. I don't like being weak and worse: alone. I find comfort in my friends and Jijinia being my friend is an essential part of my life. I can't risk confessing this in exchange for our friendship—"

"What makes you think that she'll end your friendship?" Reon cut me off.

I wasn't able to answer immediately.

"I just... feel like it. I mean, it is a possibility, right?" I answered after a minute of silence.

Reon stated, "You know what I think? I think you don't trust her. Sure, once in a while we suspect someone and overthink scenarios inside our heads... but that's the thing, it's only inside your head. It isn't actually happening. I think you're too worried because of the thoughts running inside you, Mika."

She continued, "So what if she chooses to break up with you? It isn't as if you haven't thought of it. Masakit man pero kung ganito nga ang mangyayari, ang tagal mo rin kasing tinago sa kanya, but at least... your guilt can now rest."

My eyes stared at nothing as I listened to Reon's words.

"I understand na bata pa kayo noon kaya 'to nangyari... but could you really stomach this drama ten years from now? Hindi ba't parang nakakaumay kung dadalhin mo pa 'to hanggang sa pagtanda? Running away doesn't make it less a problem. You lied and added lies that made it more horrible. Honesty doesn't cost a fortune, you just need to have a tiny bit of courage."

"If saying these things to me is your practice to tell her the truth, then great," she tried to cheer me up.

"Yeah, well... Thank you, I guess?"

I jokingly slammed the table and hissed, "Anong thank you? May tanong pa ako!"

I smiled lightly and asked, "Okay, go on."

Reon eyed me as she spoke, "Sinadya mo ba talagang mag-break sila no'ng recent girlfriend niya?"

I chuckled, "Grabe ka naman!"

"Oh, bakit? Hindi naman kita inaakusahan, tinanong ko lang."

Uminom muna ako saglit upang mabawasan naman ang puno ko pa ring juice bago sumagot, "Hindi ko intensyon 'yon, okay? Hindi ko nga alam na na sa library si Trojan noong araw na 'yon."

"Kilala ba ni Jijinia si Trojan?"

"I don't know..." sagot ko, "her family's quite rich but not in the same level of rich ng Zorron."

"Does she knows you like him?" tanong pa ni Reon.

"You are seriously the first person to know that I like him," sagot ko muli.

"Does that makes me lucky?" she sarcastically asked.

I continued eating while Reon remained silent with her dessert. The cafeteria remained alive with different laughter around. I was then done with my meal when I noticed Tiara walking toward our direction.

"Why is that bitch coming near us?" I heard Reon demanding.

"I don't know?"

"I think it's now the best time to leave," Reon suggested.

But it was too late for us to even stand up. Tiara was now smirking in front of us, I was never a fan of her smile by the way.

"Hi, Mika! Can I borrow your biology notebook? I'll give it back to you later at class," she asked me in a higher tone.

I was hesitating to hand over my notebook but a minute passed yet she was still waiting.

"Just borrow a notebook from you group, Tiara," Reon stated.

"Hindi rin kasi sila complete. I'll just check if complete ba ang akin kaya kailangan ko ng notebook ni Mika as a reference," Tiara irritatingly told Reon, "So, Mika?"

Sa huli'y pinahiram ko siya. Ngiting ngiti siya nang bumalik sa table ng grupo niya. May iilan sa kanilang pareho ang dating ng ngisi kay Tiara.

"Tara na nga," Reon told me.

Tumayo na kami upang lumabas na sana nang napansin kong umupo 'yong Audrey sa lamesa nina Tiara.

Shit?

"Ah shit, sabi ko na, e..." I heard Reon.

"What?" naguguluhan kong tanong.

"Audrey's friends with Tiara. Now you're notebook is in trouble."

Binalik ko ang aking mga mata sa kanilang banda at nakita ko kung paano inagaw ni Audrey ang notebook ko mula kay Tiara. Their group continued laughing to trigger Audrey to murder my notebook.

"Shit! Ipapasa natin 'yon bukas!" I told Reon, "tulungan mo ako—"

But we were too late to rescue my innocent notebook. Sinadyang buhusan ni Tiara iyon ng kanyang juice at gano'n din ang ginawa ni Audrey sa mga sumunod na pahina.

Imbis na malungkot ay galit ang aking naramdaman lalo na noong lumingon pa ang grupo nila sa amin at muling humalakhak sa tuwa.

With an outraging mind, I held my glass of juice. Hindi pa iyon nangalahati dahil hindi ko ito paboritong flavor.

"Hey, hey! What are you planning to do?" Reon tried to block me but I didn't let her to stop me.

For once, I wanted to show them that I could also do what they did to me because people like them wouldn't stop unless you let your demon take over and fight back.

"Oh, Mika!" Tiara acknowledge my presence beside her.

I was in front of her bag, nakabukas din iyon at kita ko kung gaano ka-organize ang loob. Her smile faded when she noticed where I was looking at.

Her group was busy teasing me when I absentmindedly poured my juice in her bag, sinadya kong basain din ang biology notebook niya para pareho kaming walang maipapasa bukas.

"I guess I am not the only one who will rewrite her notes tonight," maangas kong utas, I got it from Reon of course.

Her friends were all dumbfounded of what I did. Some students were curious of what happened so they started to glance at our area.

Hindi pa ako nakuntento at binuhos ko pati ang mga ice cubes. I liked the reactions they gave me so I did more to make this drama worth watching.

"Why are you frowning? Isn't this entertaining enough?" I smiled to mock them and placed the empty glass above their table.

They still couldn't believe I really did that. I sharply eyed them for the last time before I finally walked out with my head up high.