"Here we are," he placed the car in park. I looked out into the school parking lot. "Just wait," he commented helping me out of the car.

He led me up the marching band tower. I couldn't help let out a small gasp at what I saw. The maroon blanket was sprawled out on the floor and a stack of blankets layed next to it. The fairy light that hung around the perimeter illuminated the night.

"Do you like it?" Jay asked nervously rolling his lip in between his teeth. "I love it it's fantastic!" I exclaimed and threw my arms around his neck. He stiffened aganist my grasp, then relaxed and rubbed my back. "I'm glad you like it beautiful." He patted the blanket next to him. Jay handed me a mangled peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"So," I questioned washing down a bite of my sandwich with a swig of orange juice, "is this where you take all your romantic conquests." He let out a laugh, "you've caught me." Jay's grin illuminated his entire face.

He took another thoughtful bite of his food, "How's.." He trailed off, "how's everything." I settled back aganist the railing. Everything. I shrugged off his question. Scenes of Seth's funeral, my parents fighting, therepy, me coming home too drunk to stand up straight. Everything.

"It's been difficult," I confessed. His eyes crinkled around the edges, "care to elaborate?" I shook my head. "Band, that's what we're here for." He looked slightly crestfallen, but nodded in agreement.

"Any show theme ideas?" I questioned. Jay shrugged,"we could do a genetic show. That could be interesting." I mulled over the idea. "Or we could do a Victorian theme," I commented after several moments of silence. "Maybe a bunch of Tchaikovsky."

"Whatever you want," he brushed his hands together not taking note of anything I had been saying.

"What the actual fuck is your problem," My voice came out harsher than I intended it to, "I'm over here fucking trying my best to hold it together and this is how you respond." I was shocked at the amount of anger I suddenly felt

A mixture of fury and shock burned behind his eyes,"Your not the only person who's been struggling Cleo!"

I slammed my hands on the railing, "I JUST WANTED TO PUT ON A DAMN GOOD SHOW. I OWE IT TO HIM. WHEN EVERYONE TOLD M-" I cut off abruptly.

"Everyone told you what," Jay's voice was calm.

"Nothing, it's nothing," I avoided his eyes.

"Look at me," he lifted my chin to meet the brewing storm. I wanted to look away from the intensity in his eyes. "It's not nothing Cleo. You put on such a damn good show you had everyone fooled. And it fucking kills me. Everytime you look at me I j-" his voice cracked breaking off.

I hadn't realized I'd been crying until he pulled me into a hug and the front of his shirt got wet. "I owe it to him," I sobbed into the fabric. Jay kissed the top of my head.

I calmed down and wiped my eyes. The dark had taken me prisoner, and the silence covered both of us. "So," he started, "marching show ideas."

I cracked what was a weak attempt at a smile. "I like maybe a growing up theme," he continued, "we can start out with something playful to represent childhood, then something moody, then chaotic then sad to represent loss..." He trailed off leaving my imanigation to figure out the rest.

I nodded to consumed in my planning to use words. "It's perfect," I managed to get out.

"We could awalys do a Bambi theme," he chuckled fingering the sleeve of my pajamas.
****
"We should get going," Jay finally said after the sun began to come up. He started gathering up the blankets. I handed him mine and immediately shivered as they wind hit my exposed skin. Jay shrugged off his jacket and handed it to me. "Thanks," I murmured inhaling his scent. The jacket had a strong smoke smell with a hint of orange.

The ride home was quiet, but after our eventful evening not many words needed to be exchanged. Once again I found us outside my balcony.

"So we have pratice starting Monday," he went over the schedule that we had come up in the car when when the subject of band had come up again. I nodded in response, dreading the first meeting of the summer.

I leaned in for a hug, and in an insane whim of courage my lips found his. Kissing him ignited the fire in the bottom of my stomach. He reciprocated, deepening the kiss. I tugged on his hair, his hands exploring elsewhere. To my absolute embarrassment a  deep moan escaped my lips. We broke apart and my cheeks flushed bright red, the air became harder to breathe.

"I didn't mean...." I tried to come up with an explanation. He winked at me and descended down the balcony, "Until next time Lady Cleo," he called up when he hit the ground.

I opened the door and leaned aganist the frame, trying to somewhat comprehend what just happened. I bit my lip, the blush was still lingering on my face.

I walked over to my dresser. The gardenias were still a bright white. I picked them up and took a deep inhale. This was the only thing that assured me tonight wasn't a dream.

The memory of his hands on me flooded through my mind. The stark truth confronted me: this was not something that I would be soon to forget.