" Jeni, I didn't do it." He would choke every day, " I would have never hurt or harm Jordy that way."

" I know, Michael." 

" I can't believe this, I can't...do you really think Jordy feels that way?"

" You know what I believe? Damn, I should have known this from the beginning...It's a money grab, Michael. We got played. That's not We didn't give Evan what he wanted." 

The television set was playing, "Chandler's lawyer reported a hypothetical situation of sexual molestation mirroring what his son had alleged."

"We did so much for their family..." 

" Michael, you listen to me," his watery-eyed, tear-stained face turned and looked at me, " I love you, but for the love of god Michael you CANNOT go on like this. I know betrayal hurts, believe me. You are entitled to your feelings, and your pain...but you HAVE to bounce back. You have to fight, Michael." I wiped the tears off his face, "Get up, get your lawyer and stand your ground."  

The 1993 Soul Train Humanitarian of the year award. Michael won. 

He had twisted is foot during dance practice and was on crutches for a few weeks. Sure did not stop him from working. 

HE was up there on stage with Eddie and they joked for a while. 

After the show, we planned as an extended family to all go out for dinner while the kids were babysat at the ranch. It had been a while since We'd all been together with no kids. We had reservations immediately after the show so we left immediately after. 

Things had been changing, and rather than Michael growing depressed, he put on some tough skin. However I could tell on this inside he was feeling almost gutless. 

Michael, Janet and I rushed through a mob of fans and papparazzi to the limo parked right across the building. We were talking about the success of his Dangerous album. We were halfway to the car when almost suddenly there was a loud sound, and something hit me with so much force. I looked down at my dress and found myself bleeding. 

Before I could even process what was happening, another sound came after. Light as feather, I let go of Michael's hand and fell to the ground. 

I had been shot, twice. It felt like a freak accident, just from calm to chaos.

People instantly fled the scene as they couldn't identify where the shot came from. There was so much commotion and sounds, I couldn't hear or even make up what was even happening. Before I knew it, I was in the ambulance car. 

It feels so terrifying to be in the comfort of those who love you and then be isolated, in pain. I had to sit in the discomfort in the fact that I was in a vehicle with paramedics and that they may be the last people I see in my life. I could never see my family, my sons and daughters, my husband...this could be it. But at times I would feel bittersweet. I don't know how Michael would process my death, but I would at least know having him in my life made me such a strong person. I would die knowing that I made a difference in his life, and I could live through him. I was okay with that, I counted my blessings on that trip to the hospital. Hoped for the best but expected the absolute worst.