MEGAN

There was complete darkness that surrounded me like a warm blanket, assuring me that there was nothing I could do to keep things the way they once were.

It had all started with one phone call when I was out on delivery. It had shattered everything I had believed in. It had successfully crushed the hope that I could bring a change in his life for the better.

I had walked over the fear of losing myself while I tried to protect Smith. It was the only reason why I had come back to town, hoping that things would be back to normal. I had even started to go to his place once a week as per his requirements making sure that I did everything in my power to keep the old man happy.

But I didn't do enough.

I had rushed to the house on hearing that a heart attack had engulfed him. Again. I had driven like a crazy woman to make sure that things were alright with him and consoled myself that he was giving us a little scare like he did.

But this time, he wasn't faking. The ambulance had stopped in the middle of the road proclaiming that he was gone and there was nothing they could do about it. I had sat emotionless and powerless while they went to the hospital to get the clearance certificate.

Things had been done so fast. A minute they were crying over him and the other minute his dear ones had come home. By the end of the day, his... his coffin was moved into the damp soil. That was when I couldn't bear to sit alone.

I had walked not knowing where I was headed to. I walked to stay away from people to make sure that they lived happily without me in the picture. I had come back to town with only one purpose and I had failed. I couldn't sit and try to find out what more damage I would do.

Tears hadn't made its way till I had reached the lake garden. It had started raining and when the realization hit me stronger than I had anticipated, I broke down completely.

It was all my fault. I should have been with him day and night making sure that he was getting better. But, instead, what had I done? I had cooped up in my apartment thinking only about me and my nightmares.

How selfish was I?

Then worst of my fears had come true. I had dreamt of Miles coming to take me back. Telling me that it was okay for me to feel that way. He had pulled me into a hug with a silent promise of never letting go. In spite of the cold rain that splashed on me, his hug gave a sense of warm security that I had wished for.

I had then lashed out in awareness that it was actually Miles holding me in his arms. All the feelings that I had bottled up came running out of my mouth and there was no stopping.

As I took in his features, his dark eyes contrasting the lightning, I felt a twinge and then there was only darkness.

"You are okay, Megan." I heard someone say and my eyes crunched together in wonder. Slowly, I tried to peer through, making best of my efforts to pull myself out of this hell hole.

In the darkness, I felt like I had found the light I was looking for. Like a ray of sunshine in the depths of the dark sea. Ignoring the pain, I tried my best to move towards the light. As I reached further, the light amplified, filling me in. Then there was only brightness.

I blinked twice or more to adjust myself to the lethal light that knocked my eyes painfully. It was like having a hangover all over again. As I shifted my focus, all I could see was white—white clothes, white walls, white curtains and... white wires.

I groaned. I had promised myself that I would never set foot in the hospital confines and yet here I was blinking absently at those pathetic white walls. I turned my head towards my left and suddenly there was a massive pain in my head. I let out a soft groan, closing my eyes tightly again. I didn't want to stay at the hospital, I wanted to go home.

"She's awake." Someone said. I turned my head again to see the source of the voice and winced again when the pain in my head just intensified. "Don't move, you have hit your head. I'll go get a doctor."

Just as I had thought I had recognized the person; they turned their head away from me and ran out of the door.

"Megan." A new voice spoke towards my left, holding my hand. I blinked again, to make my vision clear. "I'm so sorry."

The voice was so familiar, yet to distant. Immediately, I knew who it was. It alone made me wonder if it was all a dream. A dream from which I wanted to wake up and run far.

I shifted my focus to see Miles looking at me with concern etched in his face. The same face which had haunted me for years together, telling me that I wasn't worth it.

I shuddered slightly. The one who left the room said that I had hit my head, I must have been dreaming again. But Miles in my dream, never apologized, he only blamed me for hurting him.

"It was all my fault." Miles said again. "I'm really sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for having you go through all that shit alone. I'm sorry."

"M-Miles?" I asked, blinking at him. This wasn't happening at all. A surge of terror started to engulf me.

"Hey, it's okay." Miles held on to my hands as gently as possible. "It's okay."

A sense of relief flooded through me at his words, but a sheath of wonder never left me. The door opened at that moment and before I could think clearly, Miles had taken his hand away from mine, suddenly making me miss the tender touch.

Laura, Amber and two doctors sauntered their way in. As the two doctors moved towards me, Miles joined the girls and they all looked at me with a worried glance.

The first doctor smiled at me warmly. "Hello Megan." He said, "Look at my finger now, I'll see how you are doing."

He held his index finger near my eye. As I rested my vision on it, he angled his torch at my eyes shaking his finger. Seconds later, he put the torch off and smiled again. "You just had a slight concussion that's all. You will be fine."

The other doctor stood at the end of the bed, scratching something on his notepad. "Well, you can go home this evening." He said, looking at me.

"My head... aches." I struggled to speak, and I had to clear my throat twice before I could speak again.

Laura soon was at my side as I coughed and gave me a glass of water. Amber helped me sit up and smiled at me encouraging me to take a sip.

"We have given medications for it, but it should have been long gone by now." The first doctor said. "Let's just give it another hour or so. If it didn't subside, let us know about it."

"Yes, doctor." Amber said, nodding at him.

"Don't let her stress." The second doctor said, as the two of the walked out.

"I'll walk you out." Miles said and he walked away with them.

"How are you?" Laura asked, stroking my head. "You really gave us a heart attack."

It was more than enough to bring back the memories of Smith lying cold on the coffin as they lowered him down. The sight of Hannah crying as Amber held on to her was too much to take. My breathing had gone ragged by then, as my hands shook violently. Hot tears streamed down my face as the pain in my chest increased two-fold.

"Hush, hush." Amber sat closer to me, wiping my tears away. I could see her glare at Laura and then giving me a sympathetic look. "Deep breaths, remember? Just like old times."

"What happened?" Miles had come back and before I could see clearly, the world seemed to dim, and I was taken to the darkness all over again.

---

"I've had this enough! I can't deal with this anymore! It's too much for me to handle! Just look at her! She—"

Amber? That was Amber.

I opened my eyes, adjusting to the light. "Amb?" I said, getting up to sit down. I felt a lot better than I had felt before. The painkiller seemed to be doing its work. Except for my hunger, I felt that I was in a better shape.

Amber rushed to my side, helping me sit up. "You needed so much time to wake up?" She chided; her voice soft rather than her shouts I had heard a few moments ago. "You feeling better now?"

I only nodded my head, wanting something to drink as my mouth had gone dry.

"Now drink this all up. It was the only juice that this hospital provided for their patients." Amber put a glass of something near my mouth.

I took a sip and pushed her hand away from my mouth. Amber rolled her eyes. "I know it's not that good, but I don't care, I want you to finish it."

"I... I want noodles." I said, my voice hoarse. I saw Amber shake her head with a smile.

"You will get them as soon as we get out of here." Miles came behind Amber, smiling brightly at me.

"M... Miles?" I crocked. "You... why are you here?"

"Well, one of my best friends wanted me by her side." He smiled and put his hand around Amber. I sat up straighter, looking at her in confusion.

Out of all the things that I had to go through; I didn't expect this to be happening. Amber and Miles were more of an arguing partner rather than best of friends. And the fact that Amber had telephoned him to come here after she knew everything about us... made me gut wrenchingly nauseous.

"You asked him to come?" I asked Amber, my voice too low. My vision was starting to get blurry.

"Not again." Amber threw her hands in the air, moving away from Miles' hold. "Miles get out of here."

"Amber, we both know..." Miles started, putting his hands up in the air.

"You were still in contact with him behind my back?" I asked, silencing Miles. "You knew... you knew what happened Amber... but... but still..."

Amber came by my side—her expression was a mixture of both worry, anger and... pain. "Megan, take the goddamned breath." She cursed. "I'm fed up with this— to have to see you like this. I want my best friend Megan back, not this cry baby who faints at every damn sentence!"

"You hate me." I said slowly, the realization hitting me hard on the face. I remembered the things she was telling when I woke up. She was talking about me. I had become the burden just like I had thought I would be.

Amber came to my side, holding my shoulder together. "I don't hate you, Meg. I really do care for you, we all do." She was in tears this time, along with me.

But I knew this was all an act. To console me that her true words were nothing but false assumptions that I had made in my head. That even though she hated me, she was stuck by me. My breathing became ragged again.

"No!" I pushed her hands away and looked at her. I didn't want her to smooth talk me and then tell me that she had had enough. Fuck! Even I had had enough of my tantrums. How could I expect her to stick around when I couldn't get a grip on myself?

"It's always like this isn't it, Amber?" I almost shouted. "Once you actually get to know me, you really don't want to stay by my side."

Amber rubbed her forehead and rested her hands on her hips. "You really are pulling that card on me, aren't you?" She asked, her eyes blazing fire at me. "Get over yourself! The entire universe doesn't revolve around you, for God's sake!"

"Amber, not now." Miles said, taking a step towards her. But she held a hand at him, and he stopped in his tracks.

"Yes, I agree that you had a tough childhood with all your insecurities. You had been fighting your way all this long and you want to quit now?" She asked, not bothering an answer from me, she continued. "Smith wouldn't have expected this from you."

The tears that I had been holding till now, ran down my cheeks. Smith had loved me like his own daughter. But he was now gone, he...

"What about Hannah?" Amber questioned. "She lost her husband, Megan. And she has to see you at the hospital while she had to be there at the funeral. Everything is not about you, there are people who suffer because of your actions."

"I..."

"No, I'm not done yet." She said. "As for Miles, yes, I did call him. You ask me why?" She didn't bat an eye lash at me. "Because my best friend drove herself crazy when she found that Smith had passed away. Do you know how many hours we spent locating you?"

"Amber, just stop." Miles said in a slow voice, filled with anger of his own.

But Amber was in no position to stop. She was getting everything out of her system. "Ten whole hours! You should have seen Hannah. I had to call Miles to find you, for more resource, that's why he's here. You just can't run away from your problems, there are people who suffer along with you—you just have to look close enough."

"Amb, I-I'm s-sorry." I hiccupped. "I never meant to hurt anyone."

"Do you have any idea how many times I had to take you to the hospital this year?" She asked, but continued, not waiting for my answer. "Five, Megan, five! Do you know how much we have suffered throughout?"

"Amb, please." I cried.

"Get your big girl panties on and face the shit!" she cried out loud and threw herself out of the hospital room, leaving me in sobs.

Amber had always been there in all my ups and downs. Though some part of me always knew that she cared for me, I never really understood why. It was one of those times that I wished no one would really care. I was only going to let them down in the long run anyway.

"It's okay." Miles said, wrapping his hands around me, cocooning me in his embrace. I was too lost in my own thoughts that I didn't register him coming towards me. "She's just stressed. Give her some time, she'll be good."

It had been a very long time since someone had consoled me. The warmth of the beating heart as he pressed me against his solid chest was more than enough to stir my locked memories. He stroked my hair and wiped my tears. I pulled myself away sooner than I realized.

I couldn't get myself attached to someone or something again. I had to deal with the past to move on and Amber was right. I had to put up my big girl panties and put my chin up. I wiped my tears and looked at Miles.

"Can you call her in?" He only nodded his head at me and within seconds, Amber was in the room, crossing her hands against her chest, looking like she had been crying too.

"You have got five minutes before I give you another dirty lecture." Amber said. Her brown hair had grown a bit longer, but her eyes had lost the usual mischievous sparkle. I knew that I was not the only one who had been grieving all along.

"You were right." I said, my voice croaky. "I've been living in hell... even though you are making it better for me."

I looked at her and she gestured her hand towards me. "Go on."

"I'm really sorry." I said, wiping the tear that ran down my cheeks. "I've never meant to hurt anyone."

She glared at me. "Wipe your tears. If I see you cribbing over the past, one more time, Megan, I swear I'll kick your ass for good. I'm sure I'll be sprouting grey hairs for my wedding this fall."

I laughed as I cried when Amber hugged me tight against her. "Now, let's inform that doctor that you are back on your senses and we can get going." Amber said and then she went out, trying to hold her emotions in check.

"So, want to grab those noodles?" Miles said, awkwardly, scratching his neck. It was his signature move to pretend to be confident while he was nervous about it.

"Why are you here?" I asked instead.

"Amber called me when you had been missing. I came around three hours later and helped her find you." Miles' eyes were etched in confusion.

"No, why are you still here?" I asked, shocked that he was talking to me as if nothing happened between us. "You found me."

"That's the same reason why I'm still hanging around." He said, as a matter of fact. "Unless you don't want me to."

"No." I blurted out before I could stop myself. Miles's face fell and before I could react, his face lit up as if nothing happened.

"Okay then, I'll let Amber know that I'll be leaving. You should be... fine, then?" He reached for the door handle.

"No," I said, a little too loudly. "I don't mind you staying."

---

Amber and I sat side to side in the all too familiar car with Miles as our designated driver. I finished the hot noodles that Miles brought me a while ago. He insisted that we stay at the restaurant while I eat, but I said that I wanted to go home.

Seeing Miles now, didn't bring any harder feelings like they did before. It was as if the wound was healing with a new medication. I just hoped that it wouldn't leave any side effects behind, sparing me with a greater hazard than I had before.

The deep hollows of my heart seemed to enclose every time I saw him laugh and I had to remind myself that I shouldn't get used to it. The man I saw at the party or at Emerald's birthday was long gone. The cold Miles was nowhere in sight and I wondered if it was his coping mechanism just like I did by hiding myself.

"You, okay?" Amber asked, looking at me. She was laughing at something Miles had said and when she noticed me trembling, she zeroed on me.

"I'm fine." I said, smiling at her.

"She's silent." Miles observed.

"She's been that way for a while." Amber said, looking at Miles in the rear-view mirror. There was some flicker in his eyes before I could notice it, he turned his attention to the traffic ahead.

"I'm fine." I repeated again. Amber rolled her eyes at me and looked out of the window. Amber's cell phone buzzed a few minutes later. She pulled it out of her jeans pocket and let out a frustrated grunt.

"Shoot! I'm late." She announced, glancing nervously at me and Miles alternatively.

"For what?" I asked as Miles looked at Amber expectantly in the rear-view mirror.

"My wedding dress fitting was there today, and I had to be there by three, its already four now." She confessed. "They are one of the people who work with Zack in the modelling industry, very rare to get hold of them."

"You should go. I'll hail a cab while... Miles can give you a lift." I said, glancing at Miles, hoping that he didn't think I was ordering him around.

"You are not going anywhere alone." Miles said, before Amber could talk. "I'll take you to the fitting, Amb, meanwhile you stay put in the car."

Just as I was thinking that the cold Miles was long gone, I figured that he still lingered somewhere around, and he would pounce on me the first chance he would get. "Fine." I said again, crossing my hands.

"You should learn a new word for that." Miles said, taking the opposite course, as Amber put the location on his GPS. "Maybe an alright will do for you."

I rolled my eyes at him and stayed mute through the whole ride. As promised, Miles drove her to the dress fitting and then promptly took me to my apartment. I was glad when I saw the familiar color of my apartment and quickly, removed my seatbelt. "Thank you." I muttered.

"I'll see you around then?" Miles spoke, his voice soft and gentle.

"Um... yeah." I said, not sure if it was a good idea.

As I unlocked the car door and made my way out, I saw Miles rushing by my side. I looked at him in confusion and raised an eyebrow at him asking him what he was doing.

"You said that I could see you around, right?" He smiled genuinely and scratched his neck nervously. Not able to stop myself, I let out a smile play on my lips, but he looked at me as if I had grown another head. "What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head, and I knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Why are you being so nice to me, Miles?" I asked in a small voice, still looking at him. "You know that you don't have to, right?"

"When was I ever not nice to you?" He said, his smile wavering a bit.

"You want a list?" I asked rolling my eyes, as I crossed my hands over my chest.

"You have a list?" He snorted. As if he realized something, he pressed his lips into a thin line. "I really didn't mean any harm three years back." He added silently.

"What about after three years?" I asked eyeing him.

"I was not nice to you when we met?" He asked, not believing me.

"All you did was... you..." My cheeks were tainted red with mortification. I could still recite the night and it made me succumb over my own moral beliefs.

"I kissed you." He completed the sentence for me. "And... that was not nice?"

"What? W-why—" I stumbled with the words. Did that mean that he actually meant that kiss, that seemed so punishing at levels? "You don't have the right to do that. I just can't believe that we are arguing about a kiss!" I put my hand over my head.

"Megan... I didn't—"

"You have no idea how I have been spending my days." I spat at him, all the anger bubbling through me. "You can't come now and bat your eye lashes at Amber. You can't come here and say that you were never not nice. You can't!"

"Megan!" he shouted. "Don't you ever dare talk to me like that! You think it was easy for me?" he asked, his eyes lost its color. He let out a sigh. "Sometimes I thank myself that I was not around when you were suffering."

Tears brimmed my eyes at his comment. But I knew he was right. "Well, it seems you will be lucky if you didn't hang around me much then. I promise it will save you." I said sarcastically, walking away from him.

"I'll walk you to the door." He said making me turn around.

"Didn't you just hear your own words, Miles." I asked, standing on the first flight of the step. We were of the same height. I looked at him in the eye. "You won't survive around me. Get yourself out, before you hurt yourself."

"Megan!" He called out, but I furiously stamped on the stairs as I climbed up. My ankle twisted at the last step and I lost my balance. But before I could fall flat, Miles had caught me. "Are you okay?"

I immediately looked away and stood straighter. "I'm fine."

"First we need you to learn a new word to replace 'fine' and then we can get you inside." He smiled, despite my fuming glare at him.

"There's no we," I spat back, holding the staircase for support. "It's only been me for the last couple years and lets just leave it at that."

---

A/N: Do you think Megan is okay now that Amber has put some sense into her dull head? 

It feels so good to write the banter between Megan and Miles after so so long! I'm hoping I'll get to write more of it. What about you?