10/31/22

Happy Halloween. I was hoping that I'd have plans today, but none came into fruition. Maybe next year. I feel too depressed to even put on the fast fashion costume that I spent 40 dollars on and take pictures.

My anxiety is kicking in again full force as well. Not that it ever went away. I think public transportation really triggered it starting back up alongside being in public in general.

That leads me to the fact that I now have a job. I haven't started yet, but I have it. It's working concessions etc at a movie theater. I have no clue how I will do this without being medicated. I tried to make a doctor's appointment but no one was answering. I decided to wait until tomorrow to call again.

Still even when I go, I don't know how to ask for the medication that I want. I really want lorazepam. I don't want to sound like a druggie. But I can't sleep and I can't talk to people without my heart feeling like it's going to explode.

The hiring manager also hasn't gotten back in touch with me which is nervewracking. I wouldn't put it past any company to offer me a job and then ghost me. I don't know if I could bear that right now. Each day I increasingly feel like a burden in this house. I want to get out. I have to get out.