let's talk about how you left.

you left unexpectedly. it was grievous. it was heart breaking. it was not what I wanted.

since a lot of people have left me, I thought I'd be prepared for you to leave me too. me being alone was normalised. I knew what we had would come to an end one day but I was hoping god would take pity on a soul like mine, and let you stay a bit longer with me. but it seems like my soul doesn't deserve pity.

I wasn't prepared for the bitter look on your face, the slamming of the door, the haggard fists, the heavy breathing and the pleads that left my lips as I begged you to stay.

I came out of the shower to see you about to leave. you looked up from the couch- suddenly surprised as you slipped on your leather jacket. it looks like you were going to leave without letting me know.

"where are you going?"

you cleared your throat and avoided eye contact with me. you were giving me the cold shoulder. "I have to go somewhere."

"alright but like where and why?"

"does it matter?"

it did matter because we were finally spending time together after weeks of not seeing each other. due to our busy schedules, we weren't able to spend alone time together.

you rolled your shoulders back and I stood there with my arms crossed- ready for you to leave. but you turned around, walking away from the door to step in front of me.

"you deserve the truth so just listen to what I have to say."

you told me sternly and I was questioning everything- every word, every action. you made sure not to stand too close to me.

"what are you doing?"

you sighed and told me to listen to you again so I did. "I'm leaving. I'm leaving you Maeve."

you saying my name was a weakness- a glorious blessing almost.

"I know. where are you going?"

"no Mae. I don't want this." you tried to make me understand.

I was dazed and I was starting to realise what he meant. I wanted to deny what you were implying. "what don't you want-"

"us! I don't want us."

I gulped harshly as you zipped up your pockets- moving away from me. I didn't know what to say. "b-but why? we were fine Yoongi."

I couldn't believe our end had come so soon. I wanted to be held.

"fine? we're not." you scoffed. "we may have been at one point but now we're just living in this illusion that we're happy. we're fucking not Maeve please ... wake up!"

you walk further and further away from me and now your hand is on the door knob. I want to scream and pull you closer- beg for you to stay over and over again.

my chest was hurting and water filled up my stale, sleep ridden eyes. me trying not to cry caused my throat and voice to hurt. "but I love you." is all I could manage to say.

you stayed hushed- my words replaying in both of our heads and the click of the door opening is what I heard next. you stayed still and waited.

"Maeve. we ... I have to let you go and so do you." you looked me in the eyes and I wish, I fucking wish you could've told me you loved me.

but it never came and it never will.

"Yoongi please, come back inside. please don't go."

he didn't listen to me. "we're not okay ... we may look happy but we're both broken people. the timing is not right for us Maeve."

stop saying my fucking name, it makes it harder- I wanted to tell you but I started crying. my emotions and thoughts everywhere.

"I am not the one for you." your face had turned into a twist of anguish and frustration. "and you are not the one for me." you ended.

the door opened wider and you stepped out. "can we talk about this? I love you so much."

"I'm sorry." were your last words as you left me.