I Want To Hold You When I'm Not Supposed To


Ladybug swung her way around Paris to the Eiffel Tower. She checked her yo-yo for any messages from Cat Noir. She found nothing, which wasn't a surprise but this got her more worried.

It had been two weeks since she had heard from him, both as Ladybug and Marinette. Hawkmoth hadn't akumatized anyone in the meantime. Right now, she just wanted an Akuma attack to happen so she could just see him. She knew this was wrong but, she just wanted to make sure that he was okay.

Except for a voice mail, that said that he was busy with civilian stuff two weeks ago, she didn't have any news of him.

He had elaborated more to her alter-ego, Marinette, that he was busy with his job and that his father was very strict. His schedule was so tight that he could just go to school, no other activities that he did earlier. She had been very angry at his father for doing this but, she couldn't do anything at all

Please be okay, kitty. I hope you are doing well.

And then there was Adrien, his father had been over-working him too. He used to come late to school almost every day, with bags under his eyes and a cup of coffee in his hand. The whole class pitied his sleep-deprived state but could do less to help him.

She along with Alya and Nino used to joke around him just to lighten his mood. They used to cover up for him while he drifted off to sleep in his every class, literally.

She had decided to be more useful and used to bring a few items from the bakery for him to eat. She loved how his eyes sparkled as if he was a little kid who was being given a new toy when she handed him the bag every day, his eyes full of adoration and other familiar emotion that she couldn't point out.

They used to hang out more often than before, all four of them. Even though he had a girlfriend, she never left a chance to make Adrien happy. Her usual stuttering had decreased and she didn't run away when he showed up.

She sighed. A lot had changed over the past few months.

She did her usual patrol and headed back home. She couldn't help but feel worried about Hawkmoth's sudden silence, Adrien's tiredness but most of all, she was worried about her best friend's, her partner's disappearance.

******

Adrien flopped down on his bed after his shower. His body ached. He had been doing a lot of work for the past few days. Doing modelling for his father's new fashion line, charity events, interviews etc.

He was thankful that Hawkmoth hadn't struck during his absence or else... he shuddered.

He was free now, back to his normal routine. He looked at his 'secret' phone.

50 unread messages.

All from one person. His princess.
Of course, she was worried. He was so busy that he couldn't even reply. If he hadn't been able to see her at school then he would have cracked for sure. He looked at her latest texts.

[Princess]: Here kitty, kitty, come to the phone so that we can talk.

[Princess]: Hello?

[Princess]: Chaton?

[Princess]: I am making hot chocolate~~

[Princess]: Oh come on! Where are you? I miss you.

[Princess]: Are you okay? Please be okay, Cat Noir.

He smiled unconsciously, she really cared about him.

I missed you too, princess.

[Me]: I am okay. Sorry, didn't reply sooner. I was really busy. Can I come over tomorrow?

After a few minutes, his phone dinged.

[Princess]: Oh, you are alive! No worries, chaton. I know you would've replied if you could. I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Goodnight! Sweet dreams!

[Me]: Night, princess!

Adrien put aside his phone and immediately dozed off.

******

"Kitty!" Marinette jumped into Cat Noir's arms as soon as he entered her room. He stumbled but had enough balance to hold them both in their places. He wrapped his arms tightly around her figure, burying his head in her hair, breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo. He had missed this so much, he was so touched that she missed him too. His ears and tail stood up in glee.

"Oh my god! It feels like ages since we did this." She whispered, not breaking their embrace.

"Yeah, I missed this. I missed you."
"Guess what? I missed you too, kitten." She giggled.

"I missed that sound too." He admitted.
"I bet you did." She flicked his bell and it jingled.

A few minutes later, they pulled apart rather reluctantly. They stayed in that position for much longer than intended, staring into each other's eyes deeply.

Their hearts were racing but unlike Marinette, Cat could hear them beating fastly. And even though neither understood the emotion behind their stares, they knew that they could stay like this forever. Feelings and warm sensation bubbled to surface and the leather-clad hero had to fight the sudden urge to kiss every single freckle on the girl's face. Unbeknownst to him, she was having a hard time focusing on getting her thoughts together.

What is going on? Why am I feeling like this? They echoed internally.

The ravenette was the first to break the silence, "So, um, are you tired? Do you want to rest?"

"No," he realised that his voice was a bit scratchy so he cleared his throat, "I rested up yesterday. But, I got you something."

"Really? What?" She couldn't keep the excited tone from her voice.

He unzipped the pocket of his suit, bringing out the object, he revealed a small pink package. "I made some cookies in my little free time. I literally had to sneak into the kitchen to make them. They are just mini chocolate chip cookies and I am not sure if they are good enough--"

His rambling was cut off short as Marinette giggled and took the package from him. She popped two cookies in her mouth and chewed. "Mmmm... Cat, this is delicious! This is even better than your birthday cookies."

Cat's face heated up in embarrassment, she just had to bring it up. "T-Thanks chèrie, glad you like it."

"I made you something too," she went over to her desk and brought back a familiar-looking package which Cat Noir remembered from 'Animan', she had given him a macron in it. "I made you your favourite passion fruit macrons."

He gladly accepted and just when he was about to eat it something made him choke.

"You know, my friend Adrien likes the same flavour. In fact, you both have very similar choices and you both are huge dorks. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the same people." Marinette said nonchalantly.

******


Things had changed for Paris' superheroes.

If Marinette had wanted nothing more than Cat's happiness before then this particular wish increased by zenith. Somewhere between, she even caught herself trying to impress him, something she had only ever done for Adrien, but she didn't pay much attention to it. He was her best friend after all, of course, she wanted him to like her.


Who was she to know that it wasn't her competitive side that made her do the dare or she practically kisses Cat Noir as they shared their cookie?

If Cat had wanted nothing more than to protect Marinette and to listen her laugh then this longing increased exponentially. Her simple touch of affection was enough to erupt butterflies in his stomach. Something he had only experienced with Ladybug.

None of them noticed the change.
Never once it occurred to them that just friends don't share cookies the way they did, which had become their tradition. Neither realised that most boys didn't enjoy painting their friend's nails or braiding their hair. They didn't realise that people don't cuddle their 'just friends'...

Their flow was calm and steady, uninterrupted. They didn't want to change that.

"You are going to be very proud of me." Marinette declared. Cat Noir quirked an eyebrow at her, "Why?"

"I have decided that it's time that I overcome my fear?"

"Mind elaborating, chèrie?"

"I am going to start watching horror movies and not be scared of them."

This threw him off for a bit, he remembered when his bodyguard was akumatised, Marinette had told him, Adrien, that she hated horror movies. It wasn't a bad thing, why was she so suddenly changing?

"I thought you hated those..."

"True," she admitted, "But, today at school Alya was going on and on about this horror movie that I missed watching with her yesterday. So, I have decided that I don't have to skip our hang-outs if I can just learn to watch a scary movie."

"So, what's on your mind?"

"Lake Placid: Legacy," she said and he could tell that she was nervous even if that movie wasn't even that scary.

Not even halfway into the movie and he could feel her trembling, badly. He scooted closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist to make her feel better. She relaxed a little bit, only seconds later when one of the explorers were attacked and taken by that predator, she jumped into his lap. She was shaking. He quickly turned off the movie and hugged her tightly, rubbing circles on her back.

"You know that it's okay to be scared, right?" He whispered into her ear gently as he calmed her down.

"I know, I just," she covered her eyes, still shuddering, "I guess I just wanted to prove that I can do anything."

"Oh princess, you can do anything. Being scared doesn't make you weak." He laughed. "Can I do anything to make you feel better?"

She snuggled in his chest, breathing deeply, "Just continue to hold me."

"Sure can do, little lady." Cat Noir nuzzled her hair and sure enough, he started to purr. He was embarrassed but that didn't matter because just then she said, "That does make me feel better."

He didn't have the heart to be ashamed of his cat-like antics as his tail wrapped around her protectively and he soothed her by his purring therapy.

******

Marinette tried her best to keep her eyes open during the science class. The designing competition was nearing. She had to impress the judges, especially her role model, Gabriel Agreste. She had been constantly working during nights to keep up with schoolwork, Ladybug-stuff and finishing the dresses.

The bell rang and she found her feet moving on her own. She was headed to the park. A peaceful place to go. Alya and Nino were about to join her in a little while and they were to have lunch together.

"Please, Adrien..." She heard a familiar voice.

Huh? What's going on?

Around the corner, she saw Adrien... with Kagami.

"I've told you this once, Kagami and I am not changing my mind," Adrien said.

Suddenly, she yanked him closer to her and kissed him.

Marinette could see no more. She knew that they were together, but, this was more than she could take.

She turned around and came face to face with the last person she wanted to see right now.

Chloe.

Apparently, Chloe had sensed what was going on in her head when she saw Adrien and Kagami kiss. He was trying his best to pull away but, Kagami's hold was strong. Marinette couldn't see his struggle, but Chloe could. She decided to make Marinette feel bad anyway.

"Well, well, well, looks like you finally realised that he doesn't love you. Isn't that a shocker." She looked at her nails. "Let me tell you something, it isn't. He never loved you and he is friends with you only because he pities you. My Adrikins is too nice, you know."

"He isn't yours, Chloe" Marinette spat.
"He is dating Kagami. And if it makes him happy, it makes me happy too."

Chloe looked over Marinette's shoulder. Adrien had already broken the kiss and was doing his best to contain his anger. She smiled to herself.

"Keep telling yourself that, Mari-trash.
Adrikins is mine. Well, for now, he is with that fencer girl. At least she is better than you. Oh! Who am I kidding? Anyone's better than you. You are a burden, a shame, a disgrace." She flicked her hair.

Tears blinded Marinette's eyes. Chloe's words hurt more than that kiss she witnessed. Without saying a word, she ran into the park.

Marinette's running figure, tensed shoulders and those tears brought Chloe back to her senses, but, it was too late now. The harm was done. She felt even sicker of herself. Sure, she had a long week but, no one deserved what she did to her. She had made fun of her before but the girl had never cried.

Maybe, this is why Ladybug doesn't want to give me the Miraculous. I don't deserve it. I messed up... What have I done?

*(With Marinette)*

She kept running and running till her legs gave out. She slumped down beneath a tree in the park. Tears flowing uncontrollably. Chloe's words kept running in her head.

A shame.

It was so hard to not cry, she had been exhausted, sleep-deprived, Master Fu was gone because of her, Adrien was with someone else and maybe just maybe, she thought that Chloe was right after all.

I am such a failure.

Tikki was trying her best to calm her down but nothing helped. Suddenly, she couldn't hear her anymore.

Great, even she doesn't want to talk to a loser like me.

In all the commotion, Marinette failed to see an Akuma approaching her.

*(With Adrien)*

He tried his best to break free from the kiss. He couldn't do it because he was a gentleman. But, this wasn't right. He felt violated.

Gentleman be damned. I am a human with feelings, not a robot for people to push around.

He pulled apart with all his strength.
"What was that all about? Don't you get it? I don't see you like that. You can't force yourself on me." Adrien's voice was laced with anger.

"I, I a-am s-sorry, Adrien. It's just too h-hard. With us being a couple for your Dad's sake, us still hanging out, it's hard to move on even though we are just pretending." Kagami's face was broken.

Adrien felt guiltier than ever. If only he could've reasoned with his father in the very beginning. He knew exactly how she felt. Tears welled up his eyes too.

"I know how you feel, Kagami. I know it is very manipulative. I will tell my father that we can no longer do this. I can't lead you on, you're my friend. But, you can't kiss me like that."

She looked at her feet with a pained expression. "I get it, Adrien. We were never meant to be. I will be happy to see you finding your true love. Thanks for being honest. Goodbye." With that, she left.

Adrien made his way towards the park. He had planned to join his friends. He could really use some cheering up.

A flap of wings brought him back to reality. He looked up to see an Akuma approach Marinette. His eyes widened. Not his princess! No, he wouldn't be able to fight her.

He quickly transformed and jumped.

"Cataclysm!" He called out, catching the Akuma in the nick of time and destroying it.

Marinette looked up at him. He saw her tear-stained face, red puffy eyes. Her state made him forget about his problems. Right now, whoever did this to her was going to pay.

She ran up to him and enveloped him into a hug, sobbing into his chest. He hugged her back, rubbing soothing circles on her back. He carefully sat them down on the grass.

"Princess, who?" He growled.

"Chloe." She managed to say between sobs.

He needed no more explanation. He was aware of that blonde's behaviour towards her. He was going to give her a piece of his mind as Adrien, someone she actually listened to.

"What if she's right, Cat? Am I a burden, a shame, a pitiful creature? Am I really a disgrace?"

Cat Noir's blood boiled. Chloe was so gonna get it. But, now, he had to cheer Marinette up.

"Mari, princess, don't ever say that again. You are nowhere near to pitiful. You cheer people up by just giving that million-dollar smile. You help others, you represent your class. You are no burden, princess. No, if anything, you lighten people's mood." He cupped her cheek and gently wiped her tears.

"But, Cat-"

"Shh... I am not finished, chèrie. You, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, are the best person I have ever met, making others around you happy is not a disgrace, it is a brilliant talent that very rare people possess. You are not a shame, you are an amazing designer, gamer, baker, the list could go on. Not to forget you totally crushed it during your first time as a superhero. You saved Paris on your own as Multimouse. If it wasn't for you, then god knows what would've happened. Aannnd you make a really cute mouse." He grinned.

"Cat, I --"

"I am still not finished, princess. You mean the world to me. Your parents and your friends love and adore you because you're you... an amazingly gifted, sweet girl that can be a kickass." Cat beamed at her.

"Y-you think so, Cat?"

"I know so princess."

With that, he was enveloped into a bone-crushing hug. He chuckled and hugged her back.

"What the hell?!" A familiar voice screeched startling the two teens.

They looked up to see Alya and Nino.

This can't be good.

Marinette ended up giving her friends some lame excuse. Apparently, they hadn't heard the conversation between her and Cat so, she told them that she was nearly akumatized and Cat had saved her and she had just hugged him, without any warning.

That was a close call.

******

Marinette sat on the stairs of Notre Dame, working on the final design.

"I see, you're really serious about this." A voice startled her. She looked up to see Adrien.

She quickly shut her sketchbook close.

"You don't want me to see your designs?" He sat down next to her.

"No one besides the models and my manager can see them. That includes you."

The only reason he had asked her the question was so that he could get a peek. She didn't show them to him as Cat and clearly, he didn't have much luck as Adrien either.

"Well then, what are you working on?" He faced her.

"The showstopper. Rest of the dresses are done and I have given them to the respective models to try out. Thankfully, I got the measurements right and they need no further alterations. I still can't believe your father's actually giving me models." She chuckled.

Adrien nodded.

When Marinette had come to attend his father's fashion show, the same one whose ticket he gave to her as Cat Noir, in her designed dress, his father had appreciated her talent. Even Audrey Bourgeois had asked her about her dress.

Gabriel ended up giving her a special permit to participate in his designing competition, one of the very famous competitions. Rising fashion designers took part in it and he believed that she could win. She had been so happy that day.

"He is very fond of you. He thinks you are very talented. Not that he's wrong."

Marinette smiled at him.

Her phone rang.

Stacy, it read. She was her manager for the competition.

"Hello?"

"Oh! Marinette, look there's an emergency."

"What is it?"

"It's Martha... your showstopper, well she's got a fracture and no model is available on such short notice."

Marinette's eyes widened. She couldn't deal with this now. If they wouldn't be able to arrange a new model then she can kiss this competition goodbye. The number of dresses to be presented were made clear. No more and most certainly no less. She thought of a solution but only one came to her mind.

It was scary and risky but, she wasn't going to back down. Gabriel Agreste believed in her. She could handle this.

"I will try to figure something out."

Stacy's voice brought her back to the present.

"Don't bother."

"Pardon?"

"I said don't bother, prepare for the competition and get the other models ready. Leave this to me."

"If you say so..."

With that, she hung up. Marinette looked at Adrien.

He was looking at her both worriedly and questioningly. He had heard everything. Stacy had one hell of a high-pitched voice. Before he could ask more, Marinette's question caught him off guard.

"Adrien, will you teach me how to catwalk?"

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

A/N: I really like seeing a good Chloe rather than a bad one. She likes being a hero and her character has grown over these 3 seasons. I think the only reason she wants to be Queen Bee so desperately is because she wants to genuinely be helpful instead of being the Mayor's daughter all the time. I totally support her going through the redemption arc.

Tiredness and exhaustion can do 'wonders' to your mind and body. Overworking yourself might seem attractive at first as you can get your work done in time but, it's really harmful in the long run. Proper rest is very important.

Marinette is 100% that kind of character who is likely to overwork herself and mess up her sleep schedule willingly. She is a very strong character in the show and I don't like fics in which she is portrayed as a weak, crying girl. Agreed, she has her moments of insecurities and self-consciousness but that's normal. We all tend to doubt herself at some point or another. She is a confident person, she just gets tongue-tied and shy in front of Adrien, her crush, that's normal guys. She cried here just because her mind wasn't in the right place.

Most of the fics say the same things; disappointing, crying, weak, shy Marinette and confident, happy-go-lucky, outspoken, smart Ladybug. This is a myth. They are the same person. There's no such thing as Ladybug not being Marinette's true side, trust me, if this was the case then Master Fu wouldn't have chosen her. If you don't believe me then re-watch the ending of 'Heart Hunter' where Mari cries in front of Luka and says that she can't be her true-self around people and re-watch 'Felix' where she was genuinely happy to learn that Adrien loves Ladybug.

The only reason I don't support Ladrien is because they overlook others because they wear their Adrien/Ladybug tinted glasses all the time. Marinette totally overlooked Luka while she was recommending Adrien to Jagged Stone and Cat Noir when she gave the snake miraculous to Adrien. It's actually pretty normal for a crush but then again, Adrien does love Marinette and Ladybug does love Cat Noir, just see the way they look at each other, they just don't realise it yet.

{Edited: February 27, 2020}

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