Never before in her life had she felt quite so rejected, not to mention foolish.
Her previous faux pas with Loki that occurred all those years ago, paled in significance compared  to this latest, monumental, mistake.
What had she been thinking?! Well, clearly she hadn't thought much at all, the amount of alcohol she'd glugged had severely impaired her judgement and prevented any coherent thought.

Amongst the terrible, jumbled mess of emotions, fear was also present. It was the fear that Heimdall may very well have seen the event unfold, and be sending a guard for her at any time. She waited expectantly, unable to shake off the dreaded feeling.
To her relief, no guard came....as yet.

After hiding out in her chambers for what seemed like an eternity; witnessing the sun rise and set from her window, the irritation began to well up inside her. A mixture of shame, frustration and annoyance with herself.
As she gazed into her mirror, she barely recognized the woman that she now saw. Her complexion was sallow, dark circles hampered her eyes, but most shocking of all was the protruding cheek bones.
Also she could not ignore the nagging thought at the back of her mind, that she was a coward. Shaken slightly, she slipped out of the night robe she'd been in for the past 24 hours and began to dress.

She chose her leather bodice and warrior skirt, deciding that some exercise and combat training would take her mind off things. So what if darkness would soon be falling? The crisp, night air would do her good.
However, the harsh reality of just how much weight she had inadvertently shed recently became blatantly clear. The skirt hung down lower than it should on her hips, and the bodice looked almost ridiculously loose around her considering it was supposed to be fitted leather.

Just then a loud knocking on the door startled her from her daze. She swallowed nervously, half expecting a guard, or worse; perhaps even Heimdall himself, to call out to her at any moment.
The hammering came again, louder, fiercer; she could have sworn that she saw the panels of the wooden door bending inwards under the weight of the pounding.
Then a deep voice called out. She recognised it instantly and suddenly the strength of the knocking became clear...it was Thor.

She breathed a sigh of relief and hurriedly opened the door before it was removed from it's hinges or splintered. He wasn't angry, it was just typically Thor. He didn't know his own strength.
She absentmindedly recalled Loki once commenting that it was easy to hide from his big brother as Thor usually announced his presence by 'taking down a door'

She opened the door now and instinctively turned her back on him, heading back across her room. She was painfully aware of how thin she was looking and was hoping to hide it from him.
"Thor, it is good to see you, I am just..."
Her mind raced, searching for some excuse,
"....I was...just about to...change."
She managed at last, opening her closet and pretending to be deeply focused on its contents.

"That is one of the reasons I am here..."
Thor announced,
"...because you do seem to have...changed."

Forgetting herself, she spun around to face him, a frown forming across her brow,
"I meant my clothes, Thor."

He stared at her now with a worried expression,
"Yes I know what you meant Sif, but you have changed. Your behaviour, your habits- "

"My habits?"

"Yes, you rarely seem to be present when we dine, some days you aren't even seen at all. It is clear to us all that something is troubling you."

Sif forced a tight smile,
"Really Thor? I am surprised you have noticed being as you have barely spoken to me since..."
She hesitated, almost reluctant to speak the mischievous one's name aloud.
Whether this was because she did not wish to anger Thor, or because speaking of Loki these days always seemed to make her blush, she wasn't sure.

Thankfully, she didn't have to. Thor knew what she intended to say. He stared down at the floor, looking almost shamefaced.
"I know, and that is the other reason that brings me here...I come to apologise for my behaviour towards you."

Sif crossed the room and placed her hand upon his broad shoulder,
"Thank you, your apology is appreciated, but please think no more of it now. I never intended to anger you, I am sorry also."

He looked up at her, his broad smile now present,
"Thank you Sif, and I was wrong to be angry with you. It was foolish of me to allow my grievances with my brother to come between us."
He placed a large hand on her shoulder, mirroring her gesture; but then his smile faded,
"Sif, you are little more than skin and bone! "
His fingers prodded at her shoulder blades, making her flinch slightly in pain,
"You're wasting away, woman! We must remedy this."

She pulled back, now rubbing her tender shoulder,
"Nonsense..I've lost a little weight that is all. No need to fuss over me."

He stood back, surveying her shrunken frame disapprovingly;
"A little weight!"
He exclaimed,
"I'll wager the chickens we're having for supper have more meat on them than you!"

Sif stifled a giggle,
"Thank you very much!"
She tried to sound indignant but failed.

"Well I insist you join me for supper tonight. Our friends will be happy to see you and you are in urgent need of sustenance."
He joked, heading for the door and holding out his hand for her to take.

She hesitated and glanced down again at her ill-fitting attire,
"I think perhaps I should change my clothing, I will meet you in the dining hall."

Nodding in apparent agreement, the Thunder God then left, his red cape swirling behind him.

************************

Some 30 minutes later, Sif found herself seated next to Thor at the large table in the dining hall. The warriors Three were present, along with Balder and Freya.

Sif ate hungrily. She consumed a plate of bread, and was soon rather full. She could not face the roast chicken that the men were happily consuming.

The laughter was raucous and the mead and ale flowed. Everyone was in good spirits and indeed seemed delighted by Sif's presence. Much to her relief, no one commented on her weight loss, though Thor was keeping a close eye on what she ate.

After supper, Freya retired, kissing Balder sweetly, then bidding them all goodnight.
Thor suggested sharing drinks in the communal hall, but both Fandral and Hogun declined, stating they had an early start the following morning.
Sif, who hadn't touched a drop of mead, wine or ale since she'd overindulged, and the very thought of it was enough to turn her stomach, decided to join the remaining party, as she was enjoying their company. Especially Thor's, she had sorely missed hearing his conversation and laughter.

Linking arms with him, the pair made their way along the hallway, followed by Balder and Volstagg. Their laughter rung out, echoing along the walls but it ceased abruptly upon entering the hall.
A familiar tall, lean figure was stood leaning idly against the fireplace. Immediately Sif felt panic and embarrassment taking hold of her.
Slowly Loki turned his head towards the four of them, a momentary look of surprise in his expression.

But he did not look his usual self. His eyes looked bleary, his hair rather dishevelled and most unbelievably of all, he appeared unshaven. The glow from the fire clearly highlighted the dark shadow dusting his chin and jaw. Also his black shirt was unbuttoned slightly.
Sif's eyes instinctively darted around the room, scanning for Sigyn, but for once she was nowhere in sight.

"It's rude to linger in doorways..."
He suddenly muttered, eyeing Thor pointedly before smirking and returning his gaze to the fire,
"...one might have to question your upbringing."

Balder and Thor exchanged looks, but Volstagg spoke up in order to disperse the awkward tension that had descended on the room.
"Come along then, let's take the weight off our feet!"

Unable to help himself, at hearing the reference to weight Thor nudged Sif, and a smile crept across his face,
"Unlike the Lady Sif here, you'll be in urgent need to do so Volstagg."

Sif giggled and responded by gently slapping his hand. His silliness was a welcome distraction and she felt slightly more at ease.
But then she looked up to see Loki watching them closely, a dark expression on his face.

Quickly she averted her eyes and followed Volstagg across the room. He had already made himself comfortable and was talking animatedly to Balder, who had begun busying himself by pouring out flasks of ale.

"Will you join us for a drink, Loki?"
Thor suddenly asked, to everyone's surprise.

In response, without turning around Loki merely lifted a goblet that he was clutching in his right hand, indicating that he already had one.
It was then Sif noticed the two flagons on the fireplace, clearly he had been drinking for some time. That explained the bleariness in his eyes, but she had to admit she was impressed. Not one, but two flagons of wine and yet he was still upright. The man could clearly hold his liquor.

And he continued to drink deeply.
She may have been across the room, sat between Balder and Thor, chatting away merrily but as subtly as she could she kept Loki in her sight from the corner of one eye.
He never spoke or left his spot by the fire, he just kept throwing them occasional glances over his shoulder, and drinking.

The hour was late when Sif began to yawn. Volstagg had already fallen asleep in his seat and was snoring loudly. Thor, who had drunk his fill, stretched and rose to his feet.
"You are tired Sif.."
He exclaimed, and held out his hand for her to take,
"Come, I shall escort you to bed."

At that, Balder burst into laughter,
"Would you care to rephrase your words Thor?"

Loki's head snapped round so quickly Sif thought he might have broken his neck.

Thor was now sniggering at his choice of words also,
"You know what I mean...I'm offering to escort the Lady to her chambers."
He clarified.

Balder now got to his feet and clapped Thor on the back,
"No need to explain yourself to me. She is after all, your intended..so it's your business."
He began laughing once more, though this time Thor looked slightly uncomfortable.

Sif felt so too. The prospect of marrying one of her best friends was something that she had tried hard to forget. So hearing it mentioned, even in jest, was unsettling.

"Pay no attention to him Sif.."
Thor forced a weak smile, taking her hand whilst she rose from the seat.

"I'm not..."
She replied,
"...he's had too much to drink."

"Huh!"
Balder scoffed,
"If anyone's had too much to drink...it is he!"
He pointed over towards Loki, who was still glaring at the three of them.
"I'll wager his hangover will be far worse than mine!"
He continued, oblivious to Loki impaling him with his stare.

Sif took hold of Balder's arm,
"Come Balder, it is perhaps time you retired also."

The trio headed for the doorway, Sif could feel Loki's eyes burning into her back. She quickened her pace slightly, eager to be away.
But Balder, clearly more coherent than she'd thought, now noticed the slightness of her frame.
"Thor, your future bride is looking almost skeletal.."
He had her thin wrist grasped in his fingers,
"...you had better start fattening her up, otherwise you may be at risk of breaking her bones!"
He erupted with laughter once more.

Suddenly something hard hit the wall just above Balder's head, startling them all. It clattered and fell to the ground, narrowly avoiding it's intended target as it did so.
The three turned around to see Loki, now minus the goblet he'd been nursing all evening, approaching them,
"And you are at risk.."
He hissed venomously at Balder,
"...of having your bones broken, by me!"

Thor held out a hand to halt Loki in his tracks,
"Now brother, there is no need for such aggression. Balder meant nothing by his remark, he was merely jesting."

Loki's fierce expression did not falter and his lips curled in a way that made his face look hard and cold.
Sif had seen this before, though she could not recall having been quite as startled by it as she was now. There was a visible cruelness in the lines around his mouth, the tightness of his jaw and the narrowing of those beautiful green eyes.
"Well I am not jesting...."
He replied, before adding coldly,
"...And I'm not your bother!"

Sif made to approach him, but Balder halted her with a heavy hand on her shoulder,
"Do not go near him Sif. You cannot be sure of what this mad, half-breed is capable of!"

Loki took a step closer and his head tilted slightly, resembling a cobra eyeing its prey before it strikes,
"Touch her again... and you'll see what I'm capable of!"

Balder began to draw his sword from it's sheath and advanced upon Loki, shouting angrily.  Thor attempted to pull Balder back, but it was too late.
In the blink of an eye Balder's head jerked back violently, as it met with the butt of Loki's dagger.
Blood and several teeth flew from his mouth and he collapsed onto the floor, still yelling but this time in pain.

Instinctively Sif knelt beside the injured Balder, lifting his head gently in order to survey the damage.
Thor now had Loki by the neck, bawling at him angrily,
"What have you done? Have you completely lost your mind? You have attacked a fellow Asgardian  in the House of Odin!"

Loki grappled with Thor, trying to loosen the Thunderer's grip on his throat,
"I am no son of Odin, you  heard what that witless brute called me.....I have Jotun's blood in my veins, have I not?"
Loki rasped, as the pressure on his windpipe increased.

"Thor, let him go!"
Sif cried,
"What are you doing? He's still your brother. You were raised together."

"I say throttle him, he's mad."
Balder winced, clambering to his feet with Sif's assistance. And she had to resist the urge to slap him in spite of his injury.

As if coming to his senses, Thor released Loki from his chokehold, just as he was starting to turn a rather startling shade of puce.
"He is not my brother Sif..."
Thor responded, sounding shaken,
"....you heard him, he constantly reminds me of that fact!"

Loki, who was spluttering and gasping for air, staggered passed them and disappeared through the doors. The sound of him coughing could still be heard as he made his way along the corridors, gradually fading away into the distance.

Sif's heart ached, she longed to follow him and hold him in her arms. Much to her eternal shame. She noticed her trembling hands, she was still shocked after the violent scene she had just witnessed between her childhood companions.
She was furious with Loki for bringing the palace into such disrepute. But still she had had to fight her natural instincts not to jump on Thor when he had been garrotting him.

Just then two guards came bustling into the hall, they had heard the commotion and seen the disgraced prince, red-faced and watery-eyed, staggering away, so had come to investigate the situation.

"Escort Balder to the healing room immediately!"
Thor commanded..
He turned to look at Sif, and could see she was shaken.
"Are you alright?"

She nodded slowly, reluctant to meet his eyes in case he noticed her guilt,
"Yes...You should go with him, I am fine."
She managed, voice wavering.

Thor nodded and followed the guards and Balder out into the hallway.

Just then, with a loud snort, Volstagg, whom Sif had completely forgotten about, sat up, rubbing his eyes,
"Where did everybody go?"
He asked, gruffly.

Unbelievably, somehow he'd managed to sleep through the entire incident.

******************

Cursing herself under her breath, Sif found herself heading for Loki's chambers.
She really had tried to fight it, she had set off in the direction of her own but the pull she felt was too strong and she had to turn around. She tried to reason with herself that she was just concerned, nothing more. Loki was still a member of the Royal household so was it not her duty to ensure he was alright?
She almost scoffed aloud to herself....she had to admit, that was a feeble excuse.

As she rounded the next corner, she froze.
Loki was slumped against the wall in the hallway. Instant panic kicked in and her stomach lurched.
She raced towards him, throwing herself onto her knees, not even feeling the hardness of the stone floor.
"Loki, are you alright?"
She gasped, taking his limp upper body into her arms.

She brushed the stray strands of hair from his face and to her great relief, saw that he was breathing. Tears threatened to spill as she held him to her, his head resting against her chest. She had to resist the urge to kiss the top of his head, but instead found herself burying her face into his ruffled hair; taking in his sweet-musky scent. She closed her eyes
"What have you done, my love?"
She muttered quietly, her lips brushing his cool forehead.

With that he suddenly stirred, opening his eyes slowly. He blinked, staring at her wide-eyed as if he could not quite believe what he was seeing. Or hearing.
"My love?"
He repeated quizzically.
His eyebrows raised almost high enough to draw level with his hairline.

Sif's face reddened, had he been purposely faking, and seeking a reaction from her?
She cleared her throat and was about to respond when suddenly his arms were around her too, pulling her face downwards toward his, much like she herself had done to him.
She barely had time to register what was happening, too startled to react, as their mouths locked together.

How could this be happening? She thought perhaps it was a dream or a tantalising nightmare, but the sensation of the scratchy stubble on his face, prickling slightly against her skin, made it much more real.
Her mind raced, filling with confusion. Hadn't it only been the other night when she had kissed him but he had pulled away?

She could both smell and taste the alcohol on his breath, but for some reason it was not off putting. He tasted sweet, like honey and mint. And his lips, his tongue, were perfect.
When it wasn't saying hurtful things, Loki's mouth was incredible, and she couldn't resist kissing him back hungrily for what felt like an eternity, as the hallway and everything around them ceased to exist.
When they were finally forced to break for air, they were both panting breathlessly. But she was still hungry for more. Much more.....he was addictive.

"You came for me..."
He rasped, stroking her face tenderly with his cool fingertips.

She frowned at him, apprehension beginning to creep in. Did that mean he had tested her? To see if she would follow him? Or was she becoming paranoid.
The realisation that paranoia where Loki was concerned, was probably essential, saddened her. You  never could tell what was...real.
This was a sobering thought indeed. Perhaps this was all a game to him and nothing more, but she was at risk of falling too deep.

"I was worried that you may be in pain."
She explained honestly.

Loki smiled, a sickening level of self-satisfaction apparent in his expression,
"So, it's not the mighty Thor that you want. Or even Balder the brave. You really do want the wicked Loki."
He made to kiss her again, but this time she turned her face away, avoiding his sweet, poisonous lips.

His confusion and irritation was immediate,
"What? What is wrong?! Damn it woman, do you not want me now?"
His voice was filled with indignation.

"No....I mean yes, but no... I-"

Unsteadily, he clambered to his feet, stretching up to his full height, dwarfing her as she was still knelt down on the floor.
"Well, what is it to be Sif? Yes or no?!"

"Do not take that tone with me Loki. You were the one who..."
She hesitated, wondering how to put into words what she so much wanted to say,
"..well, it was you who did not want me. Or have you conveniently forgotten already?"

For a moment he looked blank, then recognition dawned on his face,
"No. That isn't true, I just didn't want you.... like that."

Sif stood and folded her arms firmly across her chest,
"Like what exactly?"
She demanded, completely bewildered now.

"Intoxicated.."
He replied simply, his voice louder than what was necessary,
"..drunk..inebriated...three sheets to the wind, pissed, whatever you want to call it. I could not have taken advantage of you in such a state. How was I to know if you were truly willing, and that you genuinely wanted me?"

Sif stared at him askance, she felt anger swirling in the pit of her stomach and heat rising in her face,
"You expect me to believe the reason you spurned my affections-"

"Advances."
He interjected smoothly, his choice of words merely stoking her growing fury.

"Well I do not believe you. At the time you claimed it was due to us being betrothed to others, so you are lying sly one!"

Much to her annoyance, she could see he was actually trying to bite back a smile, his attempt failed. He was clearly finding this amusing.
"Like I'd actually care about that. What Thor and Sigyn don't know, won't hurt them and if the truth be told, Odin expects me to stray.....which is why he bestowed the title of Goddess of Fidelity on my bride-to-be. That way she has to set an example, and cannot leave me....regardless of me being unfaithful."

Sif felt her jaw slacken, even her mouth felt numb with shock. He really did have some gall.
"I will not be anyone's harlot, Loki. It is either all or nothing with me. So do not mistake me for the likes of Amora!"

"I wouldn't dream of it, darling. I assure you, the only reason I called a halt to proceedings the other evening was because I honestly suspected your judgement might be impaired as a result of that potent Asgardian ale. And I could not allow you to do something you may have regretted once sober. I need you to give yourself to me willingly when you're not vulnerable."

Sif's eyes narrowed in suspicion. How could he even use the word 'honestly'...he was known throughout the Nine Worlds as being a liar and a master of deception. He had to be lying.
Fighting every urge to give in to his charming smile and silver tongue, she squared her shoulders and fixed him with her hardest glare,
"How chivalrous of you Loki, and considerate, not to have taken advantage of my affections. However I have witnessed your false flattery before, and you are renowned for deceiving people. So I would be a fool to trust you now."

Loki was frowning again, the previous disarming smile vanishing without a trace,
"What do you mean by that?!"

"I mean not only is your put-on gentlemanly behaviour untrue to your character, but you are a liar and manipulator and I won't be drawn into your web of deceit. Only moments ago you viciously attacked Balder, feigned injury and then attempted to seduce me. It is all a game to you isn't it?"

Loki screwed his face up as if he'd caught the smell of something rancid and began gesturing wildly with his hands, his voice several octaves higher than before,
"I did not feign injury. I am growing immune to the Thunderer's assaults, I was on the floor because I've had slightly too much to drink that is all. And do not dare speak to me of Balder. That dull oaf provoked me....and as for seducing you..."
He paused for breath and raked  his hands through his unruly black mane,
"..well, I opened my eyes and you were the one there, embracing me and calling me your love.."
His words trailed off, and he affixed his hazy eyes on her, narrowing them as though scrutinizing her expression,
".....is this love, Sif?"

Feeling her heart leap into her throat at his words, she attempted to remain angry. She could not allow her feelings to cloud her judgement,
"My heart has no place in this!"
She responded tersely.

"Then why do the things you have done? Tell me! Why have you risked your reputation to defended me? Why state that you want me? Why are you even here now? Why did you come in search of me if I'm so abhorrent? Surely that can only mean one thing?"

Taking a step closer to him, she could no longer contain her anger,
"Yes, that I am a naive fool. And you know perfectly well why I have done those things, trickster.  You have bewitched me, then you lied about having done so. You see life as a game and treat those around you like pawns, but you aren't playing me like a game any longer Loki!"
Ignoring his bewildered expression, she spun around and began marching away down the corridor.

He was in pursuit of her, though somewhat unsteady on his long legs and drunken feet,
"By the Norn's woman, what are you talking about? I never bewitched you-"

"Stop it! I grow weary of these games...as I grow weary of you, Loki."

Undeterred, he continued to follow her along the hallways. Their raised voices bouncing off the walls as they went.
The disturbance attracted curious looks from several guards along the way, one of which was Tyr the captain, who was bold enough to approach the arguing pair, resulting in Loki unleashing a torrent of abuse upon him and some very ungentlemanly expletives in the process. Sif would probably have found it highly amusing if she hadn't been so irate.

At last she reached her own chambers, Loki's pace had slowed considerably, he'd fallen behind in order to argue with Tyr, whilst her own steps had quickened.
Now she assumed he must have given up, or had been locked up. Either way she no longer cared.

Once inside, she slammed the door and took a deep intake of breath. Her heart was pounding and her head was aching. She changed into her nightdress and sat combing her hair. Her reflection in the mirror glowered angrily back at her.
Well, at least Heimdall would be satisfied with her performance.
For a moment she halted, thinking she'd heard a noise out in the hallway. She sat still and held her breath for a moment, but heard nothing further.

Confused, she continued combing her long tresses before putting out the candles.
She went towards her bed, clutching her lamp, the one remaining candle that was lit, when curiosity got the better of her and she found herself heading for the door instead.

Cautiously she opened it slightly, just enough so she could see through the narrow gap.
She stifled a gasp.
Loki's now-sleeping form, lay curled up on the floor outside her door..

She couldn't just leave him there. Could she?