I know I haven't written in ages, but music still remains as my biggest inspiration. Sometimes, it inspires entire books, like this one. Listening to the song above is not necessary for immersing in this short, single chapter story, but it is highly recommended. Please, enjoy ^w^

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It happened a week ago. A month. A year. In reality, it was only yesterday. Time almost didn't have purpose, now. Everything only seemed meaningful when he was here. Now that he wasn't, nothing was left.

Except, that wasn't true.

The young woman let her hands slowly lower to her stomach. There, rested the last thing he left her with. Such a blessing, but could "it" even be called that anymore? Of course it could. She had too many thoughts for none of them to curse it. Yet, it was the only thing keeping her between life and death.

She had sensed it there for so long, but never told him. Why? That's a question she has asked herself millions of times already. Perhaps as a surprise, to make the news all the greater. Maybe she was scared, overthinking things to the point where she convinced herself he would leave her because of it. She didn't even tell him, but he left regardless, even if it wasn't by his choice.

And she hated him for it. The young woman would scream out in her mind, only realizing a moment later that it was all too real. In these moments, the tears were gone. There was only loathing, cursing his name for leaving her like this. But he loved her, all the same as she did him.

After these short moments of hatred, the tears would start again. She laid on her side in bed, hugging herself and what she held within her, quietly crying to herself for reasons that had dragged her down. Down to the lowest point she'd ever felt herself at, stuck between all the thoughts that killed her all the same in this unreal living.

She tried convincing herself that he was still here, and that the covers weren't actually as cold as they felt now. She felt his arms around her, the same exact arms that gave her that unforgettable feeling of safety and security. She always felt love in those arms. Remembering that made her even guiltier for the bouts of hatred.

The short trip she made from the front door to her bed last night had his air following her. He was right beside her. He crawled into bed with her, and left his arms the same as she felt them now, holding them against herself. She feared that she would eventually forget what it felt like. What he felt like.

With time, it would happen eventually, she knew. He wasn't actually gone yet. She kept him here, clutching the memories in desperation, because she couldn't be strong. Could anyone be strong? She clutched her stomach even tighter, almost painfully.

If she kept him here forever, would "it" suffer? She would subconsciously hurt it, all because of her lack of closure. But those weren't actually her thoughts. She worried about if she was hurting him.

She was a young adult, a relatively large portion of her lifestyle based around religion, and the afterlife. It was a trait she was proud of, but never forced on another living soul. Even the one she loved. He promised her they would spend the eternity after death together, and she believed him with all her heart.

So, then why was she sad? Death had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember, and with it, there was never sadness. Acceptance was the only stage of grief she really knew, ever since becoming devout. Life was simply a barrier, between birth and death, meant to be gone through with purpose, before purpose has no significance. Something we all must go through before embracing the eternity of rebirth, or the afterlife.

That all may make life itself sound meaningless, but in truth, thinking about the larger scale has always helped the woman with acceptance. She was scared of the concept of death, as a child. Not because of nothingness, but because of the uncertainty.

Her tear-stained eyes gently opened back up, as she realized why this was so hard. That fear was always selfish. She would always think about what would happen if she died.

But now, the most important person in her entire life died. The uncertainty was not for her anymore. Was he happy, somewhere magical? Was he someone else now, without a single ounce of memory for what he had with her? Was he just gone, nothing more, nothing less?

He had left the only existence where she was certain she could love him. The greatest thing she could ever hope to actually have control over was gone, now. If she were to do the unspeakable, she would have no way of knowing if she would be able to love him again. If this strange universe would allow it.

But then the questions sprouted back up. Because his life is gone, is their love gone too? No...no! She wouldn't believe it! Her heart caught in her throat, and she gritted her teeth, letting more tears flow. Her eyes were so tired that they felt forced by this point. Why was she gripping herself so tightly? His arms were squeezing her form. Breathing was limited.

And then she roughly exhaled, hyperventilating like she had just gone above water after being stripped of oxygen. Ragged coughing followed, and she curled further into herself. His arms slipped from her, which instantly gave her goosebumps. Her skin felt ice cold now. He turned away from her, like she had just insulted him. Like she had hurt him. The thought of her love for him dying, just because he was no longer there...

"...I'm sorry..." she whispered to no one, wallowing once more in guilt. She could feel how angry he must be. How betrayed. Why did she have to think such things?! All of the hate was towards herself, now. She ruined everything. Even if death would allow them to see each other again, he could never love her. He could never get over how she would just throw away their love with a single thought.

She couldn't even feel his weight on the bed anymore. Maybe he just got up to get a late night glass of water. Yeah, yeah, that was it. He wouldn't leave her. They love each other. They forgive each other when they argue.

She was immensely cold. When would he get back? He knew how much she loved his warmth. Was he purposefully taking forever? Was he really that mad at her? He wouldn't just leave her like this, right?

After so long, the woman became impatient, swinging her legs over the bed and standing up. It was so unbelievably cold in the house. She would've brought a blanket with her, but she didn't want to seem too needy when confronting him.

When she got to the top of the stairs, she gently called his name, which echoed throughout the quiet house. When nothing was returned, she grumbled to herself, carefully grabbing the railing. The top step was freezing, the next even worse. She couldn't feel her feet.

At the bottom, she called his name again, walking through the hall towards the kitchen. The light wasn't on, but it seemed so bright through the doorway. She was unphased by the light, however, walking to the doorway like it was normal.

Around the corner, it was blinding. There was no kitchen. No house. No cold. Only light. When she called his name again, she felt him come to her, even if she couldn't see him. He was here, everywhere. She knew he wouldn't abandon her! Oh, the laughter! The tears of joy! She hugged him, the warmth making her shine too, until she was gone. Released to the light's infinity. His words were everywhere.

"You're here...no, no, you can't be." She just kept laughing, the tears falling to golden air and becoming one with it, as she hugged him, everywhere. "Please, you can still go back." What did he mean? She would never look back, not if it meant leaving this joy behind.

"I don't want this." Oh. Those words were clear. Her laughter stopped. The tears stopped. She opened her eyes, to look into the light...

The morning sun nearly blinded her. Instinctively, she put her hand up to block it. It was warm, ultimately so. She had cried herself to sleep, without really remembering last night, or what dreams she may have had. The night before was still very apparent, though. When the light seemed to die down a little, she let her arm fall to the bed, letting it shine through her window and engulf her whole body.

She just looked up into the ceiling. No tears, no thoughts. Just the light. She looked back to it, without a care of how blinding it was. Her hand slowly went to her stomach. The sun...they both got to feel the sun. How warm it was. How unfathomably warm it was. She gently sat up, feeling the tear stains on her face, and arms. She had an idea about what went on last night.

Her shoulder was sore from how she slept, and she put her opposite hand there to massage it. For a second, it felt like another hand joined hers on her shoulder, but it was gone too quickly to think about. She sat there for a long time, letting the warmth of the sun relax her, mind and soul. Life started again, and it felt...

Warm. Life is unconditionally warm.

The woman swung her legs over the bed again, towards the sun. She bowed her head to its grace, letting her hands clasp each other against her chest, as she closed her eyes.

"Wherever you are, you know I love you. You know I miss you. I know, too. Don't worry about me, or our future. I'll make sure it knows life. When that happens, I hope you can find peace, wherever you are. I hope I can too, even if it means I have no control of where our love will lead. But I can control our future. It will know happiness greater than both of us combined. Trust me on this, my Love. My Life."

Love,
Your Life